You never know what will strike a nerve in the blogosphere. A blog post I wrote Saturday went viral, and the comments, discussion, and debate are still taking place at that post.
It was really a simple article. I did a Twitter poll (not scientific, I assure you) asking first-time church guests what factors made them decide not to return. I listed the top ten in order of frequency.
The surprise factor was the number one issue. Many first-time guests really don’t like the time of stand and greet one another that some churches have. According to the Twitter responses and comments on the post, many guests really don’t like it, so much so that they will not return.
So what is it about this stand and greet time that many guests don’t like? Here are the seven most common responses, again listed in order of frequency.
- Many guests are introverts. “I would rather have a root canal than be subjected to a stand and greet time.”
- Some guests perceive that the members are not sincere during the time of greeting. “In most of the churches it should be called a stand and fake it time. The members weren’t friendly at all except for ninety seconds.”
- Many guests don’t like the lack of hygiene that takes place during this time. “Look, I’m not a germaphobe, but that guy wiped his nose right before he shook my hand.”
- Many times the members only greet other members. “I went to one church where no one spoke to me the entire time of greeting. I could tell they were speaking to people they already knew.”
- Both members and guests at some churches perceive the entire exercise is awkward. “Nowhere except churches do we have times that are so awkward and artificial. If members are going to be friendly, they would be friendly at other times as well. They’re not.”
- In some churches, the people in the congregation are told to say something silly to one another. “So the pastor told us to tell someone near us that they are good looking. I couldn’t find anyone who fit that description, so I left and didn’t go back.”
- Not only do some guests dread the stand and greet time, so do some members. “I visited the church and went through the ritual of standing and greeting, but many of the members looked just as uncomfortable as I was. We were all doing a required activity that none of us liked.”
There are some pretty strong comments at the other post, and not all of them are negative about a stand and greet time. But apparently many guests really don’t like the exercise.
Should churches that have a stand and greet time continue to do so? Is it more negative than positive, or vice versa? Does your church have this activity? How do you feel about it? I look forward to your responses.
Posted on November 3, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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314 Comments
This is a great topic. As a pastor of a local church it is one I have given a lot of thought to over the years. This post was shared so much in my network of fellow pastors and church members, that I decided to write a blog on the subject. Here it is: http://2thesource.org/2014/11/05/the-infamous-meet-and-greet-time-at-a-church-near-you/
Hebrews 10:25 “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” If you don’t want to interact with other churchgoers, why even go? Why not just stay home and read your Bible? So what if you’re uncomfortable? It feels like comfort has become an idol in today’s society. People will barely even make eye contact with one another. Get over it. Say hi. Show love. If churches continue conforming to the masses of culture, they will lose the Truth.
How about a series of these articles entitled #churchworldproblems ?
I have noticed the exact opposite of what a lot of the comments say above. I feel like a tension is broken in our worship service when the greeting time happens. People seem more lively and together afterwards. We also make this time long enough for people to actually exchange more than a hello. I have seen members of our church use the time to go introduce themselves to newcomers….probably won’t stop any time soon.
I’m not an introvert, more of a middle extrovert and I don’t like it. It is awkward because most people stop at the greeting and do not initiate relationships especially with new church goers. What’s the point? My main concern though … as someone in the Medical field … germs germs germs!!!! I know we need to have an immune system but it’s gross when someone just sneezed in her/his hand and then goes to shake my hand 5 min later.
Lord, help us. We are human beings. It use to be people met with a kiss and a hug, not just a handshake. We live in a digital age, but we should be humans first. To love people is to care for people by letting them we missed them last Sunday, glad this is your first visit, glad you’re well enough to be in service, etc. Many people still need people. By the way, even introverts need people. That’s what is wrong with churches we’ve lost the compassion and contract with members on a personal level. Oh, my. Most of us don’t even know our neighbors. I find we should have more social moments in and after church than we do now. We are all part of the body of the church. When one is not there, the body suffers. Love thy neighbor as thyself. That includes those who go to church, works and those who we come in contact with in our daily lives. That’s how we are suppose to be witnesses unto the earth. ♥
We do have a stand and greet time, we stopped it a while back, but only because some people would not go back to their seat when the music started again. They wanted to finish their story and that meant they had to talk over the music. so we stopped it, only to have some of our people, actually, a lot of them complain because they didn’t get to greet the guests.
