Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
Let me just say that I believe that Dr. Rainer is very astute in his assessment. Many Christians are missing the point of what it means to belong to covenant community in which they submit to the godly leadership in place. But I also believe it to be wise to address the similar problem that exists amongst church leaders. If pastors’ are prone to oversee a church for just a few measly years (2-3), why should we be surprised if the rest of congregation picks up the similar habit? I am currently serving a church and entering into my seventh year of service. Comparing myself to previous pastors, I have the second longest tenure in the church’s history (the first being eight years!). The problem is that my church is in proximity of a large Southern Baptist seminary. The church is not financially able to support most pastors, so it only attracts seminary students. Unfortunately, once they receive their M.Div., they are off to “bigger and better” churches. It is not coincidence that the time served by previous pastors directly correlates to the time to receive a degree. If some Christians see the church as a country club, then some seminarians see small churches as stepping stones to further ministerial career.
Good balanced perspective Seth.
It appears there is not one but two back doors in most churches. One door is used by those with the dissatisfaction mindset, as you have described, of not being provided with ministry services while the other door is used by those who are gifted with talents and ministries but feel restrained from exercising them. These second-door believers are not frustrated by a lack of Spirit-led ability to serve others as God has graced them but rather a lack of opportunity to serve, fellowship, or relate with fellow believers in a manner the Holy Spirit encourages. In my view, this is indicative of a foundational flaw in the institutional mindset. and structure. Many of these second-door believers are exiting in search of a deeper and more profound body experience which they will ultimately find in a relational church construct.
Well stated Kent.
Kent, you said what I have been thinking for a long time, but you said it so much more eloquently that I did in my original comment. Thanks for reading my mind!
Well stated Ken. There are definitely 2 back doors wide open in some churches. 1 for the church hoppers (and I mean that negatively toward churches, not individuals) and 1 for those of us who have taken the time to earn a degree in our ministry calling and continuing through seminary. I just wish that I walked through that back door 4 years ago when it was pointed out to me instead of thinking that I could be effective as a side-liner.
“…but rather a lack of opportunity to serve, fellowship, or relate with fellow believers in a manner the Holy Spirit encourages.” That is our story, Kent. Our church is in an afluent suburb. My wife and I are almost entirely exluded from singing on the Worship Team because, apparently, though very fit 50-somethings, we don’t fit the “hip” image the church wants to project. Also, the church talks about connecting, but it is filled with closed cliques, including the pastor. We send cards, ask others out to lunch after church, are very friendly … but we get very little back in return. I don’t think this describes an entitlement mentality. We moved here 8 years ago because of my job and we have no family within 600 miles. We’re just frustrated at not being allowed to use our spiritual gifts in our local church, and to put it bluntly, we’re really lonely. The people we know from work and the community are so much more loving and real than our “Sunday friends.”
Richard,
It sounds as if you and your wife might be the victims of a church culture that is promoting an atmospere to attract the younger of society at the expense of neglecting the older age groups in the church. You mention the pastor, and I would venture to guess that he probably fits that younger set as well.
This is all too often the case across our country; when church’s become so focused on seeking out the young and striving for an appearance of being hip in the community. Since typically the middle aged and elderly tend to be less vocal regarding their spiritual needs they can tend to be overlooked and disregarded in the church, with everyting that these folks tend to enjoy quickly falling by the wayside. Traditional vs contemporary music for example. We have all heard of church’s that start out with a mix of traditional and contemporary music only to see the traditional quickly take a back seat.
Good leadership will strive to be constantly aware of the needs of all ages and make sure all are involved that want to be, and never at the expense of the others.
Regarding service…….one thing I heard that just about made me fall of my chair was about a church that required people to actually audition in order to be accepted into the choir. I could not believe the arrogance of such a group! If a person feels the desire to sing praises to their God as a choir member they should be allowed to even if they cannot carry a tune in a bucket. The whole idea and purpose for a church choir is not for the purpose of impressing the congregation with voices like the Mormon Tabernacle. That flat, out of tune voice, from a dedicated servant probably sounds like REAL music to God’s ears vs the tuned and perfect voices of a clique of snobs.
