Eight of the Most Significant Struggles Pastors Face

Before me are handwritten notes that I took over a few weeks from various social media interactions, emails, and a few phone calls. The total is nearly 200 separate communications to me. I kept a record of them for one simple reason: I wanted to identify the greatest pain points of pastors today.

In many ways, there are no surprises. Indeed, I doubt most of you will be surprised at my findings. If nothing else, it is a good reminder of how we can help our pastors, and how we can pray for them. Of course, you will quickly see that they are not mutually exclusive. They are listed in the order of frequency I noted.

  1. Criticism and conflict. I do have a few observations about this number one issue. First, it seems to be growing, and pastors seem to be experiencing greater challenges. Second, most of the issues of conflict are not doctrinal issues. Indeed, most are trivial issues. Finally, very few pastors are equipped and trained to deal with the steady stream of critics and crises.
  2. Family problems. Many pastors struggle with expectations by church members of their spouses or children. Others struggle with finding time for their families. Many pastors’ families struggle with the “glass house” syndrome.
  3. Stress. The pastor’s life is one of emotional highs and lows. It includes critics and adoring fans. Expectations from church members can be unreasonable. The very nature of a pastor’s call into ministry can lend itself to seemingly unending stress.
  4. Depression. Every time I write about this topic, I hear from countless pastors and staff. Depression is pervasive in pastoral ministry. And it is often the “secret” problem.
  5. Burnout. Local church ministry can attract two broad types of persons: the lazy and the workaholic. Accountability is often low, and it can be easy to get away with little work, or to work 70 plus hours a week. I see more of the latter than the former.
  6. Sexual problems. These problems are most often in one of two categories: pornography or marital unfaithfulness.
  7. Financial problems. Most of the world hears about the few pastors who make huge salaries. The reality is that the majority of pastors struggle financially.
  8. Time management. Expectations of pastors can be unrealistic. Pastors are often expected to attend multiple meetings, to visit countless congregants, to prepare sermons with excellence, to provide ongoing strategic leadership, to conduct weddings and funerals, and to be involved in the community. Many pastors don’t know how or when to say “no.” And many are not good at delegating, or they really don’t have anyone who can handle some of their responsibilities.

Most pastors love their callings. Most pastors enjoy most of what they do in ministry. And most pastors wouldn’t change their role if they could. Still, many pastors have ongoing challenges and struggles. And many would gladly receive help from church members, a word of encouragement from most anyone, and the knowledge that others are praying for them.

What do you think of the eight struggles I noted? What would you add to this list?

Posted on March 1, 2014


With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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140 Comments

  • Someone mentioned the stress of being a physician. I know quite a few surgeons who perform very risky procedures. I know one who tragically took his own life. Others learn now to cope with stress by going on vacation, having hobbies unrelated to medicine, and retiring early and switching to less stressful positions, like professor or just taking clinic. They also usually have a physician friend in whom they can confide who also looks out for them. If that person sees something strange, he will get him aside and talk to him.

    If you are minister having coping issues, find someone to talk to. Go to someone who is clergy in a different denomination if you don’t feel like you can trust one in your own denomination.

  • Bernice Hofer says on

    After years of being out of ministry two of our adult children still do not attend church because of the glass house situation. We pray for them all the time. Reentry stress after living in another culture is a tough one, if ministry was done in another country. Please pray for Tom and Michelle.

  • another one you could add to the list – the inability to be able to handle the condemnation, judgement, and rejecton when you fail. The church at large speaks about understandng, coming along side of, and restoration, but when the “professionals” fall, it’s not to be found.

  • Dr. Rainer,

    Thanks for compiling this list–it’s spot on. I would add “stuck” to the list. Many Pastors find themselves trapped by their own shame over living in a way that goes contrary to what they proclaim to the congregation. Some wrongly believe that an honest confession of their real condition may jeopardize their job or the trust of the congregation. We’re all broken, sinful and in need of Jesus. When we all realize that truth transformation can begin to take place.

    I pray that your blog will help point the way to freedom and health for all of us engaged in Gospel ministry.

  • Thom, I truly appreciate what you do to bring attention to the stresses that ministers face. I remember reading that the three most stressful jobs in the world are doctor, lawyer, and pastor! I realize that you and I might not agree on a lot of things, but I think it is hugely important to get ministers the support network they need. I’ve had minister friends who really suffered in silence because their “loving” flocks would have ripped them to shreds at the first sign of human weakness. It produces a culture wherein it is *FAR* more likely for scandals and improprieties to occur as ministers hold out as long as they can, then crack. And I don’t want that any more than you do. It’s just not healthy for anybody–not for the minister, not for his or her family, not for the people they are trying to guide along this crazy thing we call life, not for society.

    I would only add “isolation” to the list you’ve outlined here. I feel so hugely for the ministers I’ve known who just felt totally alone, all the time, and could not even go to a therapist or get a massage or whatever because if someone from church found out, it’d be all over–they might lose their job, their house, their everything! It’s not like a job, where you can go out and do stuff your boss wouldn’t maybe approve but who cares, it’s your free time. In ministry, you’re “on” 24/7, and the culture just totally frowns on ministers needing anything. They must be SUPERCHRISTIAN, all the time. Thank you for letting me post here, btw, and best wishes on this series —

  • Thom,
    The “glass house” issue is often far more grave than any of us realize.
    As difficult as it is for the pastors, it is equally stressful for their wives and children. And bi-vocational pastors are probably under much more stress and scrutiny than fully supported pastors.

    While serving as a Mission Service Corps volunteer consultant at the association and state level for many years, I was more often invited by bi-vos to find volunteers to help them because they did not really know how to “equip” their members to do the work of the ministry. Those churches could not afford to put me up in a motel, so I usually was a guest in their home during my visit.

