In an informal survey of pastors, I asked a simple question:
What do you wish you had been told before you became a pastor?
Some of the responses were obvious. For me, a few were surprises.
I note them in order of frequency of response, not necessarily in order of importance. After each item, I offer a representative quote from a pastor.
- I wish someone had taught me basic leadership skills. “I was well-grounded in theology and Bible exegesis, but seminary did not prepare me for the real world of real people. It would have been great to have someone walk alongside me before my first church.”
- I needed to know a lot more about personal financial issues. “No one ever told me about minister’s housing, social security, automobile reimbursement, and the difference between a package and a salary. I got burned in my first church.”
- I wish I had been given advice on how to deal with power groups and power people in the church. “I got it all wrong in my first two churches. I was fired outright from the first one and pressured out in the second one. Someone finally and courageously pointed out how I was messing things up almost from the moment I began in a new church. I am so thankful that I am in the ninth year of a happy pastorate in my third church.”
- Don’t give up your time in prayer and the Word. “I really don’t ever remember anyone pointing me in that direction. The busier I became at the church, the more I neglected my primary calling. It was a subtle process; I wish I had been forewarned.”
- I wish someone had told me I needed some business training. “I felt inadequate and embarrassed in the first budget meetings. And it really hit home when we looked at a building program that involved fundraising and debt. I had no clue what the bankers were saying.”
- Someone should have told me that there are mean people in the church. “Look, I was prepared to deal with critics. That’s the reality of any leadership position. But I never expected a few of the members to be so mean and cruel. One church member wrote something really cruel on my Facebook wall. Both my wife and children cried when they read it.”
- Show me how to help my kids grow up like normal kids. “I really worry about the glasshouse syndrome with my wife and kids. I’m particularly worried that my children will see so much of the negative that they will grow up hating the church. I’ve seen it happen too many times.”
- I wish I had been told to continue to date my wife. “I was diligent in dating my wife before I became a pastor. I then got so busy helping others with their needs that I neglected her. I almost lost my marriage. She felt so alone as I tried to meet everyone’s needs but hers.”
- Someone needed to tell me about the expectation of being omnipresent. “I had no idea that people would expect me to be at so many meetings, so many church socials, and so many sports and civic functions. It is impossible to meet all those expectations, so I left some folks disappointed or mad.”
- I really needed help knowing how to minister to dying people. “Some of those who have terminal illnesses have such a strong faith that they minister to me. But many of them are scared and have questions I never anticipated. I was totally unprepared for these pastoral care issues when I first became a pastor.”
How do you respond to this list? What would you add?
Posted on March 9, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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228 Comments
While pastors consider the pastorate as a ministry, churches should realize that the time may come when the pastor needs to retire. We do not always have the same body and mind we had when we were in our 30’s and 40’s. I am now in my 90’s. Although I am still in good health, both physically and mentally, I realize that my pastoral years are growing shorter, and because we have always lived in a church owned parsonage and did not receive a salary sufficient to purchase our own home, we are soon to be in a difficult situation. We invested what we could, but those investments will not be sufficient to fully retire on. Just look around – most pastors are driving used, inexpensive, high-mileage cars – that says something. I know from experience — My car has close to 100,000 miles on it. I believe God will reward churches and church members when they support a pastor the same way secular businesses support their leaders.
Who has the most power (the final decision maker) in a church organisation? Is it the board or is it the synod or who or which group does within the church?
Which groups within the church do you have to be wary of?
I have a complaint regarding incompetence of management at a church run hospital and I want to take it further to protect patients from this ever happening again after someone passed away and I was not listened to by management.
Thank you so much for your brave and honest answers. People never really tell you what a culture of a place is like unless you are closely related to them generally so it is refreshing to see someone truly open up and say how it is, for others to see. I think you are courageous.
I am a registered nurse who was working for a hospital that is under a religious organisation and my faith was destroyed by management who was seriously incompetent and easily led by a couple of dishonest managers and an elderly patient who was not fully cognizant. They bullied me. I don’t know whether to write to the Synod or whom because nursing management should of had the common sense to see what I was saying was an issue. HR took management’s side. It had a negative impact on a patient after they left the hospital. They died not that much longer afterwards I found out through a source. It did impact on my career too and yet I know I am good at my job.
Would the synod be the appropriate place to contact. I contacted the board but nothing was done. Or who should I contact because it does involve patient safety?