It may be that older members are leaving for those reasons but having Christian young people in our home on a regular (3-4 nights a week) basis the biggest reason they give for leaving the church is “judgment”. They are expected to be living a righteous life the minute they get saved and not given time to grow. There is also very little one on one discipleship going on in most churches. We weren’t called to mentor people on church membership (there was no such thing in the first century assembly). We were called to “go and make disciples”
Good points Candace.
Thom,
I am an associate pastor and had a quick question. In your study or experience what is the best time to offer a New Member class or a Doorway class? Is it on Sunday morning during the Sunday School hour or Sunday afternoon before an evening service. Also is it best to keep them to 1-2 weeks in length? We used to do one that covered various aspects of our ministry over a 6 week period and we found most folks made half of the classes. I would appreciate your insight.
Todd –
I am reticent to name a “best” time since so many factors are contextual. I will say, however, that Sunday morning is the most common time followed closely by Sunday afternoon. Also, more churches are moving toward one class (typically about three hours in length) rather than a multi-day class for the reasons you stated.
Blessings.
I went to a church. I wanted to be saved. It was all new to me so I wasn’t familiar with so much that they seemed to assume i should know. I took their “new members class” that same day. After that class, I never went back. I felt they had put a million and one demands on me and I had not even gotten to the point of being baptized. They scared me away and I never tried again. I am not complaining, but hoping for you folks to understand how it feels to someone to be new to it all. Give them a chance to acclimate and learn before you give the many demands.
Thanks Debra. We need to hear that perspective.
By the way Debra, you did not mention if you ever were saved. If you would like to communicate about that in a non-threatening environment, email me via my assistant: [email protected]. Thanks.
As far as the excuses go, they can really all be condensed into one real reason. “I don’t see the value”. The other junk is just rationale.
All your suggestions are very good, but #2 absolutely hits the nail on the head. It’s easier to join, and more is expected of when in, the Kiwanis Club, then the SBC churches with which I am familiar.
You are so right Bob. Thanks.
To those who think Dr. Rainer’s post was “arrogant”, remember it’s based on actual research and not opinion.
If it’s “arrogant” to call believers, and churches, to a higher standard of unselfish discipleship, may more preachers be found guilty.
Where is this research? It is not stated as far as I can see. I may be missing the citation somewhere.
Tammy –
There is no singular research project, but several projects that influenced the blog. You can thus find some of the research in two books by me: “High Expectations” (albeit older data) and “Millennials.” You can see much of the data related to the latter at LifeWayResearch.com. Also, Kinnaman’s research noted in his book “You Lost Me” was instructive.
Thanks for asking.
This is very insightful. Sadly, some people like my family, had to make the difficult decision to leave a church (in love) because we DO have a servant mentality and not an entitlement mentality. WE were being served with excellence and great abundance. But…it’s not about me.
In reference to my previous post, I should have also pointed out, I wasn’t just being served..I served in many leadership roles over 14 years and loved my church. God changed my heart to serve & reach outside the walls of the church. After trying for years to make it work, it just didn’t line up with the “country club” vision that I had become so comfortable with.
I really disagree with this post. It sounds very arrogant and as if you’re making the problem there’s. God said I no longer call you servants, I call you friends, so why do we have to adopt the mind of a slave to be welcomed into church? We have the ministry of reconciliation, to help people find and follow Jesus and come into who they are as SONS and DAUGHTERS of the King. That’s what people are looking for even if they don’t know it. It can manifest as superficial and natural reasons such as not being fed (a legitimate problem) or not be greeted when they come to church. But it is the Body’s job to introduce them to a God who loves ten more than anything and the Discipleship Spirit comes from knowing who you are as an heir. If you want to gain members and close the back door, do what Jesus did: Love people, pray for the sick, cast out demons.
Mark, I think ur confusing what Thom was trying to point out. HOW do we become the church Jesus envisioned.
Yes, we should love people, pray for the sick and cast out demons. But how do we go about doing that practically? And if we’re not doing it, why not and/or what are we doing wrong?
I don’t see how Thom’s post was arrogant and I think we all need to be careful about how we throw labels like that around. It’s one thing to disagree, quite another to call someone arrogant just because they brought up something they felt might need to be addressed in churches.
