There are great rewards in the pastoral call. And there are times that there is great pain. In this article, I have asked a pastor to share his experiences in a difficult church, one where he eventually left under pressure. I wrote the interview verbatim while allowing the pastor to remain anonymous.
Thom: As much as you feel comfortable, will you share with us the story of your church?
Pastor: For starters, every church is a difficult church on some level. After all, they are filled with fallen sinners and led by fallen sinners! The situation that prompted me to agree to this interview was a situation in which I was called to lead a church that faced a number of challenges, some of which I was ill-equipped to lead them through, others which the congregation (from my perspective) was unwilling to address.
Like many churches, my situation was comprised of factionalism, resistance to change, too much debt, a history of conflict, divisiveness, and short pastoral tenure. Each of those issues presents a challenge to pastoral ministry and leadership. When they are coupled with other problems, they can be overwhelming.
In addition to inheriting a church with a host of issues, I also inherited a church with tremendous administrative demands, which was a major area of weakness for me. My administrative shortcomings (which I have since addressed in significant ways) actually made my situation worse. I found it challenging to stay on top of issues, keep everyone informed of changes, cast vision, and motivate ministry teams to pull in the same direction in ministry in a church that size. In a typical church, I might have overcome those issues in time to grow into the pastor this church needed. Given the lack of general church health and specific challenges this church faced, my lack of administrative expertise proved to be a significant hurdle.
In addition to my church’s history and my own shortcomings, there was one key event that produced more significant conflict within the church early in my tenure that seemed to solidify a couple of key groups in their opposition to my ministry. It was a church discipline issue that presented itself six weeks after I arrived at the church. This issue was not a minor case of disagreement, one in which I could bide my time and slowly bring the church along. It was a significant issue of sexual sin that was exposed in a very public way. To refuse to address it would have meant a blatant disregard for Scripture and would have given the appearance that our church condoned the actions of the individual in question. In calling our church to pray for the repentance of the individual in question (without naming the person) and discussing what would happen should the person not repent, I started a firestorm of controversy and complaints that lasted until the day I left (I literally received email complaints about my handling of the situation four years after the fact).
This church had never discussed church discipline in her history, a fact confirmed by many longstanding members. The shock of such a discussion apparently encouraged several influential members to dig in their heels in opposition to my ministry. One man personally voted “no” for every item that came up in a business meeting after that event just to make a point. Another member told me he made a point to stand up and vote “yes” triumphantly in the very first business meeting after my departure! Another lady made a point of shouting, “Praise God!” when I announced my resignation from the pulpit. It was a challenging church, to say the least.
Thom: How long were you in this ministry when you discovered it would be a problematic church?
Pastor: I discovered soon after I arrived that it was going to be a much more difficult church than I had imagined. When I was a candidate for this church, I was told by numerous individuals that it was a great church with tremendous potential and that it just needed a few programmatic tweaks before seeing some significant growth. Six weeks after I arrived, the unavoidable church discipline situation presented itself, which revealed just how many difficulties I would face. From that point forward, it never ceased to amaze me the lengths some folks would go to in an effort to criticize me over minor issues.
Thom: What are some of the signs that let you know it would be a challenging ministry?
Pastor: This question is, unfortunately, too easy for me to answer. I have personally counseled scores of pastors in difficult situations. There is a common challenge that presents itself in these types of churches. A truly difficult church, in my opinion, is marked by factions that care more about their vision for the church than obedience to Scripture and individuals who will attack a pastor personally in an effort to protect their desired direction for the church. I know from personal experience that I am not the only pastor who has been falsely accused of issues in an effort to convince others it was time for a change in leadership.
Thom: What was the final issue that caused you to resign?
Pastor: It was not a single issue. The cumulative effect of many issues took its toll on my wife and me. It got to the point where I received opposition to anything I led or suggested. More and more church members began criticizing my sermons to the point where I was paranoid about saying almost anything.
Thom: What were some key lessons you learned from this difficult experience?
Pastor: First, I needed to ask a lot more questions before I accepted the call to the church. I take part of the blame for my failure to learn about the challenges of this church. Second, I should have developed some key allies and supporters before tackling such a divisive issue. I knew I could not wait too long, but I really moved right into the problem without the support I needed. Finally, I know I did not pray enough during this time. I let my emotions control me rather than the Holy Spirit.
Thom: Do you think you could have survived the church if you had heeded these lessons from the onset?
Pastor: Sadly, no. After we left, we heard from other members and pastors about the toxic nature of this church. The church was half its size within two years after we left. It’s been four years now, and I’ve heard from current and former members that they are considering closing the church. It is a sad story indeed.
What do you think of this story? Do you have similar experiences? How can we help pastors who are going through such difficult times?
Posted on January 13, 2025
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
More from Thom
13 Comments
Surviving a difficult church. This piece is very much on point. I believe the problem is two-pronged. Both sides should properly vet each other before an agreement is struck. The church should ask carefully prepared questions during the interview process to learn more about the pastoral candidate. They should dig deeper by asking questions based on real issues facing the church, without revealing all details and persons involved. When this is done, the pastor also gets a chance to learn some deeper things about the church and assess levels of the spiritual maturity and levels of unity or divisiveness. We miss a lot of red flags in the process and find out too late about poor levels of integrity and who the hell raisers are. Disasters result,
With the exception of the church discipline and administrative issues, my situation was the same. During the interview process, they talked about a mission trip they took, showed pictures of the backyard Bible school in a trailer park, and answered questions about things I saw on their website. The previous pastor “just resigned and left without telling us why”. They said they wanted to reach the community. After getting there, the truth slowly came out. They had voted, in spite of those who actually went on the mission trip, to never go back because “we don’t get anything out of it”. Those who led the Bible school had left the church when some of the kids came because the were black. (Had another situation where a black family leading a phenomenal ministry in their home) visited and heard “black jokes” from church leader as they were leaving. The former pastor told me he left because he “got tired of babying” certain families and leaders, including the one that told him when he needed a haircut. Two former pastors refused to ever return, even for a funeral! The problems went back at least 45 years according to one man who’s father had been pastor there when he was young. And all of that on top of the honoring those with money over those who actually engaged in ministry.
