NEW RELATED POST: Should Your Church Stop Having a Stand and Greet Time?
If you attend a church regularly, you’ve probably noticed the phenomenon. A guest shows up for a worship service, but he or she never returns. It is, unfortunately, a common issue in many churches.
I did a Twitter poll to ask these first-time guests why they chose not to return to a particular church. While some of the responses were anticipated, I admit being a bit surprised with some of them.
Though my poll is not scientific, it is nevertheless fascinating. Here are the top ten responses in order of frequency.
- Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service. This response was my greatest surprise for two reasons. First, I was surprised how much guests are really uncomfortable during this time. Second, I was really surprised that it was the most frequent response.
- Unfriendly church members. This response was anticipated. But the surprise was the number of respondents who included non-genuine friendliness in their answers. In other words, the guests perceived some of the church members were faking it.
- Unsafe and unclean children’s area. This response generated the greatest emotional reactions. If your church does not give a high priority to children, don’t expect young families to attend.
- No place to get information. If your church does not have a clear and obvious place to get information, you probably have lowered the chances of a return visit by half. There should also be someone to greet and assist guests at that information center as well.
- Bad church website. Most of the church guests went to the church website before they attended a worship service. Even if they attended the service after visiting a bad website, they attended with a prejudicial perspective. The two indispensable items guests want on a website are address and times of service. It’s just that basic.
- Poor signage. If you have been attending a church for a few weeks, you forget all about the signage. You don’t need it any more. But guests do. And they are frustrated when it’s not there.
- Insider church language. Most of the respondents were not referring to theological language as much as language that only the members know. My favorite example was: “The WMU will meet in the CLC in the room where the GAs usually meet.”
- Boring or bad service. My surprise was not the presence of this item. The surprise was that it was not ranked higher.
- Members telling guests that they were in their seat or pew. Yes, this obviously still takes place in some churches.
- Dirty facilities. Some of the comments: “Didn’t look like it had been cleaned in a week.” “No trash cans anywhere.” Restrooms were worse than a bad truck stop.” “Pews had more stains than a Tide commercial.”
There you have it. The top ten reasons first-time guests said they did not return to a church. I can’t wait to hear from you readers. You always have such good additions and insights.
Posted on November 1, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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537 Comments
If you are looking for a blessing when going through the front doors of Gods house you are going to receive one .The issues of all the other statements made here on this website God will take care of if you put him first . You will know when that church you visit will be the perfect one for you because Gods love will be felt before you decide ,the Holy Spirit will be your helper, and you will feel comfortable in your decision .God bless each one that is looking for a home Church I pray The Lord will lay it upon your heart to seek the best one for you to serve in .
Are these Christians looking for a church to serve in or unsaved individuals. I wouldn’t imagine a broken sinner would care about such things and a Christian with such sensitivities would be concerning. I’m for excellence and reasonable sensitivity, but wow.
Hi,
Thanks for some great points. DEFINITLEY things to think about. For a lot of people visiting church for the first time it is a HUGE step. They already feel as though they “won’t belong.” So the only offense we should seek to give is the gospel itself.
I was really shocked by #1 though. In our church, small country church, the greeting time is not a meaningless, obligatory greeting…. Rather people seem to have full fledged conversations!!!! It’s a unique situation. As the pastor, I wish it WAS “quick and meaningless” as many times I’m at the pulpit waiting to start the sermon!!!! But seriously each church should consider these and see in our context where we can improve. Thanks!
Thanks, Michael.
To this day I continue to dread the mid-service “stand up and greet the person next to you” time. I’m guessing extroverts and old-timers just don’t get how unhelpful of a practice it is.
You are not alone, Denise.
On the other hand, have you ever gone up to a stranger and assumed they were a guest when in fact they had been attending for several months? how did THAT go? The only way we can know is to have them “admit” they are there for the first time. When they take that risk, we reward them with a coupon for free coffee, a free CD of a recent service and a meet and greet with the Senior Pastor after the service. Most of them come back. I have been attending for 17 years and have yet to see one service that did not have at least one person giving their life to Jesus.