I have thought about not doing it again but not sure I want to endure the backlash.
Thanks for posting this brother. I read this list to the deacons on Monday morning as an interesting thought but not as a suggestion we eliminate it. I hope they don’t read into it more than I intended. Some introverts at CrossView Church LA told me some of their apprehension and I didn’t get it. I think I’m starting to.
Maybe we can introduce the time with extra sensitivity and focus on visitors since the members know the routine. I suggest we try saying something like, “We’re going to stand up and greet others. If you’re a visitor here, or even a member, who feels uncomfortable with this please feel free to stay seated where you are or to go to the welcome table outside to get some information on the church or Christianity. Let’s greet one another now…”
What do you think? Does that make it even more awkward, of does it help with the situation?
Thank you for this suggestion. I made a reply post to an earlier comment and wish I had included this. If you want to stand up and greet others around you, then fine, but if you are seated, that should give the signal that you don’t want to participate and should be left alone. If you do this, then those who want the greeting can participate and those who do not want it do not have to. That satisfies both sides of the issue. Only problem I can see with this is when you have someone seated in the middle of the pew who does not want to participate in the greeting, and everyone around them does. Maybe a separate section in the sanctuary somewhere that is “Greeting Proof?”
I love it that we can share our differing experiences about this. I have been on Vacation or visiting a church in the past and with out the dreaded “Meet and Greet” there would be no interaction at all between the people. I think if a greeting time is explained and used in the right way it can and is a blessing. Yes it can be a bit uncomfortable at times but the benefits far out-weigh the negative. I agree with Lee who shared earlier this morning. If its genuine it is a blessing. Instead of doing away with it maybe we need to train our people to follow up with the greet and plan a meaningful time. It works at our church and when we don’t have a greeting time in some services people miss it. I also agree with another person who shared that at times the service takes a very positive turn after the greeting time. It may not work everywhere but where it does why stop it just because someone writes an article. Love all of the input and differing views.
It is amazing how married some people (older) are to this tradition. A member left our church over it! But its interesting the context of his gripe. We were a new church plant and built into our Sunday schedule 30 min between Bible Study (Sunday School) and worship for the EXPRESS purpose to give people time to talk to each other and enjoy the fellowship. At that time, we even had refreshments to help with the relational goal. However, this brother would stand on the fringe and talk to NO ONE and would only speak when spoken to. So you can imagine my surprise when he came to my office to tell me why he was leaving. One of his biggest problems was that we don’t do the fellowship greeting in the service. When methods become sacred we lose.
I personally believe, as a Pastor, that the handshaking time is important. The visitors should feel as if people want to greet them and the members should be trained not to be snobs, dirty, or fake. The visitors that come to Lighthouse consider it the friendliest church in town. We have members in the pews today because of the warm welcome they received. Also, if the preaching and song service is God honoring the visitors will not feel comfortable anyway, they will feel conviction from the Holy Spirit. Church is not about what we want, it’s about what He wants! It’s also not about what the lost world wants!
I do not like the greeting time at our church. I feel like it takes away from the service. People usually greet the same people: the ones sitting by them that they already greeted when they arrived. Moreover, this is the period just before our worship set. As a member of the worship team I cannot venture too far to greet other people or I won’t be ready to play in time. If the people I usually greet are already talking, I stand around not knowing what to do OR just go pick up my guitar (which cuts the greeting time down a little). Most of the people talk to each other I that period between Sunday school and church anyway as well as hanging around for an hour (or more) after service. We could do away with it entirely and be just fine.