“… individuals who will attack a pastor personally in an effort to protect their desired direction for the church. I know from personal experience that I am not the only pastor who has been falsely accused of issues in an effort to convince others it was time for a change in leadership.”
The fact that this is SUCH a common story across the spectrum of churches is a malignant CANCER in ministry. We really cannot expect that ministries will flourish when this has happened over and over again, church leaders and entire congregations burying their heads in the sand and burying sin under their tents. It cannot and will not stand. The truth must free us.
This is sad in my 25 some odd years of ministry. I have my war stories my first church over song book..seriously 2nd church over not everyone is as saved as they think. Another one i mentioned foot washing but a teaching first.. today church wants a puppet on a string not a leader. How soon we forget Christ is the head. Ezekiel 3. Said it best rebellious people. Prau for me. The Lord allowed me to reopen. The church I was saved in and called to preach in. It had close to faulty leadership and no support.. this has been im guessing 4 years trying rebuild . We opened up at. The end of covid
Yet another sad story of how pride took down the witness of the gospel. It sounds like this pastor is in a better place now about which I rejoice.
I came to a church with similar issues, accused of countless things, stonewalled at every direction, taken to the mat for financial matters, wrongfully accused of harassment and other specious attitudes and activities. By the grace of God I was able to outlast these individuals who finally left with about 20 people. The place became so peaceful afterwards, but the PR problem we had with the community lasted for another two years. We had almost no visitors for the next eight months. Then the pandemic hit … Need I say more?
In an Episcopal polity you do get more support. However, if that hierarchy is liberal than they don’t care about your defense of the Word of God, because they don’t believe in it, at least, not the way you do. In my case half of my persecution came from my church antagonist and the other from my denomination. A Ministry colleague referred to my experience as “Being re-assaulted by the investigating officer.” I serve in a more theologically homogeneous denomination now. I have come to the conclusion as I have worked through forgiveness that the church is a place where you find the worst people, but also the best. Part of our calling is to expect to experience both.
Unfortunately after serving as a DOM for 39 years in 2 different associations I have seen the same scenario in many SBC churches. He hit the nail on the head when he shared the church leadership was not spiritually led and fallen morally and ethically in many ways. The best resolution is what eventually happens and happened is closure, disbandment and let the grass grow tall for a season and do a replant or sell the property and use the funds for a new start. Appeasement never works when leadership is unqualified. Congregational governance may seem more American like but churches have higher standards.
I pastored a church for six years. The first three years, the relationship I had with my leadership team was beautiful and bliss. Then the pandemic hit. We had to shut the doors and stream our service online on social media via Facebook and Freeonference.com for about a year. Then we came back in person for worship, but the congregation and the leadership team was not the same before the pandemic. We ended up leaving the building that we were renting for worship and fellowshipping in a public library. And that is when all trouble begin to broke loose. We begin to lose a lot of members due to the fact we were in the library. My marriage suffered. My leadership team begin to be at odds with me and with each other. I had received a nasty letter from one the members from the leadership team who claimed I was hurting the church with my style pastoral eadership. I had found a new building where could leave the library for worship, but the leadership team turned it down. There was two individuals on the leadership team that was controlling all the decisions of the church. It got to the point I stormed out of a meeting in protest in anger and resigned as pastor. It has taking me two years to get over the resentment, bitterness, and anger of how my pastoral ministry had ended. I even went to counseling afterwards. The church has an interim pasto now. It has had trouble calling a pastor due what they heard what had happened to me and the reputations of some of the leadership team members. I have learned to pray and forgive the leadrship team. I am slowly but surely moving n past the hurt.
I’ve been a full time pastor for 25 years, serving multiple places.
Two weeks into one pastoral assignment, a man met me outside in the parking lot with a grimace.
I said, “Good morning!”
His reply still echoes in my head…
“Well, you are a huge disappointment!”
A few members had already declared war on me because I wasn’t anything like the former pastor.
Guest speakers would come (not privy to all the drama) and as they were walking out of the sanctuary they’d all say the same thing to me—“It’s hard to preach here…I don’t know how you do it!”
“He giveth more grace!”
Yes I have experienced a troubled church & after 17 years God gave me a different assignment, and at the new church I ran into some turbulence in my first 2 years that lead to a court settlement & God allowed the Devils to lose & leave the church. We have been doing great things now in ministry. I am thankful that God is Faithful
This is sadly very similar to my story. I was on staff at a church and the whistleblower of the Lead Pastor and their conduct. The elder board kept the Lead Pastor and told all of us to get in line. We lost nearly all the staff after that. I resigned and was blackballed in the area I live and was forced into a marketplace job. Still haven’t figured out what’s next.
That is so incredibly sad, Robert.
The article may have mentioned, but I did not catch it. Was this church an SBC affiliated denominational congregation? Trustee-governed? Sounds as if this was the case. If so, that’s a stalemate from the outset. Tough situation and sadly, all too common. Very typical across many smaller to mid-size SBC congregations seeking to “hold what we got”, or to “get back to …” (insert previous glory days pastoral season).
Robby –
It’s an SBC church that is, at least according to its bylaws, congregational in government.