Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
An excellent article. We’re all called to make disciples. If leaders aren’t (first) modeling this, and (second) equipping their members to follow the Great Commission, we’re missing the boat. Unfortunately, we’d rather “break off” of the local body and go somewhere that our “needs” can get met. This post inspires me though. I think of 2 things: John 6, and Ephesians 4. In John 6, we see people walk away from Jesus when he challenges their commitment. In Ephesians 4:16, Paul says “From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” We’ve got to realize the investment and accountability that being in the body of Christ requires. Again, great article!
I am not a Pastor, but i am a Christian member of Presbiterian. As i am over 51 years old i was observed some phenomens would like to post and should be help one issue can be stay in all minds and reflect about that. I have found by myself with young pastors. My comments are not focused on the fact that they are young pastors. If you read Titus, understand that councils predicates by Titus, makes no reference to men, women or children, much less relation with the age of those who have the talent or that he was elected, chosen by the Lord to preach his word, but a line temperance, understanding and perseverance, this reasoned in their scriptures. But when it comes to rebuke many do so, in my view, misguided. What do using human power to reprimand? The strongly do? Imagine being scolded all weekends in front of everyone, like a child, as if there were not learned anything in life, nothing vivier community, nothing in relation to serve, not to lose humility, even in the midst of so spread around the world arrogance? Hear sermons like “if you think the Church eh a place to have peace, to seek refuge, this very wrong here … you will not hear things to calm your heart, here you will not find much comfort and less quiet. … ” Honestly, every time I read the Bible, I do not see this form of rebuke … I see the dissemination of the love of Christ …. the form that was part of the greeting of the Apostle Paul: “Grace and Peace” … think about that on the departure of church members, think about it and contain much temperance in being in the predications, in order to transmit the Gospel. This a small contribution, hopefully help pastors and brothers in Christ. Grace and Peace!
I speak from experience. I was in the pulpit for over 17 years and then I walked out the back door. I was not waking away from the church. The reason people leave is because they are running away from God. I left because of selfish sin. I wanted my way, not God’s way. Why did the prodigal son leave his father’s house? That is why people leave the Church. Thank God I came to my senses and returned. For those that are leaving, PRAY that they come to their senses.
Thanks for your honesty. This is helpful.
I was the founding Pastor of a church that grew to average attendances of 850, multiple staff, award winning facilities, yada, yada. We were very outreach oriented in the early days, but got away from it. Over time the church became more inward focused, a country club if you will. Aa the founding pastor with nothing but good will I thought I had enough chips in the bank (trust) and strong relationships to redirect the churches focus. I was wrong! I have often compared myself to the club pro – thought the members were my friends, trusted me, followed my leadership. One day the club pro shows up and announces to the club members that the mission of the club is changing. It will no longer exist exclusively to serve the needs of its dues paying members. We are going to become more outward focused, more like the salvation army.
The members didn’t say anything or complain but in relatively short order they got rid of the club pro who had been serving them for 20 years and replaced him. I lived out the story of the little life saving station metaphor that became if the club on the beach with all the symbolism associated with a life saving station but few any lives were being saved. Balancing these tension in the church is an incredibly hard task, nearly impossible. For whom does the church exist? The outsiders have no voice, no vote and they don’t pay the bills.
Three passed a war broke out between the XP and the board, the board resigned and left and eventually the church went out of business and the facilities were sold by the bank to another “life saving station.”
The entitlement issue, though it’s maddening, should also evoke some compassion in the clergy and staff for a congregation containing individuals that’ve continually been rewarded with attention and favors for financial support or even service. The visibility of that continual practice infects generations of “prominent” families and the whole congregation. Congregation-blaming can be a knee-jerk response by leaders that is as unhekpful as church members saying, “We’ve always done it that way.”
We must try and remember that many of the congregation (a word that too often stereotypes the individuals within it) are also sick and tired of the entitlement and preferential treatment that have become a practice in their church over the years.
one other idea: resurrect the church covenant…re-write it….involve the church in it…then adopt it…and ask everyone to sign or affirm it as a prelude to all new members doing the same after a new members class.
I have pastored one church for 20 years, in Anaheim , Ca. People leave for many reasons. Remember, 6% of the population in your city will leave, move, or relocate, each year, which includes our churches. I have had reasons such as “Oh, well, I ‘m not growing”. I’m like, really? Though the leader never comes to trainings, classes, Leaves early from service. Then there’s the toxic” people. All we can do is love them. And steer them into the fellowship, and be helpers in ministry. Yet, at times if they persist. Finding negatives in everything. After being corrected, or instructed. Many times they’ll choose to leave. My wife in the past. Passed on due to cancer. I have now married 6 years after. Our new scenerio is this. I had a core of women leader’s who helped me pastor the women. Towards the end, they were not doing as great, as i had hoped. Now, I have my wife. Been married 11 months on the 18th of January. Just a loving, ministry minded gal. Well those same “faithful” women are having a hard time, understanding, or allowing my wife to lead, without being critical, in their subtle ways. Though she is in the ministry regardless. Has a good attitude, and continues to grow. I love them and their families. They have been in battle for the Lord, and me for a great season. Yet, it is a time of change. Good change. Now our church has a pastor’s wife. Though, I know my wife is still growing and adjusting. See, its one thing for those women, to be in a core and do the work of the ministry. Yet, now, they have someone who can see exactly what they’re doing. Whereas, I couldn’t do that. And they do not like that. One of the women, who has recently left, made a statement publically, which to me epitomizes their sentiment. “Well, I have been here for 19 years! And, I am not going to listen to her!” Though my wife doesn’t push her weight around. The issue with the woman is control. Yet, besides those, who have left. Hey, allow them to leave. If there’s issues that “you” must address. Then do it, privately with them. If there’s a wrong on your part. Be human and humble enough, to apologize. Yet, if they’re vehementl;y bitter. Love them. Encourage them. Be positive. Pray for them. But hold your ground. God has called you. You belong to Him. It is His work. Sad to say, those who we’ve been dealing with are those who’ve been around many years. Maybe its the 20 year itch. I don’t know. I had a couple recently, not married. Where the girl has been around for many years, and multiple churches. The guy is a new Christian, with potential for ministry. I had told my wife what was going to happen, because of their relationship. And it happened! Anyhow, when they approached me. I told her. For she is the power in their relationship. ‘Hey! God wants us to be happy! It’s ok to leave. May God bless you! The pastor over there is great. He’s a good man.” They simply stared at me in disbelief. Remember, as someone has said. Keep building. It took Noah 100 years of that. But then. it began to rain! God has a plan for you. For every person who leaves, God will bring multitudes, without an agenda. Maybe, not realizing? They are doing you a favor, in some cases. God has not called us to be bitter, and cynical, at the church’s every decision. He’s called us to be servants. If you must at times repioneer. Hey, no problem. Do it. For isn’t that what we’re called to do, in our whatever it takes mission? Anyhow, sorry for my long post. Maybe it’s because its the season I’m in. Yet, the best is yet to come. Thank you Thom, for the article. Been very helpful.