By Chuck Lawless
Several years ago, more than one study showed large percentages of unchurched would consider attending a church if someone simply invited them. The problem is not the attitude of the unchurched; rather, it is often the failure of church members to invite others. When my church consulting teams have asked church members about their reticence to invite others to church, here are ten responses we have often heard (listed in no particular order):
- “I just don’t think about it.” – Many church members have contact with the unchurched every week, if not every day. They go to school with them, work with them, live beside them – and sometimes live with them. What church folks don’t do, though, is see the unchurched as “sheep without a shepherd” (Matt. 9:36), as spiritual beings in need of redemption and a church family.
- “I’m afraid I’ll be rejected.” – Nobody likes to be turned down, especially after taking the risk to invite somebody to church. It’s just easier to avoid that possibility by not inviting anyone at all (interestingly, church members could tell us times when others said “no,” but few could tell us of times when they were rudely or unkindly rejected).
- “The music isn’t that good.” – Some may argue the worship wars are over, but the battles seem to be ongoing. Our teams continue to hear refrains like, “it’s too loud,” “it’s too boring,” “we sing it over and over again,” and “nobody knows the songs.” Church members who themselves don’t enjoy the music don’t readily invite others to join them.
- “The preaching isn’t strong.” – This response was seemingly the most painful one to admit. Church members who love their pastors do not want to hurt them, but they spoke honestly to our consulting teams. When the preaching is poor, invitations to the unchurched decrease.
- “We’ve got too many church problems right now.” – Church members don’t always know all the issues facing a congregation, but they frequently recognize when something “just isn’t right.” They see the attendance decreasing, or they hear of internal conflict. Simply stated, they do not invite their friends onto a battleground.
- “Our church is already too crowded.” – This issue is particularly an American one, as Americans protect our personal space. We don’t like being cramped, even in church. Moreover, we don’t want to have to search for a parking space before entering that already crowded building. One way to avoid more crowding is to stop inviting anyone.
- “Nobody ever challenged me to invite anyone.” – This reason is related to the first one on this list. Some church members never think about inviting others because no one has challenged them to do so. This response is especially tragic if many unchurched would respond affirmatively to an invitation.
- “I don’t know how to start the conversation.” – Simply inviting somebody to church would seem easy, but that’s not the case for many church members. In a culture where discussing religion or politics is almost forbidden, even long-term Christians struggle with initiating an invitation to church.
- “It’s the Spirit’s job—not mine—to bring people to church.” – To be fair, we have heard this response primarily from congregations seeking to avoid any “man-centered” approach to evangelism. In their zeal to keep their focus on God, they walk cautiously when considering their role in evangelism – including simply inviting others to church.
- “It’s too far for people to come.” – We live in a mobile culture that promotes church attendance sometimes quite far from where we live. Our teams have learned, however, that church members who drive a long distance are less willing to invite others to drive that same distance.
What reasons would you add to this list? What steps have you taken to address these responses?
Chuck Lawless currently serves as Professor of Evangelism and Missions and Dean of Graduate Studies at Southeastern Seminary. You can connect with Dr. Lawless on both Twitter and Facebook.
Posted on July 15, 2014
Dr. Chuck Lawless is a leading expert in spiritual consultation, discipleship and mentoring. As a former pastor, he understands the challenges ministry presents and works with Church Answers to provide advice and counsel for church leaders.
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125 Comments
Recognizing that we would never invite anyone to our congregation due to a number of issues common to churches today was what caused us to leave a church. If I can’t show you my congregation reflected in God’s Book, I need to go find a congregation that looks like what I see in the Word.
Also, as others have said, nowhere does Scripture indicate we’re to lead people to a church body – but to lead them to the Lord.
Very interesting post – thank you for writing it!
can I translate the post for my blog in spanish? Thanks
Yes. Please give attribution to ThomRainer.com.
I have found that one of the major influences on this type of thinking is lack of engagement. Most people that do not feel compelled to, or don’t think about, inviting others to their church are typically not serving in any capacity in the church. Church is no different than a good tv show to them. It’s just something they “do” every week. I try to encourage our members to become engaged in the ministry of God. Once they become engaged, they become excited. Then, they want others to experience what is happening in their church, because it is happening in their own lives.
Good thoughts, Adam. Thanks.
Part of it may be that church and the people inside are no different than those in the inside. This differs from the hypocrite because they don’t say they are Christian. But the negativity, the cliques, the waters down gospel with the added touchy Feely might lead some to say “stay home, watch Dr Phil or Dr Dyer” and then avoid showing the ‘crazy family reunion’ side of the membership.
Thanks for your thoughts, Steve.
I was challenged by this list. From the original list and from reading through all the comments, I created a list that I think is why many people at Cuyahoga Valley Church here in NE Ohio are not inviting like we should. These are issues we need to address:
“I have to admit that I must not truly care enough about the eternal destiny of others.” – We are consumed by our jobs, our families, our recreation/entertainment, and our own problems that we overlook and undervalue the souls of others. The world has dulled our spiritual senses.
“Nobody regularly challenges me to invite anyone.” – Some church members never think about inviting others because no one challenges them to do so. We aren’t making apostolic mission a normative part of discipleship. What if at every meeting at church, we checked up on one another regarding our missional living, witnessing, and evangelistic outreach?
“My friends think this way: ‘I don’t need/want church because I’m not religious, I’m spiritual.’” – More and more people (and perhaps even some who don’t invite others to church) don’t believe that they need church. They are satisfied with their current level of spirituality. Walking in the park, listening to music, having conversations with friends are enough to quench any spiritual thirst that they have.
