Few people are truly aware of the constant requests, complaints, and criticisms pastors and other church leaders receive. I must admit, however, I was surprised when I asked church leaders on Twitter to share some of the more unusual comments they have received. I was first surprised at how many responded. But I was most surprised at the really strange things people tell pastors and other church leaders.
Many of the comments related to using the Bible too much or to being too evangelistic. I should make those a blog post by themselves.
I narrowed my selection to twenty-five, but it could have been much higher. I left off many great comments to keep this post manageable. I’ve only made minor wording changes to some of these. For the most part, I received these quotes just as you are seeing them. The parenthetical words after each comment represent my off-the-cuff commentary.
- “We need a small group for cat lovers.” (I guess they could serve Meow Mix as a snack.)
- “You need to change your voice.” (Yes ma’am. I’ll try to have that done by next week.)
- “Our expensive coffee is attracting too many hipsters.” (Yep. You don’t want too many of those hipsters in your church.)
- “Preachers who don’t wear suits and ties aren’t saved. It’s in the Bible. (I should have known that’s what Jesus and Paul wore.)
- “Your socks are distracting.” (I understand. I’ll stop wearing socks.)
- “You shouldn’t make people leave the youth group after they graduate.” (It’s going to get really weird by the time they turn 70 years old.)
- “I don’t like the color of the towels in the women’s restroom.” (I don’t understand. They match the towels in the men’s restroom.)
- “We need to start attracting more normal people at church.” (So, you will be leaving the church, I presume.)
- “I developed cancer because you don’t preach from the KJV.” (Major medical announcement! New carcinogen discovered!)
- “Your wife never compliments me about my hair or dress.” (There could be a reason for that.)
- “Not enough people signed up for the church golf tournament. You have poor leadership skills.” (I’m so sorry. I expected more since most of the deacons play golf on Sunday morning)
- “I think you are trying to preach caffeineism.” (Probably Reformed theology with an extra kick.)
- “If Jesus sang from the red hymnals, why can’t we?” (I think you are mistaken. He sang from blue hymnals.)
- (To a pastor who married interracially). “You are living in sin. You shouldn’t be married to each other.” (That one is not worthy of commentary.)
- “I don’t like the brand of donuts in the foyer.” (It’s better than Meow Mix.)
- “You didn’t wrap the hot dogs in bacon for the church picnic.” (I understand that one. Bacon rules.)
- “You shouldn’t drink water when you preach.” (At least not simultaneously.)
- “The toilet paper is on the wrong way in the ladies restroom. It’s rolled under.” (My guess is that it is still functional.)
- “Why don’t you ever preach on Tim Tebow?” (Be patient. I will be preaching a six-week expository series on him in the fall.)
- “You don’t have ashtrays in the fellowship hall.” (Yes we do. They are right next to the spittoons for your chewing tobacco.)
- “Did you see me waving in the back of the worship center? You preached too long. It was time to eat!” (Who needs a clock when I have you?)
- “The eggs were not scrambled enough at the senior adult breakfast.” (We thought you could jump up and down after you ate them to finish the job.)
- “You don’t look at our side of the worship center enough when you preach.” (That’s because you are on that side.)
- “We are leaving the church because you have a red cross on the building. That’s the color of the devil.” (I understand. It’s in the same verse that describes his pitchfork and horns.)
- “Your sermon needed more calories.” (Okay. I’ll feed it one of those donuts in the foyer.)
Pastors and other church leaders must have great patience and strength. They are faced with these and many other comments and demands every day. I love these church leaders, and I thank God for them.
Share with me what comments you have received. And tell me what you think of the twenty-five comments that were shared with me.
Posted on August 19, 2015
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
More from Thom
615 Comments
The only thing I can think of was a question my wife was asked while we were serving on staff at a former church, “Are you Dr. Wages first wife?” The best one was when she was asked, “Are you Dr. Wages’ daughter?” She got mad and I told her to take it as a compliment and that I should be the one who was mad. 🙂
I have had a man leave my church because I don’t stand at the back door and shake everyone’s hand when they leave. I started a guest reception and stand near the welcome center to speak to guests. He actually tried to sic the deacons on me for that. He eventually gave up and left. “Bless his heart.”
Yep. Bless his heart.
