They are the walking dead.
They are dead emotionally.
Their vision and passion is dead.
Their spiritual life has little life at all.
They are burned out.
Many have died vocationally. Others are waiting for burial.
Autopsies are not a pleasant topic. I get that. But I would be negligent if I did not share with you about the numbers of pastors who are dead in ministry. You need to know. You need to grasp this reality. You need to pray for them. You need to walk alongside them.
How did these pastors die? My figurative autopsies uncovered eight common patterns. Some pastors manifest four or five of them. Many manifest all of them.
- They said “yes” to too many members. In order to avoid conflict and criticism, these pastors tried to please most church members. Their path was not sustainable. Their path was unhealthy, leading to death.
- They said “no” to their families. For many of these pastors, their families became an afterthought or no thought at all. Many of their children are now grown and resent the church. They have pledged never to return. Their spouses felt betrayed, as if they were no longer loved, desired, or wanted. Some of these pastors have lost their families to divorce and estrangement.
- They got too busy to remain in the Word and in prayer. Simply stated, they got too busy for God. Read Acts 6:4 again in the context of all of Acts 6:1-7. The early church leaders saw this danger, and they took a courageous path to avoid the trap.
- They died a slow death from the steady drip of criticisms. Pastors are human. Yeah, I know; that’s an obvious statement. We sometimes expect them to take the ongoing criticisms from members as if they were rocks. But a steady drip can destroy even the most solid rocks.
- They were attacked by the cartel. Not all churches have cartels, but many do. A church cartel is an alliance of bullies, bully-followers, carnal Christians, and even non-Christians in the church. Their goal is power. Their obstacle is the pastor. Many pastors have died because cartels killed them.
- They lost their vision and their passion. This cause of death is both a symptom and a cause. Like high blood pressure is a symptom of other problems, it can also lead to death. Pastors without vision and passion are dying pastors.
- They sought to please others before God. People-pleasing pastors can fast become dying pastors. The problem is that you can never please all the members all the time. If pastors try, they die.
- They had no defenders in the church. Imagine a dying person with no medical intervention. That person will die. Imagine pastors without members who will stand by these leaders. Imagine pastors where members are too cowardly to stand up to cartels. If you can imagine that, then you can imagine a dying pastor. By the way, this form of death is often the most painful. The pastor is dying without anyone to help or intervene.
Autopsies are not fun. Talking about dying is not fun.
But if you are a church member, you can be a part of the solution.
Will you?
Posted on October 10, 2016
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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158 Comments
Tom, thank you very much!
I loved your points and fortunately saw my resemblance in a number of them. Which means I can work more on healing issues and I am actively doing so. I’m working on pursuing God, getting counseling, have a great support group and learning how to deal with conflict redemptively, lovingly and quickly (trying to follow the example of how the LORD did it in Numbers 12:4 “At Once…”) Some great books for helping learn to deal with conflict are: Crucial Conversations, The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, another is Nonviolent Communication (it is written by a wonderful writer – BUT he includes things from a religion other then Christianity).
Also, the book Good Grief is fantastic!!!
I loved your 8 points and really agreed with point #9 from another comment – about eating right and taking care of the physical body.
I would like to add two points:
#10 – Trauma, Vicarious trauma, and Grief. These are very serious problems in “people helping” where we can knowingly or unknowingly be carrying around great pain inside of ourselves and we begin to percieve, think and act differently based on carrying so much pain inside.
So if it is a) trauma – we experience from cartels, personal losses and other afflictions, or b) vicarious trauma – we deeply hurt over the pain that others deal with: dying, losing loved ones, relationship betrayal, early childhood traumas, etc…, and c) grief – then our own processing of the traumas – sadness and mourning and then loss compounding upon loss, it can make us feel hopeless and helpless, and even begin to cause us to feel as if God has abandoned us.
#11 – No personal support structure, friends, and outside hobbies and interests. We all need things outside of work, and we need to honor and help others honor – days off, vacation days, personal pursuits etc. We need time to decompress! Moses’ father-in-law saw Moses burning out and advised him to get help. THEN MOSES DID SOMETHING REMARKABLE….HE ACTED ON THE ADVICE…and God honored, blessed it and fully endorsed it! 🙂
Im praying for all you amazing, and wonderful pastors! The Lord loves you all and I do too!
#10 – YES!
Good word, James. Thank you.
Thanks for this article and those who have posted responses. Hopefully will be shared and encourage local congregations to pray for and protect their pastors and staff members.
A question I have is this: Is there hard data on “The Resurrection of Deceased Pastors?”
Many of us who have experienced the pain of back room deals that lead to force terminations eventually find a new place of ministry in another church or a marketplace setting that leads to pastoral ministry.
Wondering if there are studies on how many wounded pastors and church staff members return to ministry in the local church or some other form of service outside of the church setting that fulfills their calling.
No hard data, Danny, but it’s definitely something worth pursuing.
Some good words here … and warnings to heed.
I recently had a lady leave the church and has, in the process, made me look to be the “bad guy” until people find out what actually happened (her not communicating her plan to me and I could only act on what I knew).
I and many others in the church have tried to approach her biblically for reconciliation but she will not respond to any approach and, in fact, has cut off herself — and even more sadly her husband to whom we have been witnessing and making progress with — with everyone in the church.
It has been hard to move on and get others to do so (it has been over a month). But, as you noted, we cannot be people pleasers and cannot be “held captive” by others.
Well said, Eric.
