What Do Non-Christians Really Think of Us?

I consider myself a very blessed man in a number of ways. This blog has become one of my great blessings. One of the reasons I love this blog community is the variety of people who interact on it. There has been an increase in the number of people who aren’t Christians who comment on various posts. I want to share with you the perspective of one young woman on how she views Christians. These comments come directly from her comments on some of my posts. They have not been changed.

On Being Selfish, Not Really Interested in Others

I remember a rather outspoken evangelical Christian young woman I worked with – I’d just moved to town, and we went to a movie together. Each week she invited me to her church, and I didn’t want to offend her by saying “No thanks.” As it was, I had Buddhist activities one Sunday and I was mentoring a young girl two other Sundays, but that theoretically left a Sunday open. We only worked together for 3 months, and it never worked out. I went to a different job.

She showed up there one night, and jumped right to the church invite. No “Hey, how’ve you been? Haven’t seen you in a while!” Nope – just “Do you want to come to church with me this weekend?” Since I was on to her game, I decided to play. I said, “Sure, I’ll go to church with you, because I’m interested in seeing what you’re interested in. That’s what friends do, after all. And I’m sure you’ll want to come with me to a Buddhist meeting to see what I’m interested in, right?”

“Oh no!” she replied. “I just love the Lord so much!”

“Well,” I said, “then there’s no point in me going to your church because I’m not interested in either becoming a Christian or joining your church.” I never saw her again.

That’s how far Christian friendship extends – I’ve seen it over and over and over. Christians look at everyone else as if they’ve got targets painted on their foreheads. Nobody likes being hunted down or treated like someone else’s project. We don’t need to drop all our beliefs just to accept yours, and we don’t need to become more like you just to be acceptable people, worthy of being regarded as people instead of targets. Love does not seek to create clones of itself. Selfishness does.

On Being Self-centered and Judgmental

Keep your religious beliefs to yourself. If I have any interest in what you believe, I’ll ask you. And if I don’t ask you, then go right ahead and assume that your “witnessing” will be unwelcome. I’m sure that you like whatever you believe very much, and I’m very happy that you like it. However, just as your favorite flavor of ice cream is not necessarily going to be mine, I wish you would assume that I’m just as content with my own beliefs (or lack thereof) as you are with yours. Why not ask me first what *I* believe? Why not show an interest in what’s interesting to me instead of expecting me to always be interested in what YOU’RE interested in? Christians are so selfish and self-centered! Tell me – when was the last time an atheist rang your doorbell to tell you about his worldview? The reason the world hates Christians is because they behave badly, they’re rude, boorish, arrogant, conceited, full of themselves, ignorant, and judgmental. Go ahead – accuse me of being judgmental now. Doesn’t matter – I don’t claim to follow a belief system that has actual rules AGAINST being judgmental, so it’s *fine* for me to be!

On Being Unwilling to Develop True Friendships with Non-Christians

As a mother of young children in a homeschooling environment, we found ourselves surrounded by Christians. Of course, the kids would become friends and we moms would chat while they played. Without a single exception, this “acquaintanceship” only progressed to the point that I had to make it clear that no, I would not acceptjesusasmypersonalsavior, and no, I would not be attending their church. Then the Christians never called again, and I was left to explain to my sad children why their new friends wouldn’t be playing with them any more.

When my son was just 6, the boys down the street told him he was not allowed to play with them because he wasn’t a Christian. I went down to see what was going on (because my 4-yr-old daughter was going to go down there and teach those boys a lesson!) and I confirmed that what my son had reported was indeed what they’d said. And the mother of one was right out in the front yard, 25 feet from me, pretending to be very focused on trimming some plants. She never said a word.

Finally, the 6-yr-old girl across the street told my kids, ages 7 and 9, that if they weren’t Christians, they would be going to hell. She certainly learned the “Good News”. And you Christians wonder why we non-Christians avoid you?? HINT: It’s not because we’re intimidated by your awesomeness and are just sitting here, pining for you, wishing you would like us. We already know you don’t.

Your Response?

Frankly, I found these comments painfully true for many of us. Though my first reaction was one of defensiveness, the more I read them, the more I realize that this women has identified many of us Christians too clearly.

What do you think? What is your response?

Posted on June 15, 2013


With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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302 Comments

  • Thom Rainer says on

    I’m about to board a flight for South Florida. I hope to join the conversation later in the day.