Just read a post above. Do pastors really have that much power in a church. Who gets to make the final decision?
Pastor Thom, also are decisions based on ethics or money?
I look forward to your reply.
Note not all hospitals have such deliberately ignorant managers, I am glad to say.
Thank you so much for your brave and honest answers. People never really tell you what a culture of a place is like unless you are closely related to them generally so it is refreshing to see someone truly open up and say how it is, for others to see. I think you are courageous.
I am a registered nurse who was working for a hospital that is under a religious organisation and my faith was destroyed by management who was seriously incompetent and easily led by a couple of dishonest managers and an elderly patient who was not fully cognizant. They bullied me. I don’t know whether to write to the Synod or whom because nursing management should of had the common sense to see what I was saying was an issue. HR took management’s side. It had a negative impact on a patient after they left the hospital. They died not that much longer afterwards I found out through a source. It did impact on my career too and yet I know I am good at my job.
Would the synod be the appropriate place to contact. I contacted the board but nothing was done. Or who should I contact because it does involve patient safety?
Just read a post above. Do pastors really have that much power in a church. Who gets to make the final decision?
Pastor Thom, also are decisions based on ethics or money?
I look forward to your reply
I just stumbled upon this article and felt compelled to comment. If I could add one thing to the list it would be that I wish that I had a mentor walk with me like Paul did with Timothy. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but by the grace of God my people still love and appreciated my wife and I. I was a young minister of a church of 530 with a few young ministers under my leadership. I credit God Almighty and a sister in my congregation who noticed how overwhelmed I looked one service, sat me down and said, “If you love your people they will follow you anywhere.” I took that advice to heart. I didn’t know much, but I loved God’s people the best I could and they returned the love. I witnessed first hand love covering over a multitude of sins (or mistakes). I now minister to a group of 300 and I try to continue on that path of love.
Boy, this message board went south, quick, fast and in a hurry. What a mistake!
I WISH I’D have known ahead of time that i was going to be meeting and socializing with so many legalistic pastors and leaders…I was(and still am frequently) horrified to meet so many leaders whose notion of Salvation is a two step program– these 2 requirements>> 1. That one accepts Christ and then 2. throws all of his or her secular music and movies in the trash..I remember scripture claiming they’ll know us by our fruits..not by the fact we don’t watch Bruce Willis Movies.Like i said i’m still horrified all too frequently by the notion of so many Christians that we’re saved by our performance and our sacrificing of ‘stuff’.
Someone should have told you all the truth about religion..that it was a fluke and designed to contain the mind, body, and spirit and maintain a sense of societal sanity and comfort. I employ a diplomatic belief system over religion, which allows me to maintain a multi-threaded connection to this world and a higher power in ways unimaginable to those who follow a book with over 100 versions. Sure you all have beliefs too, but using religion to define those beliefs forces them upon you with conviction for entertaining anything else. So, read on and profess to the world what you may, supposedly in the name of God, while denouncing what you conveniently choose not to belief, but know that I have seen and experienced things that could change a religious persons life faster than it took them to believe in God.
And yes, I do believe in my higher power, so feel free to toss that out of your equation. Call it what you want, but we all answer to someone obviously supreme and greater than ourselves, regardless of what that name is. And I know, the responses will roll in telling me I haven’t read the bible, I don’t believe in God, you’ll pray for me, etc, etc. I’m all too familiar with the canned responses, but just know at 35 years old I’ve continued to be blessed my entire life, conditioned to overcome adversity, and empowered to empower others.
In closing, I walk a similar walk, but with a different talk, get dealt the same hand, but with a different card, and so close, yet so far! I am a rebuker of kings, and sometimes a man of fallible judgment, but I am a fearless, bold, and dauntless reformer who looks ahead to a glorious end.
– I am Elias
I wished I had known not to take it personal when people
leave the church and don’t tell you why. Sometimes you
just assume it is something you did as a pastor. I really wished
that when someone is unhappy they would come and talk to the
pastor. If we truly are doing what the bible says shouldn’t they
forgive pastors when they make mistakes instead of holding us
to so high standard we let them down. The grass is not always
greener at the next church. It is greener where you water it.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. He has done his job in this world and there is nothing to weep about. Young generation is great. I try keep believing that. I hope they have got a replacement that they are deserved.
I wish someone had told me to read the bible and see how it stacked up to reality. I finally did that and it made me an atheist.