Few people are truly aware of the constant requests, complaints, and criticisms pastors and other church leaders receive. I must admit, however, I was surprised when I asked church leaders on Twitter to share some of the more unusual comments they have received. I was first surprised at how many responded. But I was most surprised at the really strange things people tell pastors and other church leaders.
Many of the comments related to using the Bible too much or to being too evangelistic. I should make those a blog post by themselves.
I narrowed my selection to twenty-five, but it could have been much higher. I left off many great comments to keep this post manageable. I’ve only made minor wording changes to some of these. For the most part, I received these quotes just as you are seeing them. The parenthetical words after each comment represent my off-the-cuff commentary.
- “We need a small group for cat lovers.” (I guess they could serve Meow Mix as a snack.)
- “You need to change your voice.” (Yes ma’am. I’ll try to have that done by next week.)
- “Our expensive coffee is attracting too many hipsters.” (Yep. You don’t want too many of those hipsters in your church.)
- “Preachers who don’t wear suits and ties aren’t saved. It’s in the Bible. (I should have known that’s what Jesus and Paul wore.)
- “Your socks are distracting.” (I understand. I’ll stop wearing socks.)
- “You shouldn’t make people leave the youth group after they graduate.” (It’s going to get really weird by the time they turn 70 years old.)
- “I don’t like the color of the towels in the women’s restroom.” (I don’t understand. They match the towels in the men’s restroom.)
- “We need to start attracting more normal people at church.” (So, you will be leaving the church, I presume.)
- “I developed cancer because you don’t preach from the KJV.” (Major medical announcement! New carcinogen discovered!)
- “Your wife never compliments me about my hair or dress.” (There could be a reason for that.)
- “Not enough people signed up for the church golf tournament. You have poor leadership skills.” (I’m so sorry. I expected more since most of the deacons play golf on Sunday morning)
- “I think you are trying to preach caffeineism.” (Probably Reformed theology with an extra kick.)
- “If Jesus sang from the red hymnals, why can’t we?” (I think you are mistaken. He sang from blue hymnals.)
- (To a pastor who married interracially). “You are living in sin. You shouldn’t be married to each other.” (That one is not worthy of commentary.)
- “I don’t like the brand of donuts in the foyer.” (It’s better than Meow Mix.)
- “You didn’t wrap the hot dogs in bacon for the church picnic.” (I understand that one. Bacon rules.)
- “You shouldn’t drink water when you preach.” (At least not simultaneously.)
- “The toilet paper is on the wrong way in the ladies restroom. It’s rolled under.” (My guess is that it is still functional.)
- “Why don’t you ever preach on Tim Tebow?” (Be patient. I will be preaching a six-week expository series on him in the fall.)
- “You don’t have ashtrays in the fellowship hall.” (Yes we do. They are right next to the spittoons for your chewing tobacco.)
- “Did you see me waving in the back of the worship center? You preached too long. It was time to eat!” (Who needs a clock when I have you?)
- “The eggs were not scrambled enough at the senior adult breakfast.” (We thought you could jump up and down after you ate them to finish the job.)
- “You don’t look at our side of the worship center enough when you preach.” (That’s because you are on that side.)
- “We are leaving the church because you have a red cross on the building. That’s the color of the devil.” (I understand. It’s in the same verse that describes his pitchfork and horns.)
- “Your sermon needed more calories.” (Okay. I’ll feed it one of those donuts in the foyer.)
Pastors and other church leaders must have great patience and strength. They are faced with these and many other comments and demands every day. I love these church leaders, and I thank God for them.
Share with me what comments you have received. And tell me what you think of the twenty-five comments that were shared with me.
Posted on August 19, 2015
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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615 Comments
I AM DYING. We are all such a bunch of silly sheep… These are hilarious. Bless you sir.
My minister husband died unexpectedly at age 42. The following days weren’t easy, especially with 8- and 12-year-old boys to raise, but I had a lot of emotional and spiritual support from my family and close friends. I felt I was doing OK. Apparently too OK, because in a group meeting where I was in attendance, one church member clearly stated that I wasn’t grieving over my husband’s death as much as she was.
Our church has a terrible sound system. The first week I I came an elderly lady said she just could hear me. The he next week I spoke significantly louder. Again she said she couldn’t hear me and she never had trouble hearing the previous (male) pastor. The next week I left the pulpit and stood about 5 feet away from her. As she left, she complained again about not being able to hear. This time her husband was right behind her and loudly said “why don’t you wear your hearings aids!”
