Sometimes reading a church’s bylaws is like taking a trip to the twilight zone.
Some are lengthy, very lengthy. Some are irrelevant. Some are unreadable.
And others are weird, really weird.
Knowing that I would get some incredible responses from my Twitter followers, I simply asked them if they were a part of a church with some weird bylaw provisions. Keep in mind, these are provisions in bylaws, not in a policy manual.
Here are my twelve favorites:
- No one can bring a colored drink to church, especially red Kool-Aid. I wonder how many church members were sneaking that stuff in their flasks.
- An active member is defined as one who gives at least one penny a year. Oh my. That would cut the Baptist church rolls in half.
- There will be very specific guidelines regarding the church van (but the church doesn’t own a van). The new bylaws amendment will be called “the Uber amendment.”
- Men serving communion are required to wear a coat and tie. I am totally flabbergasted they don’t have to wear pants.
- The church has to have a minimum of five deacons (but the church only has 20 members). It may get complicated if one of the available deacon candidates is a preschooler.
- No one can sell cassettes on church grounds. But 8-track tapes and vinyl records are fine.
- No one is allowed to bring glitter to church. I am definitely boycotting this church!
- No church member can be a part of a secret society. I wonder if that includes Democrats and Republicans.
- No church member can drink alcohol except during the Lord’s Supper. So that’s why the Lord’s Supper day is always such a high attendance day!
- No one can sell paintings on church grounds. This issue is indeed a pervasive sin in many churches.
- No one can come to church with diarrhea. That’s okay. They probably wouldn’t pay much attention to the preaching anyway.
- Members cannot have assigned pews. But you are allowed to bring your own personal chair.
I know you readers have some good ones to add to this list! If not, give me your prayerful insights into these twelve issues.
It should be fun.