  • First I want to thank you for posting this, for being forthcoming and for all the encouraging comments.

    I use the moniker darb because I live in the heart of the bible belt and am concerned about repercussions of being a public atheist. We are, after all, the most reviled groups in America, even behind Muslims. I am concerned about hiring bias. I am concerned about downsizing bias. I am concerned about my children being ostracized or bullied. I am concerned because I have seen it happen.

    It is SO refreshing to hear the accepting attitudes I hear in these comments. I only wish I could be assured that these were majority attitudes amongst Christians. I wish that good folks like you would speak out against those who would discriminate against me. I wish I could be myself without fearing proselytizing, condescension or worse. After all, we are all just humans trying to make our way in this uncertain world.

    To be clear my atheism is personnel and should be of NO concern to you. However, we do have one thing in common, even if you don’t realize it. We both want our country to be great and one of the great things about our country is that is it a secular state. THAT is what is important to me. I have much trouble getting the Christians I run across to understand this but a secular nation is in ALL of our best interest. All you have to do is look at some of the theocratic countries in the Middle East to see how majority Muslim states persecute minority religions. It has happened many times in this country where one Christian sect persecuted another Christian sect. That is what happens when religious power is the same as the political power.

    Let’s start with what we have in common, not what our differences are.

    • Thom Rainer says on

      Welcome to the conversation Darb. I hope you will have the opportunity to meet some of the Christians represented by the commenters. We often do a lousy job demonstrating the Christ in whom we believe. Feel free to engage me at anytime. I would love to hear from you. Hopefully I would listen well.

  • I just finished my second degree at a Baptist seminary. I’m pretty convinced that this pattern is reinforced from the top down (i.e., from pulpit to pew). So many of my colleagues at seminary aren’t capable of having a normal conversation with someone who isn’t a Chrisitian. They are uncomfortable in places where they are “outnumbered.” I’d love to see an assignment in evangelism class where each student is required to go to a coffee shop or (yikes) a pub and meet someone, and be required to not talk about politics, philosophy, morality, or the gospel for the entire conversation. They’d be required to learn to talk to normal people the way normal people talk. Sports, their kids, their own school classes, etc. As it is, we are a bit more monastic in our presence than I think is helpful.

    • Thom Rainer says on

      Good word Josh.

    • Hey Josh,
      What you suggest is exactly what I taught and gave assignments for in the evangelism class I taught at a Baptist seminary. Congrats on your degree and God’s goodness to you in serving those around you!

      • Steve,
        That’s really awesome. I’d love to hear stories about how that went for your students, and a graph showing the difference in the average number of syllables in the words they used when they weren’t talking about theology.

    • One of the challenges the minister (the aforementioned city centre chaplain and recent president of BUGB) gave the evangelistic team was take the money he gave them and go into that betting shop over there and put a bet on a horse. It did not matter which horse as long as the race ended before the group disbanded for the day. One of the team said there is no way that I could do that. I have never been in a betting shop in my life and I do not want to start now. She was persuaded to have a go and see what happened.

      She felt as if she was going into an alien world Surrounded by people who knew what they were doing when she did not. An alien world where people had different values and attitudes to hers. She had to be helped and guided to follow the normal procedure.Yes she won and gave away the winnings to bless others.

      She learned some very important lessons from this experience. She realised that for those in the betting shop the experience of church must also be like coming into an alien environment.They too would experience the different in values and attitudes. They too would need to be guided to follow a procedure in order to fit in with others.

      She experienced a little of what it is like to go out into the world. We are called to go out into the world not sit and wait for them to come to us. Even those who live in the same community can have a very different life experience. Some can read others cannot, no I am not joking either.The lady who set up an advice project near here reckons that 40% of her clients are functionally illiterate. I knew it was an issue but not that it was so big an issue.

      The world of business marketing has a lot to teach us how to “sell” our message. The aim is to meet the needs of others and profit from doing so. When we meet the needs of others we profit from the church growing. The question becomes how do the prospective customers know that the business can meet their needs. They use the language and the colours and the mannerisms that show that they can meet that need. They show the benefits of what they offer to a group of people they are connecting with. Like Paul they become like some so that they can win them over.

      They talk about building relationship with prospects. We walk about building relationships with those on the fringe or as some call them people of peace. They know that closing the door in the face of a customer will only alienate them. They talk about the idea of starting by helping customers get to know you and then move on to liking you before they can finally trust you and accept what you have to offer. .

