I travel a lot and spend a lot of time in different churches. I have had a church consulting firm that did “guest” visits as part of our services. Sadly, many times I do not feel welcome as a guest when I visit churches.
The Bible is replete with admonitions of hospitality and servanthood. I just wish our church members understood that the servant-like spirit should also be manifest when we gather to worship. Guests are often uncomfortable, if not intimated, when they visit a church. We are to be gracious and sacrificial servants to them.
In response to this need for more guest-friendly church members, I have devised the ten greatest needs, at least from my perspective. I will reticently call them “commandments” and throw in a little King James English for effect.
- Thou shalt pray for people in the services whom you don’t recognize. They are likely guests who feel uncomfortable and uncertain.
- Thou shalt smile. You only have to do so for about an hour. Guests feel welcome when they see smiling people. You can resume your somber expressions when you get home.
- Thou shalt not sit on the ends of the rows. Move to the middle so guests don’t have to walk over you. You’ll survive in your new precarious position.
- Thou shalt not fill up the back rows first. Move to the front so guests don’t have to walk in front of everyone if they get there late.
- Thou shalt have ushers to help seat the guests. Ushers should have clearly-marked badges or shirts so that the guests know who can help them.
- Thou shalt offer assistance to guests. If someone looks like they don’t know where to go, then they probably don’t know where to go. Get out of your comfort zone and ask them if you can help.
- Thou shalt not gather too long in your holy huddles. Sure, it’s okay to talk to fellow members; but don’t stay there so long that you are not speaking to guests.
- Thou shalt offer your seats to guests. I know that this move is a great sacrifice, but that family of four can’t fit in the three vacant seats next to you. Give it a try. You might actually feel good about your efforts.
- Thou shalt not save seats. I know you want to have room for all of your friends and family, but do you know how a guest feels when he or she sees the vacant seats next to you occupied by three hymnals, one Bible, two coats, and an umbrella? You might as well put a “Do Not Trespass” sign on the seats.
- Thou shalt greet someone you don’t know. Yes, it’s risky. They may actually be members you don’t know. And you may get caught in a 45-second conversation. You’ll be okay; I promise.
What do you think of these commandments? What would you add?
Pastor to Pastor is the Saturday blog series at ThomRainer.com. Pastors and staff, if we can help in any way, contact Steve Drake, our director of pastoral relations, at [email protected]. We also welcome contacts from laypersons in churches asking questions about pastors, churches, or the pastor search process.
Posted on March 30, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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109 Comments
Dr. Rainer, thank you for these helpful suggestions. I plan to pass these on to our people at the church I pastor and also to the pastoral students I teach Piedmont International University.
Tim –
Thanks for the kind words. God’s blessings on your teaching ministry.
You mentioned having groups come an secret shop your church. Do you know of any good ones or about how much we should expect to pay? Thanks for the great blog!!!
Thou shalt specifically train and recruit people with the spiritual gift of hospitality to be ushers, greeters, and work in what we now call “guest services.”
Thou shalt call them “guests” not “visitors.” Visitors go to the state park once and never return. Guests communicates that you anticipate one to return.
Thou shalt say at the beginning of worship “we will worship for about 1 hour and 20 minutes today” or how ever long you expect the worship service to last. This is especially good for guests who are men and may have the highest level of anxiety about being a guest at a church.
Finally, thou shalt make them laugh or smile early, even before the worship service begins. Humor diffuses people. Check for videos that can do this. Find someone creative in your church to work on this. Include a joke or funny church comic strip on your scrolling announcements.
Be careful about training greeters. The greeting must be sincere! A.W. Tozer wrote “Some churches train their greeters and ushers to smile, showing as many teeth as possible. But I can sense that kind of display—and when I am greeted by a man who is smiling because he has been trained to smile, I know I am shaking the flipper of a trained seal.”
That’s funny.
On the flip side, I would love to see a list of some of the most effective things you and your readers have seen and experienced for guests in church services.
I’d like to see that too Justin.
Great quote about greeters and welcoming guest…”saved people serve so served people can be saved.”
Dr. Rainer, love the funny way that you quoted these commandments. I actually find #2 humorous in the fact that we need to smile to anyone in the church….which sometimes doesn’t happen. (resume the frown when you get home…ha) I try to promote a theory of DOOR in our church children’s program and other churches I have done trainings at! With each letter representing what to do when someone walks through the door. Teaching others about that initial contact can make all the difference if someone returns to a church.
Great stuff Jill. Thanks.
I agree with Matt and Robert. I call it the “Happy Birthday” awkward moment. you know, that awkward moment when people sing Happy Birthday to you? It’s even worse when (1) in public like a restaurant, (2) done by people you don’t know, like the waitstaff at the restaurant.
Andy Stanley and Northpoint Ministries does it right!!! Every church could take a lesson from them.
May I ask what are some of the specific things Pastor Stanley does that are so effective? I highly respect him and would love to learn from him.
Thanks for that article. I have been a visitor where, other than the 10-second obligatory meet & greet time, where everyone does a quick 360 from wherever they are standing, it is possible to get in and out of some churches with no one saying a word to you. I like the sgst above about speakers introducing themselves. I went to one church where I was never sure whether they guy delivering the sermon was the church’s pastor or a guest speaker. I learned from this post and comments.
I learn much from the comments too John.
Thou shalt start thine service on time so visitors aren’t wondering if they got the start time wrong.
Thou shalt introduce the speaker’s name and who he or she is so newcomers have some idea who is talking to them, especially if the speaker is someone other than the person featured on the website, (which the visitor has almost certainly visited first).
Thine website shall NOT have outdated calendar information on it about upcoming meetings from 3 months ago, and it SHALL have many pictures of people on Sunday morning so I’ll know how to dress and how I’ll be expected to act, (is raising hands at worship OK or not?).
Thou art good Richard.
Agree… but the raising the hand thing should be ok anywhere someone worships. That should be between God and what is in the individuals heart. = )
When one of the pastoral staff member speak at our church, we flash their name and title on the screens behind them for 10-15 seconds so that people know who they are.
How about, Thou shalt have women greeters. It is comforting, as a woman, to see other women at the doors of the church when I go in. And if I have to take my daughter to the bathroom during the service and the only people in the foyer with me are men who don’t speak, but just watch us walk by, it makes me shudder and want to run for the door!!
Thanks Julie. My church has a mix of male and female greeters and ushers. Let’s see if others will comment about their churches’ greeters.
How very true!! There is great comfort for a female to have another female to relate to in an unfamiliar place.
This is important in a big church. A female guest (especially with small children) are more likely to ask a female usher where the bathrooms are than a male usher.