Seven Things to Consider If Your Spouse Is Not Supportive of Your Ministry

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In the past few months, I’ve had two conversations where persons serving on a church staff were struggling with their spouses’ lack of support. One was a pastor whose wife was worn out with a constant stream of criticisms directed at her husband and her family. She was pushing her husband to leave the church and find secular employment.

The other situation involved a children’s minister whose husband was angry because she was gone so many nights. He felt the church was taking advantage of her and pushing her to work too many hours to the neglect of her family.

Both of these ministers were truly struggling. They did not know what steps to take. They were uncertain how to respond to their spouses.

Unfortunately, these situations are not unique. They are too common, and they often do not end well. More than one couple has divorced over this issue.

So what is a pastor or staff person to do in such difficult situations? While I don’t pretend to have specific solutions for every case, I would like to suggest seven things to consider for those who find themselves in struggling marriages because of this issue.

  1. Listen to your spouse. Give him or her the freedom to open up completely with you. See if there are some mediating solutions to the problem. For many pastors particularly, the local church can be a demanding mistress who takes pastors away from their families.
  2. Express your unconditional love to your spouse. Let your spouse know that you love him or her without conditions. Express that love clearly and with conviction. Be clear that your marriage comes first regardless of the cost.
  3. Pray with your spouse. Pray with your spouse every day about this issue. Be unified spiritually as you come before the Lord. Pray specifically about the struggles related to the church.
  4. Seek counsel for you and your spouse. That counsel may be the same person, or there may be the need for each of you to have a different counselor. The counselor may be a professional, or he or she could be someone who has walked a similar path.
  5. Consider taking a break. See if it is possible for you and your spouse to get away several days. I know one ministry couple that took two full weeks of vacation to relax, pray, and gain perspective. They came back to serve in the church with a new commitment and vigor.
  6. Look in the mirror closely and honestly. Is it something you are doing that is bringing pain to your spouse? Perhaps the change needed for your spouse is a change in you, your attitudes, and your priorities.
  7. Be willing to leave the church. Do not sacrifice your marriage and your family. We sometimes like to gloss over 1 Timothy 3:5: “If anyone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of God’s church?” (HCSB). Our families must come first. Our marriages must come first.

It is indeed a difficult situation. Local church ministry can be tough. But it can be especially tough if our spouses are not supportive.

Let me hear from you. Have you ever been in this situation? Do you know how others have handled this situation?

Posted on March 4, 2015


With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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156 Comments

  • I am a wife of a former pastor in a church. He started out as a part-time preacher, then part-time youth ministry and then full-time associate and then after a few months, the lead minister position was put on him with No other ministers to help. He was overwhelmed. Did I mention that I NEVER wanted to be a full time church minister’s wife? Why you ask? Because I grew up very close to several ministers and their families. They lived in a huge fishbowl in which members of their church felt it was their right to put their nose in the preacher family’s personal business. One time, I had members coming up to me telling me how awful it was when a new preacher came to town that his children was attending a Christian school not in their community. Isn’t that just awful, I was asked. I said, that I didn’t think that was awful, what I thought and think is awful is how you think you have the right to even have an opinion about where this preacher and his wife choose to place their children in school. Would you want someone telling you where you can and cannot send your children to school?
    I also notice that members of the church are so very critical of EVERY move a ministers family chooses to do. You walk on eggshells, and can never please everyone so there is always someone bad mouthing you and your family.
    There are also women out there who spend their time scoping out your husband and seeing just how far they can go to get him to counsel them and feel sorry for them in hopes they will have an affair. (And this does happen a lot).
    So why would a wife want to be a minister wife? Marriage and life is hard enough without adding more challenges by ministering to a church. Some church people are some of the most unloving people I have ever met. Hypocrites!

    • Sorry about your experience. Yeah, I saw some of that and decided that I didn’t really want it — and I am so thankful that my husband is NOT a preacher!!!!

      But I think that part of this is American Christians’ — and some other Christians’ — over-emphasis on pastors / preachers / teachers, vs. allowing the whole body of Christ to operate using their gifts in church services. I think that we’ve brought this problem on ourselves.

      Until we can fix it, I don’t recommend it for people — unless maybe they have really thick skin, ’cause they’ll probably need it.

