You never know what will strike a nerve in the blogosphere. A blog post I wrote Saturday went viral, and the comments, discussion, and debate are still taking place at that post.
It was really a simple article. I did a Twitter poll (not scientific, I assure you) asking first-time church guests what factors made them decide not to return. I listed the top ten in order of frequency.
The surprise factor was the number one issue. Many first-time guests really don’t like the time of stand and greet one another that some churches have. According to the Twitter responses and comments on the post, many guests really don’t like it, so much so that they will not return.
So what is it about this stand and greet time that many guests don’t like? Here are the seven most common responses, again listed in order of frequency.
- Many guests are introverts. “I would rather have a root canal than be subjected to a stand and greet time.”
- Some guests perceive that the members are not sincere during the time of greeting. “In most of the churches it should be called a stand and fake it time. The members weren’t friendly at all except for ninety seconds.”
- Many guests don’t like the lack of hygiene that takes place during this time. “Look, I’m not a germaphobe, but that guy wiped his nose right before he shook my hand.”
- Many times the members only greet other members. “I went to one church where no one spoke to me the entire time of greeting. I could tell they were speaking to people they already knew.”
- Both members and guests at some churches perceive the entire exercise is awkward. “Nowhere except churches do we have times that are so awkward and artificial. If members are going to be friendly, they would be friendly at other times as well. They’re not.”
- In some churches, the people in the congregation are told to say something silly to one another. “So the pastor told us to tell someone near us that they are good looking. I couldn’t find anyone who fit that description, so I left and didn’t go back.”
- Not only do some guests dread the stand and greet time, so do some members. “I visited the church and went through the ritual of standing and greeting, but many of the members looked just as uncomfortable as I was. We were all doing a required activity that none of us liked.”
There are some pretty strong comments at the other post, and not all of them are negative about a stand and greet time. But apparently many guests really don’t like the exercise.
Should churches that have a stand and greet time continue to do so? Is it more negative than positive, or vice versa? Does your church have this activity? How do you feel about it? I look forward to your responses.
Posted on November 3, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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314 Comments
As a pastor I am conflicted about the ‘stand and greet time”. I had one parishioner who absolutely hated it and rolled his eyes every time it was time to shake hands. Then I had another parishioner (a widow) who told me it was the only time during the week she was hugged. I think if we do keep this practice it should be done theologically, pastorally and thoughtfully.
Were I in that situation I’d consider figuring out a way to get the widow more hugs throughout the week – that sounds like a much deeper problem than what can be addressed with a Sunday meet & greet. 🙂
It is not only the “meet and greet time” that is awkward. I have been to churches that at the close of the service have everyone hold hands across the aisle while the pastor says a benediction prayer. I abhor this activity as much as the “meet and greet.” I find it very embarrassing because I am missing a left hand, and the stranger who grabs my left stump usually reacts with surprise and sometimes pulls away from me.
I’ve never really cared for this greeting time. You don’t have long enough for a conversation, so you should talk before and after service.
Plus, this is very hard on people with health issues. Many people live in chronic pain (invisible to others) and handshakes are scary. You never know if it’ll be a barely touched or hard squeeze. It’s very awkward for me to deny someone a handshake. What do I say? I shouldn’t have to tell a stranger my list of health issues, just to get out of a handshake.
The Problem with our churches today is we are afraid to embarrass someone. I believe in recognizing visitors either by standing, raising of the hand, giving visitors a name tag so the congregation can greet them and show brotherly love. Make them feel welcome.
2nd, When you have a new convert, having them say something, don ‘t worry about embarrassment. Start them off right from the start being a strong Bold Christian . We have too many silent Christians today and that is one thing wrong. Teach them, Mentor them. Spend time with them. Have them give testimonies, It could help someone else to make a decision.
The 3 churches in our charge do not have a meet and greet, but I am a Lay Servant and preach at several other churches in our area that do have it. They call it “Sharing of the Spirit” or “Passing the Peace”. I honestly don’t enjoy it. I have noticed that many use it as a time to talk among themselves, not just greet someone and move on to the next person. It ends up lasting 10 minutes sometimes, which makes the services longer. Most of our members either come early to greet each other, or stay after. They don’t need that interruption in the middle of the service.
As with everything we do, we should constantly review for effectiveness. In most cases, the visitor stands awkwardly by while members chat with each other. If your intent is to make visitors feel like an outcast, then you are achieving you objective. If you believe this forced time of “friendliness” can make up for the 15 minutes of unengagement prior to service beginning, then you are mistaken.
