Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
Maybe some people leave the “worldly, religious, man-made, man operated, business so named “church,” becaues the Holy Spirit guided them into the truth. Maybe “some” are actually being led by the Spirit, and not by the world and the way of the world. 1 John 1:1-4; John 14:15-17; John 16:13; Romans 8:14
This article left me wondering about the many pastors who leave churches. They will say that they are being ‘called’ or something similar but so often those ‘callings’ are to larger churches, or to churches offering a higher position (such as from youth or assistant pastor to lead pastor), or to a more interesting ministry opportunity – all of which seems a lot like what us laypeople would simply describe as career advancement. Yes, church members do leave churches for greener or better pastures, or pastures more to their liking, but pastors quite frankly, do also. I also was left wondering about pastors who feel great entitlement to the lives, time, and finances of their congregation. I spent many years in a church in which the pastors insisted that as God’s anointed they were entitled to slavish attention and service. We cooked, cleaned, shopped, shoveled snow, mowed and manicured lawns, provided child care, maintained and repaired vehicles, groomed pets, etc. for them because we were taught they were worthy of this and that the service would help us to be more like Jesus, the ultimate servant. We also were required to give significant portions of our income (far beyond a tithe). It was all about proper stewardship and recognizing that God owns all we have, but it worked out to keep them abundantly well provided for while many of us had to utilize the community food bank in order to somehow keep our households together and our families fed. You are very right about the attitude of entitlement, but it is not just a church member problem which pressures and wears out pastors. Pastors also sometimes operate with a sense of entitlement which fatigues, discourages, and burns out church members.
When leadership has an “entitlement” mentality themselves, then the sheep are sure to follow. I agree with this post. Leadership is called to equip people, God’s people for the work of the ministry. That they to may lead in their homes, communities etc. Get to really connect with your congregation, don’t assume that if they don’t attend every service, that they are not faithful. Guess what maybe they don’t have gas. food or maybe they need to put their child to be early to get to school the next day. The list can go on.
I think people leaving the church can be caused by the parishioners, the leaders and God. People are people with issues, hurts, needs as well as gifts talents and skills that require leadership. As a teacher, I once was told, if a majority of your students are not getting the grades, then you must look to the teacher. It is the teacher/leader’s responsibility that they somehow “get it”. Then sometimes, God does lead people from a church to another – and we may never know why because his ways are higher than ours.
Still as leaders, we look continually for the best venues to keep our people from drifting out the back door – such as in small group ministries where people get into each others lives. We have led/taught small groups for over 3 decades and this really does make a huge difference in keeping the back door closed. One of the comments above was that the leaders never helped or ministered to a person in need – and this is part of what the small groups are for. We hear specific prayers and concerns in small groups. In a small groups we know when someone is hungry, thirsty or in need of shelter – or simply needs a hug. If our small group can’t do it alone, the leader turns to their leaders for direction and help.
I understand the “entitlement” thing as well – it is out there. Still, when someone is alone, hurting or depressed – they need someone to come alongside – I don’t see this so much as an entitlement issue; but as a lack of caring from leaders on some level. When we choose leaders, are we making sure (caring enough?) to ensure we have a fair blend of the Spiritual Giftedness amongst our leaders? If someone is in need and no one offers love and caring support in a tangible way – I would say, yes, it is easy to suddenly realize as the needy person, that you are alone. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to know that a lack of attentiveness would not be hurtful – and not in God’s plan. The hurt person sees the hypocrisy – why should they stay?
We also need to find proper responses for when they do leave – but in any ministry, this will occur. In a sense, leaders carry their own sense of entitlement and get defensive when folks leave. Once a couple left because they realized living so far – 50 -60 minutes away did not allow for their family to get properly involved. So they sought a closer congregation. This is legitimate – yet, they called and told the pastor and he was cold and huffy. Good grief, folks.
We need to be leaders – provide the infrastructure – and let go with love when necessary.
I teach Pastoral Theology at Piedmont International University. I plan on sharing your five steps on closing the back door with our future pastors. Thanks for the insight.
