In an informal survey of pastors, I asked a simple question:
What do you wish you had been told before you became a pastor?
Some of the responses were obvious. For me, a few were surprises.
I note them in order of frequency of response, not necessarily in order of importance. After each item, I offer a representative quote from a pastor.
- I wish someone had taught me basic leadership skills. “I was well-grounded in theology and Bible exegesis, but seminary did not prepare me for the real world of real people. It would have been great to have someone walk alongside me before my first church.”
- I needed to know a lot more about personal financial issues. “No one ever told me about minister’s housing, social security, automobile reimbursement, and the difference between a package and a salary. I got burned in my first church.”
- I wish I had been given advice on how to deal with power groups and power people in the church. “I got it all wrong in my first two churches. I was fired outright from the first one and pressured out in the second one. Someone finally and courageously pointed out how I was messing things up almost from the moment I began in a new church. I am so thankful that I am in the ninth year of a happy pastorate in my third church.”
- Don’t give up your time in prayer and the Word. “I really don’t ever remember anyone pointing me in that direction. The busier I became at the church, the more I neglected my primary calling. It was a subtle process; I wish I had been forewarned.”
- I wish someone had told me I needed some business training. “I felt inadequate and embarrassed in the first budget meetings. And it really hit home when we looked at a building program that involved fundraising and debt. I had no clue what the bankers were saying.”
- Someone should have told me that there are mean people in the church. “Look, I was prepared to deal with critics. That’s the reality of any leadership position. But I never expected a few of the members to be so mean and cruel. One church member wrote something really cruel on my Facebook wall. Both my wife and children cried when they read it.”
- Show me how to help my kids grow up like normal kids. “I really worry about the glasshouse syndrome with my wife and kids. I’m particularly worried that my children will see so much of the negative that they will grow up hating the church. I’ve seen it happen too many times.”
- I wish I had been told to continue to date my wife. “I was diligent in dating my wife before I became a pastor. I then got so busy helping others with their needs that I neglected her. I almost lost my marriage. She felt so alone as I tried to meet everyone’s needs but hers.”
- Someone needed to tell me about the expectation of being omnipresent. “I had no idea that people would expect me to be at so many meetings, so many church socials, and so many sports and civic functions. It is impossible to meet all those expectations, so I left some folks disappointed or mad.”
- I really needed help knowing how to minister to dying people. “Some of those who have terminal illnesses have such a strong faith that they minister to me. But many of them are scared and have questions I never anticipated. I was totally unprepared for these pastoral care issues when I first became a pastor.”
How do you respond to this list? What would you add?
Posted on March 9, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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228 Comments
Pastor, I am so bless that you went through all that. Now you are a better man and a better Pastor. For those that we take this path more times than none, we don’t know what we don’t know, until we do. I know that many just like me have been bless with this posting. We are never exempt from the lessons in life and those in take the path to serve others, the lessons will be magnified. I hope that the experience has make you a better man and that you stay in the path and did not quit. The lessons will be many, and this lessons are the lessons outside the book. Jesus, thought us that through our pain we learn, we don’t have to go to the cross but we will face our own mortality. Keep on the path and God Bless.
If seminary professors had actually served as full-time pastors before they taught at the seminary level, they would be adding the answers to these questions from personal experiences, not theoretical. I only had one or two profs at Southern with the practical knowledge and experience to give good counsel to us pastors-to-be.
I have read some comments here that unfortunately lump all pastors into one lump. I won’t deny some may see small churches as stepping. However, that is not true of all pastors. Every church I have pastored, with the exception of my current church, has run less than 50 when I arrived. Every one of those churches were content to stay the way they were. They wanted a chaplain, not a pastor. I am so thankful to be where I am now. They don’t want to reamin the way they are. They want to grow. No church is insignificant. Where the problem comes in is not ever growing. If you’ve run the same number for over five years, the problem may not be leadership, it may be internal. Churches that outward thinking will grow. Inward thingking churches will either just matain or decline. It has been said, “It’s not wrong to be a small church. It’s wrong to have a small vision.”
Hello, my name is Morgan I am 15 years old. God has worked in amazing ways and I have talked to My Father and I want to share his word with the whole world as I become older! My goals in life have been set very high and I pray they only become higher.
I am here to ask for any advice you could give me about being a Minister, to college, anything that would have helped you. Please contact me via email at [email protected] . Thank you very much it means more than you can think of.