      Thanks for your insight, Kimbo! Blessings to you and yours! <3

  • I am just going to write a prayer. I am unmarried and unsure about most things.
    But God is good, regardless…

    “Dear Lord, in Jesus’ name, I praise you for the Body of Christ and those who serve in leadership and other roles. The article talks about family support and ministry demands. Well, your Perfect Will is what we all need– and this is what we want: to be used by You for Your Good Purpose. Still, we can lose our focus, or lose heart, if we are not careful. Therefore, please, grant us wisdom, compassion, love, and solidarity for Your Priorities. Forgive us for our missteps. And guide us, together, for Your Sake. God, we need you more than we want.
    Help us to be whatever instrument or tool for Your Greatest Desire. And help us to live with increasing Trust in you, as we learn to live with others. Amen.”

  • What about women called to ministry? I have never ‘sought’ ministry opportunities. My husband has taken ministry responsibilities bc he was ‘called’ and then left it for me to do. Every time this has happened I have grown not only to love the ministry I was able to be a part of – but grew stronger and deeper as a believer and as a leader. Yet the distance between my husband and I has grown further and further apart. The most recent ministry he was ‘called’ to was to a discipleship/camp ministry where I was once again left to do the ministry bc he did not want to leave his job and have less. I did not want to leave our family/community/friends etc. yet I was too afraid of disobeying God by not following my husband. I knew the same pattern would repeat itself and it did. My husband withdrew into his own world of video games and self help/personal passions and left me to ‘do’ the ministry.
    I started out cleaning bathrooms at the ministry bc that’s what they needed and within 5 years I have risen to Co – director. I love the work. It’s extremely intense during the summer months and my husband does not give an inch. I am labeled a unGodly wife bc I’m not home ready to serve him. We live were we work so I’m always ‘here’ but not in the capacity he wants which is as a very traditional wife – be home to make dinner, do all the cleaning, bills, child care (we only have a 17 yr old left at home who actively helps with the ministry) etc. During the intense 3month camp season I still take care of the household tasks. I try my best during the ‘off’ season when its not as intense but it’s not enough. Now he wants to leave (Again) so he can pursue his dreams – acting etc. bc he believes it will ‘save’ our marriage. This gets repeated wherever we go. I’m at a complete loss. He’s extremely jealous of anyone I spend time with in the WORK environment – male or female – and disapproves of female friends outside of work if they are with me too much.
    I love what I get to do at the ministry and I do believe I’m called to be a part of it. But I’m in agony at home to the point that I now try to stay away from the house as much as possible.
    We have tried counseling. I do believe he is a believer but I’m lost as to what to do. Some friends say to continue on at the ministry and try to forgive and serve him. Others say he is to be my ministry and to leave to support him in his pursuits. I personally feel trapped and I am falling into a deep depression.
    All the marriage/ministry info on line focuses on men in ministry.
    Ugh

    • Hmmm…. I’m glad I reread your comment, Anne.

      Well, I’m no marriage counselor or therapist, but here’s the thing: you say you “feel trapped” and are “falling into a deep depression”. You also point out some unhealthy cycles:

      An alleged “calling”;
      A husband abdicating the work to you;
      A husband retreating into his own interests;
      A husband wanting you to serve a more traditional role at home; and
      A husband wanting you all / your family to leave for a new area with a new “calling” or interest, after you build relationships from the last “calling” / ministry that you served in, and don’t really want to leave.
      Meanwhile, you say you feel “called” to the ministry, even as you sound worn out and say you feel depressed.

      Does that sound about right?

      Sounds a bit complicated to me, but maybe that’s because I am not a therapist. But, I’ve read the Scriptures.

      The first thing I’d say is that I don’t know God to “call” people to one ministry, then another, then another, to the point that people end up worn out, and that marriages end up strained. There are some areas we can look to, with regards to the Scriptures. The first I would point out is that Jesus pointed out that we should look at the fruit. The fruit that you all are dealing with doesn’t sound so healthy, I hate to say. So, that would tell me that something’s up.

      Now, you say you believe that you are “called” to this camp ministry, I think. Well, OK, but I worry: it sounds to me as if your husband is jealous of your involvement in that ministry. If that’s the case, then I would recommend that you take a step back from that ministry, and focus on being there for your husband right now. If you are truly called to that camp ministry, then the Lord will work things out in time. = )

      Believe me, I’m not a “happy homemaker” type. Not really. I mean, I guess it’s OK, just not really my thing. I got saved in an egalitarian church and generally support women in ministry and women pursuing post-secondary education and careers. I personally get bored being a stay-at-home mom. That’s the most honest answer I can give you. It’s also very lonely.

