Few people are truly aware of the constant requests, complaints, and criticisms pastors and other church leaders receive. I must admit, however, I was surprised when I asked church leaders on Twitter to share some of the more unusual comments they have received. I was first surprised at how many responded. But I was most surprised at the really strange things people tell pastors and other church leaders.
Many of the comments related to using the Bible too much or to being too evangelistic. I should make those a blog post by themselves.
I narrowed my selection to twenty-five, but it could have been much higher. I left off many great comments to keep this post manageable. I’ve only made minor wording changes to some of these. For the most part, I received these quotes just as you are seeing them. The parenthetical words after each comment represent my off-the-cuff commentary.
- “We need a small group for cat lovers.” (I guess they could serve Meow Mix as a snack.)
- “You need to change your voice.” (Yes ma’am. I’ll try to have that done by next week.)
- “Our expensive coffee is attracting too many hipsters.” (Yep. You don’t want too many of those hipsters in your church.)
- “Preachers who don’t wear suits and ties aren’t saved. It’s in the Bible. (I should have known that’s what Jesus and Paul wore.)
- “Your socks are distracting.” (I understand. I’ll stop wearing socks.)
- “You shouldn’t make people leave the youth group after they graduate.” (It’s going to get really weird by the time they turn 70 years old.)
- “I don’t like the color of the towels in the women’s restroom.” (I don’t understand. They match the towels in the men’s restroom.)
- “We need to start attracting more normal people at church.” (So, you will be leaving the church, I presume.)
- “I developed cancer because you don’t preach from the KJV.” (Major medical announcement! New carcinogen discovered!)
- “Your wife never compliments me about my hair or dress.” (There could be a reason for that.)
- “Not enough people signed up for the church golf tournament. You have poor leadership skills.” (I’m so sorry. I expected more since most of the deacons play golf on Sunday morning)
- “I think you are trying to preach caffeineism.” (Probably Reformed theology with an extra kick.)
- “If Jesus sang from the red hymnals, why can’t we?” (I think you are mistaken. He sang from blue hymnals.)
- (To a pastor who married interracially). “You are living in sin. You shouldn’t be married to each other.” (That one is not worthy of commentary.)
- “I don’t like the brand of donuts in the foyer.” (It’s better than Meow Mix.)
- “You didn’t wrap the hot dogs in bacon for the church picnic.” (I understand that one. Bacon rules.)
- “You shouldn’t drink water when you preach.” (At least not simultaneously.)
- “The toilet paper is on the wrong way in the ladies restroom. It’s rolled under.” (My guess is that it is still functional.)
- “Why don’t you ever preach on Tim Tebow?” (Be patient. I will be preaching a six-week expository series on him in the fall.)
- “You don’t have ashtrays in the fellowship hall.” (Yes we do. They are right next to the spittoons for your chewing tobacco.)
- “Did you see me waving in the back of the worship center? You preached too long. It was time to eat!” (Who needs a clock when I have you?)
- “The eggs were not scrambled enough at the senior adult breakfast.” (We thought you could jump up and down after you ate them to finish the job.)
- “You don’t look at our side of the worship center enough when you preach.” (That’s because you are on that side.)
- “We are leaving the church because you have a red cross on the building. That’s the color of the devil.” (I understand. It’s in the same verse that describes his pitchfork and horns.)
- “Your sermon needed more calories.” (Okay. I’ll feed it one of those donuts in the foyer.)
Pastors and other church leaders must have great patience and strength. They are faced with these and many other comments and demands every day. I love these church leaders, and I thank God for them.
Share with me what comments you have received. And tell me what you think of the twenty-five comments that were shared with me.
Posted on August 19, 2015
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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615 Comments
How can we enjoy the life God has given us by finding faults in others? I think joy is found by affirming the best in people and seeking to help where we see needs. Thank you for sharing this list.
Well said, Matt.
I have so many comments from which to choose! Comments about my tie, song selections, carpet color, sanctuary temperature, my children’s behavior, my yard, why I wasn’t at the women’s retreat (I’m male), and so many more. One of my favorites, however, came as an anonymous note asking me to be more personal in my preaching.
