It was forty years ago that I began serving a small rural church in southern Indiana. I was so incredibly green then; I’m glad I didn’t always realize it. I loved those people in that church, and for some reason, they loved me, too. I had to be one of the most inept pastors in history, but they just continued to show me grace and love me even more.
Now, four decades later, I reflect on what I’ve learned in ministry. Some lessons came rather naturally; others were very painful.
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- God is always faithful. Always. Always. Always.
- My family is my greatest gift beyond my salvation. I wish I had always realized it.
- I spent too much time worrying about things that I can’t even remember today.
- I took too many criticisms personally. Most critics weren’t mad at me.
- I always grow stronger when I spend time in the Word and prayer.
- My wife endured a lot in our ministry. I needed to minister to her more.
- When I can laugh at myself, I am more effective in ministry.
- I learned to be more compassionate through the deaths of my parents and grandson. I can now understand the pain many experience.
- I am always hurt when I hold grudges.
- I need to ask for forgiveness more quickly.
- I need friends to share both the joys and the challenges of ministry.
- I wish my sons had not seen my frustrations when I was a pastor or a dad or a husband.
- Life is short. Live it totally for Him every moment.
- I should stand stronger for injustice.
- Some of my most miserable days came when I grew jealous of others in ministry.
- Some other miserable days came when I lived to please people rather than God.
- When I don’t take care of myself physically, ministry seems more of a burden than a joy.
- Children are young but for a season. Some of my greatest joys have been with my three sons.
- One of the greatest blessings of life is to have adult children who are my best friends.
- I’m not nearly as smart as I sometimes think I am.
- I’ve never seen an argument won on social media.
- The local church is the best imperfect place on earth.
- I am always wiser when I listen to the wisdom of others.
- Too often, I list my problems rather than count my blessings.
- The devil is always looking for a way to trap me (1 Timothy 3:7).
- The internet never forgives or forgets.
- My success is not measured by the size of my church or the prestige of my organization.
- I’ve had a lot of grace shown to me. I need to pass that gift forward more.
- Many people who disagree with me have proved right.
- I am ashamed of how many times I have not shared the gospel.
- The older I get, the more I anticipate heaven with excitement. I wish I had always had that perspective.
- I’ve needed to demonstrate kindness more intentionally and more frequently.
- Every church has some really mean people. God has called me to love and serve them, too.
- I fight pride more often than I’d like to admit.
- Some of my worst moments in ministry were when I lost my temper.
- I’ve learned who my true friends are when I have little to offer them.
- I need to practice the discipline of repentance more frequently.
- Encouragement works better than harsh words.
- I need to read more.
- My grandchildren are almost perfect.
What have you learned in life and ministry? What can you add to this list?
Posted on January 6, 2025
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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Things that I learned
1. Bloom where you are planted. There are no insignificant assignments. God does not make mistakes.
2. Your ministry is much larger than the church. Be involved with the community that you serve. Get to know and love the people outside the church as well as your flock.
3. The best part of every day is the time spent alone reading through the Scriptures not to prepare for a message but to get to know the Lord and His word.
4. Pray for your flock and see how God answers prayer.
5. Be sure to close your messages with the wonder of God’s grace to us as sinners. Of ourselves, we can do nothing.
6. As a minister in my preparation for preaching I do not have to look for a message to preach. The text is the message. I just need to understand it and proclaim it clearly with a hear ye, hear ye thus saith the Lord approach. We are to be heralds. We are to faithfully preach His message, not the ideas that came to our midst.
7. Sin so complicates a person’s life (like a knotted and tangled kite string) that the simple how to outlines learned in preparation for ministry seem too simplistic and artificial. But God can untie the knot. So there is hope. As a pastor you are going to witness some heart breaking events.
8 I am a retired minister. Looking back a minister’s life has three seasons 1) preparation 2) preaching 3) prayer. Although all three are in each stage – retirement gives so much more time for prayer.
9. Ministers and their wives need to cultivate close friendships with other pastors and their wives. This is one of the richest privileges that we have.
10. If you love your people they will be loyal to you as you follow Christ.
11. Speaking of leadership. One step ahead and you are a leader. Two steps and you are a martyr.
12. Of you are down and tired. Go to bed. Things look a lot better after a good nights sleep.
13. As said so well above in the post, do not neglect your family. Prioritize- God, family, work (church).I just finished reading Shakespeare’s Macbeth. In it Lady MacDuff felt abandoned by her husband as he left for England to seek aid to rectify the political well-being of Scotland. She and her son were slain in his absence. It takes a rare wife who supports her husband in ministry. The Lord was good to me in giving me such a help-meet. We were co-laborers in both our family and church..Pastors need to be aware of the unique stresses ministry can bring into the home. Love must be affirmed and the greatest affirmation is time together. Next year we will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.
