Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
You are spot on with this blog. I have been at my current Pastorate for 4 years and have been using the tools you listed to gently move my congregation from this intitlement mentality. I have seen three groups emerge from this effort. The first group understands that the move from intitlement to servant is an issue of survival. Not only of survival but for growth. They are clearly on board. The second group is unclear about the need to change. They will trust you to a point but need lots of your time to ask questions. They may move from this group to group 1 or group 3. Your ministry before them will lead them to group one. The third group sees your efforts as an affront to tradition and to the very history of the Church. They follow 3 paths. They will remain and attempt to stop your efforts, they will remain and be apathetic or they will move on. Those that move on will nearly always move to a Church that will satisfy their need to be in the intitlement environment. I believe the intitlement mentality must be addressed in a broader way.
The problem is more basic – the church has become an endless fountain of meaningless platitudes. We tell the unemployed people that “Jesus loves you” and then walk away unconcerned that they cannot find survivable work. We elect wealthy “businessmen” to church leadership positions and don’t understand why their employees stop attending the church. We violate what is taught in the Bible while following the latest business management and marketing fads. The actions of Christians in endorsing the political “right wing” while ignoring the sins of greed, maliciousness and hostility towards morals held by those politicians contribute to the losses in the church. When we say we are for the “right to life” but only apply that to the unborn we are showing hypocritical values. If a person has a right to be born, shouldn’t we also be concerned that they also have a right to receive the medical care necessary to stay alive?
Some of the reasons mentioned by others are valid, but demanding that overworked people do more in the church isn’t going to work. We’re already trying to work multiple low paying jobs just to survive – and the church doesn’t seem to care about our life struggles. All we hear is “Work harder in church” or “give more money” from those well “ministers” who make quite a bit more than we do and who seem to be “grazing on the flock” instead of leading it!
AMEN AND AMEN
It primarily is a leadership issue. Un-use, misuse, abuse or neglect of people(the Sheep)…all of which call the pastor/leaders to be better and more than are…which means a greater true reliance upon Christ and that leader’s humility & submission to change. We need to fix us first before we can help fix them.
Thom, thanks for writing this post. I agree with it completely, but I see some real challenges I’m hoping you and others can address.
We in the U.S. live in a consumerism culture, and so most churches speak the language of consumerism when marketing their church or even individually invite their friends to church. We talk about how inspiring the music is, how powerful the preaching is, how engaging the children’s ministry is, how much God and our church can help them experience a more fulfilling life. I’m not sure that there’s anything wrong with this, but the end result is almost everyone who enters a church door does so motivated by self-interest. And certainly if were trying to reach unbelievers, this is what we should expect from someone who is not following Jesus.
But then once someone starts participating in church we want to teach them “It’s not about you.” That is certainly the truth, but… First of all, it’s no wonder that people get stuck in the “what’s in it for me mindset” when it sounds like we’re regularly trying to sell people on what’s in it for them. Second, trying to change people’s mindset feels an awful lot like a bait-and-switch. How can churches appeal to the needs of unbelievers and challenge people towards self-sacrifice at the same time?
+1
Bill Hybels said this in a recent interview. Thought it was pertinent to the conversation around retaining members:
“In the early days of Willow, when someone showed spiritual movement we would congratulate them and point them toward a ministry where they could serve or a group where they could get to know other people. But we didn’t instill a strong awareness that, more than anything, people need to know how to relate to God through his Word, and how to hear His prompting. How to navigate a day with Him in your head, in your heart, at your side—and all of that. It’s a deep regret I carry.”
Thank you, Dr. Rainer. If we get people to attend our church, using a consumer-driven strategy, why should we be angry at them and shocked when they leave, since they have found a better product? I have seen this in church planting, as we market our new church as “cooler than your grandma’s church”. I think much of this comes from our “upside-down” mentality of wanting to “do church” , more than “be church”. How much of the average church’s time, energy, staffing and budget goes toward the two hour, Sunday morning event? The early church did have an attraction, but the attraction was not an event, but in their genuine devotion to Christ and a loving, caring and giving of the lives to one another and the world around the. This produced favor with God and man.
I’m a single person in my 40s who was a member of a church which I regularly attended for two years.
Because of a personal issue I was unable to attend for four months. No one noticed my absence. I pointed this out to an elder but was brushed off. I needed guidance and encouragement (maybe even chastisement) but was left to fend for myself. Shortly thereafter I decided to leave the church.