Let me take you behind the scenes again in the life of a pastor.
For sure, your pastor is not likely to let you know the pain these brief sentences cause.
But, for most pastors, they hurt. They really hurt.
Here are ten of the most common painful sentences uttered to pastors by church members:
- “I love you pastor, but . . .” The pastor will only hear the words after the “but.” And they usually are painful.
- “Why didn’t you visit her?” Of course, she’s not a member of the church. She was in a hospital 70 miles away. And she’s married to the third cousin of the church member.
- “Gotta minute?” This question is typically asked in the time frame of one to five minutes before the pastor preaches.
- “Have you heard this podcast pastor?” Meaning: That podcast pastor is better than you.
- “Pastor, people are saying . . .” Of course, there are no “people,” just the gutless person who won’t speak for himself.
- “We’ve never done it that way before.” And that is one of the key reasons the church is dying.
- “I do pay your salary, you know.” In other words, it’s not God’s money; it’s my money.
- “I wish she had heard that sermon.” And the pastor was hoping you heard the sermon.
- “I wish I worked just a few hours a week like you.” After all, the pastor just needs 30 minutes to prepare a sermon and 30 minutes to preach it.
- “Your kids need to behave like pastor’s kids should behave.” You can find those standards in the Bible: Hezekiah 3:16.
What do you think of this list? Pastors, what would you add?
Posted on April 25, 2016
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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311 Comments
The worst comment a staff pastor could ever hear is the senior pastor saying, “you know, so-and-so is a really attractive woman.” What makes it worse? When a lay leader tells a staff pastor confidentially that they’re concerned how the senior pastor is acting and said so-and-so woman.
This 2 minute video perfectly illustrates the “people are saying…” bit. Definitely worth watching:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0LYKRwc8rKM
After 61 years of ministry and almost 27 years at my present church, in retrospect I have learned: Regardless of how hard a pastor may try or what the project may be, I have found there usually always will be those who think they can do the job better, faster and cheaper. It’s part of dealing with people. You just have to love them. But looking back over the past 61 years, if I had it to do all over again. . . I would.
I once heard when I was preaching at a church in view of a call that they wouldn’t hire me for three reasons. The first is because I mentioned that I drink Dr. Pepper in the sermon, the second is that I used the Bible when I preached instead of just telling stories, and the third is because I am from Oklahoma.
Sounds like a great church to avoid!
I love this blog and read it often. I appreciate the stuff you have written about pastors wives as well (since I am one) ????
I sing often with my husband on stage- he is the worship pastor and a VERY good one. On one of my Sunday’s off while making my way to the choir another choir member says, “you must get so jealous when he sings with those other beautiful girls.”
Speechless… Still.
Wow. Just wow.
“I heard a few people say…” This is usually a cover for either a lie, and its usually the person who is telling you the “…” Or its there immediate family or some other power group in the church. Its usually not motivated in the best interest of the church, but by personal preferences. They also reveal that they have been secretly gossiping in their home adding to division in the church.
Years ago, I was just entering ministry and visited member of our very small church who happened to be an old retired pastor. One day, he said he had something for me and promptly presented me with a wooden rhinoceros. I must have appeared confused. His response, “This is what most pastors need…a thick hide, one horn to root through to the issues, and a second horn to toss aside the trouble-makers!” Ha! Still have it! Always makes me smile…
Years ago, I was just entering ministry and visited member of our very small church who happened to be an old retired pastor. One day, he said he had something for me and promptly presented me with a wooden rhinoceros. I must have appeared confused. His response, this is what most pastors need…a thick hide, one horn to root through to the issues, and a second horn to toss aside the trouble-makers! Ha! Still have it! Always makes me smile…
As a man called to pastor, M.Div. degree, but of second tier status, I get weary of: “you ever think about becoming a pastor/minister”?
On the flip side, getting from more than one pastor I have served under, “music ministers should not, cannot, and will not preach in MY pulpit”.
That’s strange. I’m a pastor, and I think a music minister than can preach and teach would be quite a bargain to have as a staff member.
CORRECTION: “a music minister *that* can preach and teach…”
My pastors get the thought comment, “why is your wife not more involved?” I got that as a youth pastor.
Tough comment*
I disagree with you on number 4. The rest of them seem solid. My pastor is an awesome leader of the church. Sometimes i run across a sermon or “podcast” that is really is great and brings good insight on a passage of scripture and i share them with him. Sometimes he will run across one that really great on a passage and share it with me. I don’t compare him to the author/pastor and I don’t think he would ever take it that way. We enjoy the same guys teaching is all. I just don’t see how this would offend my pastor. We share books and commentaries back and forth also. If this stuff is somehow offensive to my pastor I would really like to know it so i don’t offend him. if you could help me understand the reasoning behind this one a bit more I would appreciate it.
I don’t understand it either, but it seems to be the prevailing thought here. There was a post specifically about this a couple weeks back with extensive comments.
Or the earth shattering phone call when you hear, “Pastor come quick its an emergency”. I hurried to the members home to find, Daisy, their horse had laid down, rolled over, and got her hoof stuck in the fork of a tree. The lady handed ne a chainsaw and said you have to cut the tree. I did along with the horses tail. (Totally true story)