Thanks Tim!
So glad you brought into your great info about small groups. Whether it’s Sunday School class or greeting or mentoring, the most nurturing I have found was through fellowship in small groups. I also think you absolutely have to have leadership with a servant heart. Jesus, the Son of God, showed us all what a leader should do first and that is to serve. Through leadership showing a servants heart while that serve gladly (as opposed to grumpily) and fellowship though small group(s), a member is more connected; often serves in some way through that group and that connection helps keep them coming back. I have never become a member of a church without first getting involved in a small group, usually Sunday School only at first. I am 61 years old and have only been a member of 3 different churches in my life and those involved moving as being the only reason for changing. Had I not served or not been nurtured, would I have stayed? No, I probably wouldn’t have ever settled in and taken root.
So the gist of this message is: Its the sheep’s fault. Those bad sheep are just spoiled and entitled and didn’t want to serve. If the sheep have wrong ideas about what consititutes biblical christianity, then its those who teach that ought to examine themselves; pastors, if your sheep still think its all about them exclusively after attending your church for several months, better take a second look at how truly bibical your teaching is! I do agree that entitlement is a problem today; scripture does say that in the last days men will be lovers of self, boastful, proud, arrogant, revilers, etc. But the gospel properly taught confronts sin. It would be wise to make sure the sheep are leaving because they are truly refusing to accept solid biblical teaching that confronts sin and brings repentance and not because they don’t know the difference due to lack of that teaching.
How about folks leaving churches because of a lack of integrity in leadership? I cannot tell you how many times I have seen pastors sin against people for no other reason that that the person somehow seemed to trigger some undealt with issue in the pastor’s life. I know one pastor whose first wife left him. He became involved in “counselling” a couple who came to his church. The couple had both been divorced before. He decided the wife was “just like” his ex wife and another woman whom he disliked and began to treat the husband as if he was the pastor’s best buddy and golden boy, and treat the wife in a way that can only be characterized as spiritually abusive. The wife respectfully confronted him after quietly enduring this for some time, in a biblical manner. He openly “dissed” her in a way intended to let her know how insignificant she was. He did not acknowledge his sinful behaviour or his issues but actually began taking cheap shots at the wife from the pulpit. The couple left the church as a result. Abusing his pulpit to spank folks he disagreed with was fairly common. Yet this man had cultivated an image of near sainthood in his community and had followers singing his praises. This kind of behaviour is quite common despite almost universal denial in the christian community. One wonders why it is that such as these, who preach the gospel are unable to preach it to themselves in such a way that when there is some out of control flesh, it is recognized as such. Why do these not know how to bibically examine themselves? One wonders just what is being taught in today’s seminaries that so many men are entering the ministry as a way to obtain the validation they seem to be in want of or as a way to make their mark on the world. Perhaps a few generations ago, it would have been reasonable to assume that most likely the pastor was a godly man, and the complainant just someone who wasn’t admitting to having a problem attitude, because some years ago, the church wasn’t infiltrated with psychology and feminism but was usually pretty solid bibilcally. Many pastors today autmoatically refer troubled sheep to professionals for counselling issues and not even christians fairly often. What do you make of that except unbelief that scripture is sufficient? My point is that before you go conveniently blaming the sheep, lets make sure we aren’t following the all too common tendency of christians to be allergic to reality and to prefer denail and avoidance, ie emperor’s new clothes.
Great point! This deserves a standing ovation!
Wow, I even read entitlement in the comments.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. It’s about others not me.
2. I need to be a big boy and feed myself.
3. I treat my church like every problem is my responsibility, no one else’s.
4. Since I’m crucified with Christ, I don’t have opinions. What matters is that Jesus becomes famous and people come to know Him. If I get ignored, great! That means people aren’t taking up their time with me when so many more are dying, headed to hell.
Paul
Dear Brother Thom,
The “open back door” — how many decades have we been talking about this in the Church? We keep naming “trees” in the “forest” but the “forest” seemingly continues to be ignored. Look at the seven “direct quotes”. Look at the Main Reason: “an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality”. What do these scream to us?
