Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
I agree with the premises but I think there are two things in play. For some it is an entitlement mentality, but for so many people it is a “Consumer Mentality.” They treat the church like a restaurant. Come when they are hungry, eat, of the “service”‘is good leave a tip, and then don’t bother coming back till they get hungry again. Or church is like a doctor, lawyer, mechanic, or any other business providing a service. A couple is getting married and need a pastor for the wedding so they start coming to church and after the ceremony they disappear, or a parent is dying with cancer so they start coming to get help through the crisis and because they need someone to do the funeral. Three weeks after the funeral they disappear….until the next crisis or event in their lives they need the services provided by the “church”.
Your “Consumer Mentality” comment makes me wonder why some people are even in ministry. Why would you care for what reason they are coming to church if you really was in the ministry to be the extended hand of Jesus. It sounds like you only want the ones who are going to do everything like you want them to. By being there in their time of need, it may effect their soul in eternity even if the conversion comes many years later. I have said it many times before and I will keep saying it, the people in churches today do not love one another , because we do not see the love coming from the pulpits. If you love people you would be so honored to marry, them, bury them, or sit with them when they are ill. Nobody expects ministers to be super humans, but some have put themselves above their people . None threw hundred dollar bills at Jesus feet as he preached, and when it started in our churches, heads swelled. And the truth is, we can hear great sermons on our t.v’s that teach us Gods word, and we do not have a church who is building more building every year so they can be bigger than the one down the street. And we all know every member is expected to give far and beyond tithes for the building programs. By what you said about the weddings and funerals lets me know why as an older couple going to new church they are not even particulary friendly. Guess they are afraid we will die and they would be asked to do a funeral. Really sad.
I pastored for many years. People have to follow their God and their conscience. I had rarely, in my opinion, seen people leave for ‘good’ reasons, but that’s on them. We all have to walk our own walk. People have their own needs and expectations, and when they feel they are not being met they seek to meet them elsewhere. Why wouldnt they? It is their life….their walk, and they have to walk it out. What do I do as a pastor? I preach the Word and serve the Sacraments. These are the means of grace, and these are the means whereby we grow up in Christ. I am not the Holy Spirit to them. I cannot keep them. Of course the leadership of the church should seek ways of ‘doing church’ in a biblical manner all the while. I preach the Gospel in the power of the Holy Spirit and leave the results to Him. And I try to follow Christ and hope that’s good enough for everyone else.
Dr. Rainer:
Good thought provoking post as the comment trail (which I just read the WHOLE thing) indicates. As you stated their are valid reasons for separation and change and a short blog post, no matter how well written, can only scratch the surface.
For those invalid reasons what has helped me in recent years to understand people and minister to them, as an elder in my church and long-time christian, has been the work of Tim Keller and CCEF (Christian Counseling and Education Foundation). Keller in his books and teaching along with CCEF training has helped me see how people deal with the idols in their lives, values they worship above God and Godly community. Thus as I understood the idols in my own life, that caused me to worship things tangible and intangible other than God, I could have compassion, while not condoning, the broken behaviors of people in my circles. And it gave me a language to both challenge and encourage.
Therefore from an idols perspective, your analysis of an entitlement mentality is spot on. Entitlement is the idolatry of self. One way which I comprehend those entitlement decisions is along three lines, Religion, Relationships and Truth.
Often, people leave because of the “religion” that is practiced or not practiced. It is a sub-culture and taste decision that is valued over relationships and truth. Also, people leave because of “relationship” issues whether with other members or leadership regardless of agreement in doctrine-truth. In both “religion” and “relationship” cases, people leave because they do not want to grow in grace, forgiveness, forbearance and service. Here the idols of power, control, comfort, and approval come into full play along with destructive emotions. The NT letters are very much about Paul and Peter imploring people to put love for each other above issues of “religion’ and problems in “relationships.”
Are there churches that abandon the truth of the Gospel and thus force doctrinal dissent and separation? Yes, but in my travels within Christian circles, I’ve found this to be the exception rather than the rule.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks so much Tony.
