Few people are truly aware of the constant requests, complaints, and criticisms pastors and other church leaders receive. I must admit, however, I was surprised when I asked church leaders on Twitter to share some of the more unusual comments they have received. I was first surprised at how many responded. But I was most surprised at the really strange things people tell pastors and other church leaders.
Many of the comments related to using the Bible too much or to being too evangelistic. I should make those a blog post by themselves.
I narrowed my selection to twenty-five, but it could have been much higher. I left off many great comments to keep this post manageable. I’ve only made minor wording changes to some of these. For the most part, I received these quotes just as you are seeing them. The parenthetical words after each comment represent my off-the-cuff commentary.
- “We need a small group for cat lovers.” (I guess they could serve Meow Mix as a snack.)
- “You need to change your voice.” (Yes ma’am. I’ll try to have that done by next week.)
- “Our expensive coffee is attracting too many hipsters.” (Yep. You don’t want too many of those hipsters in your church.)
- “Preachers who don’t wear suits and ties aren’t saved. It’s in the Bible. (I should have known that’s what Jesus and Paul wore.)
- “Your socks are distracting.” (I understand. I’ll stop wearing socks.)
- “You shouldn’t make people leave the youth group after they graduate.” (It’s going to get really weird by the time they turn 70 years old.)
- “I don’t like the color of the towels in the women’s restroom.” (I don’t understand. They match the towels in the men’s restroom.)
- “We need to start attracting more normal people at church.” (So, you will be leaving the church, I presume.)
- “I developed cancer because you don’t preach from the KJV.” (Major medical announcement! New carcinogen discovered!)
- “Your wife never compliments me about my hair or dress.” (There could be a reason for that.)
- “Not enough people signed up for the church golf tournament. You have poor leadership skills.” (I’m so sorry. I expected more since most of the deacons play golf on Sunday morning)
- “I think you are trying to preach caffeineism.” (Probably Reformed theology with an extra kick.)
- “If Jesus sang from the red hymnals, why can’t we?” (I think you are mistaken. He sang from blue hymnals.)
- (To a pastor who married interracially). “You are living in sin. You shouldn’t be married to each other.” (That one is not worthy of commentary.)
- “I don’t like the brand of donuts in the foyer.” (It’s better than Meow Mix.)
- “You didn’t wrap the hot dogs in bacon for the church picnic.” (I understand that one. Bacon rules.)
- “You shouldn’t drink water when you preach.” (At least not simultaneously.)
- “The toilet paper is on the wrong way in the ladies restroom. It’s rolled under.” (My guess is that it is still functional.)
- “Why don’t you ever preach on Tim Tebow?” (Be patient. I will be preaching a six-week expository series on him in the fall.)
- “You don’t have ashtrays in the fellowship hall.” (Yes we do. They are right next to the spittoons for your chewing tobacco.)
- “Did you see me waving in the back of the worship center? You preached too long. It was time to eat!” (Who needs a clock when I have you?)
- “The eggs were not scrambled enough at the senior adult breakfast.” (We thought you could jump up and down after you ate them to finish the job.)
- “You don’t look at our side of the worship center enough when you preach.” (That’s because you are on that side.)
- “We are leaving the church because you have a red cross on the building. That’s the color of the devil.” (I understand. It’s in the same verse that describes his pitchfork and horns.)
- “Your sermon needed more calories.” (Okay. I’ll feed it one of those donuts in the foyer.)
Pastors and other church leaders must have great patience and strength. They are faced with these and many other comments and demands every day. I love these church leaders, and I thank God for them.
Share with me what comments you have received. And tell me what you think of the twenty-five comments that were shared with me.
Posted on August 19, 2015
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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615 Comments
“Too much Bible”
Yep.
It’s not always funny. My wife and I have been wounded deeply by people in churches I served as pastor. In my adult life, some Christians have been the meanest people I’ve encountered. I took an early retirement.
You are right, Hal. Beneath this humor is a lot of pain. I posted this list to try to give pastors and staff a humor break.
Thom, I love what you do. You can speak honestly on here about challenges that pastors face. And you do so. It is refreshing. You’re not rude about some of the problems, which exist in churches today. But you’re a needed voice. I think a lot of churches don’t read these blogs, but nonetheless, it’s a needed forum. If for nothing else, pastors see that we all have similar challenges. The other thing I like is: I think you’re in touch with the true church culture is: today. Through your research & extensive knowledge. This is helpful. Keep on keeping on, Thom. And should the day come that you ever give this blog up, I hope someone will take it on & continue the great job you’ve done.
Thank you so much, RBM. You have really encouraged me with your words. And, God willing, I have no plans to give up this blog for years to come.
Most of the “weird things said to pastors” in this thread have been funny. Some have not. All illustrate boundaries that have been crossed.
Hal wrote, “My wife and I have been wounded deeply by people in churches I served as pastor… some Christians have been the meanest people I’ve encountered. I took an early retirement.”
