As I promised in last week’s article on weddings, I have fifteen stories from pastors about funerals.
For the most part, these stories are repeated only with minor changes. The essence of the stories is unchanged. Like the stories of weddings, there were so many great submissions of funeral stories. I probably need more posts of this ilk in the future.
- The pastor was preaching on the resurrection during the funeral when Siri on someone’s iPhone began to speak, “I’m sorry; I don’t understand what you just said.”
- Three different pastors told us they fell in the grave.
- Three different widows jumped in the grave.
- The deceased’s dog died shortly after the deceased died. The family put the dead animal in the casket with her.
- The family released a dove at the end of the funeral. A hawk was waiting. You know the rest of the story.
- One lady gave a testimony at her deceased pastor’s funeral: “Having Jim as my pastor was like being in a love affair.”
- The pastor was interrupted during the funeral and asked to adjust the deceased in the casket because she did not look perky.
- The best friend of the deceased gave a eulogy sharing how he and the now deceased picked up women.
- During the viewing of the deceased, a song was on continuous loop: “How Much Is That Doggy in the Window?”
- The pastor was asked to pose with the urn of ashes for photos after the funeral.
- The funeral home showed up with the wrong body.
- This funeral had two ambulances: one to pick up a man having a heart attack; and the other to get a woman in labor.
- There were two funerals close together. They finished at the same time. One funeral released doves. The other funeral had a salute with several guns. There were many dead doves.
- The widow began shouting and praying for her husband to rise from the dead.
- An Elvis impersonator was one of the key speakers.
I would wonder if some of these pastors were stretching the truth if I had not been in some similar situations at funerals. Life in the ministry is never dull.
Let me hear from you, particularly if you have some funeral stories to share.
Posted on June 1, 2016
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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149 Comments
My younger son’s father-in-law, Pete, died while we were on vacation. When our son called to tell us of the death, he said that his wife asked if I could conduct the funeral.
Now, I’m just a layman and had absolutely no experience or training at that, but our son said “Pete hasn’t been around many preachers lately, but he did know you”. So I agreed.
With fear and trepidation, I might add. I simply decided I’d say what I’d want to hear, were I in the audience that morning, andiIt turned out to be a wonderful experience for me. And, according to their reaction, I was good for the mourners, too.
I know you well enough to know you did well, Bob.
Took some courage on your part, but I’m sure you were a blessing to the family during a difficult time.
At a recent funeral, a light snow blanketed a plot that had just had a burial a few days before. After the grave side was done, the deceased sister, about 90, went to tap the headstone to say goodbye but she sunk in the ground down to her knees. She yelled “I think my sister is taking me with her.”
Same funeral, myself and the funeral home director, were invited to go to lunch with the family (about 15). The nephew was driving a truck with the license plate “Intimidater” (something like that). After the service, he walked up to the funeral home director and whispered to him “There are only a few of us going out for lunch, and if you and the pastor come, you’d be like the third wheels if you know what I mean. I suggest you don’t come.” We had a chuckle out of it.
Well, okay then.
1. The person handling the taped music accidentally played “Sleigh Bells” during the opening music. Yes, “just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring ting tingling, too.” My mother, aunt and I were up next to sing. Needless to say, we had a bit of a problem gaining our composure.
2. My mother and I were asked to sing at a funeral of the father of a close family friend. We had never met nor seen pictures of the man’s father. We arrived at the funeral chapel only to find that we had been told the wrong time. Accustomed to getting there early, we found that we were there about 3 minutes before the service was to start. We had to sing from a room behind where the casket was displayed in the chapel. Not wanting to just rush by the deceased into our room to sing, my mother said we should at least stop by the casket and pay our respects. We stepped up to the casket to find that the man was very, very small in stature. We stood there in silence in front of the crowd gathered behind us for what seemed an eternity. Then my mother said, “My….he was a tiny little man.” I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My mother put her arms around me, as if she were consoling me, and led me into the next room….where we both began to cry in laughter. We managed to compose ourselves to sing. One of the funniest things that has ever happened to me.
3. The family story has been that my great grandfather passed away in Perry County in Tennessee, and during the funeral which was held fairly soon after his passing, he had a muscle spasm and sat straight up in the casket during the service. I have people in my family that swears that this happened. You be the judge.
