Few people are truly aware of the constant requests, complaints, and criticisms pastors and other church leaders receive. I must admit, however, I was surprised when I asked church leaders on Twitter to share some of the more unusual comments they have received. I was first surprised at how many responded. But I was most surprised at the really strange things people tell pastors and other church leaders.
Many of the comments related to using the Bible too much or to being too evangelistic. I should make those a blog post by themselves.
I narrowed my selection to twenty-five, but it could have been much higher. I left off many great comments to keep this post manageable. I’ve only made minor wording changes to some of these. For the most part, I received these quotes just as you are seeing them. The parenthetical words after each comment represent my off-the-cuff commentary.
- “We need a small group for cat lovers.” (I guess they could serve Meow Mix as a snack.)
- “You need to change your voice.” (Yes ma’am. I’ll try to have that done by next week.)
- “Our expensive coffee is attracting too many hipsters.” (Yep. You don’t want too many of those hipsters in your church.)
- “Preachers who don’t wear suits and ties aren’t saved. It’s in the Bible. (I should have known that’s what Jesus and Paul wore.)
- “Your socks are distracting.” (I understand. I’ll stop wearing socks.)
- “You shouldn’t make people leave the youth group after they graduate.” (It’s going to get really weird by the time they turn 70 years old.)
- “I don’t like the color of the towels in the women’s restroom.” (I don’t understand. They match the towels in the men’s restroom.)
- “We need to start attracting more normal people at church.” (So, you will be leaving the church, I presume.)
- “I developed cancer because you don’t preach from the KJV.” (Major medical announcement! New carcinogen discovered!)
- “Your wife never compliments me about my hair or dress.” (There could be a reason for that.)
- “Not enough people signed up for the church golf tournament. You have poor leadership skills.” (I’m so sorry. I expected more since most of the deacons play golf on Sunday morning)
- “I think you are trying to preach caffeineism.” (Probably Reformed theology with an extra kick.)
- “If Jesus sang from the red hymnals, why can’t we?” (I think you are mistaken. He sang from blue hymnals.)
- (To a pastor who married interracially). “You are living in sin. You shouldn’t be married to each other.” (That one is not worthy of commentary.)
- “I don’t like the brand of donuts in the foyer.” (It’s better than Meow Mix.)
- “You didn’t wrap the hot dogs in bacon for the church picnic.” (I understand that one. Bacon rules.)
- “You shouldn’t drink water when you preach.” (At least not simultaneously.)
- “The toilet paper is on the wrong way in the ladies restroom. It’s rolled under.” (My guess is that it is still functional.)
- “Why don’t you ever preach on Tim Tebow?” (Be patient. I will be preaching a six-week expository series on him in the fall.)
- “You don’t have ashtrays in the fellowship hall.” (Yes we do. They are right next to the spittoons for your chewing tobacco.)
- “Did you see me waving in the back of the worship center? You preached too long. It was time to eat!” (Who needs a clock when I have you?)
- “The eggs were not scrambled enough at the senior adult breakfast.” (We thought you could jump up and down after you ate them to finish the job.)
- “You don’t look at our side of the worship center enough when you preach.” (That’s because you are on that side.)
- “We are leaving the church because you have a red cross on the building. That’s the color of the devil.” (I understand. It’s in the same verse that describes his pitchfork and horns.)
- “Your sermon needed more calories.” (Okay. I’ll feed it one of those donuts in the foyer.)
Pastors and other church leaders must have great patience and strength. They are faced with these and many other comments and demands every day. I love these church leaders, and I thank God for them.
Share with me what comments you have received. And tell me what you think of the twenty-five comments that were shared with me.
Posted on August 19, 2015
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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615 Comments
After a sermon on judgement one elder said to me , “Your sermon reminded me of that Cialis commercial. You always gotta be ready.”
I didn’t know what to say.
I’m a young preacher (27) with about 7 years experience. When I was barely 21 I interned for a church that summer and afterwards was told by man after preaching at the AM service “I’ve heard better, I’ve heard worse I guess that’s alright” I was told by the wife of the preacher I was working with to take it as a compliment so I did.