True: At our November board meeting a few years ago, 2 members asked if I was cancelling Worship services on Christmas Day because it fell on Sunday, and Super Bowl Sunday because we had a team in it. I laughed. They didn’t.
I’m Catholic and my husband was raised Church of Christ. It was always strange to me that they DIDN’T have service on Christmas unless it was on a Sunday.
I remember the last time Christmas fell on a Sunday, many fundamentalist churches cancelled church services because “Christmas is for families and children.” Oh…
To be honest, Christmas is the time when families and friends get together. I have no problem with church being cancelled on Christmas if it falls on a Sunday; church doesn’t even have to be on a Sunday, that’s just how we’ve always done it. At my church, if Christmas falls on a Sunday, we just do something on Saturday instead. Of course we should not forsake assembling together, but quite often it’s the only time of the year many people can get off work and go spend time together.
At the last church I was pastoring, I was trying to tidy up the platform and make it more presentable. As part of that process, I removed one of the chairs from the platform. The next Sunday, after the service, an older lady came up to me and said, “You need to put that chair back! That’s where God sits!” Apparently, I removed God from the service. Maybe I should have gotten a church vote first on that one.
You know, I have a pastor friend who had almost the exact reaction and all he did was move the pulpit a few inches.
In my very first church after serving there for about 5 out of my 7 year tenure a lady told me in a open forum session on Sunday night with my wife and two small children in the second row that all
Our problem would be fixed, “if you just learned how to preach better.”
This is why you shouldn’t have open forums!
I agree, open forums are an invitation to any and all disgruntled church members/attendees to grind whatever ax they are carrying. If there is a legitimate problem, deal with it through the proper channels.
“Can you just order the teen pizzas and hang out? They are too young to be listening to scripture each week.”
“They’re just kids, do we really need to hire a Christian to teach them?” – UGH!
Oh my gosh!!!
We were recently told we needed more fellowships because this person felt “disconnected” from the church…..she is faithful to come to church – every other Sunday.
Those extroverts really bother me.
Kind of like the woman that left our church because she didn’t think we did enough “outreach”. She never came to visitation or participated in many ministry events. What she meant was we didn’t have enough parties.
This post hit a nerve! Comments like these — and a whole host of others — are among the major reasons why preachers quit and why the younger people of X Generation, and especially the Millenials, are not going into the ministry/ pastorate. Only from my observation, mind you. But of my four children raised in the “parsonage” and seeing the way those who are supposedly Christian act and treat their minister, only one Is in vocational ministry now. The other three were for a time. But such lack of respect drove them out of ministry, and almost out of the church. My observation goes beyond my four, to include a host of others who were ready and willing to serve God in specialized vocational ministry who were put down, humiliated, treated like dirt and shown no respect. These self-righteous “Pharisees” will answer to God one day, just as those who persecuted Jesus and the Apostles.
So true! It is sad how people think they have a “right” to speak to staff and their familues this way!
Jeremiah 1:17-19 has been such a blessing to me as I have served as pastor.
1:17 Thou therefore gird up thy loins, and arise, and speak unto them all that I command thee: be not dismayed at their faces, lest I confound thee before them.
1:18 For, behold, I have made thee this day a defenced city, and an iron pillar, and brasen walls against the whole land, against the kings of Judah, against the princes thereof, against the priests thereof, and against the people of the land.
1:19 And they shall fight against thee; but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the LORD, to deliver thee.
God sent Jeremiah to his own King, his own princes, his own priests and his own people yet He girded Jeremiah up to face the enemy. It has become easier over the years to allow these offenses to become stepping stones than stumbling blocks as I’ve learned to give these to the One that strengthens me instead of get mad about them. I must admit to not having a “poker face” so others have been amused by my facial expressions when confronted by the comments raised.
I really like your comment. After reading the others, I was starting to feel like I shouldn’t go to church anymore. It doesn’t seem like most of the commenters like/love/appreciate their parishioners. Disdain is what I am getting from most of these and the article as well…
oh, we love you…but that does not make it okay for people to speak to their pastors this way. Sometimes knowing that other pastors get horrible/ridiculous/funny things said to them makes life a little more bearable. Since most of the time we can’t speak up for ourselves because somehow that means we don’t love you…
I don’t think that’s the case. They do love those people that’s why they do what they do. Here they are just sharing silly, fun, or maybe annoying, frustrating or even irritating comments made by their parishioners. They can relate to each other’s stories, do a little healthy venting with their peers, get a good laugh and feel good about what they do knowing that all the dumb things they hear isn’t just them.