“I’m not convinced that a loving God would really send a good person to hell.” – Some of our own people aren’t convinced of the necessity of Jesus for salvation. For them, Jesus is “a” way not “the” Way. They simply don’t believe in the glories of heaven, the miseries of hell, and the idea that friends, relatives, and neighbors desperately need Jesus to avoid the one and gain the other.
“I don’t believe it’s culturally appropriate for me to have spiritual conversations with friends.” – Many churched people have come to believe that we have no right to “push” our beliefs on others. They fear that they will be reported to HR at work.
“My friends want to rest, to relax, and to simply be with their family and friends on weekends.” – Our culture is such a fast-paced culture with jobs, recreation, school, and kids’ activities that people DO need their rest. Many church people realize this and are hesitant to invite friends because they know they will likely get politely ignored.
“Honestly, the sin in my life is keeping me from having spiritual conversations.” – When sin is active in a believer’s life, it cripples. Sin shatters boldness and dissipates power. We find it difficult to look at ourselves in the mirror let alone into the eyes of someone else trying to proclaim Christ while conviction screams “hypocrite”!
“I just don’t think about it.” – Many church members have contact with the unchurched every week, if not every day. They go to school with them, work with them, live beside them – and sometimes live with them. What church folks don’t do, though, is see the unchurched as “sheep without a shepherd” (Matt. 9:36), as spiritual beings in need of redemption and a church family.
“The church isn’t really being used by God to change my life.” – Are we being changed through our involvement in our churches? Are we being led by men who are passionately and zealously pursuing God and submitting their lives fully to Him, that we might desire and strive to imitate them, as they imitate Christ? If not, it probably holds no treasured part in our life and is not deemed worthy of sharing.
“I don’t see anything going on that really excites me.” – Why would we expect people to invite anyone to what we ourselves consider just OK? The church experience from the greeting in parking lot to the childcare to the music and message ought to add value and be an excellent experience.
“What we do and say at church would make my friends uncomfortable.” – Many church people think that their friends would find our worship and lifestyle weird. So, they don’t and won’t invite them to attend.
“Most people I know already go to church somewhere.” – However, many of the people they know are “members” at a church but do not regularly attend. When we hear folks say that all their friends already go to church, we ought to tell them, “Then you need new friends!”
“I don’t know how to start the conversation.” – Simply inviting somebody to church would seem easy, but that’s not the case for many church members. In a culture where discussing religion or politics is almost forbidden, even long-term Christians struggle with initiating an invitation to church.
Great to hear your thoughts, Rick. You’ve hit on some additional issues that are right on target, but that most folks would not admit in a survey. Thanks for pushing us to look internally.
I won’t invite anyone to a church that I myself haven’t been inspired to join. If I did they wouldn’t be walking into a vibrant Christ centered atmosphere. It is broken but I don’t believe the others see it that way. I look forward to reading your book and wonder how many of the signs I can apply to this church.
May God make our churches so vibrant that we’d want to invite others. Thanks, R.M.A.L.
In today’s ever increasing level of higher education, I know that educated scientific people firmly believe in evolution rather than creation! Thankfully not all but initially students read and are taught this ethos. It’s only after much thought and often several years later that creation starts to make sense.
This is the classic stumbling block we face and when we broach the subject, a well educated arguement ensues! You really need to know your bible well and there lies the crux, recall! To counter arguements put forward by anyone your evangelising even if recall is good, starts to sound and appear desperate!
I don’t know how often I’ve been embarrassed or called a ‘happy clapper’ and tend to withdraw.
Thanks for your thoughts, Grant.
I hate to double dip, but someone said somethig really great to build on. THey said everyone in their congregation is socially awkward even the leaders. 50 years ago, EVERYONE went to church. You were socially rewarded by going to church, and people met spouses and got jobs, and had adventures and learning experiences in church. The leadership of the church looked just like the leadership of society, lawyers and business owners and doctors and professors. THey had enormous networks and they had discretionary income and the skills to get things done. THere were armies of volunteers: teens, housewives, retired people, people who were their own boss, and fewer people worked or played organized sports on Sunday.
In short, the movers and the shakers found other things to do with their time leaving behind those who see church as a place to become a better person instead of a place to use your skills to nourish and grow.
The world has indeed changed, Mike, but the good news stays the same! Thanks for your thoughts.
Lots of practical ideas here. As people in our popular culture do not talk about religion unless they are being annoying or hateful, I do fear being labeled as some kind of nut by inviting people. I invite people to lectures and concerts and picnics, but dont invite people to worship unless I know that that person is new in town and looking for a church. Also I am aware that I spend a STUPID amount of time trying to invite people to attend gatherings or to donate to causes or other activities and I am really not successful at doing it.
Because of my ill health, (fibromyalgia), my husband doesn’t want me to do anything to build up the church. I do have a prayer ministry that he doesn’t object to. I started mailing bulletins to those who are ill and can’t make it to church, but he is nagging me to not do that so I may have to quit.
Bobbi,
I just want to encourage you that praying is one of the most powerful things you can do to build up the church. It is the undergirding of all the preaching, evangelism, service, and ministry in the church. Also reaching out to those who cannot attend is an essential part of being a member of the Body of Christ. You are encouraging and loving your brothers and sisters in the Faith and taking them before the throne of God with your prayers. I think you are living the command to love God and love others very well 🙂
Thank you for the encouragement!
Just prayed for you, Bobbi.
Thank you! God will answer.