Sometimes reading a church’s bylaws is like taking a trip to the twilight zone.
Some are lengthy, very lengthy. Some are irrelevant. Some are unreadable.
And others are weird, really weird.
Knowing that I would get some incredible responses from my Twitter followers, I simply asked them if they were a part of a church with some weird bylaw provisions. Keep in mind, these are provisions in bylaws, not in a policy manual.
Here are my twelve favorites:
- No one can bring a colored drink to church, especially red Kool-Aid. I wonder how many church members were sneaking that stuff in their flasks.
- An active member is defined as one who gives at least one penny a year. Oh my. That would cut the Baptist church rolls in half.
- There will be very specific guidelines regarding the church van (but the church doesn’t own a van). The new bylaws amendment will be called “the Uber amendment.”
- Men serving communion are required to wear a coat and tie. I am totally flabbergasted they don’t have to wear pants.
- The church has to have a minimum of five deacons (but the church only has 20 members). It may get complicated if one of the available deacon candidates is a preschooler.
- No one can sell cassettes on church grounds. But 8-track tapes and vinyl records are fine.
- No one is allowed to bring glitter to church. I am definitely boycotting this church!
- No church member can be a part of a secret society. I wonder if that includes Democrats and Republicans.
- No church member can drink alcohol except during the Lord’s Supper. So that’s why the Lord’s Supper day is always such a high attendance day!
- No one can sell paintings on church grounds. This issue is indeed a pervasive sin in many churches.
- No one can come to church with diarrhea. That’s okay. They probably wouldn’t pay much attention to the preaching anyway.
- Members cannot have assigned pews. But you are allowed to bring your own personal chair.
I know you readers have some good ones to add to this list! If not, give me your prayerful insights into these twelve issues.
It should be fun.
Posted on May 2, 2016
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
More from Thom
77 Comments
I’m ok with #7. That stuff should be outlawed. I hate it with a passion. I’ve got a little girl (who’s 4) at church who knows how much I dislike glitter and every time she’s wearing a shirt or dress with the stuff on it she has to make sure I get a big hug and laughs the whole time she hugs me. She’s even made me cards covered in the stuff, after she gives them to me she will look at my wife and say, “I got him good that time”.. She’s priceless, it’s the only time I don’t mind the stuff, but still have to act like its the worse stuff in the world just for her…lol
You’re my hero! 🙂
I coordinated the children’s Christmas program this year. (I am sure it was my evil twin who volunteered me as I am allergic to small ones). Anyway – it was the 12 Gifts of Christmas – based on the 12 Days of Christmas Carol and the possible Christian imagery represented by each gift. So kids came up and some spoke some didn’t, they laid both sets of gifts around a stool where a quiet young man was our pear tree. He would smile and nod. The 5 golden rings were made by me covering cut out paper plates with glittery ribbon. There is still a few shiny specks on the back two pews where they were laid. This is where I sit and when I first bow my head and see them…it makes me smile.
I’m not sure if it was in any church bylaws, but in Ohio where I was raised it is illegal to swat a fly in church without a proper license.
Some of these by-laws [like no red kool-aid, or no smoking inside the church building (especially important for Southern Baptists)] could just as easily be put in a church policy manual under the topic “facility use,” and be decided by elders or deacons without a congregational vote. Some of the others are just plain silly and should be subject to common sense.
Well said.
Many items like this needlessly find their way into by-laws. By-laws ought to remain simple and only as specific as needed to provide adequate guidelines for governance. There are a long list of items which should not be included in by-laws, but rather attached as separate policy guidelines: staff hiring procedures, marriage policies, building use policies, etc.
I wonder if the secret society bylaw is automatically nullified when the person’s membership is no longer a secret.
I was related to and knew some other faithful Christians and Jews who were Masons and Shriners and who were extremely charitable. They did much good for humanity through the Shrine. There is nothing to be feared with the Masons.
There is much about which to be concerned… like the sufficiency of scriptures and the gospel.
My church does not adhere to this policy; but if it did, I would support it!
http://www.biblebelievers.org.au/mason2.htm
http://www.isaiah54.org/finney.htm
Would those who travel 50+ miles from home to drink alcohol so others members won’t see them be considered a part of a secret society?
…only if they meet someone…. 🙂
#8 is legit IMO, the misguided acceptance of the Masonic lodge by some churches esp some Baptist churches is very troubling, most do not know what the lodge is about at its core or the do not know what Scripture has to say. The others are hilarious!
I don’t get #8. If you are truly in a secret society, how would anyone know, right?
It definitely needs definition. I belong proudly to a Greek Letter organization that takes Jesus as their exemplar, and all their teachings come from the Bible, but since it’s exoteric, that could mean “secret”.
I also belonged to the Loyal Order if Moose for years, their rituals are esoteric (non secretive) but they serve alcohol in their lodges, would that also qualify under the bylaw?
I don’t think membership in a “secret society” is the secret. Rather, it’s their rituals that are the secrets. Try to pin a Mason down on just what they do in their meetings!
One church I know of had two types of deacons listed in their by-laws: Ministering deacons and Non-ministering deacons!
At least they’re honest.
#8 actually makes sense. While the term secret societies must be defined, there are many churches who do not want members to participate in the Masons, Odd Fellows and others who have what the church sees as questionable or anti-Christian views and practices.
Exactly! I like #8! Mason’s are pervasive here still and even a few of the churches in our association were built by the Mason’s at one point.
The penny rule may help us have more honest church rolls and less politicking when the church wants to do something dumb.
My church’s by-laws state whoever shows up for a business meeting is a quorum. There has been at least one instance where it was me, my wife, our daughter, and the church clerk. Shortest business meeting ever.
That is a fairly typical quorum for churches and any other society in which it is difficult to keep an accurate accounting of the membership. A church with 1,000 members on the roll wouldn’t be able to have a business meeting if they had to have 501 members for a quorum and their regular attendance was only 400.