If you have served in church leadership for several years, you have likely heard this statement:
“You know who pays the bills at the church.”
The statement is one of the most insidious, destructive, and ungodly statements a member can make. It says much about the attitude of the member and the group he or she represents. There is nothing good that can come from this statement. Just look at some of the implications of this attitude:
- It is an attitude of selfishness. The giver with this attitude looks at his or her gifts to the church with a closed fist instead of an open hand. Money is given conditionally, not sacrificially or unconditionally: “It’s my money, not God’s money.”
- It is an attitude of entitlement. Gifts to the church are more like country club dues. “Since I pay my money, I get my perks and benefits. I get things my way. And if I don’t get things my way, you just watch me stop paying my dues.”
- It is an attitude of divisiveness. Those who express such statements are already creating schisms in the church. The big givers are in one group, and the lesser givers are in another. It’s us versus them. “Those other people don’t deserve an opinion, because we pay more than they do.”
- It is an attitude of bullying. The statement is always a threat. It is usually directed at the pastor or some other leader in the church. “You do things my way or just watch what I’ll do to you.” It’s intimidation and bullying at its worst.
- It is an attitude of superiority. The person who makes this statement is the Pharisee who lets the world know how “godly” he or she is. “Look at how much I give. I must be blessed by God. And this church is blessed by me. You wouldn’t want me to withhold my blessings, would you?”
- It is an attitude of ungodliness. The Enemy loves to hear such statements. When he hears church members say they pay the bills, he knows they are focused on themselves and not Christ. He knows they are divisive instead of instruments of unity. The Enemy knows he’s winning when these contemptible words flow from the mouths of church members.
Yes, I know churches can expend funds in imperfect ways. Yes, I know all churches need systems of accountability and checks and balances with their finances. Yes, I know some churches need greater transparency with their budgets and spending.
But there is absolutely no excuse for making threats with the money you and others have given to the church. Such an attitude gives no glory to God.
It is one of the most destructive statements a church member can make. It is spoken too often in too many churches. And, if the attitude is allowed to continue, it becomes a cancer that will kill and destroy.
Posted on October 8, 2018
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
More from Thom
75 Comments
When a member wants to throw their weight around by reminding leadership of how much they give,a brief response about a certain widow that gave ALL she had would be in order.
I’ve seen this issue from both sides,one ugly and one beautiful. I’ve seen a large church family withholding their giving to force the pastor out.
During that same time I saw a member step up and sacrificially give to ensure all bills were paid. This ran into the thousands. His only request? That no one knew he was doing this. I happened to be the church finance officer when this happened,and I’ve never forgotten that man’s loving generosity.
Incredible story, Ron. Thank you.
Entitlement. This is the age we live in. To combat this unchristian attitude the pastor must do two things. 1. Keep his focus on the true supplier of the church (God). 2. With love teach the church the proper biblical principles and Christian attitude towards this grace. stewardship
That’s good, Victor.
Thom –
What a truth! This phrase (or any of its sister phrases), if left spiritually unchecked may well result in the spiritual death of a congregation.
So true, Jerry.
Currently is happening in my mother’s church. The statement is verbatim of what an old entitled member said to young couples.
It is pervasive and painful, James.
On the face of the remark, there is pride and assertiveness. However, just in the past month I have experienced a situation in which pastors were asked to give sacrificially to support an international initiative, which was attended by leaders cost-free and the same pastors were excluded from attendance, even at their own expense. In these circumstances I’d be inclined to question how the money was raised in comparison with how it was spent, to be honest. (Exclusion had no effect on me personally as I was unable to attend anyway, but I have sympathy with those unable to attend. )
David –
Certainly we seek accountability and clarity before we give. But that’s different than making threats to get our way for the money we have already released.
I’ve noticed this seems to be most prevalent in the smaller, less than 200, “fixed income” churches. There’s one in every crowd, and the leaders are scared to death that the church will have to close its doors if that one tither quits giving, or worse, stops coming.
That’s true, Don. No church should be held hostage in this manner.
If a church does feel it’s being held hostage in this manner, it’s because they are trusting in the tither and not in God. If it’s God’s will, I believe a church will stand strong whether or not certain tithers stay or go.
True.
May be that the next statement is “You know how much they give don’t you?” In this case the one making the statement has already given priority over to the giver and is aiding that agenda rather than looking for God’s PERFECT agenda/plan.
So true.
God is paying the bills. He is our source. End of discussion. That would be my reply.