      I have a Master’s degree and would love to get out of the house and use it — and have access to actual intellectual conversations. I’d love to be back in college, learning new things, improving on academia and skills I’ve already begun training in. But, I need to put all that on hold for right now. And that’s OK.

      My daughter is young. She will only be young once. She is a toddler and needs me to teach her to talk — and to get her fully potty-trained before kindergarten. Could you imagine if I were to fail in such basic responsibilities? It would make my Master’s degree look silly in comparison, and I think you realize that. ; )

      I also need to be able to connect with and support my husband to keep our marriage healthy and intact. A Master’s degree or career or additional schooling aren’t as meaningful to me as a strong relationship with my husband. I can have all the schooling in the world and an amazingly successful career; but if I end up divorced in the end, then I would feel heartbroken and lonely. Why would I want to do that? My husband is a wonderful guy. It’s not worth it to me to lose my relationship with him just to gain some additional knowledge, money or possessions. Or ministry opportunity, because I used to be so inclined myself.

      The thing about a ministry opportunity vs. a spouse is that relationship with folks in ministry don’t typically go as deep and typically aren’t as safe, consistent or long-lasting as a marriage relationship. Yeah, you can feel needed in ministry; but in a healthy marriage, you are wanted and appreciated just for you being you; and barring death, your spouse doesn’t leave you. In ministry, people, nice as they may seem, can come and go as they move from one area to another, or as they go from one ministry to the next.

      I can understand your desire to serve in ministry; but it sounds to me as if the best thing you can do for your marriage right now is to put all that on hold and work on doing what is in your power to help heal your marriage first. Church ministry can wait. Ministering to our husbands might not be the most fun; but I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father loves our husbands as much as He does — because it reminds me of how He feels the same way about us when we struggle — how He instructs our husbands to take care of us in our times of need, too.

      So, I know it sounds like no fun; but I believe that ministering to our spouses is important — and in a situation like yours, where your marriage sounds strained, I think that should take priority over any church ministry. And, I say that, as a Christian wife myself, knowing firsthand the desire for something more than just playing the role of a “happy homemaker”.

      I hope and pray that you get the help you need, and that the Lord heal your marriage.

      Blessings to you guys! <3

  • This is a really great article.

    I am currently looking to get engaged to my girlfriend who does not feel a calling towards ministry, but I have expressed to her that my calling to be a pastor is very clear.

    She is supportive of me being a pastor, but is it necessary for her to be involved in ministry like I am in order for our marriage and my calling to work? Or will the two be at odds if she is not involved?

    Any advice would be helpful.

    • I can sort-of relate. I once dated a guy who felt called to a particular type of ministry in a particular region. I did not feel called to that, so I was actually kind-of glad when he broke off our relationship, even though it was hard at the time. Some years later, I ended up marrying a guy who has been so much more supportive of me — a much, much better fit, who would become a wonderful husband and father for our daughter!

      I’ve never been a pastor’s wife. I once thought I wanted to serve in ministry in that capacity or a similar one. But, I am actually very glad that I am not serving in those capacities.

      American culture often ends up idolizing pastors, often leaving pastors and ministry leaders with little time for their families. It is not much of a life for the pastor’s wife and kids (or ministry leader’s spouse and kids), unless the pastor / ministry leader sets very firm boundaries and leaves a church if the congregation insists on overstepping those boundaries. I strongly urge leaving a congregation if congregation members refuse to respect healthy boundaries for a pastor, ministry leader and their family members.

      The marriage and family unit should take priority as a ministry over church ministry in my opinion.

      If you really want to marry this girl, then you must set firm boundaries with your congregation and stick to them — FROM DAY ONE. Otherwise, you could end up divorced later on. I’ve seen this happen, sadly — to one of my own pastors.

      The best I think is when you and your spouse are on the same page in terms of calling. I sincerely believe that you are better off when your fiancee / wife — or one’s spouse — is actually called to a supportive role — in essence, that there be agreement and commitment to the calling in the couple. When there isn’t genuine agreement and commitment, I dare say that the best course of action is to break off the relationship. Maybe I’m wrong about that, but I think it would spare you and related folks from a lot of difficulties and heartache, because you wouldn’t have to worry so much about conflicting priorities (spouse / family vs. church ministry — I believe that Scripture speaks to this).