Wow! I am amazed and shocked by the things people have said to all of you. I am a woman Pastor, but am in training at this time. I did hold “home church” in two different cities, every Sunday for years. I thought the things said and done to me were because I wasn’t experienced enough…..(hence the training)…..boy, was I wrong! Looks like this “lack of boundaries” thing is in epidemic proportions! Here is an example of what one of the church members did while I was teaching. This lady took over the teaching….she just started spouting off scriptures and talking…and well, just took over and took off! I was so shocked! I immediately started praying in my head and the Lord gave me the courage I needed. After a couple of mins I interrupted her, told her she was not the teacher and picked up where I left off. She was furious! Later, when she tried again to take over….I said out loud to her “Satan, shut up in Jesus Name!” Her mouth slammed shut….and she didn’t say another word the rest of the day. The next time I was there for teaching, she came up and apologized to me and told me that she literally could not open her mouth! The devil always finds someone he can use at church…..:)
I was told by a lady parishioner, who now lived in the rest home. “That if she were me, she wouldn’t grow a beard’ (I’d had one for years)… I responded back “Mrs. F, were I you; I wouldn’t grow one either”… To which she busted out laughing… Turns out she was testing me to see if I would take her ribbing. Our laughing visits became the high light of my week. Many other weird ones, but chose to tell the good one… Be blest, and keep your head up. Hope this made one person smile, and yes, it’s a true story….
Anyone who doesn’t have a sense of humor doesn’t belong in ministry. You clearly have a great one. Keep up the good work!
One of the most outrageous comments I’ve ever heard in church was when I was on staff and a woman felt the need to tell me that she had finally told the pastor what she really thought about him.
Seems she marched up to him after he finished preaching to say “you made me so mad that if I had a shotgun I would have blown your head off.
True story.
God help anyone who has to deal with people like that.
If someone’s making real threats of physical violence, I think I’d call the law.
I was told that the church didn’t have to oay my insurance, that they would rehome my animals because they had an unwritten no pet policy, that the church was going to be spending way too much on utilities because now there was a family living in the parsonage (myself and my daughter).
I’ve also been notified of every bulletin mistake, told that they can’t stand the sound of my voice, and the icing on the cake was when a woman said we had removed Jesus from the church when our projector screen came down and partially covered the window her family donated to the church. She never came back and threatened to have the window removed. It never ceases to amaze me how cruel and brazen Christians can be.
Sweet lady, those aren’t Christians. They’re just people who come to your church.
a thousand amens to that!!
I was given a 100 dollar check in the offering two weeks in a row with a note telling me to use it on better clothes to preach before God’s people. From two different people… No joke. What had I been wearing those two weeks? Black slacks, solid colored button up shirt , black dress shoes. I guess I should have worn a tie too.
Do you know of an place that sells those brightly colored leisure suits that were so popular back in the 70’s? Get one with a floral shirt, and wear a polka-dot tie with it. I bet that would shut ’em up.
Oh my goodness!! Don’t even get me started. I am a gospel music artist that attends a different church every week. I could write a book on the weird comments that I have received over the years!!! The first comment that comes to mind is, A man asked me “Was I planning to keep my weight off this time???” I had just lost some weight and I wanted to reply, “No, I don’t plan to keep it off!! I plan to gain it all back next year!!!!!!!!” Stupid question deserves a stupid response!! 🙂
As a pastor, I teach/preach from the NIV and NASB Bible. More than once I’ve been challenged by those within the KJV Bible only camp. The most common statement is their threat to leave our church if I don’t start using The KJV. The most outrageous comment I remember hearing came from someone who said, “I only read the King James version and everyone who disagrees with me can kiss my a##.” I so much wanted to challenge this person by telling her she’d probably have a different attitude if she understood the 600 words and phrases found in the KJV that are no longer used today. Through the years I’ve learned not to be as concerned about those who leave as I should be about those who need to leave but refuse to do so.
Maybe you should preach a sermon from those KJV passages where God talks about how he will “cut off him that pisseth against the wall”. If anyone complains about the language, tell them that is a literal translation from the Hebrew (I’m not a “King James only” man, but the KJV does have it right on those passages).
In your case, though, I’m not so sure it would work. Judging from the woman’s language, it would probably take more than that to offend her sensibilities.
Mindless (and often Christ-less) comments like these, and the people who say them and honestly believe them (or just hate the preacher) are part of the reason I’m happy to no longer be a full-time pastor.
In premarital counseling less than two weeks out from their wedding date the groom says to me, “Uhm, my divorce hasn’t gone through yet. That won’t be a problem will it?”
First I’d heard of it.
Bonus: After calling the judge and commiserating over such special people, the wedding went forward. The Eastern European father finds me afterward, claps his hands on my shoulders and says, “Thank you, my family owes you a great debt. If there is anything, anything I or my family can do for you, we will do it.” In my head I’m hearing the theme song to the Godfather…
Last time I ever do counseling for a couple someone else has already agreed to marry.
Most of these are actually pretty funny, and I got a good chuckle out of them.
However, when you get past the silliness of the statements/requests and really get down to the seriousness of it, it is disheartening and shows the priorities of some (maybe a lot) people in the church. I’m sorry if your eggs weren’t scrambled right or you don’t like the free donuts provided to you, but there are billions of people in this world living and dying without the gospel. I pray that we get our priorities straight!