I am among the most blessed men in the world. God has graciously saved me and sustained me. I have an incredible family. The place and ministry where I serve vocationally is a gift from God.
And then, as if I should be blessed even more, God has allowed me to serve and hear from church leaders across the world. In this article, I share some insights I heard from church members via social media, emails, blog comments, and personal conversations.
The following nine statements are heart matters for many church members. For the most part, these members are not the perpetual critics and the business meeting naysayers. These are men and women who truly love their pastors. But many of them do have some words from the heart they would like to share with their pastors. But many are reticent to do so, because they know their pastors often receive criticisms and inordinate demands for attention.
So, hear these heartfelt words from church members who love their pastors, from men and women who truly desire the best for them.
- “Let me know you really care for me.” That does not mean you call me regularly or that you visit me on demand. It is more of a disposition, or maybe words from the pulpit that demonstrate your love for the members. We can tell if you really care for us and love us.
- “Teach me the Bible.” I know you are inundated with requests, and the expectations for your time are often unreasonable. But please do not let those people distract you from your time in the Word. I am hungry for biblical teaching and preaching. Please spend time studying the Word so you can teach us well.
- “Help me deal with change.” This world and culture are changing so fast that I find myself dealing with fear and uncertainly. Help me understand the steadfastness of God in a turbulent world. And understand that my fear of change in the church is often related to my fear of change in the world. So lead me gently as you lead change in the church.
- “Don’t lead too far ahead.” I do want you to lead us. But don’t get so far ahead of us that we mistake you for the enemy and shoot you in the rear. I know change is necessary, but learn the pace of change that is best for our church.
- “Help me deal with family issues.” Some of us are in struggling marriages. Some of us are lonely whether we are single or married. Some of us have problems with our children. Some of us are dealing with aging parents. We hurt deeply when we have hurts about our families. Show us biblical truths about these issues. And show us your pastoral heart and concern for these issues.
- “Be transparent.” We know you are imperfect, but the critics sometimes cause you to hide your faults. For sure, we don’t want every nitty gritty personal detail about you and your family. But we do want to know that you have some of the same struggles we do. It helps us to identify with you better. It helps us to pray for you more.
- “Don’t get defensive when I offer constructive criticism.” I know that this one is tough. You get so many criticisms already; many of them are petty and self-serving. But there are many of us who love you and will, on rare occasions, offer some words that we think are best for you. Hear us without being defensive. Pray that God’s Spirit will help you discern when you should listen and when you should ignore.
- “Pray for me.” Please let me know that you love your church members so much that you pray for us regularly. Let us know that you consider prayer for the members to be one of your highest priorities.
- “Give me hope.” This world confuses me. This degenerating culture scares me. Show me how God has dealt with such hopeless times in the past that they may be times of hope for me today. Show me Christ’s possibilities, His hope, and His encouragement in difficult days.
Pastors, your task is not easy. Indeed, it is impossible without Christ’s strength. You have many church members who love you. They are often the silent members and, thus, the disregarded members. Hear these words from healthy church members that you might be even a better pastor to them.
What would you add, church member? What would you add, pastor or staff? How do these nine sentences resonate with you?
My blog post this coming Saturday: “Nine Heartfelt Things Pastors Would Like to Say to Their Church Members.”
Posted on May 21, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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50 Comments
Thank you very much for this. I think I’ll print it off and check it daily so I don’t forget. I know that there are those who love me, but at times in my past they have gotten overshadowed by the ones who have given me grief. I try to distinguish these now and act appropriately.
I especially need to remember the one that says don’t lead too far ahead. My church may be willing to change, but just not as fast as I am desiring. I must remember to go at their pace. Thanks for that reminder.
In the love of Christ,
greg
I can tell by your comments that you are a pastor with a big heart. I’m so grateful for you.
As I read the list I said “check” to each point. I am thankful for our pastoral staff and our lead pastor sets the tone. Nobody is perfect but from where I sit they’re close. Let’s call that “imperfectly perfect.” When change comes it’s explained before it’s implemented when possible, giving consideration to all. Teaching is wrapped in transparency. I am looking forward to your next post, because as a member of the Body of Christ I have responsibilities as well. Thank you!
I would add following, “Tell us what we need to hear (the Truth) and not what we want to hear. and make sure you tell us out of Love.