    I cannot tell you how many nights their wives kept me up throughout the night after their (pastor) husbands went to bed, simply because they had such burdens on their hearts that they could not even articulate to their husbands.

    The primary one was that they never felt truly safe and secure confiding in anyone (other women) in their church. The women all wanted her as their best friend and confidantet and jealousy prevailed if anyone felt slighted. They all sought to be her confidante so they could be the one who felt superior to the other women if they knew all her secrets and there were cliques that existed long before she arrived who never quite accepted her and held her at arm’s length while criticizing her for not being aware of all their customs, traditions and histories.

    Basically, they needed someone who would listen who they knew they would not have to face at church on Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night who might betray their innermost fears and secrets and they latched on to me like a lifeline, knowing when I left their secrets and fears left with me and they would not have to worry about me gossiping to the other women and revealing their vulnerabilities.

    In a perfect world, their husbands should fill that role, but these precious women were more often than not just trying to protect him from more stress…OR…he was the source of their resentment because all his compassion, time and energy was spent “pastoring” the church while unintentionally neglecting his family. There was nothing left for them.

    My overt purpose was to go and consult with the pastors to help recruit long-term volunteers to come help them and encourage them in the process, but after a while, it was clear that these bi-vocational wives were just as much, if not more, God’s purpose for me being in their homes. They have all the same struggles of their husbands…plus the burden of supporting him day in and day out…and often helping supporting him (and therefore) the ministry of the church by holding down jobs of their own outside the home. All the while, trying to present to the world, their church and the community (including their workplace) the appearance of a perfect wife, perfect helpmate, perfect parent, perfect family life, perfect citizen, perfect employee and generally the perfect example of Christ to everyone who thinks pastors and their wives are…well…PERFECT…and have all the wisdom, all the answers and have it all together in their own lives!

    They are under all the scrutiny he is under and MORE and have few close relationships they can trust who will love them despite their flaws. They, as well as their husbands, cannot allow themselves to be truly transparent with any other human being because we, as congregants EXPECT them to be perfect…because if they are not…what hope do we have?

    It’s a big ‘ole Catch-22 that perpetuates an unbearably false obligation by imperfect pastors and their families to set a perfect example for imperfect people. Somewhere in the process of trying to point them to the ONLY example of perfection, Christ, Himself, they fall victim to the lie (a subtle, unintentional. hypocritical Christ-complex) that if their congregants do not see Christ’s perfection in them, they will never see it at all.

    That burden is too great for any human being to live up to year after year after year and eventually leads to burn-out, depression, despair and desertion of their calling, their churches and unfortunately, often even their own families.

    I wish I had an easy answer for these wives and pastors. We are all responsible for the conundrum, but churches (the collective congregants) rarely acknowledge their own flaws and shoot their wounded shepherds…or worse exile him and his whole family to a desert of depression and despair because they did not meet an expectation of perfection.

    Thank you, Thom, for bringing to light this hidden and uncomfortable problem few have the courage to face.
    BLESSINGS!

    • Thom Rainer says on

      Deb: What an incredible contribution you’ve made to this topic! Thank you for taking the time to write. I know many will benefit when they read your comments.

  • Dr Rainer, I agreed very much with your list. I’ve experienced most of these at some point in my 32 years of ministry in our church. Where I am now in my walk is learning to understand just how much the Holy Spirit really wants to fill every part of my life. We pastors (I’ve served as youth pastor most of those years) get so caught up in the “doing” of planning, leading, teaching, equipping and pleasing people that the human effort gets exhausted and we’ve forgotten what it means to abide in Christ and wait on the Lord. Pastors, lay leaders and members all contribute to the mounting expectations that we try to meet each day. It’s a battle, but I’ve got to know the fullness of the Spirit in order to keep serving and pursuing people who need Him.

  • Thom,
    Thank you for the list. Today I’m dealing with 4 of the 8 and rejoicing that the list isn’t 12 or 15 pains.

  • I’d add personal finances. Many churches want or can only afford to pay a certain dollar amount. Rarely is it enough. We were given a gift from the church via the elders to help with some additional expenses, so of course it showed up in the budge to which one person remarked it was “excessive”. Excessive? When I shop at discount food stores, buy second hand and our car is over a decade old? One doesn’t join ministry to make money and I am happy as his wife to do what needs to be done by handling the finances shrewdly, but when you know the financial worth of your husband’s education and you are both trying to commit to a church and make the small budget work and people are ready to comment about “excessive” (when making twice the amount in their own field of work), it’s discouraging. Thankfully the people who love us are also in charge of the church budget so they do what they can to make sure we’re okay, but I know that’s not true in many places.

  • Tim Batchelor says on

    I think many pastors can identify with your list. I know I certainly could.

    What does it mean to be equipped and trained to deal with critics and crises?

    I really enjoy your blog.

  • Allen Calkins says on

    If your number one issue (criticism from within the church based on unrealistic expectations) was less prevalent, I believe all the other six would be greatly diminished.

  • Thom,

    What do you think about hosting a conference (as if we haven’t put enough on you already!) that addresses these specific issues (or others) for pastors? Or do you know of one?

    I am sure that a 2-3 day getaway to pray, worship, and be encouraged as we work through our personal issues in ministry would benefit many of those who frequent your site… Most of our conferences are focused on preaching, methods, and networking… but what about one that focuses on pressing on in the midst of serous struggles?

    Rob

  • Thom Rainer says on

    Rob: We are looking at addressing these issues more fully in 2015. Thanks for your ideas. Very good input.

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