As I promised in last week’s article on weddings, I have fifteen stories from pastors about funerals.
For the most part, these stories are repeated only with minor changes. The essence of the stories is unchanged. Like the stories of weddings, there were so many great submissions of funeral stories. I probably need more posts of this ilk in the future.
- The pastor was preaching on the resurrection during the funeral when Siri on someone’s iPhone began to speak, “I’m sorry; I don’t understand what you just said.”
- Three different pastors told us they fell in the grave.
- Three different widows jumped in the grave.
- The deceased’s dog died shortly after the deceased died. The family put the dead animal in the casket with her.
- The family released a dove at the end of the funeral. A hawk was waiting. You know the rest of the story.
- One lady gave a testimony at her deceased pastor’s funeral: “Having Jim as my pastor was like being in a love affair.”
- The pastor was interrupted during the funeral and asked to adjust the deceased in the casket because she did not look perky.
- The best friend of the deceased gave a eulogy sharing how he and the now deceased picked up women.
- During the viewing of the deceased, a song was on continuous loop: “How Much Is That Doggy in the Window?”
- The pastor was asked to pose with the urn of ashes for photos after the funeral.
- The funeral home showed up with the wrong body.
- This funeral had two ambulances: one to pick up a man having a heart attack; and the other to get a woman in labor.
- There were two funerals close together. They finished at the same time. One funeral released doves. The other funeral had a salute with several guns. There were many dead doves.
- The widow began shouting and praying for her husband to rise from the dead.
- An Elvis impersonator was one of the key speakers.
I would wonder if some of these pastors were stretching the truth if I had not been in some similar situations at funerals. Life in the ministry is never dull.
Let me hear from you, particularly if you have some funeral stories to share.
Posted on June 1, 2016
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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In the depth of an English winter (snow and ice on the roads), I was driving myself to the crematorium but got stuck in snow about two miles away. Starting out from a different side of town, the hearse and cars carrying the family had taken a different route; they reached the venue without a hitch. On ‘phoning the FD from my ice-bound car, he was desperate for the service to go ahead smoothly. It was then that we hatched the plan for me to read the eulogy over the ‘phone which he would hold up to the microphone! This we did and all came off beautifully…except for me, who was stuck for another hour!
On another occasion, when 5 months pregnant, I had agreed to do a funeral out of area because all of my other local colleagues were poorly. Sadly, the day before the service, I, too, succumbed to illness and during the service (during the Lord’s Prayer, to be precise) collapsed unconscious to the floor, banging my head in the process! A paramedic was called who wanted to undo the many buttons on my cassock…I asked him, please don’t – I’m only wearing a bib stock underneath!!! My midwife was not amused that I’d gone ahead when poorly; the crematorium staff were very kind BUT they never let me forget that day!!!
Shall I go on? Loving these stories, and the Clergy Coaching FB page.
This isn’t funny but it was one of the most remarkable experiences of my life:
At my husband’s cousin funeral…he died from cancer in his 30’s…the minister began the service by reading Psalms. We’d never heard someone read the Bible where it was so obvious they did not know God. There was such a disconnect and it was painful to hear. He then continued with his remarks that made us both uncomfortable because we knew his cousin had recently accepted Christ and this minister had know idea to say. As we sat there pondering all of this, to our surprise, another family member, seated on our row, stood up and interupted the minister in mid sentence and said….”Excuse me, but I need to share how Eddie came to know Jesus. She then goes on to share his testimony and share the Gospel with everyone there. It was so strange and yet so wonderful to see this lady’s faith! As for the minister….he didn’t know how to respond but hopefully her words and faith made an impact on him. Hope to hear the rest of the story one day in heaven.
This isn’t funny but it was one of the most remarkable experiences of my life:
At my husband’s cousin funeral…he died from cancer in her 30’s…the minister began the service by reading Psalms. We’d never heard someone read the Bible where it was so obvious they did not know God. There was such a disconnect and it was painful to hear. He then continued with his remarks that made us both uncomfortable because we knew his cousin had recently accepted Christ and this minister had know idea to say. As we sat there pondering all of this, to our surprise, another family member, seated on our row, stood up and interupted the minister in mid sentence and said….”Excuse me, but I need to share how Eddie came to know Jesus. She then goes on to share his testimony and share the Gospel with everyone there. It was so strange and yet so wonderful to see this lady’s faith! As for the minister….he didn’t know how to respond but hopefully her words and faith made an impact on him. Hope to hear the rest of the story one day in heaven.
