Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
This is an offensive blog to anyone who has served in the church, worked hard Monday-Friday and then turned around and served countless hours in the evening, and week-ends. While our pastors have Monday off-we do not. Who has the victim mentatlity here-the pastors and leadership, What a destructive sling at the church. Here is the “pew” perspective. Pastors and church leaders are a clique. They are no more servants of the body-they are paid professionals. They want high boundaries around their lives (as they preach about community), they do not want any unreasonable demands (as they preach about sacrifice), they want people to give sacrifcially (while they get pastors discounts, tax relief, places that will let them come and stay for free), they preach accountability (while they have none), and on and on it goes. They no longer recognize that people are out serving Jesus day in and day in their homes, at their office, in the hospitals, etc. The pastors are the ones who have defined as service as how much we work “inside the church”-that was never the Bliblical model. Sorry-this is disgusting,
As a layperson who has spent much time in church work over the years, I appreciate your willingness to make the statements you have. Far too often, professional, paid church workers from pastor to custodian are the recipients of extreme favor – usually by well meaning congregants who are insecure and trying to work or buy their entrance to heaven. The problems you describe can be better understood if we look deeply into an AA directive to admit our part in the problem. It is easy for the layperson to see the self-service in the paid clergy. As a layperson, I must admit to occcasions when I either participated in or failed to confront the pampering of members of the clergy. The clergy is no more immune to the temptation to believe flattery and accept attempted bribery than are we non-clerical sinners. It is not unlike the quote from the old commercial for Shake-N-Bake: “We helped!” I suspect that you will be considered a rebel by making your statements publicly, but problems are never corrected without exposure. It is important for the congregation and laiety to be honest – and open with each other regarding perceptions and suspicions. Great problems become solvable in the light.
I’m not sure what experience you have had in church. I chose a path in ministry where I will be working full time and serving in ministry for the rest of my life. This is due to being called to serve in rural communities.
While I have had the opportunity to serve with some great people who worked 40+ hours a week and also served as volunteers and mentors in children’s and youth ministry… usually between 5-10 hours a week. However, dedicated “lay leadership,” for lack of a better word, is a very, very short list.
The vast majority of people in church that I know personally get severely bent out of shape if they are asked to help out with more than a Sunday and Wednesday schedule and there is little or no accountability. On the other hand, when I was “employed” full time as a youth minister, I never had Mondays off, and I can remember the phone ringing at 2:00 in the morning at times of crisis need.
I think two things have to happen for a church to retain members: 1) New members need to be involved and have some sort of responsibility, whether it is teaching a class or updating the marquee. I think on some level, many people WANT to be involved in serving in some way. We all have different gifts, and it is a joy to be able to use them. 2) New members need to find a “group” they belong to. We all want community. When neither of those needs are met, it shouldn’t be a surprise when people leave. So, I see it as both a leadership and membership issue: if the leadership can’t find a role for new members to fill, and other members don’t accept newcomers into their community, it’s only natural that people will drift away.
My reason for leaving a church I had been an active member of for 11 years was the denomination’s (United Methodist) policy of “itinerant ministry.” A Bishop or District Superintendent assigns pastors to churches every year during “annual conference.” This is done “prayerfully based on the needs of the local churches and in consideration of the available pool of clerics.” Well, not really. It seems to be done on the basis of what churches are the most influential (read “most wealthy”) in the conference. Some churches keep their pastor(s) for many years while others get “re-assigned” every four years or so. If you’re in one of those churches you get a new pastor and everything changes just as the old pastor’s vision was beginning to be realized. There is little consistency from one pastor to the next. The mission and vision are always in flux, and nobody really knows which direction the church is moving in. After three “re-assigned pastors” in 10 years I’d had enough. I don’t have an axe to grind with the UMC. How they do things is their business. (and tradition) It just didn’t work for me OR for the local church I was a member of. It is in serious decline and may not be around in 5 years if there is not a solid turn around.
Isn’t the solution a bit simpler? Luke 6:31 says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” We can tell them that they should not act selfishly, but wouldn’t it be better if we showed them? If they say they aren’t being fed, should we tell them to be happy with the meager diet we are willing to give them and, if not, to feed themselves? Or, should we show them God’s unmerited and unconditional love and spread a lavish feast before His flock? If we could show them the face of Christ, wouldn’t they be astounded at how much God loves them? Wouldn’t they be amazed at how much their free gift of salvation cost God? Wouldn’t they finally learn that it is far better to give than to receive? If we need to complain, shouldn’t we take our complaints to God? But, should we? God can take away the burden from the church, but if He did so, the church would have far less opportunity to serve Him. Church members aren’t perfect, but they have to learn to love like God loves, and there is no better place for them to learn than in God’s church. Let’s not just tell them – let’s show them how.