My former Pastor was amazing. He totally understood my somewhat unusual religious views and realized that I’m a fairly normal person. He would speak rather candidly with me about things and people in the church. I know he could have added a lot to this blog, lots of stories… But, Pastor Scott was an amazing Pastor, a great preacher, and he loved his entire congregation, even the old man that sat in the back and loudly complained every week through every sermon, sometimes with profanity. He told me, “I’m really not sure why Dennis comes to Church every week, but I’m glad he does. Even though he does nothing but complain he must be getting something out of it.”
The church leaders in here love their congregations also or else they would never even be in this forum to read what other leaders have to say. They probably wouldn’t really care. And if they didn’t like their parishioners they wouldn’t like their job and it sure as heck doesn’t pay enough to keep doing it if they don’t love it. That’s my 2 cents anyway…
Trust me, if we didn’t love you, we wouldn’t be in the pastorate.
Years ago I was serving in a church where the deacons ran the church and opposed anything that staff proposed. Eventually the Sr. Pastor left to take another position. On the day that he left, the chairman and vice-chairman of deacons came to my office and informed me that “my protector” had left, and that if I didn’t “play ball” with them that I would be next. I looked at them and stated that God had brought me there, and that only when God was ready for me to leave would I go. That chairman of deacons looked at me with an icy gleam in his eye, and told me that “it didn’t matter what God wanted, because it’s the people who vote, and that’s what counts.”
My son, a PK, is far away from the Lord because he has personally witnessed the abuse my wife and I have suffered at the hands of the church. Everything from stupid comments like the above list, to deliberate malicious actions. Still baffles me why God bothers with us. Relentless mercy!!
That’s one of the reasons I don’t attend church anymore. Hippocrates really upset me and I don’t like feeling the way I do, so I don’t go. I also feel that God is everywhere and I can worship him where ever I am. I like this so much better.
I don’t think Hippocrates bothers you as much as you think he does.
ROFL! Good one, Me says!
Good one
Darlene, to quote an oft-repeated statement that is so very true– I’d rather spend a few hours a week with hypocrites down here, than an eternity with them in hell. Also, we can’t forget that God says in His Word that we are not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together (Hebrews 10:25).
Joel quotes Hebrews 10:25 — “we are not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together”. True, but what if you find yourself pastoring a church you wouldn’t even attend? I believe most assume the today’s church and the biblical church are equivalent. I do not believe they are. As the words in theme song for “Cheers” reminds us — “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came; you want to be where you can see, our troubles are all the same; you want to be where everybody knows your name.” The local pub can offer such a place. Why can’t the church?
Too many members (and it doesn’t take a whole lot to be too many) who call themselves Christians but act like they’re merely self-righteous moralists?
Ben wrote, “Too many members… who call themselves Christians.” Good point Ben! In the Great Commission Jesus instructs us to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit…” Go and make WHAT? Baptize WHO? Go and make and baptize DISCIPLES! So, what are we doing baptizing converts? Again, many believe today’s church and the biblical New Testament church are the same. I do not believe they are.
Darlene, I’m so sorry that ungodly people have kept you from the blessings and joys that God intended His church to provide. I have experienced some of these shared tragedies but I’ve experienced many times over the unconditional love and support of genuine believers. I think this is designed to be a “safe” outlet for Pastors to share their hurts as well as joys with each other. It has been very therapeutic at times for me. Please look for the genuine folks in a church. They are many and a pure delight!
Thanks for your observations, sir. Grew up in a parsonage, and people seemed slightly more respectful then, although it may be because we lived in a very caring, country community (and my parents shielded me from the more obnoxious comments). My own two years of pastoring a country church certainly brought their fair share of stinging comments, and many–though fortunately not all!–my fellow minister friends have had similar experiences. It’s certainly not persecution, but the words have left their hurts for sure.
My father once told me that one of the signs of being called to ministry is that you stuck with ministry over the years since you were called! Makes a lot more sense to me now.
Thank you again for your astute observations. They strike me as entirely correct, and I’m glad you had the courage to share them.