A couple of years ago my wife was bitten by a mosquito carrying the West Nile virus and was infected with the virus. This virus affects the area of the brain that controls ‘logic/reasoning/inhibitions’. Despite my plea for compassionate understanding on the church’s behalf and my continual request for prayer support, rumors about and vicious attacks against my wife increased which sent her spiraling into depression.
Now, I’ve been in ministry long enough to know that my relationship with my wife takes priority over my relationship with a church. (My wife has always been there for me. Can’t say the same about any church).
All that to say, my wife and I have also been wounded deeply by people in churches where I served as pastor. I’m currently taking a ‘sabbatical’ of sorts until my wife fully recovers. And even then, I will only reconsider resuming a pastoral position in a church that fully understands I have boundaries: #1 My relationship with God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit, #2 My relationship with my immediate family (wife, children, grandchildren) and #3 My relationship with my extended family (the church). Paraphrased, the church will never take priority over the health and well being of my immediate family.
Sharing the Journey,
Rick Diefenderfer
I agree with those who say pastors’ wives have it harder than pastors. As Adrian Rogers put it, a pastor’s wife has to put up with everything the pastor puts up with, and she has to put up with the pastor, too.
Hal, I know a couple of atheists who, setting aside the absence of a confession of faith, are better examples of the hands and feet of Christ than some Christians I know.
Somebody once told me… “Pastor I know that’s what the Word of God says, however, I don’t think we should do it that way”. WOW!
It’s a challenging time to be a pastor. Church people are sometimes, mean, hurtful, negative, & very easily critical. There was a time, I think, in which people, 30-40 years ago, were more respectful of pastors. Not any more. It can wear you down. An uncaring church member might say, “We’re telling you the truth. You need to hear it.” I think many churches don’t want to hear preaching about sin. They want “Joel Osteen type” sermons. Thank you to each man & lady, on here, who serves a church. Critics are a dime a dozen. Churches should ask themselves, “What kind of culture do we have here? Is it good & uplifting (towards others, the pastors, & newcomers) or not really?” Most don’t & won’t. A tough day & era to be a pastor.
I can promise you that 30 years ago it was not different. I was 11 years old and experiencing these exact types of comments in the churches my father pastored.
Having grown up in Georgia, I arrived in San Diego with a noticeable southern accent. I lost count of how many times people said how “cute” or “sweet” I was (I’m neither, really, but thanks). The top comment came from a lady who, after I had taught a class on spiritual gifts, told me that she really couldn’t focus on anything I said because I sounded like the pothole on the Geico commercial (https://youtu.be/NjMUfIKktWU) and she just kept imagining me as that pothole.
Hilarious. and thanks for the link.
I am our church’s Lay Leader. I had the following conversation with a member between services about 6 months into a new pastor’s tenure. For context, he was a liturgical and lectionary preacher who was replacing a pastor with a pretty dynamic topical preaching style. The conversation:
“Pastor XXX uses too much of the Bible in his sermons. It’s hard to understand.”
“Have you talked to XXX about it?”
“Why would I want to do that? I just want XXX gone.”
“When you’ve prayed about it, what did God tell you?”
“Pray?”
About that time, a trustee came up and asked for my help unloading some firewood for our youth area. I am convinced to this day that God sent him to get me so I wouldn’t unload on the other member.
A bit of advice for any pastor who’s thinking about buying a wood-burning heater: chopping wood is a great way to work off frustration!
Ken wrote, “A bit of advice for any pastor who’s thinking about buying a wood-burning heater: chopping wood is a great way to work off frustration!”
Strange you should mention this. My wife’s uncle is giving us a wood-burning stove. He’s delivering it next week! Can’t wait. 😉
One Sunday morning, while we having fellowship time in the morning worship service, while shaking hands, an older deacon came to me and told me that the upstairs bathroom toilet was blocked and needed to be unblocked. I guess I should have handed him my Bible and asked him to preach while I looked for a plunger.
I’m a worship leader. A church I was previously employed by had a traditional service. I once picked “Jesus Loves Me” as one of the hymns (it was in the hymnal after all). Three influential members of the church threatened to leave if we ever sang JESUS LOVES ME in church again because, “It is a kids song!” I was befuddled to say the least….
One day when I was in seminary, the seminary president had us close a chapel service by singing “Jesus Loves Me”. I’ll never forget what he said: “Don’t ever get too sophisticated to sing that song.”
Once at a board meeting I went to sit between a deacon and a trustee. As I was sitting I said watch out fellas the thorn is sitting between the roses. The deacon just smiled and said, “No, more like the hole between two cheeks!” It was hilarious!
Dr. Ranier,
I always love your posts but I think you may have embellished a little bit on one of these…. because everyone knows that there will be no cats in heaven and they are evil creatures, thus I cannot believe a Christian person would want a small group based around those things 🙂
In my first year of ministry I had some weird things said to me…. usually by this one retired pastor who either was or acted like he was some big time pastor. Here are some things he told me….