My standard line is, “I haven’t had a chance to meet you yet. Are you new here, or have you been here for a while?” And once we chat, i warn them that i probably have to ask their names again sometime, because i just don’t remember so well!
That’s good.
At least one person getting saved every Sunday for the past 17 years! That is remarkable. Your church should be setting all kinds of attendance records. Surely you didn’t mean that?
Tagging onto the responses about children’s facilities, info centers, and signage, I’ve also experienced children’s check-processes that take horrendously long, and have made me late for the service, even when I’ve arrived 10-15 min early. This is a real problem, even if your facilities and signage are first rate. Let me drop my kids off and find a seat in the sanctuary; nothing worse that walking in late as a first-time visitor who doesn’t know anybody and already feels self-conscious about any number of things.
Also, in defense of the “greeting time,” or “passing the peace of Christ,” this is, in my opinion, an essential act of worship. If guests are put off by it, it’s either being done poorly / awkwardly, or they’re just looking for something to pick about. I am in favor of doing what we do with unchurched guests in mind, but not at the expense or neglect of essential elements of worship.
I agree with the entire list! We have been active members for years, but have recently decided that God is leading us to serve in another church. This is the first time in years we have experienced being a “first time visitor.” Many of the issues mentioned made us feel very uncomfortable or sent the message of I don’t care.
People can complain about these things and they are not important, but they are! People have to be at ease before you can discuss the Gospel message with them. If they arrive frustrated because it took them a long time to find a parking spot, no assistance from church members to find the nursery or sanctuary, or etc the message could never reach the heart.
I think it is important for pastors, staff, and active church members to visit other churches periodically to remember what it is like to be a first time visitor.
Thanks, Michael.
Hello,
Good article. A couple of questions. What was the size of your raw data set? What amount of time was this survey active and open?
Kurt –
Read the introduction to the article and comments. It was a non-scientific open-end Twitter poll. Thanks.
I’m no where near an introvert but the most awkward part of the service for me is the greet your neighbors…one church we attended had a 5 good minutes of meeting those sitting around you…our family who was very new to the church called it 5 awkward minutes. I just don’t understand how shaking a strangers hand makes for community?! Honestly I’d rather not!
And now the non-introverts unite! Thanks, Denise.
Greeting one another, or (liturgically speaking) “passing the peace of Christ,” is not for community-building and should not last 5 min. That really IS awkward and ridiculous. It should last 60 seconds and simply be an opportunity to greet / welcome one another in the name of the Lord….not chit-chat, make friends, make lunch plans, discuss the big game, etc.
Biblically, it could be a way of following Jesus’ instructions in Matt 5, about being reconciled before worship / making sacrifice; this is why in liturgical services it typically occurs right before communion.
Thank you. I’m part of worship planning for my church. Our passing of the Peace has gotten so out of hand. I’m not sure we’ve gotten up to the five minute mark but we are close. We’ve actually had visitors leave because they thought church was over at that point. The ushers wander around and get lost so that when the offertory begins I’ve got no one to receive it. Folks mill about chatting each other up.
We’ve tried some education opportunities, announcements, and articles but the battle rages on.
>We’ve tried some education opportunities, announcements, and articles but the battle rages on.
Either drop “Passing the Peace” in its entirety, or else re-introduce the entire liturgical service that it was swiped from, without updating, modifying, or changing any of the vocabulary.
We visited a church where the nursery director told us, as first time visitors, that all parents are required to work the nursery once a month. I don’t like (other people’s) kids – I taught high school and college. My gifts are suited in serving those ages, and in music ministry. We left after Sunday School.
First time guests told that had to work in the nursery? Wow!
