One of the Most Destructive Statements a Church Member Can Make

If you have served in church leadership for several years, you have likely heard this statement:

“You know who pays the bills at the church.”

The statement is one of the most insidious, destructive, and ungodly statements a member can make. It says much about the attitude of the member and the group he or she represents. There is nothing good that can come from this statement. Just look at some of the implications of this attitude:

  1. It is an attitude of selfishness. The giver with this attitude looks at his or her gifts to the church with a closed fist instead of an open hand. Money is given conditionally, not sacrificially or unconditionally: “It’s my money, not God’s money.”
  2. It is an attitude of entitlement. Gifts to the church are more like country club dues. “Since I pay my money, I get my perks and benefits. I get things my way. And if I don’t get things my way, you just watch me stop paying my dues.”
  3. It is an attitude of divisiveness. Those who express such statements are already creating schisms in the church. The big givers are in one group, and the lesser givers are in another. It’s us versus them. “Those other people don’t deserve an opinion, because we pay more than they do.”
  4. It is an attitude of bullying. The statement is always a threat. It is usually directed at the pastor or some other leader in the church. “You do things my way or just watch what I’ll do to you.” It’s intimidation and bullying at its worst.
  5. It is an attitude of superiority. The person who makes this statement is the Pharisee who lets the world know how “godly” he or she is. “Look at how much I give. I must be blessed by God. And this church is blessed by me. You wouldn’t want me to withhold my blessings, would you?”
  6. It is an attitude of ungodliness. The Enemy loves to hear such statements. When he hears church members say they pay the bills, he knows they are focused on themselves and not Christ. He knows they are divisive instead of instruments of unity. The Enemy knows he’s winning when these contemptible words flow from the mouths of church members.

Yes, I know churches can expend funds in imperfect ways. Yes, I know all churches need systems of accountability and checks and balances with their finances. Yes, I know some churches need greater transparency with their budgets and spending.

But there is absolutely no excuse for making threats with the money you and others have given to the church. Such an attitude gives no glory to God.

It is one of the most destructive statements a church member can make. It is spoken too often in too many churches. And, if the attitude is allowed to continue, it becomes a cancer that will kill and destroy.

Posted on October 8, 2018


With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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75 Comments

  • David George says on

    Once had a Sunday School Director say to me, “Pastor, you can’t make those people mad; they’re the money people in the church.” I stuck to my guns, and that group left the church. After they left, offerings actually increased, and the church was so much better off.

  • Sadly, I was filling in for a local Pastor in a Church I attended and have preached in a few times. As a Preacher, I was amazed when the day after preaching a sermon, I was called by the Elders to come to a meeting with them. They informed me I would not be allowed to Preach in their Church ever again. I ask what happened and was informed I insulted a member with my sermon. When I ask what was wrong with what I said….they told me, NOTHING … Eventually it all came down to a married couple who were “big” givers didn’t like what I said and that was enough for the Board & Elders to act. Such a sad situation. AND, the thing I said in the sermon was not offensive really. I used the analogy of the disciples with no modern ammenities, turning the world upside down for Jesus and we in this day and age are having a hard time making any kind of impact on our llittle town. The sad thing is there were 4 members who came down to the platform for prayer who testified that they were not committed to the Lord and repented. So sad that money talks so loudly.

  • I absolutely ache for the poor souls who use this distractive phrase. One man even came to the church office with his business portfolio in an attempt to make sure I knew how much of a big deal he was. He is no longer in our church & and I hope he can embrace humility and find peace.

  • Thomas S. Burris, says on

    Having completed six intentional interim pastorates and coached several others in the process, I found that sometimes the statement doe not have to be made…again. It is bound into the fabric of some church and everyone KNOWS who those controlling people are and sometimes the new pastor has to learn the hard way who they are.

  • Alex Clayton says on

    Please remember that your tithe is first a blessing to God. So the withholding one’s tithe is refusing to bless God, not making a stand about stewardship.
    I remember when I first started as a pastor at a rural congregation , preaching on the “prodigal son”. After the service one of the elderly gentleman put his arm around me and pointed to the board that showed the attendance and the offering (remember those at the front of the church). He said, do you see the offering number? I would like for you to know that most of that number comes from “hog farming”. My response was, “you obviously don’t value God’s hogs very much”.

  • I have no comment but do have a question, seeking input for a situation. The denomination we have been part of for around a decade is undergoing some seismic shifts. I don’t mean changing the music, or changing the “how” of church. I mean changing the teaching in a way the basically repudiates what they used to teach, and requires adherence to some beliefs we simply cannot sign on to. Our time in the local church is short as we recently moved. Love the local church but are not going to follow denom leadership.

