Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
Certainly, we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.
But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:
- “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
- “The pastor did not feed me.”
- “No one from my church visited me.”
- “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
- “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
- “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
- “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”
Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one article, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.
The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to effect it.
May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:
- Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding of church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
- Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
- Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
- Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
- Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In other words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality being in a small group than not.
What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?
Posted on January 21, 2013
With nearly 40 years of ministry experience, Thom Rainer has spent a lifetime committed to the growth and health of local churches across North America.
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588 Comments
I am born a Christian. Ive went to church on the priest’s words that by joining our lives will get better. Well im here to tell you that my life has gotten from better. It’s gotten worse. I can’t get a home loan, know I can put food on my table, ensure my or anyone’s health. So please tell me the purpose of attending church. I can plainly say that I speak to God as a single person in my own home and answers come to me, not saying cause I don’t attend church im not accepted in the eyes of God. I faithfully tell any and all churches that they don’t have the right to choose or disclose any factors of what God says to you. I say this cause God loves us all and nowhere in the Bible are humans classified to have to join a church to receive forgiveness. God is who we believe in as a person, not what priest’s say otherwise. Not only are priest’s stating us as humans aren’t saved unless we join, they require donations stating that God told them to require donations to be saved. And those who don’t donate will be judged upon death. Tell me im wrong as a priest of the lord Jesus and see who is judged upon death.
Josh, You are right to not accept the Priest’s statement that we aren’t saved unless we join a church. We are saved by believing in the Lord Jesus Christ, that He died for our sins to be forgiven. He rose after 3 days and now intercedes for us at the right hand of God. We must 1st recognize we are sinners and we deserve to be separated from God eternally. Romans 3:23. Romans 6:23. When we do recognize that we are sinners, then we can come to the cross and recognize and believe in Jesus as our Savior. John 3:16
Church membership is a command because after we are saved we need to serve but it has nothing to do with salvation. Ephesians 2:8-10. Giving to God is only in obedience and out of love to God. Both are not doors to salvation. They are our love and obedience after coming to a personal relationship with Jesus. I suggest you find a Bible-teaching church that can help you grow spiritually and help you to serve God.
Thank you for this article. I’ve been thinking about this a bit lately. It’s easy to point fingers at members and accuse them of consumerism, but this isn’t always helped when church leadership treat members as customers, particularly when finances become a bit tight. The focus shifts so easily from evangelism to keeping the members happy, which, in my experience, is near impossible.
I agree
Thanks good for research, May God bless you.
Which is more important do you think to go out in the Lost World and show love to your fellow man or to attend church on a regular basis my earthley father was the most devoted Christian I ever had the pleasure of knowing yet he did not attend church
He won’t. He loves all humans but he loves humans more that seek his advise on a personal level.
What happens when fellow church members get jealous and won’t allow you to serve without interfering in your service
Good subject matter Mr Rainer. I enjoyed reading your insights on the church. I truly believe the church is very unhealthy in this day and age. What I observed is that people are looking for a good church not “perfect”, but a good church to become members of one body. They can not find that church for multiple reasons, but one of the main reasons is the church is being ran by men and their agendas and not God’s.
We talk about today, but this has been going on since the beginning. Paul talked about all his trials and afflictions and yet his greatest concern was the churches. The thorn in his side that is talked about in Corinthians. Do you think that could have been the church? It was definitely a pain in his side that wouldn’t go away. Yet we are to be over-comers in the church. Yes the one true church residences within us if one is born again. I do not see in scripture any of His disciples sticking to one specific church building for a long period of time. I could be wrong. I know they had house churches with very few members and went out encouraging the church / planting new churches etc..
I won’t mention what has happened to me in the past ten years from the time of receiving Christ in my life. If you would please pray for me I would greatly appreciate it. I do not know if I will ever be able to get my two feet back into the church.
Thank You ~ John
well said John. I’m josh and I agree with you. God bless im not alone or in the churches eyes a heathen
My father’s father was a pastor with a Doctorate in Divinity. My father’s mother both a church accountant and a cancer researcher. Both were highly educated and very active in their community. When I was a child Churches were very friendly and considerate, but as an adult I’ve noticed changes that make me want nothing to do with Churches. Why should anyone support the activities of a Church that demonstrates through it’s actions a lack of respect for others?
A growing problem: Churches are replacing their bells with giant speakers that pretend to be bells. They used to play bells on the hour every hour that weren’t too loud and simply told time, but not they amplify full music for upwards of 5 minutes every hour on the hour. The music tends to be so loud that I cannot hold a conversation in my own home while it’s going on. And as a person with a rotating shift, when I have to work nights I end up horribly sleep deprived because it’s just not possible to sleep through it.
I know many people who work in critical jobs from emergency medical response to wastewater systems. I myself have been responsible for the lab work that determines if water is safe to drink. Imagine how many people could die if I made a mistake on a critical test like that because a Church kept me from sleeping properly? How many people in need of medical care have died in the nearby hospitals because the Doctors on call have their sleep disrupted?