While all of these eight points may be true, it is also true that there are proud and arrogant pastors out there who want to do everything their own way and refuse to listen to the true needs of the church, and choose to misperceive and misrepresent others in the church in order to defend themselves and their own ways of doing things. Pastors have said “no” to the members, and “yes” to their families, remained busy in the Word and prayer, ignored criticism, stood up to the ‘cartel’, sought to please God (in their own understanding of what they ought to do) and had defenders in the church, and yet still had dead ministries.
I know of one church which was full of very active members, governed by elders. A new pastor was appointed. But he refused to co-operate with the elders on the grounds that his role as primary teaching elder made him superior to them. The elders were presented very much as a cartel and were forced out of the church in a church vote. Nearly half the church members left with the elders (going on to be great blessings to various other churches in the area which they settled in). Many of those who revered the pastor and felt he was divinely appointed only discovered after the ‘opposition’ had been removed that the problems did indeed lie on the side of the dictatorial pastor, and most of the remaining church members left in the following months. An outward looking people who showed initiative for outreach were forced out of the church. The pastor wanted to do everything in the church himself, and yet he wasn’t prepared to do anything apart from preach, so all children’s and youth work came to an end. The pastor’s wife offered to take over the running of the weekly women’s meeting from one of the other church members, only to cancel the meetings shortly afterwards. People who had been members of the church for over forty years, who had been there from the beginning, chose to leave rather than stay just out of habit and tradition. It caused them much heartbreak but the members put honouring God and the need for good teaching before their own convenience (many of them faced with travelling many miles several times a week to support their new churches and attend all their midweek meetings.)
Over fifteen years on with a decimated congregation the pastor seems to show no discontent with the weak and apathetic people he is left with. People are disheartened and long for the day when the pastor will die or retire. They regard the pastor as nice as a man and well-meaning, but simply not gifted to be a pastor. He thinks of himself as a solid reformed man who is honouring God and refusing to compromise and bow to the wants to man. He could read the above list and feel thankful that he has resisted all those temptations and dangers, and yet not acknowledge that his ministry is dead.
Pastors need to be humble and discerning, willing to recognise when their congregations are in the right, and when they need do need to make changes to their ministry to meet the real and essential needs of the people.
This is my life at the moment. The list presented earlier only serves to validate a pastor who lives as John described. Due to this, our number one topic at home is how long to endure in this church. The “cartel” was gone before we started and we still hear about it constantly nearly 7 years later. Our lead pastor is hardly shepherding and when I mentioned it to him, I was “led” through Scripture to point out my lack of grace. I’ve taken that a warning to not question anything again for not wanting to be labeled “cartel” (which means nothing to those not in Christian-speak).
#5 and #8. After 19 years in ministry, 10 of those as a lead pastor, I’m probably finished.
I pray God will do something in your life that is an incredible blessing and surprise, Peter.
My Autopsy: 1,2 (surprisingly once you start saying yes to your family #’s 4&5 become more abundant),4,5,6,8,8,8,8,8.
Trying to continue in Ministry as Chaplain of a local football team, but it seems my dreams are dying along with my desire to be on a Church staff ever again.
So much sad truth in your words, Dustin.
This is very good. God bless you for your great work.
Thank Doug
Thank you, Doug.
I resigned from my church after 10 years because of virtually all of the things you list. The one that bothered me most was that I had neglected my family. I didn’t want my children to hate the church, thus hating God, or me. It was hard on my marriage, I left. I am now in a great church, growing, my family is growing and the pastor knows my situation. After some time I will likely be an elder in the church that I am now a member of. My family loves it we are growing together…..I am NOT saying this is what anyone else should do, but this bi-vo pastor has been burned out for several years.
I totally get it, friend.
Definitely a topic worthy of a book! I’ll supply several illustrations for you Dr. Rainer!!
You almost persuade me!
All I can add is this:
No. 9: They neglected their physical health. This is the only point on the list that will literally lead to an autopsy of a deceased pastor! I’ve seen it happen and had to make some changes in my diet and lifestyle, and that was some of the hardest work that I’ve ever done, but also the most important. Brethren, if you don’t take care of yourself and die in the pulpit, the church will find another pastor, but what happens to your family?
Good point, Mark. And number 9 can often be the result of numbers 1 to 8.
#2 Is a silent killer. Be wary of your families pastors. We all know how quickly Sundays come and how quickly the seasons of ministry rotate around the calendar. I can hardly believe we’re already had a Christmas discussion here in our teams.
Time with your family has to be a planned event. If it you think you have time with your family and cannot associate a time and place with it…then it’s just an idea…not a fact. Pick a time—pick a place—make it happen.
Thank you Thom for the insight you provide. The clarity and truth is always welcome.
So much wisdom in your words, Glen.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If a pastor fails at ministry, he can always try again, but he only gets one shot at raising his family. Good word, Glen!
7 months ago I found I could not go any longer. 32 years in ministry, much of it bi-vocational, had taken it toll on us. Even with all the attacks, pain, and frustrations, there is no bitterness; mainly the feeling I failed those I served. Looking at your list reminds me of the things I see other fighting, silently. I can say this last 7 months have been a blessing. Recharging, spending much need time with family, and having some time for myself has been wonderful. Where will I go from here, I really don’t know, I can just say, “Lord, here and I.” One thing for sure, if I had to chance to start over… I would travel the same road, but of course with more wisdom. My prayer is that those going into the ministry will heed the instruction, warnings, directions, help and support for those that have gone before them. Yes things change, but the enemy is the same and it is not the church. Thank you again for all the things you do for our Lord.
You deserve the gratitude, Reginald, not me.