ARE THE PEOPLE WHO LEAVE REALLY SAVED?
The question is NOT “Why did you leave?” The question IS “Why are you here?” … and that question applies equally to leadership and congregation members. 2nd Corinthians 13:3b-5 is instructive.
In that light the 5 suggested steps at the end of the article take on new meaning. Especially in Steps #1 and 2 if we change “church membership” to “salvation in Jesus Christ.” I know it is difficult to think that John 3:16-18, 36 and Romans 10:9-11 can be “dumbed down” but it happens all the time. And the results are those open back doors.
John 14:15-17, 15:5.
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
PS – In referring to people who leave I am not including those led by the Holy Spirit to go and serve in another church. That happens … usually after a long period of prayer and discussion and with an open explanation as to why they are going.
I have read many of the post and I agree it really has to do with the attitudes of those on the top. As a secular college professor I noticed that you listed one of the reasons for leaving a church is because someone is not getting fed, which you consider to be entitlement. I do not believe that this is entitlement. These people are going to hear the Word of God and if they leave malnourished or famine week after week what good did it do for them to spend their time there. I have a responsibility to my students to teach them something. That is why they are in my classes. The students pay a lot of money to learn and when they are in my presence that is exactly what they should be doing. If not then I need to do a better job as a teacher.
If the church expects people to be there for them than they should be there for you if not, it will definitely led to burnout and resentment, which is what I have seen reading many of these post. Personally I quit church and moved onto to make sure that my needs were met. It is not the churches responsibility to meet my needs that responsibility lies with me. If churches are lacking love I have found that someone else will provide me with the genuine love that I need. You actually made me laugh, because a country club is exactly where I was able to find the support, genuine love, and fellowship that I needed that was missing in the church. I would rather take my tithes and offerings and pay my dues any day of the week. Who knows maybe they are also Christians who have left churches. I know one thing they have a lot of spiritual fruit :-). There is always something going on almost daily. They follow-up and contact you and everything.
Renae –
We who lead churches need to read your comments closely. I think we can learn a lot from your perspectives.
Thanks for taking time to comment.
Dr. Rainer,
You are welcome anytime. It is not about entitlement. I believe that people are more bible literate than they have ever been. I know personally I have study and read bibles from cover to cover many times. You read about the church in Acts and you look up and say I want to be a church like that. The Acts church was very unique, because the people stuck together and work together. It was not every man, woman, and child for themselves like you see now, but this was written that it would happen in the last days.
I remember very clearly that the people were so concerned about Peter when he was in jail that they would not even let him in the house when he was outside because they were praying so hard for him. The Acts church was a not selfish church. There would never be a need for me to go elsewhere to meet my needs if I could have found what I needed inside of a church. I spent years praying about it that God would lead me to a place where I could grow and thrive, not burnout, as well as, be a blessing to those around me. This was the place that I was lead. Just as Dinah could not find what she was looking for in the house, she went out and Shechem came. It was a bad thing in a way, but whose fault was it? One thing about Shechem he loved Dinah even as Jacob had not loved her mother.
The gifts and callings are without reproach. Not being in a church does not mean that I cannot be a witness for Christ if anything I can now reach those who need me the most. It does not mean that I have fallen into sin as some of the comments mentioned above. That is another post in itself; because my salvation is not based on my church attendance my salvation is based on my relationship. When I get to Heaven I will have to give account for my own soul and actions.
Have a Great Day,
Renae
There you have it; the state of the future North American Church!
I wish I could email you separate of this blog. I find much similarities in what you discuss. It is rather sad that one kind find more fellowship, genuineness, and authenticity in secular life areas/domains than that of a church organization/congregation. Perhaps, one day, those of us who have recognized this can gather and become a body in Christ that represents such characteristics? I pray.
Thank you for being authentic.
Dr. Rainer,
I am giving a sermon soon on this subject and have found this quite helpful. May I quote you?
Many Thanks,
Absolutely. Thanks for asking.