Few people are truly aware of the constant requests, complaints, and criticisms pastors and other church leaders receive. I must admit, however, I was surprised when I asked church leaders on Twitter to share some of the more unusual comments they have received. I was first surprised at how many responded. But I was most surprised at the really strange things people tell pastors and other church leaders.
Many of the comments related to using the Bible too much or to being too evangelistic. I should make those a blog post by themselves.
I narrowed my selection to twenty-five, but it could have been much higher. I left off many great comments to keep this post manageable. I’ve only made minor wording changes to some of these. For the most part, I received these quotes just as you are seeing them. The parenthetical words after each comment represent my off-the-cuff commentary.
- “We need a small group for cat lovers.” (I guess they could serve Meow Mix as a snack.)
- “You need to change your voice.” (Yes ma’am. I’ll try to have that done by next week.)
- “Our expensive coffee is attracting too many hipsters.” (Yep. You don’t want too many of those hipsters in your church.)
- “Preachers who don’t wear suits and ties aren’t saved. It’s in the Bible. (I should have known that’s what Jesus and Paul wore.)
- “Your socks are distracting.” (I understand. I’ll stop wearing socks.)
- “You shouldn’t make people leave the youth group after they graduate.” (It’s going to get really weird by the time they turn 70 years old.)
- “I don’t like the color of the towels in the women’s restroom.” (I don’t understand. They match the towels in the men’s restroom.)
- “We need to start attracting more normal people at church.” (So, you will be leaving the church, I presume.)
- “I developed cancer because you don’t preach from the KJV.” (Major medical announcement! New carcinogen discovered!)
- “Your wife never compliments me about my hair or dress.” (There could be a reason for that.)
- “Not enough people signed up for the church golf tournament. You have poor leadership skills.” (I’m so sorry. I expected more since most of the deacons play golf on Sunday morning)
- “I think you are trying to preach caffeineism.” (Probably Reformed theology with an extra kick.)
- “If Jesus sang from the red hymnals, why can’t we?” (I think you are mistaken. He sang from blue hymnals.)
- (To a pastor who married interracially). “You are living in sin. You shouldn’t be married to each other.” (That one is not worthy of commentary.)
- “I don’t like the brand of donuts in the foyer.” (It’s better than Meow Mix.)
- “You didn’t wrap the hot dogs in bacon for the church picnic.” (I understand that one. Bacon rules.)
- “You shouldn’t drink water when you preach.” (At least not simultaneously.)
- “The toilet paper is on the wrong way in the ladies restroom. It’s rolled under.” (My guess is that it is still functional.)
- “Why don’t you ever preach on Tim Tebow?” (Be patient. I will be preaching a six-week expository series on him in the fall.)
- “You don’t have ashtrays in the fellowship hall.” (Yes we do. They are right next to the spittoons for your chewing tobacco.)
- “Did you see me waving in the back of the worship center? You preached too long. It was time to eat!” (Who needs a clock when I have you?)
- “The eggs were not scrambled enough at the senior adult breakfast.” (We thought you could jump up and down after you ate them to finish the job.)
- “You don’t look at our side of the worship center enough when you preach.” (That’s because you are on that side.)
- “We are leaving the church because you have a red cross on the building. That’s the color of the devil.” (I understand. It’s in the same verse that describes his pitchfork and horns.)
- “Your sermon needed more calories.” (Okay. I’ll feed it one of those donuts in the foyer.)
Pastors and other church leaders must have great patience and strength. They are faced with these and many other comments and demands every day. I love these church leaders, and I thank God for them.
Share with me what comments you have received. And tell me what you think of the twenty-five comments that were shared with me.
Posted on August 19, 2015
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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615 Comments
This is actually an enjoyable one. I’ve been privileged to preach in several predominantly black churches. On one such occasion the Spirit was really moving, numerous people came forward during the altar call.
At the end of the service one small, frail, black lady motioned for me to bend down towards her. She kissed my cheek and said, “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”
I thanked her but asked what secret. She smiled and replied. “There’s some black in you someplace, cause a white boy don’t preach like that!”
What a great comment! “Red and Yellow, Black and White–they are precious in his sight!”
I think that is absolutely priceless! And precious!!
The best compliment the nice lady could have given.
This is awesome… great to start the day with a smile! Consider it linked. Another one is when a guest speaker preaches and the church lady says, “I’ve been waiting for you to say that all year long!” Response: Really? I’ve been waiting for you to hear what I’ve been saying all year long.
Welcome to the conversation, Dennis.
Someone once complained about my father-in-laws preaching: “You attack us with Scripture!”
I’ve been in pulpit ministry since ’76. I’ve collected quite a number of quotes. One of my favorites that an elderly lady said to me after the service where I also sang a solo:
“Have you ever taken voice lessons?”
“No ma’am, I haven’t.”
“You should.”
After an especially moving concert with a young man playing an acoustic guitar, I was informed that , “Nobody’s ever been saved listening to music like that.”
I was also informed once that unless my wife and I are adopting children, I shouldn’t preach against abortion.
Now I just laugh, shake my head, and move on.
