I took to social media to gather some really funny things pastors wish they hadn’t said while preaching. Most preachers have a great sense of humor, even if it’s self-deprecating humor.
The following 20 are included in no particular order. I ended up leaving out some very funny faux pas, but I decided to keep it relatively clean with a PG rating.
1. “God loves a cheerful liver.”
2. “We must guard against that four-letter word called pride.”
3. While preaching on John 3 where Jesus talks about the wind blowing: “You can’t break wind.”
4. The word was supposed to be “deprecating,” but the pastor told them they needed to be “self-defecating.”
5. Speaking about making too many excuses, the pastor told the congregation he had “a big but that always gets in the way.”
6. In a child dedication service, the pastor said, “the history of child sacrifice goes back many centuries.”
7. It was supposed to be “hearts”: “Father, you know our farts.”
8. Preaching in a nursing home, the pastor told the residents, “God, I want you to bless each person here at this funeral home.”
9. It was supposed to be “enemies”: “God has given you power over all your enemas.”
10. “Mary washed her hair with Jesus’ feet.”
11. Two men named “Loose” had expectant wives: So the pastor said, “Please pray for these Loose women.”
12. The pastor was talking about how potters would fill impure pottery with wax to hide imperfections: “The problem with many believers is we have wax in our cracks.”
13. Christmas message speaking about how beautiful the Christmas tree is in his home: “I love sitting in the living room with nothing on but the Christmas tree.”
14. Speaking at a wedding: “Marriage should be endured, not enjoyed.”
15. The preacher meant to say “inflatables” during the announcements: “Please consider donating your blow-up dolls for our church’s Christmas outreach.”
16. He meant to say “biopsy”: “Please pray for Mrs. Jones who recently went in for an autopsy.”
17. The pastor meant to say Jesus will wipe away the tears from our faces. “Jesus will wipe away our faces.”
18. So much for fruit of the womb: “Behold, children are a blessing from the Lord, the fruit of the loom is a reward.”
19. Instead of “Jesus eats with sinners,” the pastor said, “Jesus eats sinners.”
20. The senior adult group in the church is called The Triple L Club (Live, Love, Laugh), but the pastor referred to them as “The Triple X Club.”
One pastor refrained from repeating the joke he told in church about his mother-in-law. He said he already had to sleep on the couch once.
I have a few faux pas myself, but I would rather hear your stories. Keep it mostly clean!
Posted on April 4, 2022
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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When I was a student (at Bob Jones of all places) one of the Sunday speakers who had a southern accent prayed “Lord, please forgive us for our fallen shorts.”
Speaking of Abraham’s descendants, I was heard saying “his descendants will number more than the sandwiches on the sea shore.”
I once attended a funeral where the pastor was quoting Paul from 1 Corinthians 15. Instead of immortality, he said:
For this perishable body must put on imperishability, and this mortal body must put on IMMORALITY.
A preacher I worked with got confused when he started to talk about the small boxes with bits of scripture inside thatsome Jewish men would wear on their person, and what came out was something like, “They would tie these prophylactics onto their wrists . . .”
As a student pastor still awaiting graduation from college, while preaching on God’s call to Abraham, I fervently said, God called him to come “afart” from his family! Oops! I had the sense to pause, staring briefly, but intently at those smirking, and repeated my phrase correcting my slip of the tongue. (That was 58 years ago, but I remember it and my red face like it was yesterday!
On my first Sunday serving a fairly large church as the minister of music, I asked the people to “stand and sin.” They did.
Said this to finish out a tender prayer counseling moment with a brother…”Always remember, we’re here to divide your joys and multiply your sorrows!”
Once when reading the obituary at a funeral, when it came to the family names I left the ‘m’ out when saying Schmitz.
I once prayed for ‘our sponsored mercenary’ instead of ‘missionary’. When I emailed and told her she got a good laugh out of it.
Our associate pastor does a prayer focus early in the service every week. Recently he said, “During this time of prayer and medication…”
One Christmas service a Preacher said, “Imagine the position Mary was in when she gave birth to Jesus.”
Had a pastor say, “then take up the Shield of Faith to protect you from the Diery Farts of Satan!”
“I think we count with the rich because we have plenty of clothes to eat.”