I’m a 30-something year old single woman and I’ve been part of the same church since I was a toddler. I also attended a fairly well known ultra-conservative college. The entitlement thing sounds familiar as I meditate on different reasons why people have left my church over the years. We have lost a lot of people in recent years; We’re just a fraction of what we were when I was a kid. We had the same pastor for 32 years; He retired and now travels preaching in other churches. The new pastor is someone who originally came to us close to 20 years ago when he was attending our local university. God called him to preach. Many years, a few churches, and three kids later, he’s now pastor.
Some of the reasons I’ve heard include wanting to be in a church with a singles’ group, not liking our conservative standards. not liking the new pastor, wanting another pastor like our previous one (not understanding that there is no one else like him!), finding fault with everything, etc. etc. etc.
It’s kind of interesting that you mention the entitlement thing because it reminds of a conversation I wish I had never been part of (even though there was really no way to escape it!). A woman whom I always looked up to was gripping about stuff in the church when she made a comment about reading the church constitution. She said that if people would read it, they would realize they are entitled to certain things. I did my homework and found no such thing. Shortly after that, this lady and her husband left the church, after they sowed a lot of discord and verbally attacked our pastor in front of the entire church.
For people looking for a new church, I would recommend keeping a list of things that you need/want in a church. I think it would also be wise to keep a list of things you absolutely will not tolerate in a church. If you are going to leave a church, you should pray and seek wise counsel and only leave when you have clear direction from God to go somewhere else.
Why would people leave a church where the Pastor and 1st Lady serve as Covenant Partners with all new members. They call and pray for them each and every week, and teach New Members Orientation. The pastor knows 95% of all of his 587 members by name. He calls and prays for every member twice a year in January, and July. He never spends one dime of his love offering until he also calls and prays for every request that is placed on the envelope. He leads a godly lifestyle, and has not brought any shame or scandle on the church in his 25 years. He trains men for ministry, and teaches and preaches 4 to 5 times each week striving to nuture the people of God. Yet we still experience the Back door problem. Over 600 people have joined our church in the last 5 years but less than 100 have remained with this kind of hands on ministry. Some people tell me that they do not want a pastor who is connected with them at that level. Help me figure this one out!
Dr. Rainer,
This is a well-stated post. Thanks for it.
We have a word for the problem you’re referring to: “consumerism”. Consumerism is a massive hurdle. Part of this, of course, is because our culture is so broadly consumeristic that people have been trained to think, “I’ll do whatever works for me.” As many have said here (including yourself), we need to teach people to think differently than our culture. The church is a family, after all.
But it is also hard to expect our people to do otherwise as long as our ecclesiological methodology reinforces that consumerism. What do our multiple services with demographically-tailored musical styles communicate if not, “You can have church your way”? When my church stops being “my way” then, what’s to stop me from getting up and finding one that is? And that is only one example.
I suspect that we are now seeing the effects of the dominant church growth idea of 20+ years ago: the homogeneous unit growth principle. When we’ve custom-tailored our churches to the people, it is only reasonable to expect them to keep wanting custom-tailored churches.
Anyway, again, great post. This is obviously a multi-faceted issue and I appreciate your wisdom here a lot.
Andrew
Someone Tell Me the Story
I went to a ‘workshop on worship’ once at a local church that was wanting new applicants for the choir. It was a day long event – but Jesus was rarely mentioned and Biblical worship was never examined or defined. The whole thing was about how if on the worship team we would need to keep the congregation from being ‘bored’ and how the goal was to sound like music on the radio with syncopated beats and appeal to youth. Around the same time, I pitched a couple ministry plans during an open call for ideas- and was flatly told by the elder in charge to ditch the idea of helping out home-bound and impoverished church-goers and should instead focus on my theater proposal as ‘no one would volunteer for the first since it wasn’t entertaining.’ The church put in a fancy coffee bar for the youth and a slightly less fancy but free coffee cafe’ front and center. Everything started getting shiny new branding and colorful posters, and football paraphernalia took over the kid’s classrooms and hallways. Etc.
Consumerism can be a huge problem, but as you said, if leadership encourages that consumerism they can’t really complain if they attract a lot of consumers meanwhile many people who want the meat of the word leave out the back door.