By Chuck Lawless
Several years ago, more than one study showed large percentages of unchurched would consider attending a church if someone simply invited them. The problem is not the attitude of the unchurched; rather, it is often the failure of church members to invite others. When my church consulting teams have asked church members about their reticence to invite others to church, here are ten responses we have often heard (listed in no particular order):
- “I just don’t think about it.” – Many church members have contact with the unchurched every week, if not every day. They go to school with them, work with them, live beside them – and sometimes live with them. What church folks don’t do, though, is see the unchurched as “sheep without a shepherd” (Matt. 9:36), as spiritual beings in need of redemption and a church family.
- “I’m afraid I’ll be rejected.” – Nobody likes to be turned down, especially after taking the risk to invite somebody to church. It’s just easier to avoid that possibility by not inviting anyone at all (interestingly, church members could tell us times when others said “no,” but few could tell us of times when they were rudely or unkindly rejected).
- “The music isn’t that good.” – Some may argue the worship wars are over, but the battles seem to be ongoing. Our teams continue to hear refrains like, “it’s too loud,” “it’s too boring,” “we sing it over and over again,” and “nobody knows the songs.” Church members who themselves don’t enjoy the music don’t readily invite others to join them.
- “The preaching isn’t strong.” – This response was seemingly the most painful one to admit. Church members who love their pastors do not want to hurt them, but they spoke honestly to our consulting teams. When the preaching is poor, invitations to the unchurched decrease.
- “We’ve got too many church problems right now.” – Church members don’t always know all the issues facing a congregation, but they frequently recognize when something “just isn’t right.” They see the attendance decreasing, or they hear of internal conflict. Simply stated, they do not invite their friends onto a battleground.
- “Our church is already too crowded.” – This issue is particularly an American one, as Americans protect our personal space. We don’t like being cramped, even in church. Moreover, we don’t want to have to search for a parking space before entering that already crowded building. One way to avoid more crowding is to stop inviting anyone.
- “Nobody ever challenged me to invite anyone.” – This reason is related to the first one on this list. Some church members never think about inviting others because no one has challenged them to do so. This response is especially tragic if many unchurched would respond affirmatively to an invitation.
- “I don’t know how to start the conversation.” – Simply inviting somebody to church would seem easy, but that’s not the case for many church members. In a culture where discussing religion or politics is almost forbidden, even long-term Christians struggle with initiating an invitation to church.
- “It’s the Spirit’s job—not mine—to bring people to church.” – To be fair, we have heard this response primarily from congregations seeking to avoid any “man-centered” approach to evangelism. In their zeal to keep their focus on God, they walk cautiously when considering their role in evangelism – including simply inviting others to church.
- “It’s too far for people to come.” – We live in a mobile culture that promotes church attendance sometimes quite far from where we live. Our teams have learned, however, that church members who drive a long distance are less willing to invite others to drive that same distance.
What reasons would you add to this list? What steps have you taken to address these responses?
Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary. You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter and Facebook.
Posted on July 15, 2014
Dr. Chuck Lawless is a leading expert in spiritual consultation, discipleship and mentoring. As a former pastor, he understands the challenges ministry presents and works with Church Answers to provide advice and counsel for church leaders.
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125 Comments
As a minister myself, there were times I worked at a church (as support staff) and didn’t want to invite others to it. A combination of #3-5, church can feel like a “crazy family reunion.” It’s not that enjoyable, the people are weird, but they’re family and you feel obligated. You can put up with that “crazy” because you’re family, but you’d never think to bring one of your friends and inflict that level of “crazy” on them. Or to use Thom’s words, it’s the outward manifestations of an “inwardly-focused church” that keep people away.
Thanks, Josh. I like your image of a “crazy family reunion.”
Thanks for the helpful thoughts, Allen.
The generational gap is a major problem. Open hostility by our older generations to our younger generations. Any new effort to reach is continually undermined because it is “dividing” the church. Who wants to invite anyone to join a membership like that?
The generational issues sometimes go both ways, but the result is the same: we’re less inclined to invite folks. Thanks, David.
People realize that their church experience is not relevant to the culture in which they live. They accept the way things feel and roll at church and but know their friends and neighbors would find it extremely strange, unusual and uncomfortable.
The Truth may make a person uncomfortable with their reality but the environment and culture should be inviting and relevant.
We are trying to take the churchiness out of our culture so that unchurched friends can experience an environment that encourages them to consider God’s Word and reinterpret what they thought church was all about.
This involves some physical decor changes, becoming more intentional about first impressions and program elements as well as creating a “guest first” mentality among our people.
Thanks for your insights, Jim.
Some people may not invite friends because their afraid their friend may have questions they don’t know the answer to. Secondly it may be because the friend will see them as a hypocrite between how they act in church and their life style.