      I think that the future minister and support-role spouse also really should be counseled before marriage when possible, to help them count the cost first — to be sure that both are on-board, despite the sacrifices it will likely entail. I suspect that poor preparation in this area was probably part of the problem that led to the divorce between my pastor and his now ex-wife. If that had been a part of their pre-marital counseling, it may have helped curtail our church’s split a few years after they married.

      One last thought: sometimes folks go into ministry and either get burned out, or leave the faith later on, when they didn’t set out to do that. When that happens to a spouse — or, if a serious disease or disability or something like that happens — then I think it to be important to prioritize ministry to one’s spouse or family member, rather than church. You can claim that God called you to X; but keep in mind that I won’t be able to find your specific calling explicitly spelled out in Scripture, whereas I will find the Scripture passages that mandate us as believers to take care of family members in need and minister to unbelieving spouses.

      Yeah, you can talk to me a lot about “calling”; but “calling” is meaningless to me when we are not humble, gentle, patient and kind about it (and faithful to our spouses). When you do not exhibit those fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5), then I have more respect for non-Christians who are faithful in their marriages than I do for you in your alleged “calling”.

      Perspective, guys.

      Just food for thought. = )

      • Oh, I should clarify: I mean break off an engagement / “boyfriend / girlfriend”-type relationship. No, I do NOT mean for a married couple to divorce! My apologies if I wasn’t clear.

        The idea is being “equally yoked” in a sense, so that we don’t set ourselves up for problems down the road in marriage. Just my $0.02. = )

      • Ellen L Porter says on

        I’m just here trying to figure out some questions I have about serving my church where I’m not even a member, but I think a married woman who feels the way of this fiance might consider taking a page from the playbook of my pastor’s wife. Although she did help him start the church when they had one child and she was working because the offering definitely wasn’t paying her bills, later on when they had three kids – two already in school – she felt she had to take a step back because the church had grown so much larger. She was not involved in the church ministry at all for a number of years. Now, the two older kids are in college, the youngest is in high school, and for the past five or so years she has led the women’s ministry. I think the fiance has to weigh all these concerns, like if the church is small will she need to work to support the family, but if she won’t lead children’s ministry AND women’s ministry AND the interior decoration of the church, who will? And if she is the one who has to do all that, who will take care of the kids they probably will end up having? She has to find some balance, and if the kids are young and/or the church is large, she may not be able to do as much as the pastor.

  • Melvin Wilson says on

    I wish I had learned in seminary some of the things I am learning now regarding the importance of “balance” in ministry, life and family. Balance becomes especially important when you are part of an itinerant pastoral assignment system. My issues were not that I didn’t have a supportive spouse, but I was too focused and too involved in the fixing and resurrection of congregations, to the detriment of my spouse and children. This is a regret that I will always live with. I learned late, but learned nonetheless. I also believe there is a cultural component to this issue. Different cultures have different expectations of the Pastor and his/her family.

  • How about the verse from Bible “Those who are not willing to leave his family & carry the cross” is not fit for heaven. I strongly believe which includes Spouse & Kids. If God tells u to do something & spouse is not allowing to follow, then “Obeying to God” comes first. Look at Jesus, he left his family to fulfill the will of God. Leaving behind World (includes Spouse, Mother, father Money & etc…. ) When Jesus called his disciples, are we sure, none of them were married? This life is just a journey to heaven, & spouse is just a partner to walk with. If that is becoming bottle neck to reach Heaven, you decide, which is more important to you. I wouldn’t totally agree with the above article. However God wouldn’t like to see broken families, doesn’t mean Spouse need to be pleased always & comes top priority than God’s Ministry.

    • Too many people use that as a convenient excuse for neglecting their families.

      • Same goes other way around too…. Many neglect God giving family as excuse

      • I guess it depends on your view of marriage.
        Is your spouse a helper given by God to correct the imbalances in your own perception….or is your spouse just another sheep to be herded along under your semi-divine tutelage?

