Thank You Pastor’s Wife

November 9, 2013

Thank you pastor’s wife.

You may have one of the most thankless roles in the world. You receive no compensation, but there are many expectations of you. At times you are expected to be omnipresent; and other times you are expected to be invisible. Rarely at any of those times does anyone express gratitude to you.

Thank you pastor’s wife.

You may have one of the most selfless roles in the world. You are expected to be at the beck and call of church members, regardless of your own schedule. You are expected to adjust your life to the life of the pastor, who just happens to be your husband. You really have no independent life of your own.

Thank you pastor’s wife.

You may have one of the most challenging roles in the world. You are the only person in whom your husband can truly confide. When he is down, you are expected to encourage and exhort him. You try to provide balance for your family and children, especially since some of the church members expect them to be perfect.

Thank you pastor’s wife.

You may have one of the most painful roles in the world. You have discovered how hurtful some church members can really be. You listen to criticisms of your husband, and you are expected to be stoic. And when you are hurt, you think you have to keep it to yourself. You internalize it and hurt even more.

Thank you pastor’s wife.

You may have one of the loneliest roles in the world. People in the church seem afraid to get to close to you. Friendships are rare, if not non-existent. There are times you want to cry out in your need and pain, but there is no one to listen to you. In your darkest moments, you wonder if it’s all really worth it.

Thank you pastor’s wife.

We who stand on the sidelines may not know your hopes, hurts, and needs. We may not realize the depth of your times of pain and loneliness. But we know Someone who does. And He is with you. He is your strength. He is your comforter. He is your confidant.

And one day you will see that Savior named Jesus face to face. One day you will get your rewards for your labor, sacrifice, and love. One day He will look at you with unstoppable love and piercing eyes. One day He will say, “Well done good and faithful servant. Well done.”

And then you will know it was all worthwhile.

Thank you pastor’s wife.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

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  • My husband sent me this. I love love love my “job.” I have learned to depend on Jesus Christ more than I could have imagined. I don’t despise the hard times but cherish them. As you mentioned there are behind the scenes situations but my church family does things for me as well.

  • Them, so well said and thoughtfully put. Very appreciated. I am married to a pastor who does it full-time and I work another job to support us, but because of my gifts and calling, I do a lot of pastoring too. So much that I call myself a pastor and not a pastors wife because 1) it is what most wives of pastors do and 2) because my calling is not just to stand behind my husband. I have my own calling too. One of the saddest things women can do is lose their identity in their husbands calling. I know more women who pastor with their husband would feel more resilent and fulfilled if they did not feel their sole purpose in life was for their husbands. I know we need to acknowledge the role of the unpaid partner in ministry – it’s quite demanding – but I am a writer and mom and have many other roles that help give me balance. I hope other spouses are able to develop this as well.

  • Thanks for the article. My deacon chairman’s wife passed this article on to me. Being a generational PK (grandfather and father) and a pastor’s wife has definitely allowed me to understand this firsthand. Thankfully the church we are at now is very supportive of my husband and me. When they come up to me and say I’m the most active pastor’s wife they’ve ever known it is kind of sad to me. I know it is meant as a compliment but I am just fulfilling the passion God has called me to.

  • In the short time God has granted me the privilege to pastor right along my husband…I must admit is has been bitter sweet….long lonely nights, the uncertainty of not knowing the right words to say in many cases i rest to sleep alone desiring my husband’s shoulder just to feel accepted and confirm that I am doing the job correctly. As I have witness in many comments….we smile from the outside with our heart crying on the inside…I have learn to lean to depend on Christ in those difficult days when it seems that I can no longer go on…But is in my knees before the throne of God with tears in my eyes, and His gentle touch comes to reaffirm me that he is walking this journey right along my side…..God bless your Heart for all the wonderful words of encouragement that brings comfort to me and all my dear pastor’s wife that wall the same road i walk…. Gby.

  • Lois Smith says on

    Thank you, Thor for your encouragement. I have been a pastor’s daughter, have a son who is a pastor, and 2 brothers that are as well as a step-son that is and I have been a pastor’s wife for over 10 years. I love it and I love interacting with the congregation. I love going visiting members with my husband in their homes, hospital or rest homes. There are times when my heart is crushed when my husband is criticized or berated by a member at business meetings. (I hate those and always have.) They are a necessary evil as far as I am concerned. I would not want to be anything but a pastor’s wife, just want to skip business meetings. lol

  • My wife (a missionary’s wife) invited other pastor’s wives (15 ladies) to have a little retreat, where they will study the Word and will encourage each other. I will share these words to them. Thanks for your words, It helped me to understand more her feelings. Blessings from Mexico.

  • Thanks, Thom, for your encouraging words and appreciative attitude towards pastors’ wives.

  • Gary Dennis says on

    Excellent word of encouragement for wives of pastors! Thanks Thom!

  • Thank you for this. I needed encouragement today!

  • Terry Brown says on

    Thank you for the encouraging words. I have been a pastor’s wife for over 10 years. It’s refreshing to see something so true about the life of a ministry wife. I have good and not so good days but I wouldn’t trade my life. You gave me strength to continue in the path God has laid out for me.

  • Allen Calkins says on

    Without the unconditional support of my ‘Pastor’s wife’ I would have left the ministry long ago…God only knows what the resignation and dropout rates would be for pastors were it not for the pastor’s wives out there that keep their called husbands committed to their call and give them the support they need to carry on through difficult times and be even more effective in the more fruitful times. After this posts I am definitely copying it to my wife’s email.

    • Thom Rainer says on

      Well said Allen.

    • Gayle O'Hara says on

      Thank you so much for your post. My husband is going through a very difficult time right now and I’m not sure how to handle it. I keep telling him to hang on and pray though it and wait on the Lord. It is hard, he is discouraged but isn’t that what the enemy wants? I pray we make it through this and the Lord direct his ministry. Again, thank you for your post, it was helpful to my spirit.