“Pastor, I have a rat in my house. Please come get it!”
It’s a true story. I was the pastor. And I was over 30 minutes away from the senior adult who made the “request.” I tried to call several other church members on the phone to get them to help.
I could find no one. Strange.
I chased a rat in the senior adult’s home for over an hour.
I love pastors and church staff. I love hearing their stories. And, on occasion, I like to provide a bit of levity. Such has been my theme this week.
Today, I let these pastors and church staff persons speak for themselves. I made minor modifications to a few so the story does not inadvertently reveal the church members. I don’t want the pastor to get fired. No comments on my part are necessary.
- “A church member asked, during the Lord’s Supper, if we could have a prayer for her dog that had died earlier in the week.”
- “A church member called, telling me her neighbors sheep were out in the road. Of course, I was supposed to help since I was her shepherd.”
- “I officiated a funeral where the family did the wave and hit beach balls during the service.”
- “A lady called me to let me know her son-in-law wasn’t praying long enough before his bed time. She felt I needed to counsel him.”
- “A church member was a funeral home director. He called me frequently to help him pick up just-deceased bodies.”
- “A church member called to request I euthanize an injured rabbit.”
- “I was asked by a church member to bury a dog.”
- “I got a call from a church member asking me to inform a lady she has grandkids she didn’t know about.”
- “I was asked to baptize a body at a funeral.”
- “A lady brought a chirping bird into a worship service and asked me to ignore it.”
- “I was visiting a member of our church in the hospital. He insisted I hold his kidney stone. I was young, so I did.”
- “A church member asked me to do a funeral for his horse.”
- “A deacon, after checking on a clogged toilet in the men’s room, told the pastor, ‘You need to go to the men’s room with me. You’ve got to see this!’”
- “A church member asked me to put her mother’s funeral on my calendar. She wasn’t dead.”
- “I was asked to wear a crushed velvet hat for a wedding.”
- “A church member asked me to do an imitation of a character from The Princess Bride during the wedding ceremony.”
I have no doubt these stories are true. I’ve had many weird requests made of me as well.
Let me hear from you.
Posted on May 4, 2016
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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196 Comments
When I was a youth pastor we had a teen give his life to Jesus that sold a lot of pot. His best friend was his business partner. One night his partner came over to play Madden. Well he also had a large quantity of pot with him that he wanted to sell. Our recenlty saved youth took it from him and flushed it down the toilet. The former business partner was not happy about the decision and got real mad. The teen called me to come over to help protect him (his mom was working the overnight shift) from getting shot because he thought his former partner went to get a gun to kill him. Being an unwise youth pastor I went instead of calling the police. Thankfully he did not come back but it was a long night of waiting and thinking every sound would be the last sound we heard.
Should’ve moved to Colorado.
I served as a volunteer hospital chaplain in my small town hospital. One night one of my senior adult church members came in with broken ribs. The XRay tech asked me if I would mind holding the radiation vest next to my member, I agreed and walked in. She was naked.
Lot of naked old people stories here.
With x-rays, it’s always important to shield your member.
Now that is funny, Darrin.
A man came to my office and asked me to come to the rear of his car where he opened the trunk revealing an urn holding the ashes of his sister. He wanted me to pray over them before he spread them on the lake.
I did it.
Nice job.
My Pastor has also been asked on Monday “Are you available to do my mother’s funeral on Friday?” Asking when she died the answer was “She hasn’t yet. But that will fit our schedule the best for this week.” The lady died that night.
He was asked before a funeral service to have a viewing of the body for the man’s dogs.
He was asked to paddle a boat across the bayou to help retrieve the church’s 30X30 ft. pier that had been taken during the night. The boat was pulled up on the pier and they paddled the pier back across and tied it up.
As Minister of Education I received a call one night at 11:45 asking “Do you do snakes?” I went over and got a 10 inch ground rattler out of a man’s house.
Oh the joys of ministry!
Just wondering how a pier gets taken.
The question “Do you do snakes?” takes on a whole different meaning in Eastern Ky.!!
I was asked to hold on to the cremains of a deceased daughter until the family could decide what to do with them. I agreed. Four years and counting.
In most states, those ashes would be yours by now.
Every morning when I arrive at the office, I put my keys on the box and say “Good morning, Kathleen.”
Same thing happened to my husband when he was a hospital chaplain. When he moved to another ministry position he took them to administration and they locked them in the safe. I imagine they are still there.
Good place for them.
I was called by an emergency service for one of our elderly ladies who had pressed her button and I was the only one they could get hold of for a non emergency situation. The situation…her colostomy bag had broken and she couldn’t move from her bedroom. Luckily my wife was able to come with me. Both ladies were troopers about a very embarrassing situation.
Tough to respond to that one.
People and dogs baffle me. We’ve had people who want to attend our grief recovery sessions over a dog !
I’ll be there when Marley dies.
Marital Counseling: Man asked me to tell his wife that she was not meeting the terms of their separation by not having sex with him every 3 days, and was not too happy when I refused. Needless to say, the marriage did not make it.
Different man: He and his wife were separated and he wanted me to tell her to continue to cook and do laundry for him. Not sure what happened in this marriage as the man went to my SP and complained about me because I told him to do his own laundry and cooking.
There are times when God pours His patience on you as well as the ability to keep from laughing in people’s faces.
Two men. Two different set of priorities.
Can you do marriage counselling for my son and his wife? (They had been divorced for three years, already, and it was still messy).
Your counseling skills are apparently lacking.
One day a man and his wife stopped by my house and the man asked, “Preacher, are you as scared of snakes as I am?” I replied, “Probably.” He laughed and then explained the situation. A lady in our church had found a snake in her house, and she wanted him to come get it. He asked if I would help, so I did. We went into the storage room where she said she’d seen the snake. We searched thoroughly, but found no snake. As we were about to give up, I glanced at a coat rack on the wall where some old coats were hanging. There was the snake looking me right in the eye! I said, “There he is!” My friend had a hoe, and he said to the lady that owned the house, “I’m probably going to destroy that coat rack.” She said, “I don’t care! Just get that thing!” We got it.
That story goes under the heading of, “Things they never taught me in seminary.”
Snakes are not good guys in the Bible.
While standing in the baptismal waters, a man asked, “Can you hold me under for a long time? I’ve committed a lot of really bad sins.” I told him I couldn’t because everyone would think I was hurting him. Then he asked, “Can you take me down really deep?” Thankfully the curtain opened and I didn’t have to answer any more questions.
Deep and wide.
Three days, right?
A woman in the church asked me to feed her cat while she was away for the week. I reluctantly agreed to do it. When I arrived at her home I found a note which included instructions on how to feed the cat, plus a second note directing me to vacuum the house everyday to clean up the cat hair. I fed the cat but left the vacuum cleaner in the closet. When the lady returned she called me to complain that I didn’t do a very good job vacuuming.
I do think you were a bit slack.