Well said Joseph.
I would say Don’t be so Heavenly minded you are no
Earthly good.
We are blessed with a Pastor dedicated to Expository Preaching yet both feet on terra firma and in touch with reality.
I have seen Pastors who refuse to face the real world their sheep live in. Always looking for “deeper revelations” with broken hurting people all around them.
Good word Russ.
Thom, just a simple thank you for this post.
You are welcome!
Great post and great list.
“Thank you,” would top my list of what I would like to hear. Not that we live for the praise of people, but sometimes leadership feels like it takes place in a vacuum. Some members assume you know you are appreciated or they assume you know God has used a message to change their life. Some sort of feedback would be helpful, silence can mean anything from, “That was a faith building message,” to “I was mentally compiling the grocery list.”
I also love to hear, “I’m praying for you.” Nothing lights my fire more than having someone share they lift me up before the Lord. What an immense privilege and honor. I think this goes hand in hand with number 8 on the list.
Finally, I want to hear, “How can I help? Where can I get more involved?” Increased involvement as a response is a good indicator of God moving someone to greater intimacy with His family the Church.
Thanks Steve.
Dr. Rainer, thanks again for the helpful insight. I know as a pastor it can be very easy to feel like so many people are against us. I have found that the very high majority of the people are for their pastor and love their pastor. We always here the few critics is the megaphone and it can make it hard to hear the voices of those who have honest and constructive feedback. Thanks for helping us to hear their voice. I appreciate all that you do to encourage pastors.
Rick – I appreciate pastors like you more than I can adequately express.
Great post. I thought #6 & 7 were particularly insightful. #6 regarding transparency by the pastor is so true. Churches want you to be transparent, but only to a point. They want to know that you struggle as they do and they want to see humility. However, if you put too much out there, then it makes people uncomfortable and emboldens critics. It’s a fine line. I will also add that I believe the longer a pastor has been at a church, the more transparent he can be. As for #7, I have found that this one is among the most important things one can do as a pastor. I would even go one step further. Once a pastor has been at his church a while and discerned those who aren’t chronically discontent, it is a powerful thing to ask church members what they think from time to time. Primarily, I am thinking here in terms of one on one conversations. Many Godly people will give powerful insight, but the pastor must open the door for them to feel comfortable. They won’t initiate constructive criticism or advice because they love their pastor and they don’t want to add to his burdens.
Greg- Your response demonstrates great love for the members and great wisdom in your leadership.
This pew perspective is helpful to me because I am almost 50 and have never actually been an adult church member (layman).
Reading this has my mind churning and my heart racing. What a great way to start off a full day of ministry. Thank you Dr Rainer!
I hope it’s a great day! Thanks Mark.
These areas resonate well with me. I wonder if part of any disconnect caused by these areas fails at the level of communication. Pastors may be engaged in these areas, but church members may not be fully aware.
What would you add, church member?
“Consider me more than those outside our congregation.” I know pastors have friends and affiliations, some maybe very influential, outside of their congregation. Yet, attention given to those outside the congregation should be secondary to those under the pastor’s charge. Church members want to know that those to whom they biblically submit to and support are will to put their needs and concerns above that of an outside acquaintance.
This consideration for those in the congregation first works from the pastoral perspective too. Members should place the welfare of their own pastors above that of pastors of other local churches. For example, some church members must understand that a podcast is not their pastor. Pastors and their congregations need to be there for each other. God has placed us together for a reason if even for a season.
Well said Mark
At times I have wanted to say that “I am a Christian too” and not just someone here for you to lash out at and then ignore. Whether or not I am married and have children does not lessen my worth to God, so why does it lessen my worth in some churches?
Jesus had a bunch of younger people around him and was 33 when he was executed. Why the dislike of people his age in many churches?
I have to say, I’m glad you emphasized the word “healthy” church members at the end. These 9 statements take on a whole new strategy for the “unhealthy” church members that can lead to an unhealthy church and a disenchanted pastor. On a light-hearted note, making the title , “Nine Heartfelt Things Healthy Church Members Would Like To Say To Their Pastors” might increase the sharing of this article. 🙂
I want to thank you for your commitment to sharing your thoughts with others. I have always found your writing to be refreshing and challenging.
Good insights. Thanks Greg.