I’m looking forward to the comments you get from pastor’s wives. I will have to see if my wife will contribute. She has quite the list. 😉
In fairness, the lady’s suggestion about taking voice lessons may not have been intended as a criticism. I knew a lady in my last church that had a very nice singing voice, but she didn’t have much volume because she didn’t open her mouth widely enough and she didn’t breathe from the diaphragm. Voice lessons would have done her a lot of good, but I didn’t know how to suggest without sounding like I was criticizing her singing. Voice lessons don’t do any good for someone that doesn’t have a certain level of talent, so I would never suggest them for anyone that has a bad voice.
One year we decided to change the 25 year old bows on the Christmas wreaths that hung in the sanctuary. A woman and her husband got offended and told us they would be back in January when the wreaths came down.
I’m sorry they returned.
Your replies are so funny. I am a pastor’s wife and having a terrible day after being roped in to multiple problems, and I really needed these laughs!
Yeah, that got a good laugh from me, too!
After church one Sunday I had a disgruntled parishioner fuss at me because she had not known about an event that was happening that very week. She was disgruntled because she had scheduled something else on that day. As she is fussing at me she is leaning in and pointing her bulletin in my face, the very bulletin where the event had been published for the past four weeks. It had also been in the monthly newsletter and weekly e-mail blasts, as well as talked about every Sunday. She told me, “YOU need to work on YOUR communication skills!” She was a regular attender and involved in many areas of the church. Maybe she was expecting a formal invitation?
No matter how well you communicate, people will find ways to ignore you.
Sounds about right. I posted the Sunrise Service time on the church website, bulletin, Facebook page, sign and announced it in worship. Still I heard from my deacon chairman that some people were “confused” about what time the service was and someone asked if I could put out a phone tree message. “Sure, no problem but if they are confused now a phone message ain’t gonna help.” Bless.
Absolutely! It doesn’t matter how many times you publicize things, people can’t hear or see and know nothing about it. Someone asked our office manager to put an announcement in the bulletin. About 3 weeks later she asked again if it could be put in the bulletin. Umm…it had been in the bulletin and on the announcements on screen for 3 weeks already.
People are funny. I remember when I was a pastor in Missouri I was at our state convention one year, and we were presented with a proposed bylaw change. The gentleman making the presentation reminded us that, since it was a bylaw change, it could not be voted on until the following year. He was only presenting it for our information. Man, did that bring the nuts out of the woodwork! Several of them said, “I don’t think we need to vote on this right now.” The man assured them we would not vote on it until the following year. Another person made a motion to postpone a vote until the next year. The chair assured him such a motion was unnecessary, since we couldn’t vote on it until the next year, anyway. The topper was when a man went to the microphone and said, “I think we need a printed copy of this motion so we can read it.” He had the Book of Reports in his hand at the time, which contained a printed copy of the motion! I wanted to stand up and yell, “What do you think that is in your hand, you dummy?” (I didn’t actually say it, but that’s what went through my mind!).
In addition to being a pastor’s wife, I am an administrative assistant at a different church. When that church’s worship service time changes for summer (then back in the Fall,) I send out (and post on Facebook) an eight and a half by eleven bright yellow sign with huge, bold, red lettering….no more than ten words announcing the time change and date. Then, as the bottom in small type I add, “too subtle?”
Hard to miss 🙂
At my former church, so any people consistently talked thru announcements from the pulpit, it’s a wonder anything got through at all. As a worship leader, I could see everything well from my location. I also worked as the sound & media manager, so the other half the time, I was at the sound booth behind everyone. It’s amazing what happens during a service.
A member told me that I should be responsible for calling her each week and keeping her informed of the happenings at church any time she was not in attendance. She said she was rarely able to attend church because things like football games and parties often kept her from being in attendance, but she didn’t want to be out of the loop.
Seriously? That sounds like someone who would be a “blessed subtraction”.
Perhaps you could call her and let her know her name was removed from the church rolls.
I like it!
While my wife was in labor with our youngest daughter, one of our church members was admitted to a different hospital (non-life-threatening). She was informed I would not be there and I would remain with my wife during her labor. This lady became livid and after a few days I went by to visit her, she informed me the church paid me to put the church before my own family and my daughter she get use to not being first in my life. She was serious. I politely told her no one in church will ever come before my family. I prayed for her and left.
Good for you. Your family must always come first without exception.
You did the right thing, Jason, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. If you fail in ministry you can always try again, but you only get one shot at raising a family. Bob is right: always keep your family first.
Excellent response. God then family then church. Thank you for praying for her.
In a search committee interview, a committee member said, “If we call you, that means we own you and you have to do whatever we tell you. So if you were having dinner with your wife for your anniversary and a church member goes to the emergency room, we would expect you to leave the dinner and go to the hospital. How do you respond to that?”
“Well, first, slavery is illegal in this country and you don’t pay enough to own me. Second, my commitment to my wife is for a lifetime and will outlast my commitment to your church. Third, if the emergency is a thumb smacked by a hammer, I’ll give them a call tomorrow because I know from experience that’s not life-threatening. If the emergency is the van carrying the youth group was struck by a train, my wife is coming with me because I’m going to need help. But, generally, no, you don’t get to make those kinds of demands on me.”
