You never know what will strike a nerve in the blogosphere. A blog post I wrote Saturday went viral, and the comments, discussion, and debate are still taking place at that post.
It was really a simple article. I did a Twitter poll (not scientific, I assure you) asking first-time church guests what factors made them decide not to return. I listed the top ten in order of frequency.
The surprise factor was the number one issue. Many first-time guests really don’t like the time of stand and greet one another that some churches have. According to the Twitter responses and comments on the post, many guests really don’t like it, so much so that they will not return.
So what is it about this stand and greet time that many guests don’t like? Here are the seven most common responses, again listed in order of frequency.
- Many guests are introverts. “I would rather have a root canal than be subjected to a stand and greet time.”
- Some guests perceive that the members are not sincere during the time of greeting. “In most of the churches it should be called a stand and fake it time. The members weren’t friendly at all except for ninety seconds.”
- Many guests don’t like the lack of hygiene that takes place during this time. “Look, I’m not a germaphobe, but that guy wiped his nose right before he shook my hand.”
- Many times the members only greet other members. “I went to one church where no one spoke to me the entire time of greeting. I could tell they were speaking to people they already knew.”
- Both members and guests at some churches perceive the entire exercise is awkward. “Nowhere except churches do we have times that are so awkward and artificial. If members are going to be friendly, they would be friendly at other times as well. They’re not.”
- In some churches, the people in the congregation are told to say something silly to one another. “So the pastor told us to tell someone near us that they are good looking. I couldn’t find anyone who fit that description, so I left and didn’t go back.”
- Not only do some guests dread the stand and greet time, so do some members. “I visited the church and went through the ritual of standing and greeting, but many of the members looked just as uncomfortable as I was. We were all doing a required activity that none of us liked.”
There are some pretty strong comments at the other post, and not all of them are negative about a stand and greet time. But apparently many guests really don’t like the exercise.
Should churches that have a stand and greet time continue to do so? Is it more negative than positive, or vice versa? Does your church have this activity? How do you feel about it? I look forward to your responses.
Posted on November 3, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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“The preacher, he’s too young, or maybe he’s too old;
The sermons, they’re not hard enough, or maybe they’re too bold.
His voice is much too quiet-like; sometimes he gets too LOUD.
He needs to have more dignity, or else he’s way too proud.”
“The sermons ,they’re too long, or maybe they’re too short.
He ought to preach the Word with dignity, instead of stomp and snort.
That preacher we’ve got must be the world’s most stuck-up man;
One of the ladies told me the other day, ‘Well, he didn’t even shake my hand!'”
I don’t mean any disrespect to Dr. Rainer (I know he’s only reporting his research), but these lyrics to that great old son keep coming to mind when I read these blogs and the comments that follow. The reality is, you’re not going to please everyone. Some people are turned off when the preacher wears a tie; some people are turned off when he does not. Some people are turned off by traditional music; some people are turned off by contemporary music. Some people are turned off by the “meet and greet” time; some people are turned off by the lack of one. When people are determined to stay out of church, they will find their excuses.
For those of that are not familiar with southern gospel music, the words I quoted earlier were from an old Kingsmen song titled “Excuses”. I close with the chorus:
“Excuses, excuses, you hear them every day.
And the devil, he’ll supply them, if from church you’ll stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the devil always loses,
So to keep those folks away from church, he offers them excuses!”
“these lyrics to that great old son”
LOL! Hopefully, most people know I meant “great old *SONG*”. Either way, sorry for the boo-boo! 🙂
Drives me crazy…….
I’ve even felt tempted to dive out a window to avoid going down the meet’n’greet road block that some churches set up. If you’re in the choir you often have to go through it TWICE after a service to get out of the building. At least those early birds that show up first to snag a seat on the back row can ‘sneak out’ before the pile up begins!
I’m not particularly fond of the mid-service calls for greetings during a formal worship service either. Those sorts of mixer activities are better reserved for less formal events where attendees know in advance that it will be an informal/social setting.
I can certainly appreciate that many church goers love the doorway pile up and the mid service shake down for hugs and hand shakes, and that’s fine. It’s nice however, when we can side step the hug fest, and have an alternate path to the exit!
Give people options and plenty of space worship and learn…….
I just usually use the time to go to the restroom or get a drink. But no…I don’t like it for the same reasons listed above.