      See what I mean we have a lot that we can learn from the business world. They are constantly looking around to see what people are hungry for and then feeding them on stuff that sometimes is indescribably bad If we know what people are hungry and thirsty for then we can develop good food that truly satisfies their hunger. To continue the metaphor it needs to be presented in an appetizing way, well packaged and possibly making tasters or samples available.

      Help I have started preaching to myself! I

      (I describe myself as an online educator and transformation guide on my Google+ profile. My desire is to find ways of feeding people good stuff.)

  • Greetings, Thom
    First I just want to say, my husband is a FT Pastor, and a friend of mine shared your site with me, I love it, I brought your book ” Becoming a Church Member” all I can say is WOW! I did not come from a Christian Home but became a Born Again Believer at age 11 and been in Church ever since that day. ( I am now 55 yrs old) have been member of 7 churches since that time and only left due to relocation , but I have never been explained about the “why of church membership and exactly what my responsibilities were.. I told my husband I was so “convicted” about what it means to be a church member, that I wanted to join the church again! lol.
    now to the comment to “what the unsaved thing of us believers” It is difficult for the unsaved to understand the blessed hope that is within us, not are we only commission to spread the Gospel we are to …Go Ye Therefore into all the world. It is like having the cure for Cancer, and seeing people with Cancer suffering and dying when you have the cure to bring about their full recovery, why would they want to reject it? but honestly I think if I did have the cure, and would try to share it passionately with a loved one, or friend, they would reject that too!!! they wouldn’t believe that I held that cure. I can’t speak with the Christian’s in the above comments, and it is only from a one way perspective, Heb 4:12 reminds us that his Word is going to be offensive, and as believer’s what we hold to be biblical and true will be offensive to others. We all know that they are some believer’s that I would call over the top and do stupid things. shame on them, but they are in my opinion a small minority PTL. It just is a reminder to myself to be a Friend, and I would love for others to just see Christ in Me! that they would just have to ask about that Blessed Hope!!

    • Thom Rainer says on

      Thank you Elizabeth. I’m not sure how many rude and selfish Christians there are. I do know, however, that they are noticed by the non-Christian world.

  • We have to remember and never never forget as Christians that God chose us not we Him. I am continually blown away by the mercy of God, and only pray that others can come to know it as I have. On my best day and at my best moment apart from Him my righteousness is a pile of filthy rags. I pray that God will give me the friends that I need so that I can learn through interacting with them the things that I need to learn. If He gives me a friend either Christian or not I pray that I will value their friendship as a gift from Him. God works sovereignly through people to teach us things whether they be Christian or not. We just need to have the wisdom to know where we need to keep the healthy boundaries in relationships so we clean interact without controlilng the other person, and respecting their freedom to be who they are.

  • Christiane says on

    Hi TOM,
    in your story, a non-Christian meets an impatient person for sure . . . perhaps someone whose pride is involved in ‘saving’ others . . . and the non-Christian is ‘dropped’ abruptly when things don’t go as the Christian wanted them to go, a rather immature behavior at best.

    I was thinking how differently a non-Christian would react to someone who showed the fruit of the Holy Spirit ?

    • Christiane says on

      Some food for thought:

      “It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
      The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision.
      We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
      Nothing we do is complete,
      which is a way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.
      No statement says all that could be said.
      No prayer fully expresses our faith.
      No confession brings perfection.
      No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
      No program accomplishes the Church’s mission.
      No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
      This is what we are about.
      We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
      We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
      We lay foundations that will need further development.
      We provide yeast that produces effects far beyond our capabilities.
      We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
      This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.
      It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
      an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
      We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
      We are workers, not master builders;
      ministers, not messiahs.
      We are prophets of a future not our own.” (O. Romero)

    • Thom Rainer says on

      You are absolutely right Christiane. I hope there are many out there.

    • When I was a Christian, I was friends with a deeply spiritual Christian on the Renfest circuit. One day, over dinner after the faire had closed for the weekend, he told us ruefully about fighting the sin of pride. My then-husband and I could hardly believe that of him and our skepticism probably showed. Erik was as true a Christian as we could imagine. He was dang near perfect that way. No no, he told us, he had flaws.

      See, he lived next door to some folks he knew weren’t Christian. They were nice enough. Just not churched and had no interest in such things. But Erik decided to love these folks to Jesus. Oh and he threw himself into it. Perfect neighbor. Always kind and generous.