I have been waiting for the word of god my lord and jesus his son in order to even think of preaching his love, i have visit many temples and what i have seen is exactly what you guys are talking about. Where is the money is all i hear, i do believe that jesus said once destroy this temple and in three day it would be restore, where there is more than one person talking about the father that was consider the church. My real question is where can i register to become a minister for the lord under his believe? i would love if someone can honestly help me out with this information. thank you
Let’s see: 2, 3, 6, 7, and 9 are the ones I would have liked some good advice on. The leadership and business wasn’t an issue (I didn’t enter the ministry until I was 39). The pay issue was a big surpise to me because I was naive enough to think that the church would do what was best for me and right in the sight of the Lord. Surprise!!! This has been one of the biggest issues that I have ran into over the years as a pastor. The next biggest issue that I found surprising was how mean Christians can be (to the point of wondering if some of these people are even Christian). There are two groups of people I will always remember, the good ones and the bad ones. May children are grown up now, and were older when I went into the ministry, but it still didn’t shield them and their impressions they got from the way some churches treated me. The Issue of being omnipresent still to this day bites me, not matter how much I remind everyone to let me know if there is something important that I need to know. I think they just assume someone will tell me — and they do! After the fact in most cases.
Speaking as a minister’s daughter and wife too…# 1 would be a minister should put his wife right under God before the church. I went into labor on Sunday morning and my husband told me I had to go to church and play the piano first…..I did not. But I did have to find someone to play for me and my sister had to find someone to play for her at her church while she took me to the hospital. My minister husband came to hospital on Monday morning! After 45 years and living with me, and I don’t think I am too hard to live with, ha, he has learned that God created the family before He created the church. If a minister’s wife leaves him for divorce, that says something about the minister and about the wife too, I suppose. I wouldn’t trade my minister husband for another and I love him deeply but we have both learned. It is something like being a parent, you learn as you go! No greater blessing than being a minister’s family….no greater heartache…the church becomes your family and you become theirs if you allow God to do it!
This seems to be a great place for pastors and church goers to cry on someones shoulder.
For some reasons these readings cause nerve racking, head aches and vomiting symptoms.
So… if you are not called to preach the Gospel and rely on and reveal the Grace of God through our Lord Jesus Christ our Savior and righteousness I would say don’t bother. This country is full of lifeless religious pastors and feel good churches and it does need pastors to reveal Christ and lead the people to the Tree Of Life (Christ)- the way is open again. Stop feeding the flocks from the ‘Tree of knowledge of good and evil’.
This seems to be a great place for pastors and church goers to be wining.
Actually, I was doing some research about becoming a pastor and I stumbled over this.
For some reasons these readings cause nerve racking, head aches and vomiting symptoms.
So… if you are not called to preach the Gospel and rely on and reveal the Grace of God through our Lord Jesus Christ our Savior and righteousness I would say don’t bother. This country is full of lifeless religious pastors and feel good churches and it does need pastors to reveal Christ and lead the people to the Tree Of Life (Christ)- the way is open again. Stop feeding the flocks from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil .
If you had to do research about being a pastor, I wonder if you’re really called. You comments about churches and their “feel-good” preaching are right. Those are the churches that are dying off, hopefully to be replaced by churches that are Spirit-led and Gospel-centered. I worry about you. I sense some anger here. Yeah, the church can sure make you and me angry! On the other hand, if you’re upset enough that you’re getting ill, that says to me you do have a heart for God, and you’re unwilling to set that aside. If you’re near a seminary, I’d suggest you go talk to them. They can help you think through career tracks. I pray that you can get some relief on this.
Ever since i was a child i felt God’s pull to be a pastor. even in times i didnt wanna look in that direction. But because of that desire he wanted i did try and look around other churches, other denominations, i wanted a full understanding of how everyone thought, what everyone believed in. in 1 week i attended 3 different churches youth groups to observe. and what i found made me want to cry.
other then my home church there was 2 other churches i visited. and to make a long story short. one youth group did so well the whole church was starting to acknowledge and become proud of them. the other one fell so hard you literal got to watch the pastor get more and more corrupt each day. so i looked at both groups and i found what i thought was the reason why one fell so hard.
Apparently no one told him that he cant do this alone. the other youth group wasn’t ran by the senior pastor, and it thrived. but this one was, and each week he would show more and more stress. he started doing things that was unusual for a pastor to say or do. i finally left when he started to insult the kids and forcing them to come to charity dinners or he will hunt them down. It wasn’t that nobody was there to tell him that he is starting to go down a rough trail. he just didn’t wanna listen and now he dose not run that church no more.
i hate seeing a good church go down in flames like that. i really hope this helps in any sort of way.