The moment they hear it, they feel the “cringe factor” throughout their body. Even as the first few words are spoken, the recipient feels his or her emotions plummeting. It is the one sentence that is uniformly dreaded by pastors and church staff. It typically begins with these words:
“People are saying that . . . “
The full sentence could say; “People are saying that you don’t visit enough.” Another example is: “People are saying that our student ministry is not doing well.” Or one more example is: “People are saying that you don’t have good office hours.”
The sentence might specify a group while maintaining anonymity for the individuals: “Some elders are not happy with you” or “A lot of the staff are unhappy.”
You get the point. It could be phrased a number of ways, but the meaning is still similar. “People” is never defined. The true complainer is never identified. It is one of the most frustrating and demoralizing sentences pastors and staff will hear. Here are some reasons for the frustration:
- The complainer lacks the courage to speak for himself or herself. So he or she hides behind the deceitful veil of “people are saying.” Leaders in churches know that when complainers lack courage to speak for themselves, or when they have to hide behind anonymous complainers, they are trouble in the making.
- The leader has no recourse or action to take. These complainers never identify the source or sources. So the pastor or staff person cannot follow up and speak directly to the dissidents. He or she is left with a complaint that cannot be resolved due to anonymity.
- The leader immediately questions the motive of the complainer. The moment the ministry leader hears those words, “People are saying . . . “, he or she doubts the credibility and the heart of the complainer. The approach is cowardly; it thus is always seen through the lens of doubt and frustration.
- This approach is a double frustration for the ministry leader. First, he or she has heard yet another criticism. Most ministry leaders have to deal with criticisms too often. Second, the ambiguity of the complaint and the source of the complaint can leave a leader wondering if the problem is really bigger than reality. He or she can waste a lot of emotional energy on something that really may not be such a big deal.
- Indirect criticisms can be the most painful criticisms. Most ministry leaders deal better with someone who is direct and precise in his or her concerns. But indirect criticisms such as “People are saying . . . “ or “I love you pastor, but . . . “ hurt more because cowardly actions and duplicitous behavior are added to the criticism itself.
As a leader in a local church and in other places, I got to the point where I did not entertain such veiled criticisms. I tried to be polite and say, “I am sorry, but I cannot listen to you further because you will not give me the specific sources of the concerns. If you are willing to name those people specifically or, even better, get them to speak to me directly, I will be happy to hear the concerns.”
Has my approached worked? Frankly, I don’t recall any of these critics being happy with my response. But I have had to learn that there are certain people in churches and other organizations who have the spiritual gift of complaining. And they will exercise that gift frequently and with vigor.
I have to move on to those who have positive and encouraging solutions. Life is too short to deal with cowardly complainers.
Let me know what you think about this issue.
Posted on December 17, 2014
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
More from Thom
343 Comments
*[[2Ti 2:14]] KJV* Of these things put them in remembrance, charging them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit, but to the subverting of the hearesrs ….. 16 But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness.
17 And their word will eat as doth a canker: of whom is Hymenaeus and Philetus; note
Hmmm … I guess I’ve been on both the giving and the receiving end of this one. As children’s Sunday School coordinator, I’ve heard many times that “people are saying …” I usually try to ask the relayer of the information to encourage the complainant to speak to me directly – I’m available before the service at the info table every week, and after the service I’m usually upstairs in the classroom where I teach. I don’t know that I’ve ever had someone actually speak to me directly as a result of this approach though.
However, I do know that on one occasion, I spoke to the pastor on behalf of someone else, and I don’t think I actually named the person. Because I’m teaching class during the morning service, I usually attend the evening service, which is very poorly attended, and mostly by elderly people who haven’t yet given up attending church twice on Sunday. One evening I was talking with an elderly widow who is a bit hard of hearing, and she complained of having difficulty hearing the pastor properly. I took an opportunity later to speak to the pastor about it, suggesting that he might make an attempt to speak more clearly, as he does indeed have a tendency to swallow some of his words, and have his sentences drop off at the end. This is actually more of an issue in the evening, because due to the smaller numbers in the congregation, it feels more of an intimate setting than in the morning when there’s a congregation of 300+. I don’t think I named the complainant, though I think I would have if asked who it was. But the pastor’s response was along the lines of “I hear what you’re saying, but I’m not promising that I’ll do anything different.” I don’t understand this – it seems like a pretty easy thing to address, it’s not about trying to undermine the leadership, or be a whiner, or anything. It’s just a fairly simple-to-address issue that one person expressed to me, and given the number of seniors in attendance, it’s likely an issue for others as well. So why the reticence to do something about it?
As a staff member, I heard this from my last two pastors, “People have been saying…” Every time it was to avoid conflict to get what they wanted out of the staff. In one case, it was to compel a staff member to quit so he didn’t have to fire her.