      Finally, one day the neighbor man asked if he could ask Erik a personal question. Erik’s head filled with visions of bathtub baptisms!

      Then the neighbor asked: “Are you.. a vegetarian?”

      Erik deflated instantly.

      Moral of the story: We know that Christianity has nothing to do with being a decent human being. If you are a decent human being to us, the last thing we’ll attach to your behavior is your fervent faith in Jesus. Ever since the religion was invented in the late 1st century, people have noticed that Christians treat people shamefully poorly. That’s why lifestyle evangelism fails so hard.

      Truth is, Christians had cultural dominance artificially buoying their success with recruitment. They’ve never been able to figure out how to sell themselves to a public that is free to reject them. And many of them deeply resent the mere implication that they even should. That’s why not one single reputable survey house gives Christians a single chance of regaining their numbers or reversing their decline.

  • As a Southern Baptist Missionary for 18 years and an adjunct Seminary and Baptist College instructor, I taught a “PostChristian Evangelism and Ministry Course”. I focused on teaching having an open and listening discussion with our co-workers, neighbors and friends on spiritual topics. I tried to emphasize building true friendships with someone outside of most Christians “church bubble” of friends. I also taught not having a “packaged” message or response to spiritual questions and approach the friendship as a shared learning experience with the friend you’re talking with. My classes were popular with the college and seminary students, however I found almost no interest at all from current serving pastors and lay leaders. I would have 2-3 friends in my community each year I was “sharing Christ” with, which weren’t good numbers to report as a missionary. Someone remained good friends, some didn’t, some became followers of Christ, some did not, but we remained friends To hang out with “Non-Christian” friends, go to a bar to talk with a friend, to admit you didn’t and the Bible didn’t have all the answers someone was seeking was considered heretical. And eventually this was one of the reasons I was forced to resign as a missionary. So in all that, thanks very much for continuing the discussion and input of how to share the awesome love and message of Jesus Christ to restore lives and connect people personally to the God of the universe.

  • Sarah my friends at church never said but I strongly suspect looking back that they prayed me out of my marriage. They all saw me hurting and some had enough contact with him to know how badly he was capable of behaving.

    I believed it was wrong but when I look at Matthew 19 it says that we are not to put aside our marriage but it does not say that that God won’t do so on our behalf. I look back at how things worked for me during that time and I have no doubt that God organized it all for me even down to providing me with somewhere else to live on the exact day that i needed it. I am a different person without having to deal with all hassle I had while married. Yes God hates divorce but sometimes He arranges it because it is the lesser of 2 evils.

    When I found out that he was divorcing me my question was Lord what do i do now. The answer was “love him” He even helped me love him. No loving father would take anyone through an experience like that and then condemn them simply on the grounds that divorce is always wrong. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin!

    I don’t know your situation but my response is to remind those who condemn you of the lady caught in adultery.No one could throw a stone because none of them were innocent enough to do so. She knew that she had misbehaved and was told not to continue doing so but she was not victimised by a sinful mob.

    Sarah there is a place for you in the church it is just that you have not found it yet. I pray that you do soon.

  • Thom, I blame the church institution for putting us here. In high school I was in an Independent Baptist church, complete with soul winning classes and sinner-phobia. I was not taught how to be an effective witness, but rather I was educated well in separation and self-righteousness. Every Southern Baptist church I joined afterward also had a similar “save-them-at-all-cost” perspective. It is refreshing to be in a church, not SBC, that teaches truth, love, and grace but I am still unlearning all my old habits and find it hard to connect with lost people. I have learned, however, to listen and hear the perspective of the other person who is just as much made in the image of God as I am. Thanks for sharing this Thom and may this woman be blessed, if only in this life.

  • Forgive my lengthy response, but I figure there’s room for a variety of non-Christian responses.

    On Being Selfish, Not Really Interested in Others: Upon first read, I thought that mostly it was just younger Christians being selfish due to lacking perspective, but then I read further and realized it wasn’t. I also realized I just don’t interact much with evangelical Christians any more except on a “Hey, you like that local ball club? Me too! How about that player?” level. There are some wonderful exceptions with friends who have been friends for many years, but I don’t want to really test this theory much now after having spent so many years of my youth as a target.

