Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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I was listening to a sermon by the late Dr. Adrian Rogers, and he spoke of those who come to church and say to their friends after the service “Well, I just didn’t get anything out of the worship service this morning.” Well, let me share a little secret with you. “It’s not about you!” The question is “What did you bring to worship?” Of which I say Amen.
It is valuable not to generalize the reason why people leave a church. For example, God may have work for them to do elsewhere. After all, the church grew as a result of people going different directions (Acts 15: 36-41). It is important for leadership and people in the church not to have an attitude that it must be the “other person’s problem.” Perhaps we as Christians need to spend time understanding and loving each other, praying for one another, and exploring ways to grow in caring for the Body of Christ. Having made those points, it is important not to lose sight of the valid points of the original post. We need to serve each other with grace and humility. To that end, let’s think the best of one another (1 Corin. 13:7), which is an area I am working on myself. We, as Christians, really need to stick together!
Glad to see this matter addressed. In SBC circles– what are the numbers: 17 million members and about 5-6 million who even attend?– something is wrong at the core! You set forth some good and helpful points as to ‘closing the back door’– However, I believe the main problem is the common view of the FRONT DOOR… which you were at least ‘hinting at’ as you spoke of the ‘dumbing down of membership’…. BUT THE ROOT is the reality that in the average Evangelical/Bible-believing church pastors and personal workers lead folks to ‘say’ (supposedly pray) a prayer and then the person is PRONOUNCED SAVED. Rare are those who are waiting for the Holy Spirit to bring conviction, (John 16:8-11). Thus, there are too few true conversions. I fear that far too many are Baptists and other Evangelicals but not born again. For as long as I can remember, we have guaged our ‘success’ by the number of baptisms we have. Maybe we would do well to remember that the 5000 converts on the Day of Pentecost were folk who, because of the indwelling compelling of the Holy Spirit CONTINUED STEADFASTLY in Bible Study, Worship, etc.
Thanks for this post. This is something that needs to be said – and said again. While those who suggest that this is a leadership issue have some point, as there is always a need for developing effective leaders, to assign the problem to leaders alone is to fail to address the culture of consumerism that exists in contemporary Evangelicalism.
I walked out of 2 different Churches over 25 Years ago
I always loved Church since I was 6 years old, I even kept going when we moved.
I was Babtised at 12 all by myself at our community Christian Church, They didn’t care that my family was poor and Mom was not A Religious Woman, They welcomed me and I wanted be just like them. I’m in my 60’s and I Will Tell You the Church has changed for the worse, They don’t teach the same God that I know, I Never hear of his goodness for giving to the sick and needy or feeding the hungry and helping the less fortunate because it’s the example he left of his good works, The Christians are mainly focused on getting into heaven and serving a Pastor who is only there for
big $ and they are not following God’s Example , They don’t help the homeless and turn on long time members if it puts a $1 in there pocket, This I have witnessed also, They are focused on Political GOP/Republican agenda and it’s effecting the Country
And family’s , What Happened to God’s Words!!
Morals and doing the same as the Lord , I’m not ok with this hateful selfish mindsets Of gossips in the Born Again New Believer that has replaced my Christian values and My God ! I’m a giver, I don’t hate anyone , I will not put versus because you changed all of there meanings , I Pray At Home Now, A lot of people are. We are leaving because you worship the opposite of God and his example. There’s your true Answer,
I find it interesting that you give “I would not support the building program” as an example of entitlement mentality for those leaving a local congregation.
It has been my experience that the building programs created by and for most local congregations are the HALLMARK of entitlement mentality.
“I want a nice Sunday school area for my children, with good play equipment.”
“I want a coffee bar so I can get boutique coffee between SS and Worship.”
“I want a fitness center”
And on and on. Nothing says “pay your dues and get a country club” like the building programs so popular for the last 20 years.
And yet you point to those of us who object to God’s money being spent that way as the ones with an entitlement mentality? That rings false with me.
Katherine –
Your point is well made. It was included in my blog to illustrate someone leaving because he did not get his or her way.
Perhaps the comments to the blog are a microcosm of the issues with church membership. A good article, followed by subjective agreement and dissent; rabbits chased for topics irrelevant to the discussion; hurt and past failures carried into the mix; genuine desire to do more; great wisdom and a little foolishness and arguments based on Biblical truths and personal preference and depending on the side of the fence, a muddy line between wrong and right.
Sound familiar? It should. It’s the state of the church. We’re trying to live out the Gospel and build disciples all the while trying to please people who may not necessarily be as serious about the same Gospel we preach, and certainly not as passionate. On the other hand there are entitled leaders with a superman complex not representative of Christ when he said he that is ong you that wants to be your leader, must first be your servant.
We have an open back door in the church not always because of what’s happening inside it, but rather what’s not happening outside it. We’re trying to fix broken people from within the walls when many of them aren’t interested in a passionate commitment we both need and hope for from them,
It’s not in or out, good or bad. We’re trying to fix this issue in our comments almost with an either-or mentality and it may really need to be a both-and.