Years ago I met a new couple at the end of the morning service. They complimented me on my sermon. Standing nearby was a retired elder who quipped, “He gets about half of them right!”
I immediately responded, “Thank you! If I were a Major League Baseball player, that means I would be batting 500 and would be a millionaire!”
The retired elder gave me a dumbfounded look and walked away.
Back when my wife and I served as Bus Captains (inviting and bringing children to church Sunday mornings), I was pigeon-holed by the chairman of deacons and told, “We don’t need these children. We need their parents AND… only if they’re willing to contribute to the offering plate.” And another time, in a different church, while serving as the Association’s Director of Multi-Housing Ministry (establishing congregations meeting in apartment complexes and mobile home parks), I was informed our ministry was “non-productive” BECAUSE “the people we were reaching weren’t given the opportunity to attend ‘real church’ and contribute to it’s offering plate”.
That is sick.
Similar things were said at one of my former churches, until the pastor told the nay-sayers that we were going to bring the children to hear the Gospel regardless of their petty concerns.
Quieted them down some.
As a former church bus/ride with other members kid. I’d be very insulted at this person’s attitude. Makes me mad even now. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.
The day I announced our pregnancy with baby #3 at church, I was approached by two women after service. I thought they were going to congratulate me on the baby. Instead they said, “Are you still going to be able to plan our women’s retreat this year or not?” I was devastated. At least they could have asked me the next week, but not on the day I announced our pregnancy. I went home and cried. (Pastor’s wife)
Don’t let it get to you. Most people like that don’t mean to be insensitive; their mouths just move faster than their brains. If it happens again, just look at them with a completely straight face and say, “Um… that’s a big negatory.”
I think I’d have to thank them for their concern and for stepping up to take over that important task.
I was serving as a volunteer Chaplain in the local hospital. Before starting my rounds, I would check to see if any newly admitted patients wanted the Chaplain to visit. One indicated he did, so I went to his room first. After introducing myself, he was silent. Then he muttered, “I didn’t think I was that bad off.” Turns out his wife asked for the Chaplin to visit.
I once had a friend on staff who was accused of “breaking the sanctity of the pulpit” because he made announcements while he had a mustache.
I had to read your comment twice.
Me too. It ended in a totally surprising way (but pleasant nonetheless).
I could imagine my Dad making a comment like that in jest. He was an old-school military man who hated facial hair of any kind. I had a mustache when I was in college and he was always after me to shave it off. I finally did when I was in my second year of seminary. The first time he saw me without it he didn’t even notice! A few weeks later I was visiting with him again and he said, “You shaved off your mustache! You look a human being again!” I said, “I didn’t have it the last time you saw me and you didn’t even notice!” That pretty much ended the discussion.
I’ve heard #1 (except dogs) and #18. I also heard “every time you preach on marriage you make the divorced women feel bad about themselves”.
A Trustee at my first church told me, “Just stick to peaching the Bible and stop telling people how to live their lives!”
BTW, pastors, if you haven’t already read it, I strongly suggest you read Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s book, “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life”. I wish it would’ve been required reading while in seminary. It would of have saved me years of heartache, frustration, marital problems, etc. while trying to be a people-pleaser while serving in the ministry!
The book that saved my ministry was Martha Stout’s The Sociopath Next Door.
Though from a secular worldview, her book put my heart at peace that not all church problems are of my own creation and there are people so broken and some so evil that their decision to stay in the church and be completely untouched by the gospel is their prerogative and not my responsibility or a bad reflection on the quality of my own ministry.
I learned from personal experience that trying to keep people happy will only frustrate you. In my last church, I had been gone all day running errands (it was my day off), and I looked forward to spending a quiet evening at home. When I got home there was a message on my answering machine from one of my “perpetual callers” (I’m sure you know the type). She said several of the ladies were interested in attending a local revival that night and she asked if the church van would be running (i.e., she wanted me to drive it). I didn’t even return the call.
A Few Thoughts — I’m a thinking a church member’s mistaken mindset of it being the pastor’s job of doing hospital visits is the pastor’s fault.