    On a more personal level, I wouldn’t fit in Christian churches much anyway. Is there room in churches for people in the 30-49 age group who don’t have a lovely spouse of 10-20 years and 2.5 wonderful children? There is some room for people in that age group who are divorced single parents, but that can really depend on the congregation. I don’t fit in that mold either.

    On Being Self-centered and Judgmental: In my experiences, Christians will generally ask what I believe first, but it seems that it’s generally so they know how to attack. Different approaches for different people, but it’s the same problem.

    I was talking to a Muslim friend recently and I noticed he had a Bible with him. Asking him about it, he pulled out the Bible and showed me some business cards from a group that was handing out Bibles along the sidewalk outside his mosque stating that they were interested in Christian-Islamic dialogue. I began to wonder why Muslims didn’t start standing on the sidewalk outside Christian churches on Sunday mornings with copies of the Qu’ran stating they were interested in Islamic-Christian dialogue, but that thought lasted only a moment as it was pointed out that such activities would garner police attention very quickly.

    On Being Unwilling to Develop True Friendships with Non-Christians: It’s a whole lot worse when it involves kids and lost friendships. I definitely recall telling other kids how they better accept Jesus or go to hell when I was a child.

    I’m not sure I have added anything but a few more stories.

    • Sarah,
      I just wanted to answer your question directly about if you would “fit in” to church. Not to be sarcastic, but yes and no. Church done in the right way usually focuses on encouraging and challenging people who are Christians. Although people from our church sometimes invite non-Christians to our church, we tend to prefer to invite them to our “small groups” because it’s at a home of one of our church members. We are able to be hospitable to our non-Christian friends at these small party-like/hang out events without making them feel like they have to go through the religious motions of worshiping a God they don’t believe in. It’s more personal and we get to treat them like they are truly are friends. Not that our non-Christian friends aren’t welcome to church (of course they are!), and if someone showed interest in attending we would definitely invite them. As to the demographic, yes, you would totally fit into OUR church. We have former homosexuals who aren’t married who are 40+. We have elderly women who attend who are widowed or their husbands aren’t believers. We have single moms. We have women who are pregnant and unwed. We have single women who are in the 30-40 range who just plain aren’t married for no reason other than they aren’t married. We have men who are widowers. We have older couples who haven’t been able to conceive. We have families that have children who have all been adopted. We have young people and old people. We have elderly couples with children who are believers and who aren’t. There are families where grandparents live at home with them and attend church with them, too. We’re a multi-racial, international church. All of these people (who are all believers) have their own sins and their own blessings that they bring to our church – and we love one another deeply. I have never experienced such a close knit family, not even in my biological family. We are blessed to have such a diverse church – and we’re in the South! I think this type of diversity is much more prevalent in northern urban areas though, so I will add that to be fair and not make it seem like all churches are like this 🙂
      Thank you so much for your honesty Sarah.
      PS – I’m 24 and a mom of two kids, just in case you’re curious.

  • I agree our methods need to be better, but leaving people alone is not loving.

    Atheists don’t come to your door because they don’t believe anything is wrong.

    MOST Christians are very uncomfortable witnessing, it’s selfless, not selfish, to talk with someone because you believe they are going to hell.

    “How rude, this person keeps yelling at me about trains. Leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep here on these tracks…”

    • Thom Rainer says on

      John –

      You’re right. We certainly should not stop sharing the gospel.

    • Salafrance Underhill says on

      I can certainly understand that it might be very uncomfortable for you to witness – as a technique for attracting potential followers, it seems very forced and artificial, and it renders any attempt to express real friendship towards the recipient seem insincere and not a little sinister.

      I’m an atheist, so you may be tempted to disregard my views. However, I’ve been on the receiving end of numerous attempts to witness, and I’ve never felt that any of the people who made these attempts had my interests at heart, or would offer me the basic respect of considering the possibility, however faint, that I’d put genuine thought into my position; that I might be sincere in my lack of belief.

      Try to put yourself in the shoes of your prey – I suspect that you’ll become better people for making the effort.

