Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?

You never know what will strike a nerve in the blogosphere. A blog post I wrote Saturday went viral, and the comments, discussion, and debate are still taking place at that post.

It was really a simple article. I did a Twitter poll (not scientific, I assure you) asking first-time church guests what factors made them decide not to return. I listed the top ten in order of frequency.

The surprise factor was the number one issue. Many first-time guests really don’t like the time of stand and greet one another that some churches have. According to the Twitter responses and comments on the post, many guests really don’t like it, so much so that they will not return.

So what is it about this stand and greet time that many guests don’t like? Here are the seven most common responses, again listed in order of frequency.

  1. Many guests are introverts. “I would rather have a root canal than be subjected to a stand and greet time.”
  2. Some guests perceive that the members are not sincere during the time of greeting. “In most of the churches it should be called a stand and fake it time. The members weren’t friendly at all except for ninety seconds.”
  3. Many guests don’t like the lack of hygiene that takes place during this time. “Look, I’m not a germaphobe, but that guy wiped his nose right before he shook my hand.”
  4. Many times the members only greet other members. “I went to one church where no one spoke to me the entire time of greeting. I could tell they were speaking to people they already knew.”
  5. Both members and guests at some churches perceive the entire exercise is awkward. “Nowhere except churches do we have times that are so awkward and artificial. If members are going to be friendly, they would be friendly at other times as well. They’re not.”
  6. In some churches, the people in the congregation are told to say something silly to one another. “So the pastor told us to tell someone near us that they are good looking. I couldn’t find anyone who fit that description, so I left and didn’t go back.”
  7. Not only do some guests dread the stand and greet time, so do some members. “I visited the church and went through the ritual of standing and greeting, but many of the members looked just as uncomfortable as I was. We were all doing a required activity that none of us liked.”

There are some pretty strong comments at the other post, and not all of them are negative about a stand and greet time. But apparently many guests really don’t like the exercise.

Should churches that have a stand and greet time continue to do so? Is it more negative than positive, or vice versa? Does your church have this activity? How do you feel about it? I look forward to your responses.

Posted on November 3, 2014


With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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314 Comments

  • Most of the comments are not coming from guests. We need to be careful not to project our thoughts and feelings on others ( comfort zone). One thing we do know that is the worse case scenario, and I have this happen about 95% of the time is when no one says anything to me! It is just unbelievable, whether the church is a 100 or 2,000 that as a guest no one even acknowledges me. A close second is to have a time of greeting and no one talk to you. Satan never invites people to church. A man or woman has to go out of their way to come to worship; isn’t it up to us to discover why they are here today ? can’t we be good hosts in any form for God in his house ?

  • Seems i’m in the minority of people who find the “greeting time” or “fellowship” time actually quite meaningful.

    To look take a minute or two during cooperate (i think this means as a group) worship and acknowledge the group, look around to see those who also decided to show up to church, and to spend a few seconds being friendly seem hardly contrary or distracting to worship. Sad state of affairs if something so innocently engaging has become offensive or akward to people.

    Peoples lives have become so rushed and scheduled that this small moment in the service can be a great reminder to slow down and engage. To acknoweldge the “Family of God” (Someone should write a song about that -*wink).

    I certainly hope this isn’t another step we’re taking to remove ourselves even further from actually touching, hugging or acknowldeging people in our lives. It’s like the new trend of “fist bumping” – just another steop away from actually having to touch another human. lol Sad.

    So if we’re trying to do away with distractions…let’s stop taking offerings. Those bug me more. And talk about being offensive to visitiors. They already think the church only wants their money. Hmmm….

    • Robert Wall says on

      The better churches I’ve been a part of preface the offering with something like:

      Now we’re going to take an offering. This is something we do as a church, to support the mission of the church. If you’re visiting us today, please don’t feel any obligation to participate – just let the plate pass you by. We’re so glad you’re here.

      It diffuses that situation pretty nicely. 🙂

  • So encouraging to hear that others struggle with this. I was surprised that it was the number one reason guests cited for not returning, but then again… if they don’t return, most of the time you’ll never really know why. I also wonder if this might be an unspoken reason why some of our folks don’t show up until after our church’s extended “Greeting Time” is over.

    Personally, I don’t like greeting time. I don’t do well with spontaneous conversation and freeform social time in large groups. I tried. I failed. So now… I disappear. I find something to do or someplace else to be for that 5 minutes of the service.

  • Ecumenical Christian says on

    Does “sharing the peace” count?

  • I am 37 and a life long church goer. When my church started doing this, I would actually leave the sanctuary until it was over. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and I think the chaos that ensues takes away from the reverence that a church is supposed to have. Fortunately, my new church doesn’t do it.

