“Once one realizes they are entitled to nothing, they become grateful for everything.”
Art Rainer
I never planned to write the book.
It began as a midnight attempt to get a 500-word blog post done for the next morning. I called it “I Am a Church Member.” When I closed the keyboard that night, I had zero expectation of any significant response.
I was wrong. The blog post went viral. It hit a nerve in congregations around the world. Shortly thereafter, I wrote a little book by the same name. It became a number one bestseller and has sold 1.5 million copies to date.
My premise was simple and basic. I went to Scripture to delineate the characteristics of a healthy church member. The responses to the book and the blog post gave me an acute awareness of the dearth of healthy church members in many churches. The opposite of a healthy church member is an entitled church member. He or she sees the church as an organization that doles out perks and benefits somewhat like a country club. The church, therefore, exists for the members rather than the members serving sacrificially as the body of Christ (see 1 Corinthians 12).
What are some of the negative consequences of this entitlement mentality? Let’s begin with six of them.
- More conflicts and church fights. When church members have an entitlement mentality, they get angry when they don’t get their way. It thus leads to conflict and even church fights.
- Pastor and staff perceived to be hired hands. Forget the idea of the pastor/teacher equipping the saints to do the work of ministry. Entitled members view them to be workers paid to all or most of the ministry. “After all, that’s what we pay them for.”
- Keeps the focus off the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. Entitlement is self-focused. The Great Commission and the Great Commandment are other-focused.
- Creates unhealthy alliances. Entitled church members often form alliances with other church members of similar unhealthy mindsets. They are called cliques and power groups. They can be members of an extended family, or they can be a diverse group of members simply determined to get their own way.
- Turns giving into dues. The money given to the church is not done so with open hands. It has strings attached, and those strings will jerk the money back the moment entitled church members do not get their way. (See my earlier post on giving versus dues.)
- Turns the church facility into a shrine. When members insist on getting their way, the church facility becomes an object of their own desires. The fight could be over a color of paint or carpet, a parlor or bride’s room, chairs versus pews, or the pulpit itself. The sad possibilities are endless.
I have a burning passion to see churches revitalized. In many ways, it’s really about the revitalization of the hearts of church members. And those hearts must transform from me-centeredness and conditional to other-focused and unconditional.
Then, and only then, will our churches experience true revitalization.
Posted on September 17, 2018
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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39 Comments
Thom, Having served as a consistory member for over 30 years (finally gave that over to others this year) and as volunteer staff (growth group coordinator), the business of entitlement has always been recognized. However your great little book described it for what it is, selfishness. “I Am a Church Member” has become a standard for those who wish to become members. It helps us say so much in a concise way and I can not thank you enough for such a great “gateway” into membership.
Kind and encouraging words, Steve. Thank you.
I am stunned at how timely this is for our church. Two (married to each other) members who were at constant loggerheads with many in the church (and unfortunately had the new pastor fooled for the last couple years until a couple months ago when, with the help of a new elder he started seeing the real problem), sent an email to everyone in the congregation as to how they were leaving “and their reasons were personal so they were not going to discuss them publicly.” Funny, they had done nothing but backbite and gossip and cause division but sure, now let’s all keep quiet.
All six points in this article touched on every single thing this couple did.
The previous post expresses my experience precisely.
Add to that this attitude: “i don’t need anyone to tell me anything about church; I’ve been in church all my life; I know all there is to know about church.” One of my church men actually said that.
He is an absolute idiot. He says he supervised 30 people where he worked. That entitles him to be “the boss of the church.” He is out of touch. He has been retired for about 16 years and still living in the 20th century with a demonic attitude.
Couple that with Landmarkers who know everything and can’t resist saying Jesus was the pastor of the first church and there were 12 members: guess whom. The disciples.
They also say none of the Old Testament saints will be in “New Jerusalem” which is reserved only for the “church”.. Also, They teach a literal “marriage supper”. I guess they never read that “flesh and blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of God.” I hope there is enough chicken gravy on the table for them. They also teach “if you belong to a church that teaches ‘right doctrine’ you are saved”.
Sound familiar? Check out how many denominations in America are “exclucivists” or “the only one”. My last information: 32. Of course, the Landmarkers are #1, I guess, of the 32. Nobody knows more than they. The Pharisees “knew” everything too.
I have never seen a Landmark stronghold in a Southern Baptist Church that didn’t cause a split. They follow a demonic philosophy: “control or destroy.”