If you are uncomfortable saying a simple hello to your neighbor, stranger or not, then how will you ever be comfortable proclaiming your faith to someone else, friend or not? The ritual of Stand & Greet is intended to help you grow more comfortable in doing just that.
Everyone feels at least a tad awkward and the more awkward you feel the more you really need to Stand & Greet. You can only overcome your fears by confronting them. If you feel it’s fake then maybe that’s because it is you who is being fake. Act with conviction, Stand & Greet!
“For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.”
We have used the “meet and greet” for awhile. Then I went to Ukraine on a mission trip. I came back realizing our “welcome” was very ordinary. I started using the moment to welcome people. This fellowship moment has two purposes:
1. Fellowship
There are three levels of fellowship.
a. Superficial – light, easy – happens in rows
b. Transformational – semicircle, small group, moves people to authentic fellowship
c. Sacrificial – circle, small group, Acts 2:42
Part of the meet and greet is fellowship? Then it would fall under #1. So the question is “how can the church welcome people with excellent hospitality?
We are going to route guests to our welcome center. It’s excellent. We give a gift (or 3 🙂 and can show hospitality. We are opening a new coffee bar. We could give first timers a free latte. I’m serious.
2. Evangelism
I’m not sure I’ve heard many people mention this. But we want a card from people. We do follow up. We email, hand written note, and leave a gift on the doorstep Sunday afternoon.
There is an evangelistic element to this. I recommend we not forget that on the altar of “I just don’t like it.”
What I suggest is welcome people at the end of the service. Let them come to the welcome center. An earlier “welcome” can happen, but leave off the “meet and greet.” Save it for after the service and let guests choose it. Christ followers should be beyond the “superficial” stage anyway, right?
Each has its own cultural nuances. Our church has done a greeting time for as long as I’ve been there. I’ve never had a guest negatively comment either personally or via email anonymously or othereise. I would assess our church as extremely warm and friendly per the testimonies of guests. I view this as one among many opportunities to communicate to our guests that we value the effort they have put into coming to visit. If they should fill out a visitor information slip our goal is to have a welcome packet waiting at their door before they even arrive at their home. This includes a loaf of some kind of baked bread (loaves of love ministry). All this to say that for an individual or family to put themselves out there to come visit warrants similar effort on our part to appreciate it. So yes we practice greeting guests and members as well as a Scripture and prayer time. We sing and worship. We receive an offering. And we preach expositional sermons. Few have ever expressed displeasure or discomfort. Everyone doesn’t join but a lot do. What works here doesn’t necessarily work everywhere.
I don’t particularly care either way. I have been to churches with and without the handshaking. My husband is more of an introvert and really hates that activity, so he just stays in the pew or excuses himself to the restroom. For me personally, it is not a reason to attend, or not attend a church.
I could do with or without the stand & greet. My church does it though and I make it pleasurable and warm with whoever I greet. Some people might come late to avoid it. We also have music and a scripture reading time. To really connect with the people, our church passes an attendance book to sign or not. This way the church knows who is showing up and also who the visitors were, if they choose to sign the visitor side. When the pastor announces the attendance book will be passed down the row, he/she encourages the last person in the row to pass it back so others can see who are sitting in their pew. First time visitors will have a church mug delivered to their home by a church volunteer, if they included their address in the attendance book.
http://www.cor.org is our church website.
pass the peace, anyone?
I pastor a small church here in Sumter, SC. We take a few brief moments and give folks the opportunity to shake a hand or two during our Sunday morning worship time. It’s a wonderful thing. Lots of handshakes and hugs. People connecting with others. It’s a special time for us. Only good things come out of our stand and greet time at New Calvary Baptist Church!
I’m just so glad we aren’t required to “greet with a holy kiss” any more, as the early church reportedly did (different circumstances, of course)
I have been very thankful that we’ve deleted this aspect of our worship at the church I pastor. It was stretching to 10+ minutes and seriously impeding worship. Most churches already struggle with God-centeredness in their worship; and this was certainly the case in ours.
Beyond that, it violates the Regulative Principle of Worship; therefore it has no place in the public worship of God.
Is fellowship a legitimate biblical function of the church? Yes, of course. But not during worship. After worship, when we fulfill the “one-anothers,” when we have genuine life-on-life time, when we can truly bear each others’ burdens, admonish each other, serve and encourage each other — that’s the context for fellowship.