Here you go:
Son of deceased after speaking went over to the casket and rocked it so much I thought it would fall over.
Sister of deceased just before the final prayer got up walked to the casket and called her sister back to life. It didn’t work.
Family wanted to dedicate 4 songs to the deceased during the service and conclude after I preached by all joining hands and singing “I Did It My Way” by Frank Sinatra.
After a funeral I was at the reception and a guy who I did not know said, “You preached like a preacher not like a man.” I had no idea what he meant but it seemed like a compliment so I said, “Thanks”. At this point his mother whispered to me, “He’d make a great one for the widow.”
Finally, I did a funeral for a lady who did not like preachers and especially Pentecostal preachers. Years later I found out she didn’t like Black people either. With me she got all 3:)
The deceased lay in the casket wearing overalls with a carton of cigarettes, a six pack of beer and a fishing rod beside him. At the close of the service, the song “Freebird” was played at which time all the attendees stood to hold their flaming cigarette lighters above their heads. After the service, the casket was taken outside and placed in the back of a Chevy Silvarado which transported the deceased to a family burial plot.
Officiating a graveside service in rural Arkansas in February. Very cold with a glaze of ice on the ground. Had just finished the service and one of the pallbearers, about 80 years old, 6′ 6′ and 150 pounds goes sliding under the casket into the grave!! We like to have never got him up!!’
Getting a bit ahead of himself.
My brother-in-law is a mortician and owns a funeral home. Typically, the tendons will be cut so a body in not able to sit up, as it were I suppose. It’s not all that uncommon. I used to help now and then with funerals and preparations. It’s no exaggeration to say that place was haunted. Crazy stuff.
I was to officiate a funeral in rural Arkansas. Arrived at the cemetery I was told by the funeral home. Arrived early. Waited and waited. Called the funeral home and was told that they had told me the wrong cemetery. 30 minutes I arrived at the correct cemetery. Thank goodness for cell phones.
At the funeral of a man killed by his brother over an argument about rabbit hunting a request was made to play Hank Williams Jr. “A Country Boy Can Survive”. About 30 seconds into the song a toothless grandma stood up in the back of the chapel and shouted in pure redneck “turn it uuuppp, turn it up”.
In late April 2016 in Tennessee Two gentlemen died about the same time and the funeral home in Memphis handled the services ,both were open casket .. They buried the first guy then when the second one was started some one looked close and realizes it was the wrong man. Needless to say they had to dig up the first guy and start over….
One of my husband’s friend died in a single airplane crash. There were 1000 people at his funeral as he had helped many people and was very popular. The pastor asked everyone that he had taken to lunch to raise their hand. Half the group raised their hand. He mentioned all of the benevolent trips he had given in his airplane, etc, etc.
The local news station aired a story about the man and his positive impact on the church and the community.
A few weeks after the funeral it came out that the man had been running a ponzi investment scheme and had stolen millions of dollars from friends and church members…which he had apparently used to…take friends to lunch, fly his plane mission trips…and generally make himself appear more righteous than he was.
Oh, well…all are not always what they seem.
I was In a strange funeral procession years a go where the police escort was t-boned by a car who run through the police road block at an intersection. Then after proceeding a car was speeding past the procession on a four lane road only to be pulled over by another policeman. Finally we were stopped by a train changing cars at the local paper mill. Each are interesting but to have all three in the same funeral procession makes for a very memorable day.
I was asked to read Scripture, say a few words and pray at a service for a man who had been cremated. The family was spreading his ashes at the lakefront home of his sister and brother in law. As family members were spreading ashes in the flower bed, the brother in law decided to turn on the sprinklers to dissolve the ashes. As the elderly mother of the deceased was dumping ash from the box, some of it got caught in her hose and the water from the sprinkler caked it on her legs. She said, “Oh no, I have Robert stuck on my legs” It was everything I could do to keep from laughing.