    We refuse to cause a church stink. We have let local leadership know our love and prayers go with them even as we are investigating other denoms with local churches. We won’t continue to give where we so strongly disagree with denom leadership, and are “stockpiling” that money for the time being (open to the Lord of course if we see someone with a need) until we figure out where we will be attending, then catch up our giving.

    I will be honest and tell you I wish every lay person in our denom would sit on their wallet until the church returns to its prior theology, or go elsewhere. I have no qualms about lack of money shutting down an institution if it has gone apostate. (And know only God can really judge that!)

    Is this a sensible approach as we seek a local church we feel is teaching more in line with the Scripture? Or are we blinded by being heartsick over this?

    Again, we are not trying to use money to get our way, but honestly cannot support what we deeply believe to be falsehood.

    Open to suggestions and critiques.

    • I believe that financial giving to a church that has “gone apostate” is not Giving to the Lord.” If you have taken your concern to church leadership, and it is falling on deaf ears, I would “shake the dust from your shoes” and move on.

      Meanwhile, “giving to the Lord” does not necessarily need to be to/through a church. Rather than “stockpiling” your potential giving while seeking the church family of God’s choice for you, perhaps there are other Kingdom opportunities that God might call you to be generous towards, where your giving might have other, perhaps even unexpected Kingdom blessing . . . both to you and the recipient organization, cause, or family. Remember, the gospel isn’t just about the Great Commission. It’s also about the Great Commandment. What might “loving your neighbor” look like with this opportunity before you.

      I pray God’s clear leading both in finding a church where you can fellowship with other like minded believers, and for a possible recipient of your financial blessing.

  • Wendy Hinman says on

    Too true, but thanks for bringing it to the fore.

  • Gadasu Samuel says on

    Not only do they threaten to withdraw financially, they can form a block of their kind and push for their ungodly agenda

  • Jason Traxler says on

    How does one measure a congregant’s commitment to a church family, by the gift of money, time or presence at at worship?

  • David Viland says on

    This is not to suggest that people are not wrong when they act this way, but I think that in part, as leaders/pastors/teachers, we may sometimes be complicit in this occuring when we fail to teach on biblical generosity. In I Timothy 6:17-19 Paul instructs the young pastor Timothy to teach on generosity – “Command them to be generous and willing to share . . . ”

    Are we teaching our people to give to the operating budget, to missions budget, to the building fund, or . . . are we teaching them to “Give to the Lord.”
    1. Exodus 25 & 35, God told Moses “Go the people, those who were willing, and to bring TO THE LORD their offerings.” (And yet these contributions were going to build the Tabernacle.)
    2. I Chronicles 29:9 (After David and his leaders had given generously of their possessions to the building of the Temple) “The people rejoiced at the willing response of their leaders, for they had given willingly and whole-heartedly TO THE LORD.”

    No matter what the resources will be used for – operating, missions, building – we are to bring them “To The Lord.” Then we as leaders are responsible to the Lord for how we use those gifts.

    When they are brought in this manner, theses gifts will be blessed, and we as leaders will be more conscious of the fact that these are God’s gifts we are “spending.”

    Thanks Thom. Great conversation.

    Dave

  • Good morning, Dr Rainer. A few years ago my wife and I made arrangements with a contractor to do a major remodeling job at our house. A few months after the job was completed, our contractor told me about an incident that happen during the project. He said one day a church member showed up on the job site and said he wanted to see how his tithes were being spent on my house. This is the kind of attitude that makes it one of the most destructive statements a church member can make. It really did hurt coming from a member I thought was a friend and it was very costly in my friendship with this member. I was very disappointed in his attitude about stewardship ( It’s my money, not God’s). I’m very thankful for a church that has enabled me to do what I do as a pastor. Furthermore, I really thought that this man was a friend. Boy, was I surprised at his attitude. Pastors do live in a glass house. Thank you, Dr Rainer.

    • Thom Rainer says on

      Yes, I bought a cheap used car when I was a pastor. I was lectured on “spending God’s money” from a not-so-well-intending deacon.

  • I have the opposite experience: All governance appointments are to the large donors~ their gifts of money being the only criteria considered to fill the Church Councils and other appointments. All done in secrecy.

    Untold numbers of talented members~ their God-given gifts~ are ignored because only money matters.

    Ironically, the church continues to plummet having lost 600 households in the last seven years with rows and rows of empty pews each week.

    Its entire operation is far from Christ’s vision of the Church.

    • The short version of your comment is “pay to play.” It is the alernative golden rule, (s)he who has the gold makes the rules. All of us have seen it especially when we did not donate enough to get our opinion or concern to even be considered.

      • “Pay To Play”~ I love it!

        Thank you for sharing your experience, Mark. It is a horrible *culture* to be seen in one’s church.