It goes both ways. Many people no longer attend church due to all the legalism and man-made rules that put unnecessary burdens on the flock. When first married, my husband took a position as minister of music youth and education. The first thing the pastor said to me “you are to wear dresses AT ALL TIMES!” He also hinted strongly that it was not proper to have pets and suggested we get rid of our 2 cats. He later called my husband into the office asking “What is wrong with your wayward wife?” because I had ridden my horse to church. My husband was also asked by another pastor at a different church—“Why does your wife hate you?” mainly because I did not want children, worked outside the home, did not keep house perfectly, did not wear make-up and preferred jeans over dresses. It seems like over the years I have been judged and ridiculed because I was not like everyone else and in their book it counted as sin.
You might take comfort in the fact that people who make these comments are just crazy. When you get to know them, you can follow up with their craziness in other areas of their lives.
I met one lady who said she was a Christ Jew. She labelled some people as hybrids, meaning they were part devil and part human. Some were part angel and part human. She claimed to be able to tell the difference.
Idiot!
Maybe we need to scatter in a few of the good things people in the church do and say. They would not be as funny, but not as discouraging either.
That lady totally needs to be writing for the SyFy channel! She’d probably he my favorite person to chat with while I had my expensive hipster coffee and donuts (w/Meow Mix sprinkles). She’d be a hoot. Yikes! maybe that’s really why Pastor Scott really liked talking to me… Well, even so, I’m proud to say that when he finally got on Facebook a few yrs after he retired and moved away to the ocean, I was the first person he friended. Yay me! ? Lol
Wow – so your kids were called by God and they ignored his calling? With your lack of understanding of other peoples problems and not wanting to listen to them, no wonder they did not want to be a part of the “church”. Seriously, we need to raise our kids to love God, seek Him and to follow Him no matter what the situation may be. Even if they hear bad things about preaching!
PJ, have you ever been a pastor?
How do you know they were “called by God” to do that job? Did you get Cc’d on the divine email?
Agreed! My husband and I both have MDivs and were a ministry couple for twelve years. We just got out this year. My husband relinquished his ordination and has gotten his first secular job ever. I couldn’t take it anymore.
If “comments like these” are causing someone to leave the ministry, perhaps they weren’t meant to be in the ministry to begin wiht….just sayin’. I’m just glad Jesus stuck it out!
Jesus only had to do it three years. And look what they did to HIM at the end of his ministry!
One of my favorite comments one Sunday after church a man approached me in the hallway and said: “I really expected you to have a real preachers voice. You know, one with more bass.”
That sounds very treble-ing.
Yep. I wish I did too.
It’s all about that bass…
I was told that if I did not stand behind the pulpit and preach instead of moving around that she would leave the church. She left the note in the offering plate.
I’d start running circles around the pulpit
Was it an anonymous note?
Steve –
I don’t understand your problem. The Apostle Paul stood still behind the pulpit.
Reading his KJV Bible in Khakis
I LOL’d. ☺
Hahaha
I wish there was a like button. Loving these esp after long committee meeting.
With her tithe?
We once had a pastor who was on sabbatical, someone asked, “Why does he need a sabbatical? He only works 1 day a week. “
He must be a workaholic. I’ve been told one hour a week.
I know and I get into trouble when I work the whole hour 🙂
I’ve had kids ask me what I do for a real job…
Hahahahahahaha- have to shorten those messages. I know Jesus would have- 😉
My son is a minister and was there 8 hours a day…people would be mad when they could not reach him for evenings!
and half of that is sitting down!
While in seminary, I was a part-time youth pastor in rural Kentucky. My salary was a little less than $12,000/year. One of the older ladies at church told me I was just serving there “for the money.”
Hmmm . . .
I had an elder tell me, “You are here only to take our money.” I was paid by this church a grand total of $600/month. I gently pointed out that his opinion did make sense. I had left a job making over $60,000/year, gone to seminary with a wife and four children while working full-time making $30,000/ year, just so I could come and take their money? Just doesn’t pass the straight-face test.
Can’t you control your asthma? When you start coughing it is very distracting.
Shame on you, Tommy.
I would have told them If I could I definitely would. We have a man who snorts through the entire service. Some of us have bought Kleenexes, they sat towards the back of the church. Then we have someone who is mentally challenged he imitates him. The wife looks at him…… I thought you go for it. He still doesn’t get it.