I took to social media to gather some really funny things pastors wish they hadn’t said while preaching. Most preachers have a great sense of humor, even if it’s self-deprecating humor.
The following 20 are included in no particular order. I ended up leaving out some very funny faux pas, but I decided to keep it relatively clean with a PG rating.
1. “God loves a cheerful liver.”
2. “We must guard against that four-letter word called pride.”
3. While preaching on John 3 where Jesus talks about the wind blowing: “You can’t break wind.”
4. The word was supposed to be “deprecating,” but the pastor told them they needed to be “self-defecating.”
5. Speaking about making too many excuses, the pastor told the congregation he had “a big but that always gets in the way.”
6. In a child dedication service, the pastor said, “the history of child sacrifice goes back many centuries.”
7. It was supposed to be “hearts”: “Father, you know our farts.”
8. Preaching in a nursing home, the pastor told the residents, “God, I want you to bless each person here at this funeral home.”
9. It was supposed to be “enemies”: “God has given you power over all your enemas.”
10. “Mary washed her hair with Jesus’ feet.”
11. Two men named “Loose” had expectant wives: So the pastor said, “Please pray for these Loose women.”
12. The pastor was talking about how potters would fill impure pottery with wax to hide imperfections: “The problem with many believers is we have wax in our cracks.”
13. Christmas message speaking about how beautiful the Christmas tree is in his home: “I love sitting in the living room with nothing on but the Christmas tree.”
14. Speaking at a wedding: “Marriage should be endured, not enjoyed.”
15. The preacher meant to say “inflatables” during the announcements: “Please consider donating your blow-up dolls for our church’s Christmas outreach.”
16. He meant to say “biopsy”: “Please pray for Mrs. Jones who recently went in for an autopsy.”
17. The pastor meant to say Jesus will wipe away the tears from our faces. “Jesus will wipe away our faces.”
18. So much for fruit of the womb: “Behold, children are a blessing from the Lord, the fruit of the loom is a reward.”
19. Instead of “Jesus eats with sinners,” the pastor said, “Jesus eats sinners.”
20. The senior adult group in the church is called The Triple L Club (Live, Love, Laugh), but the pastor referred to them as “The Triple X Club.”
One pastor refrained from repeating the joke he told in church about his mother-in-law. He said he already had to sleep on the couch once.
I have a few faux pas myself, but I would rather hear your stories. Keep it mostly clean!
Posted on April 4, 2022
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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36 Comments
Not a mistake, but my former pastor often said:
“We have three divisions in our church nursery, sleepers, creepers, and leapers.”
Pastor said, “Pray for all those who are sick of our church.”
In my first congregation, a conservative group, I was teaching the congregation a round leading with my guitar and I inadvertently spooonerised ‘first part!’ No one blinked but I nearly choked.
Years ago we had a pastor preaching on the woman who came to Jesus with an issue of blood and when he began preaching he said she had a blood issue but the way he said it I thought he said the woman had a “bloody shoe.” I almost burst out laughing but thank God I was able to maintain my composure!
Not quite what the Pastor said. We had taken two granddaughters to our parish church – non-churchgoing families – and when the General Confession came round, I said quietly to them that this was when you said Sorry to God for having been naughty. The older one said in that carrying voice that little girls have “I’m not naughty but SHE is”, pointing to her cousin. The Vicar lost control of the service at that point! You cou create a sermon from that!
Two times others can’t seem to forget…
1) During an interim at our church, we had a guest preacher who was the president of a well-known seminary. As I was introducing him, I read his credentials, but failed to be completely accurate when I said, “Welcome __________, president of _________________ cemetery.”
2) While explaining to our youth group about the importance of reading God’s Word (good input) and the effects our ability to live for God, I used the analogy of our esteemed space program. I talked about the rigors of training, but also about proper diet. After making a statement that NASA would never feed those in training a steady diet of potato chips because of the potential weight gain, I said, “Our space program would never send a big astronaut into space.” The Bible study ended abruptly and we moved on.
A friend of mine was leading a funeral and a big-time preacher was in the congregation. He was nervous and meant to say, “We have a distinguished guest with us,” but said “We have an extinguished guest.” Well, yes—in the coffin.
Same guy was promoting missions and said we need to help our missionaries in Haiti—except he kept saying, “Hades.” Some old guy said, “Hades—I thought that was hell!” A bit late for mission efforts there.
I was speaking in the Lord’s supper and meant to say “pierced,” but left out the r—not a good word to say in church unless you are quoting “pisseth,” from the KJV.
I was using a sermon illustration for how God shapes us and meant to say, “play dough,” but instead said, “I gave all my children playboy.” The congregation roared for ten minutes—and it was broadcast on TV.
Dennis, Sounds like you could write a book, my friend! These were hilarious!
Don
Walking into a prayer meeting where they were burning incense I said out loud, “Mmm, incest!”
I often mix up nursing home and funeral home. Since then, I refer to them as ‘the homes.’ Which offers up conversation elsewhere.
Back around 2000 in a True Love Waits message, I was supposed to say “hormones going wild” and instead said, “hemorrhoids going wilde.” We should have prayed and went home at that point because the service was over!
I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time. Wow. Thank you for that!