        Spouses are God’s way of letting us know we don’t have the whole picture. I’m very suspicious of men and women in ministry who treat their spouses as if they’re less spiritual simply because they do not see the “magnificent call of God” on their lives.
        God doesn’t need me to run his church….but he might be inviting me to participate. Do we really think he’d forget to tell our spouse?
        It’s possible that our ministry zeal is not in line with God’s timing and he’s testing our humility by making us wait and intercede for our spouse until God gives them the vision he’s given us.

    • Peter’s mother-in-law’s house indicates he was married.

      • Where does it ever say Peter left his wife??Terrible theology. God says the two become ONE flesh. What GOD has joined together, let no man put asunder. The Bible gives very direct instruction on the legit times to divorce, and ministry call isn’t one of them. People confuse living for God with being in full time vocational ministry. They are not one in the same.

      • I’ve been reading over these comments and see a mixed assortment of answers. The Bible clearly teaches that Christ and His call upon our lives must come first. It also has vivid instructions of many of the situations which have arose here. In first Corinthians 7, Paul teaches what to do if there is an unbelieving spouse. If the unbeliever is unhappy to dwell with the believer then we are to let them go. It says that the brother or sister involved is “not under bondage” Yes, God does instruct a husband and wife how to live, but unfortunately, we cannot control another individuals actions or wishes. We must first keep our allegiance to God and fulfill the roles and duties He has placed upon us.

    • One of Christ’s last words were entrusting his Mother into the care of the Apostle John. His last words on the Cross!

      Christ has said anyone who says they are donating items to God but not providing for family are horrible. They may not have been with family 24/7 but I would never assume the Apostles did not provide for their families!

      Christ did not enter ministry till 30 and until then worked as a carpenter it is quite possible he may have done so to provide for his mother.

      I would be very careful about the testimony you are sending about God wanting you to abandon a family.

  • I think you have some good points here. I take issue with point 7 though.
    Question: Do pastors believe that God has 1) called them to their pastorate and, as a result, 2) entrusted them with the flock and 3) His strength is sufficient? If so, wouldn’t leaving the church be a denial of the call and a breaking of that trust and seeking our own strength?
    What seems to be missing in so much of today’s churches is the notion that God calls the pastor to the church. This doesn’t make us better than others but it does mean that we will be held to a higher standard. We’ve turned it into a popular vote which undermines the authority of the pastor. For many, a pastorate is just another job at another church thus the pastor becomes disposable. It’s the old Bill Cosby line about having a child that is causing problems, “I brought you in this world and I’ll take you out! And it doesn’t matter to me because I can make another one that’ll look just like you.” When hardships come, they (either the pastor or the people) pull up stakes and move on. I think the worst thing a pastor can do is to follow his wife’s leadership when it conflicts with God’s calling. My wife sometimes struggles with my ministry. I seek to comfort her and lead her as much as possible but I would NOT let her struggle take precedence over my call. Ministry is an opportunity for growth in everyone not just the people in the pew hearing my sermons. God is sufficient but we won’t see His sufficiency if we remove ourselves from the trials.

    • Thomas Magers II says on

      You should read a book called Priorities in Ministry. In the book, Earnest E. Mosley identified how a minister should prioritize his life. Here they are: (1) Jesus; (2) Spouse; (3) Children; (4) Church; and (5) Community.

      In N. Mississippi, Dr. Kenny Digby teaches priorities in ministry by the acronym “KFC.” Kingdom first, Family second, and Church third. (This is alway easy to remember because we preachers love fried chicken or, at least, so I’m told.)

      If I was placed into position where I had to decide between my wife and family or a ministry position, I’m choosing my wife and family. For me, I was married before I was called to ministry. I was married before I was called to this specific church. So there is no question for me which I would leave. My wife and church knows where I stand too so I honestly don’t think I will ever get to that point.

      Thomas

    • It depends on the circumstances. I agree a pastor shouldn’t run away every time trials come (I’ve been going through some trials myself lately, and my wife has been the main reason I’ve kept going). On the other hand, sometimes church members will try to get to the pastor by attacking his wife or subjecting her to unreasonable expectations. In those cases, I would definitely look for another place of service. When a church is willing to stoop to that level, chances are you’re fighting a losing battle.

      • Allow me to reply to both you and Thomas. I sympathize with what you say. I love my wife and my family. But I love God more. Here’s what I mean:

        Where in the scripture do we find someone giving up following what God has called them to do because of how their spouse felt? Job’s wife wanted him to curse God and die. Each of the married Apostles that were married (Peter for instance) were martyred. Jesus said (in Matthew 19),

        “Truly I say to you, that you who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on His glorious throne, you also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.”