14. As soon as you hear that someone has an issue with you take the pastoral initiative and go to the and graciously say, “This is what I heard. . . Is it true” Give the person the benefit of the doubt and listen, and be thankful for honest criticism.
15. There will be many times you will be called to a situation you feel that is far beyond your capacities. In those moments, remember, you are not called upon to have all the answers. You are called upon to be present, to reflect Christlike care and in so doing point those suffering to Christ who can meet their needs.
16. There is so much more that I would like to share with younger men in the ministry. If you are a young pastor facing some major challenges. You are going to make it. God has called you. He will never leave you or forsake you. He knows all about us and He is a God of grace.. He delights in using the weak and the base and turn such ones into choice instruments in His hands. God bless you fellow labore in the Lord’s vineyard! Being a pastor is the best of callings.
That is a GREAT list. Thank you for sharing with all of your readers. It is truly fascinating, how frequently ministry leaders put their family in second place. I know I have. Why is that such a hard lesson to learn? It took a long time for me to change that paradigm, but I am so grateful we did. Thank God for patient and loving spouses! And once again, thank you for your leadership and wisdom!
Thanks so much, David.
Tom ,
Having been a pastor for 13 years, and now an itinerary minister for almost 24, how did you read my mail? I plan to steal this list to encourage others in my circle, perhaps in apology to my wife and three sons. It’s a solid list! Thank you.
Feel free to use it as needed!
In September I čcelebrated my 78th birthday. As a young boy my gone church elected me as music director. At age 24 I was called as fulo time minister of music and youth. I put my church work as my to priority and home life was relegated to second place. It almost Cost me my family, but surg a living and faithful wife, we weathered the storm.
Married men of all ages, God has given you a family. Put God first abs then your family. When I began at this church or son was 10 months old. I neglected them and did not have a single night that there wasn’t something at the church that I was supposed to be in charge or in a supporting role.
O learned a lot at that chug in the 2 years I was there
Bless you!
After 38 years as pastor of a small church in central Indiana, I retired and my wife died on the same weekend. I regret how slow I was over the years to listen to her wise council. Ministry is a team effort, but your greatest teammate next to the Lord is the spouse he has given you. I am still learning from the things she said including one of the last things she was able to write in her quiet time diary, “Lord help me be obedient.”
That breaks my heart, Nord.
One thing I’ve learned in 34 years of ministry: The best things i can do for the church are to preach the Word and love the people.
Well said!
Thank you for your authentic transparency in this article. After 11 years of pastoral ministry, I can identify with many on this list. I am especially saddened by the reality of how much my wife has endured as a pastor’s spouse.
You are not alone, Jason.
I thoroughly enjoyed this article about your 40 years of ministry. My prayer is Church Answers continues to be support for Pastors and churches.
Thank you so much, Larry.
I have been an accredited Lay Minister for 26 years and I have learned that people treated the ordained and those in lay ministry entirely differently – and will say one thing to one group and one to the other. I have also learned that the ordained believe that people tell them the truth – which is often far from the case…
I hold a PhD in Theology and Ministry and a Postgraduate Certificate in Chaplaincy ( just for clarity) and I have no call to ordination.
Thank you, Lesley.
In 40 years as an Associate pastor/education minister, I learned to listen even when it was not convenient.
That’s good!
Thom, I love your words. You are transparent to the world. I have learned so much from you and Church Answers. I am not a preacher but I have developed a passion for my church and looking for ways to help and support it. That passion has developed as I have read the many books and listened to the many podcasts. I have 3 of those books next to me. Autopsy of a deceased Church,(the book that hooked me)Anatomy of A Revived Church, The Church Revitalization Checklist. I get to preach sometimes at my church. My words ramble but I love you guys at Church Answers. Thank You.
Thank you for your kind words, Larry.
I resonate with many of your observations. I learned something from a wise and experienced pastor years ago: all ministry is predicated on relationship. I wish I had known that early in ministry instead of thinking ministry was all about function.
That goes along with what seminary students were taught by Fr. Borgoglio, now Pope Francis, who said you will learn a whole lot from your parishioners before they learn anything from you.
Great words!
So true!