My point is that this phrase isn’t limited to congregants. Pastors use it too. And it is awfulno matter who does it.
I’m a pastor, and I agree.
This thread is massaging this issue far to deeply, reaching conclusions not intended or addressed by
Thom. The cold, hard reality is this: Do you want to discourage your pastor? Do you want to foster an environment that caters to the whims of the congregational members? Do you want to remain immature in your ability as a body of believers to impact your community? Then go ahead and continue to entertain anonymous criticisms. Pass them along to your elders (or someone bold enough to represent you) couched in confidential concern. Question intentions, actions, outcomes.
As a result, you will have plenty of opportunity to gain valuable experience checking leadership because you will host a steady stream of eager-but-soon-to-be-discouraged-and-gone pastors, and your church will never quite grow up in Christ.
Bill Hybels was once quoted as saying (I hope this accurately presents his heart), “I have never met an unhappy Christian who is serving in some way.” There is a statistic in church circles that 80% of the works of service in any given body of believers in Jesus is done by 20% of the people. When those numbers are reversed, the issue of anonymous criticisms will die for lack of nourishment because of the vitality and joy being experienced by the church.
When we were married, my wife and I received a plaque on which was written, “Joy is the most indelible evidence of the presence of God.” I believe it. I have pastored two churches and now we conduct an international itinerate ministry among roughly a hundred churches each year. Here’s another truth: Gossip, in all its forms, kills joy, personally or congregationally. Anonymous criticism, whether well-intentioned or not, by definition, is gossip.
Experience tells me this: rarely…again, rarely is a pastor so self-absorbed, narcissistic, or boorish that he/she dismisses as insignificant the concerns of the people he leads, and those who are invariably have no personal spiritual mentors to whom they give permission to speak into their lives. 1 Peter 5 speaks eloquently to leaders about how, under the tutelage of the Head Shepherd, they are to lead.
When the laity spends as much time agonizing over and praying for the fruitfulness of their fellowship in reaching those who do not know Christ, praying for their pastor(s) and encouraging them, and seeking ways to serve our Savior through the spiritual giftings He has given each of us, not only will only valid, and lovingly shared concerns arise and be addressed, the congregants will find their hearts being shaped and matured into the Holy Spirit empowered body of Christ they often speak about, but haven’t yet experienced. Someone once said that “revival is nothing more than having our experience catch up with our theology.” We need to start living what we say we believe. Church is not about me; it’s about what God wants to do through each of us as we surrender to His purpose.
Lay this issue down. Learn to deal with each other honestly and in a mature manner according to scripture. At least start by believing the best about your pastor and give him the chance to be gracious in response to you…and also be sure you are gracious in the way you share your concerns. Leave others out of it. Don’t recruit a company of complainants. Just get with your pastor and discover his heart.
People who are the hardest to love need it the most. This is so true. Let love lead.
Saw this on The Aquila Report and came here to finish reading it. It is a very good post. On our Session of elders we have an unwritten policy that is it no longer permissible for most issues to be entertained that begin with such an approach. It is both harmful and sinful, in that if a person has something against another they are to deal with it in a biblical way according to the Matthew 18 principles. To say “People are saying…” is gossip, and is passing along accusatory issues. The elders have often been instructed that when they receive a complaint, especially against an officer, the first thing to do is to send the complainer directly to that person and not listen any further [1Timothy 5]. Thank you for this.
Such a hard won lesson for us “people pleasers.” Early in my ministry I was easily derailed by the “cloud of witnesses” complainers. I fretted. I tried to figure out who was in the shy but massive group of critics. Eventually I learned that people who have legitimate and helpful critiques to offer, are not the kind of people who hide behind anonymous others. I have tried hard to encourage a church culture that is open to the concerns of individuals, but isn’t responsive to mystery cliques. I am now very clear with my church that I am not interested in hearing unidentified criticism, and while not everyone is happy with that approach, it is the only effective strategy I’ve found.
If someone DOES come to complain, in general, I try and give them some responsibility for the solution.
This is a great word. I would love to hear more recommendations for how pastors should healthily respond to such critics — how they might encourage Biblical communication. Also, it often happens that lay leaders (members of vestries, elders, ministry leaders) are the ones who hear these complaints and then pass them along to the pastor as generalized “people are saying…” feedback. How should those lay leaders respond? When should they pass that information along to the pastor, and how?
What I love about Christ is that he never concerned himself much with what the complainers said, but did once ask “Who do people say I am?” This always reminds me that it isn’t always expedient to concern yourself with the crowd; especially when you have a focused vision. He did however ask the disciples whom they believed him to be. This reminds me that it was more important to see if those closest to him recognized truth versus opinion.
I think leaders who have a core who are able to recognize truth and can communicate that are less likely to voice what “people are saying,” and instead address the people directly.