  • Our church has discovered that we can accomplish many things during the ‘meet ‘n greet’ time. We begin the service with a video, then a staff pastor welcomes everyone, new guests, scripture, then after everyone stands, he prays(for offering too) for the service. Afterwards, everyone is asked to take a few moments to greet, we position ushers throughout the church to receive tithe/offerings, the worship team plays music only, this time allows our pastor to spot out new guests and introduce himself, sound/media technicians make any needed adjustments, host greeters give welcome packets/cups to new guests, then the praise begins and it is powerful and seamless from that moment going forward.

  • My husband and I were both raised in the church so we are no stranger to this custom of greeting. However, we are both introverts and find this activity very painful and insincere. As a military family, we have to go through this every time we look for a new church after we have moved. I wish the meet and greet activity would end as well as standing before the church publicly when you want to join. We are hesitating “formally” joining a church right now, because we know we will have to stand before a church of thousands.

  • I’m sorry but since when should we let outsiders and possibly the unsaved dictate what we do in our churches? This avoidance of being courteous and social with some people is indicative of a much deeper problem. Greeting others (in a healthy and genuinely loving church) is what church community should encourage, not avoid! We have become so self centered and individualistic today that body life greatly suffers. All of this is symptomatic of a sick Church.

    • It is the outsiders and unsaved that we are supposed to be bringing to the church. If the practice of “meet and greet” during the service is turning them away it is actually a stumbling block we are putting in front of them.

      • The Gospel is also a stumbling block to the unsaved. So where does this type of reasoning draw it’s line?! The carnal mind will always find something to be offended by. The Church is designed to be a place for Christians not the unsaved. If they get saved while hearing the Gospel, then great. But we do not design our Churches to appeal to the unbeliever. That is when we will start to compromise and it’s downhill from there. Evangelism is mainly meant to be person to person in the outside world.

  • Kenni Raye says on

    As someone who is in the process of searching for a new church home – I have seen the pros and cons of this demonstrated differently. The majority of churches no longer do this – and that is sad. Why would you not take a minute to welcome another into God’s house? Granted, it may make you a bit uncomfortable – but the one who is visiting needs to be noticed and given a warm handshake and a kind smile. THEY ARE ALREADY UNCOMFORTABLE HAVING TO VISIT YOUR CHURCH. When a Body opts to forego this time, the visitor may not get any recognition of their presence – and that is unfortunate. If we are welcoming and loving (as most churches tout on their websites and bulletins) – then certainly we can demonstrate this early on by greeting folks. I was disappointed when the church had a time of greeting – but nobody greeted us – it was very obvious that we were visiting. On the way out, there was a tv screen which read, “We are so glad you came today! Thanks for visiting us.” To which I waved my hand at the screen and said, “thanks for noticing!” BTW – LOOK FOR THE VISITOR, as well as shake the hand of the brother or sister that gets overlooked in your church family. We never know what good a simple act of kindness can do for another – especially if we choose not to extend ourselves. Get out of your pew and say hello.
    KRS

  • As an introvert (and a vocational church leader) I found the original post that sparked the continued discussion very interesting and helpful information. Countless relational issues come to a head because one (or more) parties hasn’t a clue how the other(s) might actually be feeling. I’m an extreme introvert. My senior pastor is an extreeeeme extrovert, but he married a delightfully witty and engaging introvert, so he’s more attuned to the dynamic than he might otherwise be. But he still needs reminding.

    Here’s my take on the introvert/extrovert dynamic as regards social interaction:

    Extroverts find few things that introverts prefer to be uncomfortable … but,
    Introverts find many things that extroverts prefer to be uncomfortable.

    In other words, extroverts can more easily tolerate situations that make introverts comfortable than introverts are able to tolerate situations that energize extroverts. Does that mean we need to cater to the introverts all the time? Not really. But it does remind us that we are to look out for each other’s best interests according to Philippians 2.

    As to the “Stand and Greet” time, here are my thoughts:

    http://momosmusings.blogspot.com/2014/09/800×600-normal-0-false-false-false-en.html

  • I really love the “holy commotion.” I dunno, I always enjoy the time to acknowledge the people around and be thankful that you are all there to participate in worship together. It feels different than just chatting before the service. When I’m not in the choir loft, I like to spy out unfamiliar people my age and invite them to our small group. It’s hard to catch people after the service once everyone is heading out. Maybe it’s just me, but even when I’m visiting a church and know no one, I look forward to it. And I’m an extremely socially awkward introvert in most other situations, just to be clear.

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