My husband (the pastor) was shaking hands with members one Sunday after service. We had just announced that we were pregnant not long before that. This wonderful older lady said, “Pastor, your wife is great!”
His reply, “Yeah, that’s why I keep her around.” (said with a charming smile)
Her reply, ” You better! You knocked her up!”
No joke, I heard about a congregation that split over the type of toilet paper that was being used. Half the church wanted “Angel Soft” and the other half wanted “Charmin.” I told this to a fellow pastor and his reply was, “Their ministry was flushed down the toilet.”
All this talk about toilet paper(?) — “roll off the top or from the bottom(?)” — “a church split over Angel Soft or Charmin(?)” and while on the subject, why all these television commercials selling toilet paper? Who is not using toilet paper! 😉
Reminds me of an article I read in a magazine years ago where people were talking about toilet paper. One person said, “If they don’t like it, they know what they can do with it. Come to think of it, that’s what they do with it whether they like it or not.”
I was told that I should have outgrown the respect that my parents taught me in that I referred to those who were significantly older than myself as Mr or Mrs and their last name. Respect is something we outgrow??
Thank you! We have been in the Ministry for 42 years. I have always been the Pastors wife-with three kids (They are grown now), Youth Pastor, Children’s Pastor, Sunday School Superintendent, Admin Assistant, Nursery Co-coordinator, etc etc. I really needed the laughter. I was really laughing not a little chuckle mind you. I can’t share more than that in a public forum, suffice it to say that I wish I had another list to read. It did me good 🙂
Thanks so much, Susan!
When I was interning as the leader of Christian education, I was told by one lay leader, “Why can’t you be more like the Christian Ed. leader at the church next door? We don’t feel like you’re really doing enough.”
At that point, I had been there four months and was: starting a Sr. high youth group, assisting in leading the middle school youth group, starting a ministry for parents of children in our preschool, assisting in the preschool itself, building a young adult (college and careers) group, assisting in running the Sunday school, teaching Sunday school, planning family fellowship events, doing visitation, and serving in the Stephen ministry, the choir, and the contemporary worship team.
A few months later, when I was completely burned out and they asked me whether I was interested in staying, I gave a firm “No thank you.”
When I was around 33 my wife encouraged me to grow my beard out while on vacation. When we got back she wanted me to trim it short, but keep it. An 84 year old stated to me as she was leaving on the following Sunday, “I’m glad I don’t have to kiss that bristle-brush!” I had to use restraint to not reply back, “What makes you think I would want to kiss you???”
A church member was upset because he was not appointed to a leadership position. I told him that because of his work experience– he had been fired from 9 jobs in the 2 years since I had been at that church– the nominating committee might have let that influence their decision-making. We had a rather tense discussion, with him finally announcing that he was leaving the church because, in his opinion, I wasn’t doing my job right.
He did leave, taking his family to another church. He also found another job– which he had to exchange for a jail cell after he was caught taking money from the company.
Have you read “Antagonists in the Church”, by Kenneth Haughk? That guy fits the description of a hard-core antagonist perfectly. Sound like you were fortunate to lose him.
P.S. I know I plug that book a lot, and that I have the same first name as the author. Alas, I am afraid that is merely a coincidence. 😉
Hal, I am sorry about what you experienced. Church people can & do hurt pastors. Whether you’re 25 & just starting out or a 60 year old pastor, seeking a new ministry. Pastors should pray for the few or some who say something mean or hurtful or do something bad to them. Love them (There’s the challenge: if we’re truthful.). And treat them politely. If they do a man and/or his family great harm, just remember: they’ll answer to God for that. In His own time, He’ll deal with someone who does or says something to attack a pastor. God has a way of handling it. Divine consequences, in due time, will come upon them. If you go into pastoral ministry, you will, sometimes, experience criticism and/or hurt. That’s just the reality of it. It’s under the guise of “We have a right to tell you the truth” or “We pay you so we can say whatever.” or “We’re just trying to help you.” It’s a different pastoral world than 30-50 years ago. But again, it can wear you down. Lean on Jesus. If you’re a pastor, go to Him for strength daily. Take care of your soul, mind, & body. Through a quiet devotion time, exercise, and a few really good pastoral mentors. Only way to make it, this era, over a long period of time. If you’re looking to pastor long-term (over 20-30 years).
Our pastor says, “Hurt people Hurt People.” Keep that in mind, friends. I can’t believe people would be so cruel if they weren’t suffering a significant hurt in their lives. I guess this is where we all need to keep our sense of humor and be mindful of God’s grace.