Rednecks and Medical Terms

December 12, 2012
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I am a bona fide redneck at heart. I was born and raised in LA (lower Alabama), and I currently live in Tennessee. I love country music, boiled goobers, Bama football, and at least one cold one a day (diet coke). I was so ingrained in Southern culture as a child that I thought anything north of Birmingham was Yankee territory.

With my unashamed redneck background, I am inestimably equipped to understand and share redneck vocabulary. As you can imagine, these are not original with me; they are pervasive on the Internet. For today, I will share with you what rednecks hear when they hear a medical term. Enjoy.

Artery – the study of paintings.

Bacteria – back door to the cafeteria.

Barium – what doctors do when patients die.

Benign – what you be after you be eight.

Cat scan – searching for kitty.

Cauterize – made eye contact with her.

Colic – a sheep dog.

Coma – a punctuation mark.

Dilate – to live long.

Enema – not a friend.

Fester – quicker than someone else.

Fibula – a small lie.

Labor pain – getting hurt at work.

Morbid – a higher offer on eBay.

Nitrates – rates of pay for working at night (usually higher than day rates).

Node – I knew it.

Outpatient – a patient who fainted.

Pelvis – second cousin to Elvis.

Post operative – a mailman.

Recovery room – place to do upholstery.

Rectum – nearly killed him.

Secretion – hiding something.

Seizure – a Roman emperor.

Terminal illness – getting sick at the airport.

Tumor – one plus one more.

Urine – opposite of you’re out.

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