I would also add in some churches view new members as a loss of power in the church. If they are that group that makes a majority of the decisions then news members take away some of that voting power. Also, I believe for the most part what Billy Graham said that 90% of the members of any given church are not saved. There is no heart for the lost in many churches.
I agree there is often a fear of new members, lest we lose our position. Thanks.
I don’t know about the latter part of your comment, but with the earlier part I concur. New members are usually welcome to attend provided they contribute money but don’t ask to be considered for leadership or offer an idea.
It is why many young professionals of both genders will only join certain churches and why certain churches are growing and others aren’t.
As someone else said, I think “it’s the pastor’s job” is the mentality. But maybe, perhaps, they recognize that inviting someone to church isn’t evangelism. The Church is the body of believers. Evangelism works best in one-on-one or couple-on-couple everyday life relationships. That coupled with the recognition of each individual–as opposed to the pastor–being part of the mandate to evangelize the world could go a long way to what would seem a natural invite after the person has already led their “neighbor” to a place of Gospel reception.
But, of course, another possibility is theology. Some theological beliefs, when taken with common sense and without further elaborations, do tend to lend themselves. Specifically, your #9: “It’s the Spirit’s job—not mine—to bring people to church.”
I don’t know how rapid the shift has become, but that attitude of “I’d come to church if someone would invite me” doesn’t seem to be as prevalent now. More and more people–and perhaps some of those who don’t invite people to church!–don’t believe that they have to even go to church and be part of the Body to be a Christian. That whole “I’m not religious, I’m ‘spiritual'” sentiment.
Then there’s the consumer mentality that tells us that the church we attend needs to be a perfect match with our personalities. That encompasses your #s 3 & 4 and Robin’s comment on “embarrassment.”
Lastly, perhaps those people aren’t evangelizing because they aren’t really Christians, or if they are, they have been left undiscipled at the infant stage. I switched to “evangelizing” because, as you might tell from my first paragraph, I believe “church evangelism” should not be one of our primary methods of evangelism. I see many factors that lead to the problems the Church is facing today.
If we’re going to do “churched evangelism,” I”d much prefer to go the small group route until someone has not only been evangelized, but has come to the place where they’ve actually received Christ in their lives. Too often, we mistake their “awakening” for their “conversion.”
I appreciate your thoughtful response, Steve. Thanks.
Steve, I appreciate and agree with most of what you have said. I can’t get past, however, your dismal of church evangelism in favor of a small group approach. While I agree that the primary burden is on the faithful to “go” and we are paying along no divine commandment when inviting the lost to “come,” doesn’t Acts show many people coming top Christ through preaching evangelism? Small Groups do work, add they logically ought to, but we must not forget about preaching as God’s chosen instrument for much of His work.
I would add fear that the preacher will go off on that particular person’s denominational affiliation/religion or lack thereof.
Also, fear that their fellow church members will go off on the invited guest because of the person’s past, family reputation, etc.
Good points, Mark. Sometimes our fears of what might happen probably keep us from inviting others.
This is a big issue for my church. In a town where everyone knows everyones past church members are often very judgmental of those who come to visit and seek God.
True. Thanks, Doug.
“That’s what we pay the preacher for” might be a comment as well or at least it’s one I’ve actually heard someone say.
I love hearing people say, “We pay people for that.” Many Churches have stopped being Praying churches and started being Paying Churches (whether foreign missions or local), it is very sad.
One response I hear is, “Everyone I know already goes to church somewhere.” However most of those folks know others, they are just not thinking about them (as #1 indicated), or the many of the people they know are “members” at a church but do not regularly attend.
I agree, Danny. Thanks.
When I hear folks say that all their friends already go to church, I tell them, “Then you need new friends.”
Well there’s a mind blowing idea!!!
At least, he definitely needs more friends.
I was in that situation. We were very active in a church and a Christian home school group. My husband had a job that was not conducive to developing relationships. After a message challenging our congregation to bring a friend, I realized that we were living in a Christian ghetto and needed to branch out. It was hard after being immersed in like-mindedness for so long, but we have been actively ministering to ex-convicts and motorcycle gangs (not the Christian ones). Comforts zones are not conducive to increasing the kingdom.
Love it!
I’ve invited several neighbors to my church. One did attend – once.
I suspect they don’t because ‘
1) They believe they don’t have time.
2) They are a member somwhere- but don’t attend. So they feel like they already belong to a church – even though they probably couldn’t name the pastor.
3) It’s just not a priority in their life.
In the case of aging, declining churches shrinking relationship networks, discomfort with younger people, and embarrassment at how far down hill their church has gone may keep folks from inviting people to church.
Good thoughts, Robin. Thanks.