The Church, in effect, becomes a source of anger for many. Once that happens can you really blame people for leaving? When the people running these churches outright claim that it’s neccessary for Christians to act this way, that they NEED to be this loud, can you blame people for starting to turn away from Christianity as a whole?
What a Church needs to do is work WITH it’s community. It needs to be a good neighbor, setting a good example for how people should act. When a Church has strong leadership and an understanding of right and wrong, it leads through action and makes the community a better place. Without that, well, a house built on rotten support will inevitably collapse.
Hi friend. Instead of making excuses on why you’re not into church because of the loud noise coming from the church. Mabey God is trying to to tell you something. And the devil is a lie and trying to distract your mind and spirit from approaching the light of the lord. God reaches out in so many ways. Pray to the lord for peace and wisdom and clarity and in why you really can’t get rest. He will fix it. Stay in faith and always have hope in the lord. He stayed faithful to us in his sacrifice and resurrection of truth. In the pardoning of our sins. So we can have eternal life in the kingdom of heaven. I pray that you will repent. And you will be forgiven. God loves you and so do i. Stay in unity of love and respect withe no division. Peace, joy,love,hope,faith,trust and compassion be with you now and forever. Amen.
its not a lie. God does not judge those trying to make ends meet for their families.
I have served my local Church since we moved from another state that was 8 year ago . Never expecting anything in return but just to serve and to grow . It is a small family Church of around 20 people . We started with more but little by little people has been leaving for different reasons mostly moving reasons . But this past year of the pandemia , since my husband , me and my 2 children are alone in this city we expected that The Church who has been our family called us or visit us or manifest some type of interest in our lives . Last time we were there The Pastor wife was rude to my boys and instead of talking to me she just went straight to my boys and after that my boys didn’t want to come back . I had to force them couple of times more until pandemia came and everything shut down . They lost the place where we were congregating because it was a rented place and the school wasn’t opened . So they started gathering online . We attended faithfully like always but they started chatting during service about politics . It got so uncomfortable plus the things already bothered us we decided not to congregate with them anymore . Plus my son has expressed the pastor and wife he wanted to get baptized . One year passed by and they never reach out to us about it , a solution you know donde this is an extremely important matter that we hace to make it happened specially because my boy kept asking about it for a year . Until I decided to find a solution on my own and found a very loving Church who opens their arms to us and received us so gracefully and even made my son’s baptism happens almost immediately when we told them about it .
So these are the reasons we left . I confess I was recentful in the beginning but I prayed and forgave . But I know for sure I don’t want to go back .I can’t . I don’t see them as family anymore because they were family to me but we were not for them . I just need to know if my family feelings are correct and we did the right thing . In the end we don’t want to go back . We think we don’t fit there anymore . They were not what we thought they were . We got dissapointed and discourage for years. This was not only the last year . It was always like that , We always served but they never seemed to genuinely care for us outside Church . I appreciate your guidence . Thank you
good answer mam. Sorry for how u and your siblings had to find out. As I grew up believing that if you didn’t attend church your considered a heathen in God’s eyes. Who is anyone to tell a believer that if they don’t follow rules they will receive judgment upon death.
Thank you . It was very enlightening. My question :
Jesus has commanded us to live everyone. Even our enemies . We are to walk in love or we are clanging cymbals. Etc
Now I have a pastor and his wife and family who left the church bec they were called by God to start a new church. And they are my friends.
The church does not allow us to mix with those who leave the church . Is this godly or from God. So confused as what to do.
that’s easy. They left for an undisclosed reason. Now ask yourself why u should trust or follow them after all this time??
I feel the need to leave the church I recently joined! Please help me compose a letter! Thank you!
you don’t need a letter. U just need to pray to God and ask him to understand why ur leaving. Take me serious. I did the same thing and now talk to God on a 1on1 basis. Follow your ❤
I feel like the church has a “new customer” mentality. It focuses more on what new members it can get rather than fostering their current members. Yes Jesus left the 99 to go after the 1, but it doesn’t say he didn’t return to the 99! I also feel they focus more on pushing small groups than actually making an effort to reach out to people. It’s ok to call someone up and invite them out to lunch rather than inviting them to your “small group ” I feel like it’s pushing an agenda rather than truly caring about the person!
I just want to leave one Catholic Church to join another Catholic Church. Must I notify the congregation I am leaving? I’d rather not.
the choice is found in your heart. Nobody can tell you what u believe in. Do what your heart tells u. I left church and to this day, I speak with God right out of my home. U will not be judged if you don’t join a church. God loves us all. He would rather you talk to him directly then u feel obligated to attend a church to speak to him. Try this. Not even on your hands and knees. Look up and say lord I hope you can here me and speak as how you want. He will here you and be happy that your acknowledging his existence no matter where u are or what your dealing with.
your my 15th responce and now I’m in tears of joy knowing im able to even speak on his behalf.