I took to social media to gather some really funny things pastors wish they hadn’t said while preaching. Most preachers have a great sense of humor, even if it’s self-deprecating humor.
The following 20 are included in no particular order. I ended up leaving out some very funny faux pas, but I decided to keep it relatively clean with a PG rating.
1. “God loves a cheerful liver.”
2. “We must guard against that four-letter word called pride.”
3. While preaching on John 3 where Jesus talks about the wind blowing: “You can’t break wind.”
4. The word was supposed to be “deprecating,” but the pastor told them they needed to be “self-defecating.”
5. Speaking about making too many excuses, the pastor told the congregation he had “a big but that always gets in the way.”
6. In a child dedication service, the pastor said, “the history of child sacrifice goes back many centuries.”
7. It was supposed to be “hearts”: “Father, you know our farts.”
8. Preaching in a nursing home, the pastor told the residents, “God, I want you to bless each person here at this funeral home.”
9. It was supposed to be “enemies”: “God has given you power over all your enemas.”
10. “Mary washed her hair with Jesus’ feet.”
11. Two men named “Loose” had expectant wives: So the pastor said, “Please pray for these Loose women.”
12. The pastor was talking about how potters would fill impure pottery with wax to hide imperfections: “The problem with many believers is we have wax in our cracks.”
13. Christmas message speaking about how beautiful the Christmas tree is in his home: “I love sitting in the living room with nothing on but the Christmas tree.”
14. Speaking at a wedding: “Marriage should be endured, not enjoyed.”
15. The preacher meant to say “inflatables” during the announcements: “Please consider donating your blow-up dolls for our church’s Christmas outreach.”
16. He meant to say “biopsy”: “Please pray for Mrs. Jones who recently went in for an autopsy.”
17. The pastor meant to say Jesus will wipe away the tears from our faces. “Jesus will wipe away our faces.”
18. So much for fruit of the womb: “Behold, children are a blessing from the Lord, the fruit of the loom is a reward.”
19. Instead of “Jesus eats with sinners,” the pastor said, “Jesus eats sinners.”
20. The senior adult group in the church is called The Triple L Club (Live, Love, Laugh), but the pastor referred to them as “The Triple X Club.”
One pastor refrained from repeating the joke he told in church about his mother-in-law. He said he already had to sleep on the couch once.
I have a few faux pas myself, but I would rather hear your stories. Keep it mostly clean!
Posted on April 4, 2022
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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I was sharing how as parents we develop a look that we give our children from the pulpit or across the room that they see and know they are misbehaving and that they better stop. So I said in reference to my youngest son. “ I gave him the finger!” Pausing after realizing what I said – I then quickly followed up with “This one!” Quickly extending my pointer finger. Anything else I had to say was lost that day.
Thank you sir for those amusing stories. I think whether one is godly or not, educated or not and if we like it or not, funny things are part of our lives.
O, how I needed that JOY PAUSE! Gracias!
I meant to say “As kingdom people, we are to illuminate our world.” I said “As kingdom people, we are to eliminate our world.”
One of our deacons once prayed, “Lord, bless those who are sick of our church.”
Instead of “mounting up with wings of eagles” a pastor friend referred to “eings of weagles”
In an interest in using synonyms instead of saying for Jesus’ sake, I leaned into the mike and blurted out, “for Christ’s sake!” There is nothing wrong here …but…..
My best, “Lord look over us in your ever-failing care.” As opposed to “your NEVER-failing care.”
Thanks for laughs, my friend.
I heard a pastor say following a childrens message in a prayer where he thanked for the sunshine by day and the moonshine at night
I was trying to use an analogy about a date I had set up for my wife when we were dating by saying, “I was trying to knock her socks off,’ but accidentally said, “I was trying to knock her pants off.”
During a rehearsal for our upcoming Easter drama the associate Pastor sang, “The blind man saw Him coming.”