“Pastor, I have a rat in my house. Please come get it!”
It’s a true story. I was the pastor. And I was over 30 minutes away from the senior adult who made the “request.” I tried to call several other church members on the phone to get them to help.
I could find no one. Strange.
I chased a rat in the senior adult’s home for over an hour.
I love pastors and church staff. I love hearing their stories. And, on occasion, I like to provide a bit of levity. Such has been my theme this week.
Today, I let these pastors and church staff persons speak for themselves. I made minor modifications to a few so the story does not inadvertently reveal the church members. I don’t want the pastor to get fired. No comments on my part are necessary.
- “A church member asked, during the Lord’s Supper, if we could have a prayer for her dog that had died earlier in the week.”
- “A church member called, telling me her neighbors sheep were out in the road. Of course, I was supposed to help since I was her shepherd.”
- “I officiated a funeral where the family did the wave and hit beach balls during the service.”
- “A lady called me to let me know her son-in-law wasn’t praying long enough before his bed time. She felt I needed to counsel him.”
- “A church member was a funeral home director. He called me frequently to help him pick up just-deceased bodies.”
- “A church member called to request I euthanize an injured rabbit.”
- “I was asked by a church member to bury a dog.”
- “I got a call from a church member asking me to inform a lady she has grandkids she didn’t know about.”
- “I was asked to baptize a body at a funeral.”
- “A lady brought a chirping bird into a worship service and asked me to ignore it.”
- “I was visiting a member of our church in the hospital. He insisted I hold his kidney stone. I was young, so I did.”
- “A church member asked me to do a funeral for his horse.”
- “A deacon, after checking on a clogged toilet in the men’s room, told the pastor, ‘You need to go to the men’s room with me. You’ve got to see this!’”
- “A church member asked me to put her mother’s funeral on my calendar. She wasn’t dead.”
- “I was asked to wear a crushed velvet hat for a wedding.”
- “A church member asked me to do an imitation of a character from The Princess Bride during the wedding ceremony.”
I have no doubt these stories are true. I’ve had many weird requests made of me as well.
Let me hear from you.
Posted on May 4, 2016
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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I was visiting an elderly man in the nursing home. He was very distraught, because his wife was in the same nursing home, but different room. In the worst way, he wanted to have sex with her, but didn’t want to leave his room and go to hers, for fear of being found out. He asked me what I thought he should do. I told him to go for it, she was his wife, after all. He said, “Well yeah, but pastor, I don’t want to get kicked out of here for sex!” Yep, I had to agree, getting kicked out of a nursing home for sex is kind of a problem.
I work in a nursing/rehab facility. He would not be kicked out, unless his wife had dementia and was unable to consent. One of our nurses walked in on a resident and her husband, and quickly excused herself and left the room. Just because you are in a nursing facility does not mean you give up your rights.
I have been asked to come and start the fire for the neighbourhood drunk who had slipped on the ice and broken his hand, and return every 3-4 hours and add more wood.
Hope that didn’t last too many days.
I performed a Civil War themed wedding, while dressed in a chaplain’s uniform. The bride and groom had met at a re-enactment, and the entire wedding party and most of the congregation were in uniform or civilian clothing from the 1860’s.
Confederate or Yankee?
I was in Union attire, but most of the bridal party were Confderates. This was in southern…California.
I had a female church member that had to have a hysterectomy. The surgeon came to inform the husband about the result. He brought a small pan with him. He was gleeful to show us the tumor that had been on her ovary. So, in the pan was everything he removed. It was a first for me to see a real live ovary, fallopian tube, and uterus up close. Ugh!
Moving on.
I once did a wedding in a beer hall. The bride and groom were polka fans and the recessional was the Beer Barrel Polka. I still laugh about that one.
Cheers.
I actually called one of my deacons to come remove a live wild bird from the parsonage. My husband was away at the time and I am terrified of birds. I did manage to trap it in the dining room so there was no chasing or tennis racquets involved. Of course, all he had to do was open a window.
Do I even need to tell you how many bird figurines, tweeting bird toys, copies of Hitchcock’s The Birds I’ve received since the story got out?!
This morning I was asked if I and my sons could help catch 5 cats destined for the SPCA. They’re homeschooled, aren’t they? It may just end up happening…
I can’t even imagine how difficult it is to homeschool 5 cats…
Third wow.
I have been asked to rescue a dog from a well and find a runaway teen.
In the same place?
I have two: first a member asked me to co-sign for her to buy a home and secondly I just recently performed a wedding in our church’s graveyard!
When one of our local funeral directors got married, we held the wedding at the funeral home. Her thought was that the place could use a lot of joy, and besides, she lives there!
I was once approached by a homeless woman and handed a pair of needle nose pliers. She then asked me to pull a bad tooth for her and opened her mouth to show me which one. When I refused and explained that I’m a pastor, not a dentist, she cussed me out, grabbed the pliers out of my hand and stormed out of my office.
You must not have had Dentistry 101 at seminary.
During the invitation, a teen from our youth department approached me pushing her grandmother’s seat/Walker. On the Walker seat was a square cardboard box. The teen asked that I pray for her grandfather whose ashes, yes, were in the box.
I prayed for the comforting Holy Spirit upon the family. Truth. You can’t make this up.
Lot of stories about ashes too.
I was asked to come to a home and help roll over a bed-ridden 600lb man so his wife could clean him. I kept my eyes shut!
Heavy assignment.