I’m into my second pastoral ministry. At my last church, I ran into #2, #4, and #6. I was a hireling who was to preach and visit. The brass didn’t want any leadership; they believe entirely in telling their preacher what to do. There’s no respect for the authority or position of pastor. There was no focus on reaching out into the community to try to minister to needs and grow the church. There is a clique there of 3 families who give any pastor criticisms and trouble. They are self-appointed, self-absorbed and self-focused. Spiritually shallow, lacking any depth at all. They take pride in their building. In their history, they talk about their building expansions. There’s no focus on growing, no focus on being a healthy church. This is too common in churches today and pastors are the ones who have to struggle with it. Where did the outward focus go? Where did the respect for the office of pastor go (Not saying pastors are perfect; they’re not; but there is to be respect for the office; it’s scriptural) and trying to work with him instead of being longtime critics? It is no wonder why many men (pastors) leave the ministry and get tired of dealing with self-absorbed, unregenerate individuals (who unfortunately are in leadership positions). It’s all too common.
Thanks for sticking with it pastor. Continue to preach the word without favoritism! God bless you, sir.
When I ran into this I took the “Christian” approach. Looking back I should have taken the “balls” approach and confronted instead of moving. Had I stood up in the fashion of our Lord I would have been banished anyway but it would have saved the church a lot of future misery.
Thom,
For fourteen years I have been working in a church plant in the multi-generational poverty area of our city. The subject of entitlement is a regular topic. While your post was not addressing this, the attitude of entitlement has the same roots and the same outcomes.
Not too long ago I watched a presentation on The Cure for Entitlement by Dr. John Townsend. It is available on YouTube. His approach was accurate. His application was good. Of course, an attitude of entitlement is not treated overnight and, even when identified and suppressed, lurks in our hearts until it can reign again.
One reason that entitlement is so difficult to address is that it is usually addressed by those who do not practice it or, possibly, do not recognize it in themselves. Seeking to address entitlement is difficult until you realize that you, too, have been practicing it in some way. Once you recognize what in you has created a sense of entitlement, you can begin to describe the root of entitlement. For instance, is there a parking spot that is yours? Why? We all have different reasons why we feel we entitled. But we still feel entitled.
I look forward to further posts by you that address entitlement.
Your book continues to bless, Thom. I use much of the material in my welcome class and I give a copy to each new member.
Appreciate you, Bob.
So how do you deliver this message without alienating the people who get it? Don’t want them to feel like its a threat that the church will close or undo the trust they have.
It’s tough. Most of the greatest offenders will not see themselves. Focus on those who are not entitled.
In my experience, those who suffer most from an entitlement mentality won’t get it and will most likely look on others as the target. Those who don’t feel a sense of entitlement will not be offended and will simply nod their head. I think the ones who are straying or might be straying will be caught short and appreciate the guidance (pointing out secret faults as it were).
This is sooo appropriate for our church right now. I have copied it to all of our Board members as an item for discussion at our next Boeard meeting. Thank y ou very much!
Blessings m, Garry.
Instead of addressing the “entitlement” cancer that spreads within the dying church, technology is allowing Christians to escape the traditional church. I see many people running from the church community and viewing services exclusively online or starting small groups and walking away from brick and mortar.
absolutely true- people too busy in my opinion, but we in a case of technology have forsaken the scripture. Do not neglect of coming together even more so as we see the day of the Lord approaching.
community can include small groups, but not to forsake coming to the house of God to worship and fellowship, in my opinion.
So, so true.
Most of my problems as a pastor have come from the fact that I treat everybody the same. I don’t suck up, I don’t play politics, and I don’t give deference to people simply because they expect it. This has always made certain people in the church automatically opposed to me.
What is truly sad is that these same people will become angry when they see poor, uninfluential people being listened to and treated with respect.
absolute truth I know that first hand myself as a Pastor too,
Your blog was so timely. I feel like the church at large is in a Gideon invitation. No that is not a golf tournament. It is an invitation to come and lap. Come and die. I feel that we are in a Gideon season of becoming less so that He can become more. Boy is this season in church history stretching. Dr. Rainer thank you for your wisdom. Our leaders need this wisdom to continue faithfully and endure till Jesus comes!
Thank you, Justin.
As a church member it leaves me to wonder when are we going to worship the Lord and not the color of a carpet, or wall color, etc.