They actually asked me to candidate. I told them no. Really, truly happened.
Wow. That is terrible.
I would’ve got up and politely excused myself and left right there. There is nothing else they could possibly say that could change that decision. Yeesh.
While in seminary, I was going through one of the approval for call steps we have. I had raised the issue in the essays that I wrote that I was concerned about what we now call “work-life balance.” One lady on my panel told me that she “grew up with her pastor’s kids and they didn’t see their dad much, but they turned out alright and your time with your family is going to go away and you need to be okay with that.” I just sat and stared waiting for anyone else on the panel to say something. NOTHING. Not even from the clergy on the panel. Is that why we have so many divorces as clergy or that PK’s have a reputation for being terrors?
Jim, you handled that situation much better than I would have. I think I’d have said something very un-Christlike (that’s a confession, not a boast).
I can’t help but wonder if that was intended to be an antagonistic question just to see how you would answer (i.e., if you would simply give what you perceived to be “right” answer, or if you even actually agreed with the premise of the question). Having answered well, you were asked to candidate.
Not a particularly good tactic, but a familiar one from my Navy days.
You’ve got to wonder how people got so dumb when it comes to priorities. Geez Louise! Your place was with your wife. Good for you for telling her the truth.
A Few Thoughts — I’m a thinking a church member’s mistaken mindset of it being the pastor’s job of doing hospital visits is the pastor’s fault.
Ephesians 4:11-13 says Jesus gave the church pastors “to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up” and…
In today’s individualistic /self-centered society, the church is to be countercultural rather than catering to the culture. No, it’s not so much about ‘people got so dumb’ as it is, people no longer respect one another’s “boundaries”. And sadly, in his desire to avoid conflict and to be a people-pleaser, the pastor tends to set a poor example of what it means to set proper boundaries.
Experience has taught me, and now I lovingly yet boldly tell my congregation, as a pastor, my priorities are:
#1 – My relationship with God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit)
#2 – My relationship with my immediate family (wife, children and grandchildren)
#3 – My relationship with my extended family (the church)…
AND never will I allow #3 to supersede #2 or #1. And yes, these boundaries have cost me a couple pastorates but my wife (of 37 years and counting) and I, our daughters and our grandchildren are all doing well and are genuine followers of Jesus Christ.
I agree church member do not respect their pastors boundaries. One member wants to tear down our privacy fence because it annoys her. Another complain that we don’t keep our drapes open enough. My pastor husband asked how often they checked them. No reply.
Yep, I’ve heard a few of these, and I loved your replies. Here were a few rejoinders that came to my mind…
#12: “Well, I have to do something to keep you people awake.”
#13: “What do you mean? The Heavenly Highway Hymnal comes in a variety of colors.” (Okay, Jesus didn’t actually sing from that one, but I really like it!)
#16: “Okay, ya got me. We’ll try that next time.”
#19: “Are you sure Tim Tebow is saved? After all, he played for Florida, and that’s the devil’s team.” (I’m aware that Dr. Rainer is an Alabama fan, so please know I’m praying for his soul, too).
#25: “But just last week you told me to cut back on the calories!”
#19 is a winner too.
I had one of my ladies come in this week to say that she was leaving the church because she didn’t feel connected. I told her that you have to attend to feel connected.
BAM! Yeah, had that conversation before. Well done.
I have had #2 said to me. . . which was a bit disconcerting since I was the worship pastor. (Apparently my first college-level voice teacher, whom I ditched because I didn’t think he knew what he was doing, knew what he was doing.)
As I stood at the back door with our guest speaker for that morning, one of the men of the church commented “He’s sure a lot better preacher than you are.” True maybe, but ignorance is bliss! Funny how you can remember the hurtful zingers so easily.
As a pastor’s wife I’ve heard a few. Here’s my three favorites, so to speak:
1. “You’re smart. You have a degree in English. We need a class on Really Big Words in the Bible. You should get that together and teach that.”
2. “If you had been there for me more when my first husband died, I wouldn’t have married my current husband.”
3. And anytime we go to (and work at) a church conference/camp meeting/youth retreat: “I hope you had a relaxing time. Kind of like a vacation!”
As an English major in college, I actually think that class on “Big words” in the Bible could be really interesting.
Not an english major, but I thought the same thing! lol
#2 is a winner.
Apparently she didn’t think so!
My husband is a Children’s Ministries Pastor. We go to summer Bible Camp for 2 weeks, one of those weeks he has to use vacation for since that week focuses on middle school students and not part of his job description. Though we go because we can follow up on the elementary students who have graduated up and because it’s one of my volunteer ministries. We get the “Oh, 2 weeks away at camp? Must have been a nice vacation!” Every. Year. from someone. It’s not relaxing when you work counseling young people and the hardships they go through, supporting college age counselors and running programs for 17 hours a day! If only the commenters knew…
Maybe you should lovingly invite them to go along the next year. They can use their vacation time.
I’m planting a church and think that doing series in Bible study on “really big words in the Bible” might actually not be a bad thing. Could draw in all kinds of people that have questions about such things.