In 1974 Burger King made a bold move to take market share from McDonald’s. At the time, McDonald’s made burgers en masse. If you wanted a special order, you had to wait interminably while it was cooked separately.
I remember. I’m a ketchup-only kind of guy.
So Burger King announced that each order would be cooked at the time of the order the way the customer wanted. Their new slogan was “Have It Your Way.” Burger King, at least at the time, understood the consumer entitlement mentality.
So what does this story have to do with our churches?
It provides a brief historical backdrop of the mentality that has crept into our churches, where many of our members think church is a place where I can always “have it my way.” For now, let me share some key reasons many of our congregations have become more like country clubs than churches, a place where some members demand their way instead of serving and self-sacrificing.
- Failure to state clearly the expectations of church membership on the front end. A membership class, or some similar entry point into churches, should not only give information about the church, it should provide expectations about membership. Membership without expectations becomes membership with entitlements.
- Failure to make certain as possible that members are Christians. Sadly, we church leaders often neglect to discuss the spiritual conditions of prospective members. Are they truly followers of Christ? As a result, many of our churches have unregenerate members.
- Seeking numerical growth at all costs. We certainly should be Great Commission churches. We certainly should be inviting people and sharing the gospel. But if our end goal is numbers, we will make compromising statements to bring people into our churches. We should seek to grow our churches out of obedience to God, not to create our own kingdoms.
- Failure to remind the congregation regularly what it means to be a part of the body of Christ. All of us church members have the potential to lapse into self-serving, entitlement members. We all need to be reminded that church membership is not about perks and privileges, but serving and sacrifice. I have been encouraged to see many churches have annual renewal and commitment services.
- Allowing the most entitled members into positions of key leadership in the church. One of the more common manifestations of an entitled church member is a person who seeks to gain power and leadership positions in a church so he or she can control and get his or her own way. We yield to them too often because they might be big givers or because we don’t have the fortitude to resist their bullying behavior.
- Failure to deal with difficult issues. Church leaders too often are conflict avoiders. And while we shouldn’t pick a fight over every issue of minutia, neither should we allow a pervasive culture of entitlement, bullying, and manipulation to grow unabated. A problem not handled now is a larger problem later.
The biblical mandate for local congregations is counter-cultural. In many passages of the New Testament, such as 1 Corinthians 12, we are clearly taught that members are to be sacrificial, giving, and serving.
Such a mentality goes counter to the culture in which the church ministers.
Church is not about having it our way.
It’s about bringing glory to God by having it His way.
Posted on February 27, 2017
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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57 Comments
The concerns you raise Thom have been a part of the makeup of churches and synagogues since Jesus was on earth.
“Woe to you Pharisees, because you love the most important seats in the synagogues and respectful greetings in the marketplaces”. Luke 11:43
The bigger question in my less than scholarly mind is why hasn’t the church learned to address this in two thousand years?
I believe in part it’s because we the church have become very good at policing others with all of our rules and dogma. God’s house….not so much.
The love of filthy lucre.
The love of power and control is even more enticing than money. When chuechnpositions became careers instead of service it transitioned to a business with all the power plays.
Please clarify for me the definition of Church membership .
This is my understanding ,a public proclamation that “I” am a sinner and in need of salvation , receiving Christ in to my heart as my personal savior , repenting and redirection in my life and a display of obedience with a public baptism by immersion . That along with my obedience to the Word and having a like minded fellowship in Christ made me a member of the Body of Christ witch is the Church. OR is membership pledging an allegiance to a church constitution and its by laws in order to participate in the Body ?
I am a baptized Christion of 50 year, and a Southern Baptist, and I have not received clarity on this question as of this day . Please give me the Bible context that will give me Pease and understanding.
conflicted !
Until and unless you experience the new birth as described in Acts 2:38, you are not and cannot be a Christian. And furthermore, if one is a true Christian you will never be in the church, YOU WILL BE THE CHURCH.
Recently we lost 10% of our tithe base, simply because one large donor had a problem with me welcoming a sinner into God’s house. They stirred some others up, and a mass exodus occurred. Their accusations were based on rumors that were not substantiated. The bottom line: we will adjust our budget and move on, continuing to welcome sinners to be changed in God’s presence.
I once shocked an entitled member who was sighing “I just don’t get anything out of worship,” when I asked her what she was putting into worship. Was she welcoming the visitors, was she studying the scripture for the week, was she praying for our congregation? I asked her to consider that maybe she was there FOR someone else who needed a listening ear, a genuine smile, or an offer for prayer.
Boom!
Maybe you should have had coffee and try to understand. What she meant before quickly verbally assaulting her.
Maybe she actually sensed something you did not, maybe the Holy Spirit was speaking through her for you to hear that something is amiss, maybe she is too uncomfortable to tell you one of the worship leaders is a royal jerk, maybe maybe maybe
Get off your throne and listen before pronouncing judgment.
“I just don’t get anything out of worship.” Susan, it sounds like you are too quick to provide judgement. Worship is not for the individual. We do not worship men. We worship God.
“Get off your throne and listen before pronouncing judgment.”
You might do well to heed that bit of advice yourself, ma’am.