Never shave my head… At 32, I am pretty much bald with the exception of the ring of hair around the back of my head, so not shaving my head results in me looking like Hulk Hogan.
Church people don’t trust pastors with facial hair so I was to shave my goatee.
White dress shirts only in the pulpit or when seen out in public. This is not a style issue… wearing a colored shirt is to give in to the leftist agenda.
If my dress shoes do not lace up, I am also giving in to the agenda of the far left.
When I preach off those computer things (Ipads), the people assume you are just preaching someone else’s sermon. (If I could just download a sermon on my walk into the pulpit and preach it, I am pretty sure I would be some kind of savant and they should keep me based on my genius level intellect alone.)
I have a ton of weird things that I’ve had said to me, and if we are honest, we’ve probably said some weird things ourselves, but here’s my favorite weird conversation.
“Pastor, I didn’t see your car in your driveway Thursday night, was everything ok?”
“Yes, it was, thank you for your concern, I have to run though I have to be somewhere in about 45 minutes”
“Stop right there Pastor, where are you going I am a church leader I have the right to know”
“With all due respect it’s not really your business, but I will gladly tell you some other time” (I had an injury and was going to get an MRI and I wasn’t about to tell the town Gossip King that)
Two days later the gentleman comes to see me…
“Pastor I want you to know that I forgive you but we need to talk about some damage you caused. I got so mad when you wouldn’t tell me where you were going that I drove my car out behind the church through the walkways and ended up hitting a tree. So next time please think carefully about your actions and work hard to Shepherd like Jesus and not upset your people.”
my final response to the man…
“So you drove your car through the sand, around the church, through the brush, under the walkways and hit a tree because I didn’t want to tell you where I was going on a Tuesday night? Hmmm”
I wish I could tell you I was a lot more spiritual about it.. but maybe I need to grow in wisdom more before I know how to handle such a situation. Ha!
Thanks Dr. Ranier for your great post as always!
I would say that you handled the situation pretty much as it needed handled. As blunt as Jesus, Peter, Paul and John were I cannot figure out why people think that Preachers must be timid door mats when people are inappropriate and flat out wrong (it seems that Paul chided Timothy for something like this). Just because you were clear doesn’t mean you were mean or rude.
Those are some great, but sad, stories. Thanks, Brian.
I think you handled it better than I would have. I’d have probably just said, “Why is that any of your business?”
Arriving early while visiting a large mega-church, prior to the “worship(?)” service, I overheard a woman ask her husband, “What time does the show begin?” At first I thought, ‘what a strange question’ but then I experienced “the show” complete with: large stage, theater seating, self-promoting band, multi-colored light show and fog machine followed by a charismatic “motivational” speaker. After the show I asked the woman and her husband what they liked about their church. Their response? “We can remain anonymous here.”
Two points:
I shudder to remember some of the thoughtless things that have come out of my mouth and often reflect on how those same things are remembered by those who received them, hoping that they are not remembered at all.
At what point it is recognized that this comment thread has evolved from some entertaining anecdotes to mere gossip and a lengthy recounting of our pet “record of wrongs”?
Scott –
I’ve had a bad week, so bad that I was wondering if it was time to give up my pastorate. I began reading this article this morning, and it gave me new hope. You see, I learned I am not alone in the pain I feel inflicted by church members. It was a reminder that God is with these leaders, and he is with me.
I may have entered the thread late, but that doesn’t mean us latecomers are the gossipers and the early entrants were not. I would appreciate your not judging us if we continue to enjoy both the levity and the therapeutic value of this blog.
Nathan,
I wasn’t intending to judge you or anyone else, or late comers vs. earlier participants. Rather, I was noting the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) change in tone from Thom’s original list. I was also noting that all of us have said some questionable things in our lives, intended and often unintended. However, from the way the comment thread is going, we are all perfect and church would be a wonderful place if not for all of those lesser mortals.
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Phil 2:3
Scott –
So you end your comments on a sarcastic note, then quote a verse where we are to consider others better than ourselves.
Nathan,
Clearly I’ve struck a nerve with you that I had no intention of striking. My only point was that I think we should be making an effort to extend more grace toward those who say awkward things, even if those things may be hurtful at times. In the comment thread, what began with some humorous anecdotes seemed to be degenerating into a recitation of bitter memories and scornful mocking of others’ foibles. Sometimes people say things they don’t really mean; other times they can’t artfully articulate their meaning; other times what was intended as wry humor was received as harsh criticism. As for me, I tend to fair better when I can assume the best intentions of others rather than the worst. I’m not often successful, but I try.
I myself had a bad week (2 days in) and this blog has made known that I am not alone in ministry, and that we all have the same struggles. My story I need to share is my wife and I were in my office at the church one Friday evening with a couple who had just lost their 40’year old son. We were praying and discussing services and such, when one of the church ladies, ( they were having an gathering that evening) knocked on the door, opened it and informed me the toilet was clogged and I needed to look at it. Some folk just don’t think things through.