Ha! I find all of this very entertaining.
I get introverts don’t appreciate this time, but not everyone is an introvert – just 1/3 of us are. So, what about those that crave the human interaction at this time.
Our church (which, has historically been a church full of introverts, but has moved more towards a much more friendly, relational experience) recently tried to do away with the greeting time. We immediately got a host of complaints from people that we removed it.
So, our solution = do it sometimes… 😉
The thing that seems to be missing from much of the conversation is this: Does the welcome/greeting time serve a theological purpose?
I believe a strong case can be made for “yes it does,” but only when intentionality exists in how the time is talked about and facilitated. Paul encourages people to “greet each other with a holy kiss” when gathering for worship (culturally appropriate for its day).
What if greeting each other and having a spirit of hospitality wasn’t primarily about making people feel welcome or comfortable. What if being hospitable towards each other in worship were an ACT of worship itself, in which the church reacted the fellowship of the Triune God?
http://momosmusings.blogspot.com/2014/09/800×600-normal-0-false-false-false-en.html
When I was in a synodical, liturgical church in my youth, the meet and greet time was the moment in the service when we felt able to let down our hair a bit, if you will, the one “casual” moment in the service. But not for long. It was unique and limited, with a basic scripted greeting, and easy to pull back into the larger liturgy. Now so many churches are casual in everything they do, all the time, that the greeting time has lost any helpful meaning. As a rule, the most I can exchange with a guest or individual I haven’t met yet is the suburb they come from. There’s no time to really get to know someone. If the people in the church don’t care about me before the service, and don’t care about me after the service, the little greeting time in the middle is going to seem all the more false. When I really want to flee is when people get up out of their seats and start crossing the sanctuary to greet their friends and tell them something they just can’t wait until the service is over to share, when they’re going to lunch anyway. The time becomes a feeling of chaos in what would otherwise be an orderly hour (or 2). Introducing chaos into a large group setting rubs my psyche the wrong way (God is a God of order, right?), tho we have a handful of friends who love large chaotic groups and events. Anyway, fun, fascinating discussion. Maybe next time we can talk about how we feel about people who bring COFFEE into the service every week……. :oD
Great article and great comments!! I love to read varying perspectives. I’m always cautious to classify a cultural or individual preference as the prescribed answer for effectiveness. We do the greet. We do the corporate prayer. We read Scripture corporately. We even occasionally have some presenters that may sometimes come off as a game show host, not because they are cheesy, but they are genuinely those “you can’t really be this happy” kind of people. However, I’ve got enough years under my belt to realize that the body of Christ is made of many parts, each unique, each wonderfully designed. If a church is reaching their community for Jesus, I have no desire to change what works for them. If every church were identical in methods, we would all be reaching a lot less people. Not every guest will connect to every church – in fact, most church folk don’t even know what it means to commit to a body of believers; but if a guest doesn’t feel a fit at our church, there is always one around the corner. Because I care more about building the Kingdom than my church, I am the first to recommend a church that may be a better fit for them. I am thankful that not every church looks and acts like mine! We are better together.
Thanks for provoking my brain this morning.
I pastor a small rural church where this has been the tradition. I personally prefer the “natural” greeting that happens before and after services. For many of the reasons mentioned, I tried to eliminate the “greet time” and had immediate backlash. The proponents I think are more readily willing to share their opinion, and those that would rather it go away, tend to be quieter. If the folks are greeting everyone as they enter, and looking for visitors to greet, the “greet time” seems repetitive and disruptive. Some traditions die hard.
I am a staff member of a traditional church that does this almost every Sunday. Although I have been to churches in the past that did not take part in this, I believe this is a great time to share a smile and a greeting to someone you may not catch before they dart out of the door for Sunday lunch. I am a proponent of attempting to make the church a place that everyone feels comfortable to linger after the service is over to meet and greet.
Before I came on staff here, I was part of a church plant team that got to see a church grow from nothing to over 200 attendees every Sunday morning in 2 years. It was an incredible time, but the biggest complaint that we had was that there was not a meet and greet time. With my experience in modern church plants and contemporary churches, the start time may be concrete, but the time when attendees show us is very blurred. Due to this, there is not a vast amount of time for people to meet and greet. I do not feel overarching decision can be made on this topic, rather it should be within the confines of a local church. If you have church members who are very unfriendly, i suggest you not practice, if you have outgoing members who are intentional about making visitors feel welcome, I feel this practice could set your church apart. People may not attend the church again because they felt awkward, but they will attend if they are able to make a connection with one individual during that first meeting.