Or, give the benefit of the doubt to Sue. Those are legitimate questions and perhaps the response was silence so no coffee date was necessary (or even desired). If asking someone what they’re putting into worship is considered a verbal assault and judgement, maybe, just maybe, they didn’t understand the question (or just didn’t like it).
There are many reasons for a comment labout not getting much out of worship. Grief pain distressing life situations diagnosis of terminal
Illness, fear of death- I can think of a thousand reasons why someone is struggling with a service. It is a rush to if you do
Not take the time to
Listen and understand sets you up as judge and jury without even knowing the truth.
Not everyone is trying have it their way. Some are just struggling, some may be Gods voice for a pastor to hear tough things and others are just selfish. If a friend was treated this way by church leadership I would tel her to run out of that church immediately- that is abusive leadership.
Sorry but the immediate response in this example was to
Barrage this woman with questions instead of asking and listening.and seeking understanding. That is verbal assault.
Yup!
Once we are His, “To serve, not to be served” has to be more than rhetoric – we are in His kingdom, and on His earth, to do His will. Forget that Army of one nonsense, and embrace being in the army of the One.
Not new, but always glad to hear someone else say it. Churches are, like it or not, just like other social / religious institutions (Anyone want to be institutionalized?). What you get out depends on what you put in. Thanks again for the good words.
Thanks, Ted.
Thom, you hit the nail on the head. The leadership bows in obeisance to the big donors and does their bidding. The mistakes made are enormous, they gave up control of a 40 year old thriving Christian school (pre-k to 12), the attendance is declining rapidly and people are scattered and hurt, some abandoning their faith. Yet the so-called ministers carry on as if what they are doing is God’s will. It is abominable.
true bro.
Thom,
I think these points are well-taken and articulated. I think you have dealt positively with points 1, 2 & 4 in your excellent little book, “Anatomy of a Church Member.” Not surprised to see those points show up on this list.
The bigger picture, which you allude to in the Burger King reference, is that we live in a culture of entitlement. It began with us, the Boomer Generation, and we have multiplied it even more to our children, the Millennials. The Church Growth Movement, especially the Seeker Movement pushed the entitlement/consumerist paradigm even stronger into the church. It is not that those movements didn’t contribute something positive. Perhaps they did. Their passion for unchurched folk is certainly to be emulated. But preaching exclusively to “felt-need” and providing a “cafeteria” of religious ministries as a growth strategy has simply accommodated and leveraged prevailing cultural attitudes.
The Church, however, should be counter-cultural. I know. “Be all things to all people that I might win some.” I get that. But we’ve failed to be discerning when we’ve adopted cultural values in the church without biblical and historical reflection.
Frankly, church leaders need a lot of repentance from our failure to lead in a biblical, Spirit-empowered path. There are some lights on the horizon, however, that may help to pave the way to a counter-cultural and transformational understanding of the mission of the Church in America.
Thanks for your good work.
BINGO!!!
I have heard, from the pulpit, and more times than I can recall: “If you only have one hour on Sunday mornings, come to Sunday School (as opposed to the worship service). That’s where your support is.”
I didn’t like it then and I don’t like it now; it’s telling the people that the reason for coming to church at all is to get support. That may well be a by-product of fellowship, but the only thing God gets out of our assembling is our worship and our praise.
He doesn’t really need our money, He doesn’t really learn from our sermons, and He already knows our prayer requests.
I appreciate your encouraging posts for pastors who are being mistreated. I have to say, though, that the other side of the coin should not be ignored – there are some pastors out there who have a hard time seeing things any other way than their own and as a result become bullies themselves. It can be very difficult being a lay leader serving under a pastor that can’t see their own warts very clearly, or at least can’t admit they have them.
TLL –
I have indeed written about both sides. Because my audience is 60% pastors, I more often write to them and for them.
Well spoken. We have an interim pastor that announced at one meeting, ” He wants to be at a church where he is celebrated, not a church he is tolerated”. Unfortunately only about 10 people out of 60 saw the error of this thinking and he is now our interim pastor for 4 months. And, yes he is a bully.
The sad part is that we all have “warts.” OUr first prayer of the day is asking God to convict us of our “warts” and rid them and give us a clear vision of serving Him
In my opinion, which is far less than the widow’s mite, the congregation, deacons, and pastor all have a hand on the decision-making wheel, each doing their best to drive the bus as they deem worthy and righteous. Unfortunately, the results are often damaging and quite frankly a great hindrance to the health and forward progress of disciple making.
Much responsibility, accountability, expectations, and micro-management are at the forefront, yet lagging behind the scenes is trust, authority, unity and excitement.
However, we march on and remain faithful to our Lord, His Word, and His people….????
!!!!!! Exclamation points intended!!!!! ????
Thom,
One of your best!
Pastors wanting to please! Wanting to be accepted!
The true gospel challenges, and confronts at times and surely call for repentance!
Thanks for these good words. May they challenge all of us who stand behind the sacred desk!
Thank you, Paul.
When you have self-perpetuating leadership, you have a policy of conflict avoidance. Most leaders don’t want to upset their life-long friends so the allow(ed) them to get a little bit more. Also, secular nonprofits never upset a large donor, so they get more influence by that method. They use the golden rule which says the one with the gold makes the rules. This continued unabated for decades until the inter-generational strife started.
Very timely. Bravo!
Thanks, Ken.