That is EXACTLY what I told a treasurer once.
Thanks, Steve.
Great comment, Lisa.
This is how we lead our church to give. We switched to passive giving as a way to drive the point home. And we stress that we’d rather lose the church than for people to give for the wrong reasons. … But it sure is hard then to see the budget go down and the church be more constrained.
I haven’t these words but I have experienced the wife of a deacon telling me her and her husband carried the church financially during a difficult time and because of that what they say should mean something. We lead through this and she no longer attends but her husband remains an active deacon.
Yes, it’s a similar comment, Terry.
If the church is the bride of Christ, and such people are using money in a way to use her to obtain power, then basically they are treating the church like a whore and not the bride of Christ. This kind of behavior is not only destructive but is an affront to the bride that Jesus cherishes.
Powerful statement, Steve.
BOOM!
Thanks, Brian.
It IS a very wrong thing to say, but I hear harshness in your tone.
One reason it is said could be that those who say it may feel disrespected and unappreciated.
You hear deep concern in my tone, Larry. And I know of nothing that would excuse someone from saying it. We should not give to receive respect and appreciation.
Thank you Thom for that response. We should expect the janitor to be treated the same as the CEO. All are equal at the foot of the cross.
Well said, Rodney. Thank you.
Amen Thom
As a senior pastor of 28 years, what I hear is, “I am in charge pastor, not you.” What I hear is a spirit of arrogance in that statement…
Exactly…”I not only pay the bills,” but, “I pay your salary.” I’m only a ministry assistant and I have heard that!
The sad thing is that this comment often comes from the more senior members, who seem to have forgotten who “paid the bills,” at their church when they were younger – children, youth, young marrieds just starting out on their own and beginning families.
Thom – I know members at a church I served did not like the new pastor so they gave there money to
Other Christian organizations
WOW so true and unfortunately often true within the Body of Christ.
You are right, Terry. It must be addressed.
So what strategies does one employ to address the situation, beyond saying “Stop it” to those who are doing it? At my church we talk about “Extravagant Generosity” which includes the “open-hand” giving but what you’re talking about is a cultural shift. How does that happen?
Yea, Thom, make Drew’s question the topic of another post, would you?
Please…?
It’s a good idea. I’ll likely broach it in the future. Thanks, W.
For me, an even more destructive statement was the one made to me in 2010 as an associate pastor by our senior pastor–who confessed to our youth pastor twice during the previous year that he had no vision for the future or growth of our congregation (so, why challenge the congregation to give sacrificially to the next fiscal year’s operating budget?)–at the start of a sudden Thursday afternoon meeting orchestrating my dismissal from the church’s staff (with one deacon and a secretary present as witnesses): “This meeting is not for talking; you can shake hands and walk away with nothing, or you can sign this document [severance agreement promising my silence] and walk away with something.” Such a statement reflects no less the attitudes of selfishness, entitlement, divisiveness, bullying, superiority, and ungodliness than does the statement your blog posting is about today.
Eight years later and as a layperson now, I definitely would make the statement you mention above to a senior pastor who would not resign immediately from his position after doing something like ours did unjustly to me. It is a given that none of us actually has anything we can call our own; God is the owner of it all–and He expects for us to steward those resources well, not sharing them where they are not appreciated as they should be by those occupying, for good or for bad, biblical leadership roles. Our senior pastor sought to meet the next fiscal year’s budget by secretly reducing the ministry staff size by one position–mine; what he apparently did not realize was that each person exiting the congregation afterwards represented $2300 walking out the door. Within 6 months, distrusting members representing at least $115,000 annually had left the church (and the youth pastor received no paychecks during his final 6 weeks on staff; the next congregation that called him to serve it paid him those missing wages as a tribute to his courage and character).
A large subject, so only a few comments:
Pastoring Churches myself, I have come across this situation; It seems to be the same story where those who ‘don’t get it’ and should not have authority in any position, do. Christ is not evident in their lives and yes, bullying, anger spreads throughout the church. They truly believe “it is my church, so your are just an employee.” Take a look at churches searching for a pastor; it is no different than an ad for a worldly job – and they call it “A JOB!” Which it is not!!!!
In arrogance, ignorance or whatever they may be gripped with, one thing is for sure: it is not the holiness of God they seek (even though they add those words in), but of the World’s ways.
I had a deaconess said at a board meeting in front of ten over others to us as pastors such a statement: “Aren’t you afraid of your job security?” It is no different from “You know who pays the bill at church.”