        If someone is attacking your spouse in church, THEY are the ones that need to leave according to Paul in Titus 3:10-11:

        10 As for a man who is factious, after admonishing him once or twice, have nothing more to do with him, 11 knowing that such a person is perverted and sinful; he is self-condemned.

        We, as pastors, fail if we allow others to impede our call or run us off. This is so important. Congregations all over the world are dying because divisive people are allowed to rule. I may sound like an authoritarian but I’m actually far from it. I simply refuse to allow someone else to demand their agenda be done over God’s.

        I caution against putting family over the Church. The Church is Christ’s body thus it is representative of Him. If we only view the Church as a place to meet and “do God’s will” then I might be inclined to put it last on the list BUT if we view Church in it’s proper perspective being that Christ died to form the Church and it is His Bride, that we are His ambassadors and that it is bigger than me, then I have to place it above my own family (remember the story of the man that wanted to bury his father before following Christ). The Church is bigger than the congregation where I serve but it does include it. My role as a pastor is to show the people that they are NOT autonomous (that has come to mean that each congregation can do as they see fit without regard to other congregations) but that we are united by one Lord, one faith, one baptism and one Spirit. As such, we are responsible to be what Christ has called us to be. We are responsible to pick up our crosses daily. That means me, my wife, my children as well as my parishioners.

      • “But if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?” – 1 Timothy 3:5, NASB

    • As a pastor’s wife of almost 42 years, I believe with all my heart that if God is truly calling a man to ministry, He will also call the wife to a life of Christian service. If there is a pull in opposite directions between the husband and wife, I think one of two things is going on:
      One, the man is not truly called of God to the pastorate, in which case, he needs to seriously pray about what he is or isn’t hearing from God.
      Two, the wife is struggling to accept the call, in which case her husband needs to pray for and with her until the two are in one accord.

      I can say with great confidence that God would not have joined two to be one, and then called one and not the other in a particular direction!

      Granted, there will be times in ministry where one spouse or the other is spiritually attacked or weary. And certainly, a pastor-husband can justify the “idolatry of busyness” in his ministry, and improperly neglect his family (and in those times, much prayer and a word of “truth in love” from his wife may be needed for a course correction and re-balance). But I can attest that if both partners have the call of God on their hearts, those challenging days will ultimately strengthen both your marriage and your ministry.

      • Praise God for your comment!
        After making a business deal against my wife’s wishes early in our marriage (although she didn’t protest STRONGLY), I learned the importance of unity in the marriage. When the deal turned sour, I basically heard God say in my heart “How can I possibly bless this when you don’t honour your wife enough to listen to her?” My eyes were opened.
        $70,000 later I had a valuable life lesson on unity and a brand new wife! (same woman though).

        It was the best $70,000 I ever spent, and although I cringe to think how much further ahead I’d be if I’d valued unity from day 1, my wife always says she’d do it again for all the change it brought in me.

        I’ve met a few men who value ministry above their marriage, but they all seem to have one flaw in common – they don’t see their spouse as a helper given by God to correct the imbalances in their own perception.
        When we see our wives as a gift of mercy from God, we listen to what they’re trying to tell us instead of treating them like one more sheep to be herded along.

  • Thom Rainer says on

    Thank you for this input, Paul.

  • An unsupportive spouse can be a key symptom of a larger problem. We think the problem is with them. They don’t pray enough. They’re not godly enough. But their unsupportiveness can often be a sign that we are the ones with the problem.

    It’s important for your spouse to know that he/she is the priority in your life (after your relationship with Jesus, of course). How will they know this? My answer has been time. It can be hard for staff pastors who have a Sr. Pastor who doesn’t get it. I’ve been in that position and left because I believe ministry ought to be a blessing to your family. Now that I’m a Lead Pastor, I’m free to set my own schedule that includes intentional time to be with my wife and kids.

    My longterm success in ministry is contingent upon a few things. 1. My success at home. Winning at home sets you up for winning anywhere else. 2. My family knows that I value them more than I value the ministry. If my family is miserable, I won’t last long. 3. Realizing success at home doesn’t happen by chance. It takes an investment of time for your spouse to know they are important to you.

    Here’s an article I wrote about this…http://wp.me/sCBEY-success

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