I’m a new pastor of a small church in a small NWern town. While I agree with the list and do my best to ensure we’re perceived as tidy, clean, and organized, I also agree with Dan Kreider: we’re not a business who aims to get as many people through our doors as humanly possible. We are a group of “called out ones” who assemble for fellowship and corporate worship. My focus on Sundays is to tend to my sheep; not tend to immature church shoppers and hoppers. Now, to be clear, I always go out of my way to warmly welcome new visitors and hope that God will grow our church numerically, but I can’t allow the retention of visitors to be the priority. Within minutes, I can tell if a visitor is a church shopper or a honest, well-intended seeker. The elders and I are called to shepherd the sheep in our midst (1 Pet 5:1-3), not provide tangible wants and aesthetic appeal for unbelievers and fickle consumers seeking non-essential, unnecessary preferences. Do your best to be presentable and courteous, but that can’t be the priority. That’s not how Christ builds His church. Plus, people should be reasonable to know that churches, especially small single-staffed churches, survive based on volunteer service. If the old lady who faithfully cleans and stocks the church gets sick or is out of town, some things may not get done. If a church hopper judges our church and doesn’t come back because of a full garage can or messy carpet, then that’s OK. Our parking lot isn’t huge. Therefore, the last thing I want are spots reserved for visitors when my elderly servants need them. I am vehemently against visitor parking because I would rather the elderly saints who have faithfully served Christ’s church for decades have reserved parking than the 20-something year old guy that could just as easy park on the street or at the end of the lot because he’s late. Church leaders who neglect the care of their faithful servants at the expense of attracting new people should be ashamed of themselves.
I’m surprised that the style of preaching didn’t make the list. Many genuine Christians I’ve spoken to in my area want a church that preaches expositionally (verse-by-verse), yet still expects a well-oiled youth ministry…among many other non-essential wants. Sadly.
3 John:”Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers and sisters, even though they are strangers to you. 6They have told the church about your love. Please send them on their way in a manner that honors God. 7It was for the sake of the Name that they went out, receiving no help from the pagans. 8We ought therefore to show hospitality to such people so that we may work together for the truth. 9I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will not welcome us.”
Huh?
“Crashing a family reunion” is the perfect description of our last church. The only person who greeted us the first few visits was the pastor’s spouse. It was weeks until anyone else acknowledged us. We stayed for the benefit of our youngest (teen) child. But after years of sharing our home, and volunteering for some major projects (and being turned down when we volunteered for others), and doing work for the church that no one else wanted to do, we moved on and found that…nobody cared. They still had their core group and that was what mattered to them. The pastor didn’t say anything to us until 3 months after our last attendance. Not one of the members said anything to us until a y-e-a-r after our last attendance. I hate stand up and greets too (fake sums it up for me), but no greeting or interest shown is a clue as well, that maybe a church doesn’t want or need new people.
Ouch!
As a pastor, I visit other churches when I have vacation time… and have experienced numbers 1,2,3,5,8,and 9. And having had young children through all 18 years of my pastorate, number 3 is HUGE!
As for number 9, my first Sunday as new pastor at one congregation the leaders and I had decided to let me sit with my family until before the message so I could just see how they did things like prayer time, offering, etc. One guy came up and told me I was sitting in his pew. I laughed because I thought he was kidding! He ended up sitting in the pew ahead of us. Mid-way through the service I was introduced and, months later, he shared that he had been really upset but at that moment he wanted to slide under the pews! We went on to be good friends. If I weren’t the pastor there, I probably wouldn’t have gone back.
That’s funny in a sad kind of way.
It would be interesting to see a poll what drew people back to a church after the first time and to eventually get involved.
Excellent idea, Allen. I’ll plan to do that.
We had a similar situation:
And in one very sad but NON-apocryphal story, we arrived early to a new church (with a dwindling and aging population) for a service after traveling a good ways. We stood around in the foyer — where it was quite obvious that we were new there, being younger and strangers to this small congregation! —- found our way to the bathrooms, studied the signs and the Missions Board and the pamphlets and the other bulletin boards … all with not one person greeting us, as they stood around with coffee and chatted.
After the service, one older man came over to us and exclaimed, “Well, i saw you standing there before the service! If I’d known you were the Preacher today, i’d have come over and greeted you!”
This was said with perfectly straight face. He was not joking.
And they wondered why their church was declining??
Incredible. Just incredible.
I like the greeting part of service. It might also be first on a list of why visitors come back poll.
True. It looks to be 50-50. So it likely only drives half the guests away . . . unless one family member doesn’t like it.