    • As a non-Christian that came accross this while browsing how to deal with a co worker “witnessing” & looking down on uncomfortable coworkers I can relate to what this blog is about, and this is an example of why “they” think the way “they” do about you.
      This attitude that the only thing that’s correct is what you believe, and if others don’t believe it too they are going to be punnished is what makes you impossible to take seriously. You have an obsession with conformity that drives you crazy if you’re not able to get the gratification of thinking YOU caused someone to conform to YOUR beliefs & norms.
      Beliefs that became your norms because they satisfy your selfish personalities that let you really make everything feel like everything is about YOU. The whole universe of God and angels and saints are concerned about YOUR life, watching everything you do and guiding you to the most happy you could possibly be, because it’s all about YOU. Then you get so comfortably selfish that you start changing and making-up history and science to not only suit your made-up ideas, but to give you a reason to think you are superior to everyone else that disagrees with you.
      By this time, you have gotten so spoiled – because anything you wanted to be true you just made up as “God’s word” – that anyone that disagrees with you must be out to get you, or persecuting you – just like a spoiled child that doesn’t get their way.
      It never occurs to you that some people just don’t believe, or they believe slightly differently, or that your ideas of a bearded man on a cloud are ridiculous. And you actually have the audacity to dictate to a stranger his fate because you’re mad that he didn’t join hands with you and sing gleefully about how gay people are going to hell?

      • You’re words irritate, not because they get to the heart of anything true, but because they ring of the type of atheistic condescension the internet is ripe with; also, you made a sweeping generalization, you claim that centuries old book is something we just “made up” (which means you’re either talking to people who died a long time ago or you’re convinced we have time travelers among us), and you have the AUDACITY to suggest the lot of us are gleeful about eternal suffering. I cannot get over that last one. I know there are some sick-minded people out there who are happy about it (Westboro Baptist comes to mind), but to suggest that a third of the planet wishes Hell on others…do you know what you’re suggesting? Hell is worse than the Holocaust. Hell is like…nothing I want to believe in, but I do believe in it because I don’t feel something will go away just because I refuse to believe in it. We don’t talk to strangers because we like the thought of telling strangers they’re going to Hell; we do it because we’re completely terrified that they will go there, and a word or testimoney from us might have made things turn out differently. Yes, Christians are selfish – we don’t want to live with the guilt. But you are startlingly self-centered to reduce such a huge group of people into such a small horrifying box.

      • Minh Nguyen says on

        How you wrestle with Yahweh about your guilt to spread the good news effectively is your business. I don’t have to participate in it.

        According to certain branches of Buddhism, you are destined to 18 levels of hell because you don’t accept the Buddha’s dharma. Your faith is seen as incomplete without 3 sacred Jewels protection. Eventually you will descend to worst level of hell. Worse than that, you will keep circling in reincarnation cycle without escape until you allow the Buddha and his dharma in your heart.

        Just think about if 80% of Americans believe what I just describe and preach to you every year, every week, every day, how do you feel?

        Just because you’re so sure that your belief is true doesn’t mean it’s true. Neither is Buddhist belief. My parents are serious dharma practicing Buddhists. Am I going to agree with them that they have the right to impose their belief on Christians? Absolutely not.

        If you even have some tiny empathy, you will understand many of us, non Christian immigrants who legally come to this country, are so sick of this mindset and fear imposing tactic from Christians.

        Honestly, when Vietnam is free of communism one day, I will return there. There are Christians in Vietnam who live and let live, unlike American Christians. I don’t come to this nation to receive psychological terrorism. Luckily, where I am living is not full of people like you.

  • Bob Dowdy says on

    After being in the ministry for 30 years, that the most effective way of witnessing is the show me approach instead of the tell me. People today have been churched to death, they need to see what the church, Christian, and the Gospel can do for them them and how much they care. A dear lady of a church where I was once their pastor gave the best advice on this subject that I have ever been taught, “People really don’t care what you know, they only want to know how much you care”.
    A lady visited our church a few times and then she didn’t show up for several Sundays, I ran into her on day and she began to give me several excuse why she hadn’t come. My reply to her was simple, “I am not here to beat you down for not coming, you’re a grown woman and you already know what you need to do. My job is to just tell you that we missed you and that the door is always open and you will always be welcome when you decide to come. The other issue of why you didn’t come is between you and God, that is not my job. Mine os to tell you that we love you and if you ever need us, we are just phone call away.”
    She was almost in shock,and said, “I have never been told that before, and I will return”.
    Often we see ourselves as the convector of sins, when actually we are just the mouth piece of the Gospel which say, Jesus loves all sinners (including us) and He gave his life for everyone, not to condemn the person so that there is fear or shame of entering our doors.
    As I read the gospels I see Jesus attending the physical needs before He speaks of the internal need.
    People have heard of caring we are, now they are waiting for us to show it!

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