NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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537 Comments
Saying “good morning, nice to see you,” is fine.
I can’t stand being asked to turn to the person next to me when neither of us knows the other.
I do not want to turn to the stranger in the next row and introduce myself because the man at the front says so. I’ll do my own introductions in my own time or in response to a person.
A friendly, “hello,” is okay, but I am not going to let someone pepper me with questions when they don’t know me, ever again. Don’t pressure me with your endless questions!
I am not unfriendly, and I do smile, but maybe I am in the church because I’m having a hard time and want to sit quietly.
Possibly, I secretly don’t believe I should sit in church with all the good, happy, people who never do wrong.
I like the music, worship/hymns. The less proficient, more amateur it is the more I like it, has a sweetness, not polished, is pure, from the heart.
Basically, I don’t like sermons. I’ve messed up and I feel terrible from the Pastors message, not freed by it. I don’t want to listen to anymore sermons. I listen to worship music on Youtube, some of it is lovely.
Many church web sites are not updated, not current, not even the current year. They lack information. Something interesting about God might be nice, who He is, what He sees in us.
It is difficult to get questions about God answered. Church people don’t seem to want to talk about him, they want to ask personal questions. I’d rather you talked about the heart of God or something . Although, maybe not His wrath and my sin. I already know about that.
Maybe I will find the courage to go to a church or church group again, but the second I feel suffocated by false attention, or don’t feel safe I will run out of the door.
The odd thing is, when I went to a church a couple of times, I joined others in the coffee area afterwards. I smiled, was not unfriendly, drank my coffee and stood alone. There are two extremes, either you get mugged or ignored. I’d rather be ignored.
This is my first time i visit here and I found so many interesting stuff in your blog especially it’s discussion. Thank you so much for sharing this great blog. Keep it up.
Great
RE: the “Stand up and greet one another”. Standing up and watching the church members greet each other instead of me.
The “If you’re new today, stand up so we can all welcome you” – TERRIBLE! And then to be IGNORED during the “Stand up and greet one another”, and again IGNORED after the service because the church members are all too busy greeting each other some more.
A “stand-up and greet” where everyone stays in their seats, and lasts for less than two minutes might be tolerable. However, when church members are circulating among the seats, and we newcomers are standing there having already said hello to the 3 people around us… while the regulars are exchanging small talk and what’s going on in their lives for even 5 minutes seems an interminable time. Besides, that seems like conversation that should take place before or after the service.
“Unfriendliness”, like when you come in a few minutes before the service and no one will allow you a seat. This happened to me at the same church the last two weeks in a row. I had to leave, go out into the foyer and into the other set of doors to get myself a seat. No ushers? When I sat down, a lady separated by me from a single empty seat turns to say hello to two rows behind us… totally ignoring my presence. I have not visited this church 3 times in as many weeks, and other a half dozen times in recent months. The pastor has never been present to greet after the service, to ask if I have any questions or to inquire about me or my interest in his church. I filled out a form in my first 3 visits, and never received a call from him then either. What am I? some kind of a freak? 🙁 Or is it because I’m a single woman no longer young — perhaps that makes me a freak.
3. The “information” booth which they had the first few times I went to visit was never manned.
4. I’ve spent years trying to find a church whose theology I could align AND was within a reasonable distance from home… I was so excited… but now I just give up… what a waste of time… I’m not even sure if I believe anymore anyway… losing my religion.
*in above comment, i meant to say i “have” visited in as many weeks not “not”, oops
Thanks for posting. The best way to welcome guest to a Church meeting is by showing the Love of God with sincerity!
I am so glad I am Orthodox.