4. Also in Perry County, there was a family friend who’s husband had passed away. At the end of the funeral, the pastor asked if anyone else had anything they wanted to say. The widow of the deceased stood up and and said, “Yes, I have something to say. I have some chickens that I would like to sell if anyone is needing any.”
I love a good funeral story!
Four for four.
A pastor friend of mine told me this happened – he was leading the processional from the site of the funeral service to the family cemetery in the high mountains of North Carolina – after going around a sharp curve in the road, he noticed the other vehicles were no longer behind him – come to find out a student driver approaching from the opposite direction had crossed the yellow line in the sharp curve and struck one of the cars in the processional – they had to wait until the Highway Patrol finished their report before they could proceed
Slow funeral, huh?
First the family wanted us to play “Wildwood Weed ” (about marijuana) during the funeral in the church, which my husband told them no and they shuld play it after the funeral, outside. The deceased’s best friend came in, escorted by a deputy, in shackles. Two of the family members had to be seated far apart due to a stabbing incident in the past, it wasn’t lethal. After the service we drove to a family cemetery where they broke out the beer and shovels. The adults and mostly kids dug a hole and placed the ashes at the foot of his mother’s grave. After my husband prayed we left because they were going to smoke some of that Wildwood Weed in the deceased ‘s memory.
I’m just glad the stabbing incident was not lethal.
A man I knew from Dade City who lived next to the FBC and was known for his antics had baskets of onions placed around the funeral home to ensure people would cry at his funeral. True to his wishes, as a final poke at those who scolded him with “You can’t take it with you,” Mr. McKinney’s casket will be towed to his grave in a U-Haul trailer.
There you go.
My dad, a pastor, was at a funeral one time and the family members got in a fight near the casket. Needless to say, the body was in the floor by the fight’s end. Actually my dad has been to more than one funeral where a fight broke out.
Another time, a memorial service was held for a church attendee and I was playing piano (so i had a great view). Some one got up to either speak or sing a song and accidentally bumped the table that the urn was resting on. Underneath this table, was a cheap plaster decoration of the 10 commandments. When the bump happened, the urn started to fall, as well as, the plaster 10 commandments. The commandments shattered, so powder flew in the air. The audience thought the ashes had dumped over. Luckily, the urn was still intact. In fact, after the funeral, the wife told us that the ashes weren’t in the urn the whole time. why? she was afraid some of his family members would try to steal the urn or ashes.
You gotta watch out for those folks who steal ashes.
As a part of a funeral and graveside that lasted 10 hours (3 preachers and a 4 1/2 hour procession) the 8 month pregnant daughter in law of the deceased jumped into the grave on top of the casket to pick up the grave marker.
Ten hours?!? Kill me.
I was doing a graveside service on a hot Florida morning at a cemetery where there was no shade except for the funeral tent. I was asked by the funeral home to do this graveside service. After the service I notice some of the friends going back to there truck and getting a cooler and lawn chairs. Funeral Director thank me for doing the service for the family and said I might want to go ahead and go. I asked him why? The funeral director said that his friends were going to have a drinking party with their friend before he was buried. When I looked back at the graveside I saw one of the friends placing a beer in the hand of the deceased. The funeral director was right and it was time for me to leave.
Good call.
I will refrain from sharing any specific stories, but I have no trouble believing that any of the above could have happened. I pastor a small church and supplement my income by working in a local funeral home. Enough said.
There you go.
You should definitely write a book–it would be a best seller.
I was officiating a funeral for a forty year old woman whose kids were coming to our youth group. I didn’t know the family well and didn’t have a big part in planning the service — I was simply asked to share some words from Scripture. It was an opportunity to share the gospel with this family. Midway through the service, after I had said a prayer, the family had requested a song be played for the deceased woman. When the song came on I had to do everything in my power to hold back my laughter as the song (in all seriousness) was “No Air” by Jordin Sparks. The opening line is…. “Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air…”
You win the internet today. Cheers.
I don’t have any stories but thanks so much for the article Thom and all others who have shared. This caused some wonderful Wed afternoon chuckles 🙂 and they’ll be more later when I share them with my wife 🙂
I love bringing laughter to those who serve our Lord.