Let’s grow disciples AND let’s reach people who aren’t ready to commit but still have a place. And yes, you might lose some to the back door but the inward focused church will soon have no one else walking in it.
I’m not trying to be a wordsmith. I love the article and I’m just ashamed of how Christians argue about how to fix everything when it doesn’t suit their liking, that’s all.
Because the people on the other side of the door are watching us, and this is EXACTLY why some of them aren’t coming in. Ask them.
Thom did.
Kris, you nailed it.
There are varied reasons people leave a body, as evidenced by the many comments. However, following the metaphor of the church being a “body”, closing the “Back door” is unhealthy. I believe the church should have an open and welcoming “back door” for things (people) that have entered which do not agree with that body: whether because the of doctrinal or philosophical disagreement. If you leave, just DO NOT be publicly divisive. IMHO
God help us to be like Jesus…
10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.12 How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goes into the mountains, and seeks that which is gone astray?13 And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoices more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.14 Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.
It is interesting to me and also very revealing that the discussion is not about leaving Christ, but more so leaving an institution. I think Heartspeak has stated that point precisely and with more depth. There seems to be an honest desire to serve the Lord, however serving the church not the Christ sounds more paramount in this post and it’s preceding comments. Paul dealt with that very issue in 1 Cor. 1 about how there was division over who baptized who. The conversion IS to Christ. For those that are they find themselves communing with others like themselves.
John Woodall…Are you making an error of not “discerning the body of Christ” when you separate His local body, the so called institutional church, from Christ’s body. “It is interesting to me and also very revealing that the discussion is not about leaving Christ, but more so leaving an institution.” It is popular among many earnest believers today, to despise the local church of Jesus Christ for its many real and perceived flaws.
Pete,
I’m not for sure if a local body of Christ actually exists. I understand there is one Lord, one faith, one body…Eph 4. You are assuming I’m desping some local body calling themselves after Christ. What I don’t find to be of value is what I’ve come to know of “church” and “going to church”. My point was to deal with the thrust of the article and address this idea of membership. Question, where in the Scriptures do you see an individual place membership? Or someone accept someone as a member of a group? How about the procedure of placing membership? Forms, questionairres, approval/denial process? Can you find a Scripture(s) to support this concept? How about transferring membership? How about removing membership from one person? All questions that are assumed they are based in Scripture, thus giving the institution birth.
These are also my thoughts about today’s church. I believe people mean well and want to serve Christ, but today’s churches are no different that the temples that were destroyed in scripture. Jesus destroyed the temples that people worshipped God in because He was going to raise up His own temple made of people. Jesus wants His body to move about while ministering the gospel and making disciples in communities and abroad, baptizing them in the name of Father , the Son and the Spirit. When we minister to people on the streets and serve the least of these, we are worshipping God with our life. This is where serving and worshipping God is based on Spirit and Truth. We are to come together for prayer and fellowship so we can support one another, but today people can’t break old habits that started again in 300ad when the Catholic Church was started by Constantine. Its has just evolved into different denominations that separates Gods people from true worship base on Spirit and Truth. What I am saying is based on scripture, not my own thoughts. Problems are because of man made temples called the church. The building has become a holy idol for men and has replaced what the Church of Jesus was meant to be. The bottom line is, God may be calling His people out of her “false church”, so His bride will not take part in the sin of this wicked substitute and so His bride remains pure for her Bride Groom. The time is drawing near and may we all be ready for our Lord that gave His life for His Bride, His Church.
We have some leave because of too much commitment. They end up going to what I heard someone call church like. A church where they can go Sunday morning and hear a good sermon and not have any commitment. I think it also means they can miss a Sunday and not have anyone notice
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Good point Jerry!
I know of a couple that actually left a church after many years for that exact reason. Relatives of this couple told me that these folks were doing nearly everything in the church but preach and finally couldn’t take it any more. They were just exhausted and overwhelmed. Many in that church knew they were dedicated servants….and the rest of them let them……..
On the other hand, I have actually been told by another couple in their 50’s that they chose the church they now attend because of its size, saying that it would be a church that would be easy to “Hide In”.
Indicating to me that there are at least some that are attending your church that are not looking for areas of ministry and have no onterest in areas of ministry and will only begin looking for the back door when they are eventually asked to do something. These are the happily non-committed “Pew Warmers”, which every church has more than their share of.
. I personally do not expect anything from a church but I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t try to get me to go to their church by making some kind of implied promise as to what will happen if I start going. This has been my personal experience, so that may differ from yours or even anyone reading this. I have never in my life been invited to a church where the person asked me to come to help someone else. The invitation is always about being saved or being more personally fullfilled if I start going. If I do decide to go, then there is often the implication that I believe exactly as the church teaches. All the while, I would be under the impression that by conforming to their belief system I would indeed reap personal manifestations of healing, peace, etc etc. While it is good to inform people of the reality that a church organization really doesn’t have the power to do such things, Outside the church walls the expectations are likely being falsely built up long before someone makes a choice to give it a try.
Ask not, “What can the Church do for me?” Rather ask, “What can I do for the Church?”
I like it!