By Thom S. Rainer
You weren’t looking for accolades or recognition. But, at the very least, you expected your successor at your church to be kind. You certainly did not expect him to generate a culture of negativity about you.
But he did. You have either retired or moved to another church. You were looking forward to this next season of life. Then you start getting word from friends at your former church that your successor is creating a culture for people to complain about you. The negativity is getting back to you.
To be clear, your successor does not have to say anything directly negative about you. But he has open forums, listening sessions, and surveys. He knows what he is doing. He is creating a gripe session about you.
You are not certain of his motives. You have always honored your predecessors. Is it ignorance? Is it insecurity? Is it malice?
It is a difficult time for you. While you did not expect to be revered, you are shocked at the negativity. How do you respond? Should you respond? What do you do? Here are five suggestions:
- Pray and leave it with God. Your pain may tempt you to do something or say something. Give it time. Give it to God. Let Him deal with it. He’s a lot better at it than you are.
- Don’t be defensive. When you get that call or email or text about how your successor is speaking of your ministry at your former church, don’t say negative things about him. Don’t try to deal with the reasons for the negativity. Let it go. You’ve already given it to God.
- Confide in very few people. You have a few people you can trust with your pain. Your spouse should be first among them. But keep that group of confidants very small. Don’t let the word get out that you are angry or defensive.
- Give it time. Your successor will eventually have to deal with some of the same issues for which he is criticizing you. He will eventually stop making you the scapegoat in his own insecurity. It may take longer than you would like. It will probably take longer than you like. But, eventually, your silence will speak volumes. Eventually, he will not be able to blame you for everything. You might even receive honor in the future.
- Focus on your new life and ministry. Don’t dwell on your past ministry. You are no longer there. Yes, it hurts when a successor creates a negative culture about your ministry at that church. But you are in a new ministry and a new season of life. Don’t let your successor take that joy away from you. Rejoice in the Lord. Always.
Most new pastors will have the wisdom, maturity, and kindness to speak well about their predecessors. But a few will not. And you will likely experience that pain at least once in your life and ministry.
You will be fine. You’ve got this. Even more, God’s got you.
Posted on March 9, 2020
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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18 Comments
i’m told most church consultants recommend total severance of a departing pastor. But is more like the corporate world or the Christ world of the New Testament? Why isn’t a departing pastor given a chance to prove himself, especially if he has been one to empower leaders all through his ministry and then get out of their way, along with a humble, servant spirit? Why are the negative examples of pastors who interfere always highlighted instead of a number of ones I”ve know by experience who stayed and only served as cheerleader and coach for the successor
Good point, Michael.
I would be reluctant to go to a church where the former pastor remains a member. I have seen too many problems from it.
A friend of mine did that – followed a teens- year tenured pastor.
It was a nightmare. The former pastor stayed in the church and was said to have undermined every thing the new pastor did. The new pastor was able to stay about 3 years. Those 3 years about drove him out of the ministry.
The same man later became an associational missionary. If anyone disagreed with him, he would cut them to shreds — he would undermine their chances of getting another church.
In another case, a former pastor moved 20 miles away, to another church in another town.
This guy was another one who would show up doing funerals and weddings without contacting or asking the families to contact the existing new pastor.
Are seminaries not teaching ministerial ethics? I am amazed at the underhanded and unethical stuff that goes on among pastors. I
If that kind of thing were to occur in the a university setting or the military, some people would be in big trouble.
In a university setting, teaching staff (Instructors, Assistant Professors, Associate Professors, and Full Professors) are not allowed to criticize their colleagues to each other or especially to students. That is a big no-no. There are formal ways of evaluation.
It is unfortunate that some “ministers” have little to no ethics when it comes to “being kind one to another” and avoiding gossip.
It is amazing God is able to do all He does, in spite of what goes on among some “ministers” who lack common sense and decent Christian ethics.
Thank you for this post. You assumed in the post that the pastor that left went to another place of ministry. I think there needs to be a theology developed in relation to this; especially when a pastor spends most of his adult life pastoring the church. I understand fully the need for a new and different approach in ministry in regards to generational issues and the like. And of course there is the need for the retired pastor to stay out of the church’s affairs etc. But the retired pastor is a member of the church and as such is in covenant with it. Perhaps a ministry of care to his soul could be developed while he is gathering his footing for the next chapter in his life. The retiring, long term of service pastor should also honor the new pastor as well. That thing goes both ways.
A pastor who pouts over the new one not “reaching out to him” ought to be ashamed.
And, when a pastor leaves a church field, he needs to stay out of the church and the new pastor’s ministry.
I have seen young pastors destroyed because they followed older ones who acted like spoiled third graders and negatively affected new pastors’ ministries.
I know of one case where an older pastor was followed by a very energetic and effective younger one.
This pastor criticized the young pastor to members of the church, to other pastors in the association, and even went to the state convention and criticized the young pastor.
Shame. Shame. Shame.
It was pure jealousy. Nothing more.
A smart pastor never publicly criticizes his predecessor, even if the predecessor deserves it. So what should you do if your successor is publicly criticizing you? Take the high road and let it go. It’ll come back to haunt him soon enough.
Maybe number 1-5 should all slide down a notch and be replaced with a critical number 1 — “It’s not about me”. First Corinthians has a lot to say about this and Paul consistently reminds us “for we are God’s servants, working together”
Numbers 1 and 5 are key. Pray about it and let it go then move on.
As one who served in the military for a full career one learns how to deal with both ends of the question; most officers spent, on average, between 2 and 3 years in a position then moved on. While not the same dynamic as a church, the response is the same – the past is the past and has passed and the last job is the last job. Learn from it and move on.
Having a thick skin comes from practice but it’s painful practice none the less.
Thanks, Thom, for dealing with this sensitive issue. Great advise. I’ve served as interim in three very difficult assignments where the leader left because of moral or character failures. There is a fine line between honor for the positive contributions the predecessor made and honest disclosure to allow for healing. However, it seems wiser to err on the side of generosity and emphasize the positive.
Well said, Wayne.
Just move on. It will become obvious in due time. Everything pretty much comes out in the wash.
I am a successor and I find myself biting my tongue a lot. Our pastor left due a moral failure that only some people knew about. When he left his public reasons were vague. He promised a public apology but never gave one before he left. I find myself wishing that he did so people would understand the context of my ministry better. So it’s led to some sticky situations for me. But I just find myself biting my tongue a lot and just wishing he could have more transparent to protect the ministry of the one following him.
How a pastor leaves is just as important as how they once arrived. My predecessor was run out of the church by a handful of deacons. Those same deacons then left the church. When I arrived many in the church constantly spoke of the former pastor and it was difficult for me to lead. What constantly drove me crazy is that he would show up out of nowhere to lead funerals that I should have been officiating. In the last few years he has been non-existent which is great. The church needs to move on and we need to stop living in the past.
This happened with our youth minister. People still ask why she left – 3 years later. It’s awkward for everyone. I know why she left and I know why nobody wants to talk about it. However, it was handled poorly by the remaining staff and it’s just shocking when there’s no reason given and the person just disappears from the church.
Read The Bait of Satin and take no offense and forgive!
Thanks, Robert.
I would not allow that to hinder me in my present ministry. I love idea number 1. Pray about it and leave God handle the rest. Satan could use that to distract me from being my best in my current ministry. Yes, we leave a part of ourselves in past ministries, but some issues are out of our hands. Not all of God’s people fall for that kind of activity.
Good word, Raymond.