Ephesians 4:11-13 says Jesus gave the church pastors “to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up” and…
In today’s individualistic /self-centered society, the church is to be countercultural rather than catering to the culture. No, it’s not so much about ‘people got so dumb’ as it is, people no longer respect one another’s “boundaries”. And sadly, in his desire to avoid conflict and to be a people-pleaser, the pastor tends to set a poor example of what it means to set proper boundaries.
Experience has taught me, and now I lovingly yet boldly tell my congregation, as a pastor, my priorities are:
#1 – My relationship with God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit)
#2 – My relationship with my immediate family (wife, children and grandchildren)
#3 – My relationship with my extended family (the church)…
AND never will I allow #3 to supersede #2 or #1. And yes, these boundaries have cost me a couple pastorates but my wife (of 37 years and counting) and I, our daughters and our grandchildren are all doing well and are genuine followers of Jesus Christ.
My youngest son passed away last year just before his 2nd birthday. My wife and I got friends together on that day for fellowship and encouragement. One of my group leaders came up to me and said, “I’m glad you’re back full time now…I don’t think we’re doing enough for discipleship around here…what are you doing about getting more small groups started?”
My heart breaks for you. That is so wrong.
I am so sorry for your loss, and also for people being boneheads.
Unbelievable. People sure can be cold.
I cry for you and your family. May the God of all peace and comfort comfort you all.
I’ve planted and pastor a small church in Schenectady, NY in an inter-city low income area. More often than not, the people who attend have some strange things to say. Here are a few:
1) I love the logo of your church. I’m thinking about getting it tattooed on me.
(Um…okay…I guess…lol)
2) Your church logo looks too much like a biker gang’s sign.
(My bad, but I didn’t realize that angel’s wings, a heart, the vine and the branches, and the crown of Jesus represented any local bike gangs. If they did, I’d wear my church shirt with logo and go minister.)
3) Why don’t we serve wine for communion?
(I don’t know, maybe because you and several others who attend here are recovering alcoholics? Just a thought…)
4) We are spending so much money on communion supplies. Why do we have to serve communion every Sunday? Why can’t we serve it on the first Sunday of the month like everyone else?
(This came from a lazy deacon at the church. My response: “Because we the church don’t break bread and study the Scriptures together daily. Otherwise, we’d have communion every day.”)
5) Our church is too tech oriented. (This one floored me. I said, “So streaming services live and posted them on the website is too techy?”)
6) I’ve been noticing that people are coming on one Sunday and they don’t come back again.
(Maybe it’s because so many people are critical and can’t keep their comments and criticisms to themselves? Maybe it’s because we fail to love and encourage people instead?)
And my personal all-time favorite…
7) Where’s my hymns?
(This was said to me at the church I got saved at when I had been appointed to lead worship for the church, during service when they were passing the peace of Christ. The worship leader who got fired due to having several moral failures and I was the only one qualified and only knew how to play the keyboard and piano. Nobody knew how to play the organ and that’s what she meant by “My hymns”.)
So my response to her after she shook her bony old finger in my face each Sunday for a month was:
“What is a hymn?”
She looked at me dumbfounded.
I said, “A hymn is a song of praise to God. Do I not praise God the best I can? Now is not the time to be so trivial over your music preference. I am available all week long, now is not the time to do this. We are in the middle of worshipping our God, yes, especially when we pass the peace of Christ, we are in the middle of giving praise to our Father.” She sat down and never bothered me again about it.
8) What is our church’s mission statement?
(This I asked to the first church that we attended when they appointed me to their Church Transition Committee during the first five minutes of our first meeting. I was very young in Christ. 🙂 They were worried about trying to solve the fate of the decaying church, for the pastor and his wife both left separately due to accumulating moral failures. My question brought them into dead silence and it took 2 weeks for them to find the 4 page article mission statement drafted in the 70’s and to dust it off. Nobody even knew what the mission of the church was. lol)
Your sermons are over the people’s heads. Why don’t you give more invitations to salvations? (I said because you all have been the attending every week and you all have sworn to me that you are all saved. We hadn’t seen a new attendee for months. We were an infant church at the time. I laughed so hard.)
You might could write a book with these stories.
🙂 yeah write a book. thank you.