I believe there are many good churches and leaders in them who want to do better but don’t know how to.
We often forget Paul’s advice on criticism to the effect that we each “stand or fall” to our Master, and that He is able to make us stand… therefore criticism is not endorsed generally, and only when necessary to restore health to the body, as in the case of Paul’s instruction in Corinthians regarding the flagrantly disobedient brother. The “cancer” in the body of Christ is “followers” who refuse to be led by anyone but their own desires or egos. It is only appropriate for Thom to point out what is needed in the body in general, as one who has been chosen by God and approved by the Body as a leader. He is not being arrogant, but observant, and speaks in a prophetic role in a sense, “forth-telling” to the Body as a whole.
By the way. This is the second time I’ve seen pastor Rainer refer to the statistic regarding the disparity between a stated belief in training and an actual practiced value on training. This is deeply disturbing to me. It’s not that some, or many pastors have no plan for training its that THREE QUARTERS of them have no plan. Is not our purpose to ‘equip the saints’??? I think that much of the local church’s issues could be traced back to this subject. It reflects a do as I say, not as I do thought process. Isn’t that the knock on churches from so many these days? Are we too focused on the business of doing church and doing Sunday morning? Should not practical training of leaders and disciples be given a higher priority?
I am a passionate small group guy. Leader, trainer (ahhah, the connection!) and shepherd to small group leaders. I absolutely believe in the value of small groups. Unfortunately, I’ve seen far, far too many occasions where they fall painfully short of their potential because leaders of small groups are either untrained or poorly trained and poorly shephereded. Often the good that can come from small groups is more than un-done by this lack of attention given to the leaders of small groups. Small groups are only one area where ‘equippng’ isn’t being done or done very well.
This topic is the subject of my upcoming Wednesday blog.
Dr. Rainer, I loved the content in your blog, and it reminded me of the many ways our churches fail to connect with people. If we were really connecting with people, they wouldn’t leave because they “couldn’t” leave. They would be intimately tied to the church in such a way that leaving would be painful because it would mean fracturing relationships. This is an extreme viewpoint, but I believe it to be a tangible way to evaluate how well we are keeping people in our churches.
As I read your responses to the reasons people leave churches, I believe each of them makes a very valid point for the church’s response to the open back door. We need to find ways to communicate a clear path of discipleship for people in our churches.
But as I read the book unChristian by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons, and then look at the comments you quoted in your blog, I don’t think churches are addressing the problem. The quotes you cited from people who left the church don’t point to a systems issue. There may be symptoms of leadership issues. But the main thread is a lack of connection between people. Each of those quotes shows a hurt that could have been addressed by building healthy relationships.
Kinnaman and Lyons write, “Mosaics and Busters are the ultimate ‘conversation generations.’ They want to discuss, debate, and question everything. This can be either a source of frustration or an interest we use to facilitate new and lasting levels of spiritual depth in young people. Young outsiders want to have discussions, but they perceive Christians as unwilling to engage in genuine dialogue.” (Kinnaman, David & Lyons, Gabe. unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity…and Why It Matters. Baker Books, October 1, 2007. Kindle AZW file.)
If we are answering peoples’ felt needs with membership expectations, programs, buildings, or even theology without allowing them to interact and engage in the discussion, we are missing why the back door is so wide open and widely used. People are leaving churches using the term “irrelevant” not because the Gospel didn’t apply to them, but because our inability to engage them in conversation made them feel marginalized and irrelevant.
Kinnaman and Lyons go on to say, “…for many people the Christian faith looks weary and threadbare. They admit they have a hard time actually seeing Jesus because of all the negative baggage that now surrounds him.” (Ibid.) I truly believe most of the negative baggage surrounding Jesus has to do with how we as the church have “packaged” Him, not the truth of who He is.
Nobody wants to go to hell. Nobody wants to miss out on the life God has for them. But if they can’t figure out a way to take ownership of that life for themselves and have to jump hurdles we put up just to engage, it’s our fault they want to leave. Moreover, I applaud them for doing so, lest they become actors in and unfolding drama void of biblical truth and the certainty of eternity.
Finally, someone said it! Thank you Dr. Rainer.
Thanks David.